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Sprinting down the tree line Abi’s lungs burned begging for air. She felt dizzy, blood oozing down her neck and shoulder. Her knees buckle as the ground gives way. Exhaustion settled in desperately she tries to stand up she crawls toward the lake hoping to go out on her own terms. The werewolf lands on her back, shattering her ribs and spine. She felt her ribs jammed into her lungs slicing them open. It began being painful to breathe, the beast wrapped its claws around her neck slowly crushing her windpipe. Strangled gurgles are all she can get out as the beast bites her neck.
Abi shoots up gasping for air, her hands darting up to protect her throat. Her partner stirs next to her. “Hey, you’re okay, it’s okay, we’re safe.” The words were reassuring if she wasn’t so terrified. Abi starts to sob, she feels so sick, the dream felt so real as if she was back at that godforsaken camp. “Can I touch you?” Kaitlyn’s voice was soft; it helped bring Abi down a bit. “No, please don’t.” Abi almost begged although she couldn’t see Kaitlyn nodded. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Abi thought for a moment, her therapist said it was good to talk about these nightmares but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to relive it. “I was back there.” Her voice quivered. “It attacked me and I ran. My legs gave out and all I could do was crawl.” Choking back a sob she continued. “It felt so real Kait, I thought I was actually dying.” Abi couldn’t hold it back anymore and she started crying.
It hurt Kaitlyn so much to see Abi struggle like this. She wished she could take on all of the pain, but she had to watch. Maybe this was her punishment for telling Jacob how to sabotage the truck. She understood why Abi didn’t want to be touched anymore, with how violent Nick was when he was infected she would be traumatized too. Deep down she knew Nick didn’t mean it, he would’ve stopped himself if he had control. On the other hand, Dylan was able to restrain himself when he was infected, he never did or said anything to hurt Kaitlyn. In fact, he was always putting himself in harm's way to protect her. It didn’t matter now though, Nick was dead. So were Emma and Jacob. A piece of her heart was gone now lying with Jacob. He was the only one to die after the incident. Kaitlyn found him. The scene still burned into her brain every time she closed her eyes. Someone, she considered her little brother was gone. Kaitlyn never intended to tell anyone what his suicide note contained.
I don’t know who I am writing this to but I am sorry. I’m sorry for causing so much pain. I broke the truck to have one more night with Emma, It’s my fault she’s dead. It’s my fault Nick is dead too. I’m the reason why Dylan doesn’t have a hand, why Ryan blames himself for Nick, and why Abi doesn’t smile anymore. Kaitlyn hides it but I know she’s in a lot of pain, you don’t hide it well sis. Don’t blame yourself for this, all of this is my fault anyways. Kaitlyn, I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore, I love you take care of yourself, please.
Abi hated these nightmares, they were so frequent she might as well not even try to sleep. What she hated more was waking up Kaitlyn and how helpless she felt. Truth is Abi craved her touch but her body felt so repulsed at the idea. She knew Kaitlyn wouldn’t hurt her but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t. “Do you want me to get you water?” Abi nodded her mouth felt dry perhaps from all the screaming she did in her dream. “Yes please.” Her voice was soft, and she felt Kaitlyn shift off the bed. Abi knew she shouldn’t feel bad, everyone had their bad days. Sometimes Dylan would wake up screaming, putting everyone on edge. Sometimes Kaitlyn would wake up reaching for the shotgun that wasn’t there. On quiet nights she could hear Ryan cry in the kitchen, perhaps not to wake up Dylan. She missed Emma so much. Some days she’d linger over the text message, hoping for a reply. Nick was in limbo, she still cares about him deeply but she can’t forgive what he did, she knows he couldn’t help it but it still happened. Jacob hurt the most he brought everyone together but only after his death, she wished she checked on him.
Kaitlyn walked to the kitchen a wave of nausea hitting her. She felt so helpless, she could take on anything physical but mentally she was lost. Grabbing a glass she walked to the fridge to get the pitcher. She wondered how Ryan calmed Dylan down after his nightmares. Everyone had it rough but it was especially difficult for Dylan and Abi. They are the only ones who came face-to-face with those things and be mauled and survived. The physical scars left as much damage as the mental ones. Kaitlyn had Dylan to protect her, but no one was there for Abi. A twinge of guilt panged through Kaitlyn. Sometimes Abi wanted to be touched but only for a few seconds then she had to back away. She didn’t know how else to comfort her other than touch and words. She wondered if she even helped at all.
Abi calmed down a little when Kaitlyn walked in with the water. Handing her the water Kaitlyn sat down. “Do you still dream about it?” Abi asked. “Yeah. A lot actually. I wish I could’ve done so much differently.” Kaitlyn paused tears stinging in her eyes. “Sometimes I wish I never made it out.” A lump formed in Abi’s throat. “Me too.” She said it softly, barely a whisper. Tears flowed down Kaitlyn’s face. She didn’t dare make a sound, but Abi knew. Kaitlyn felt the bed shift the weight being moved to one side. Arms wrapped around her shoulders and placing her hand on Abi’s wrist she cried. She hadn’t cried since Jacob’s funeral 4 months ago. It was the first time they’d hugged in a few months. Abi leaned back pulling Kaitlyn with her, they laid back, both crying in each other's arms. It felt almost liberating to cry.
They lay there for what felt like hours just crying. Abi felt as if her skin was crawling from the hug alone, she tried her best to silence it. She wanted comfort and to provide it. She didn’t want to watch from the sidelines. Abi broke away shifting her weight to her elbow and tugging at the covers. “Let’s get comfortable.” Kaitlyn slipped under the covers meeting Abi in a warm embrace. It felt odd being the little spoon but it was amazing to be held like this. Kaitlyn placed her head in the crook of Abi’s neck, melting into her body. Abi held Kaitlyn tight not wanting to be ripped away. Abi placed a kiss on Kaitlyn's head. “I love you.” The words molded in each other’s hearts. Soon sleep invited them again, their embrace protecting them from dreams. They’d live, they had to, for each other.