Chapter Text
The earth shivered under the chill of the autumn night. Grass blades danced in the cold wind, brown leaves tumbled to the ground, and dark clouds hung heavily in the moonless sky, drifting ominously as rain threatened to fall. The night seemed frozen; the temperature was rapidly approaching the freezing point, but there was also a certain stillness that came only with this time of year- the stillness that came when life stopped flourishing and the world began to wilt. It was almost too quiet, but the occasional rush of wind and soft footsteps on the road to Mondstadt broke the tense silence.
Diluc breathed deeply as he walked toward the city, and the sharpness of the air flooded his lungs and nearly made him cough. He pulled his coat tighter around him but made no rush to get out of the cold, instead keeping the same steady pace. He was actually enjoying this walk; though the cold was slightly uncomfortable, he much preferred autumn to the stifling heat of summer. It was a shame that his journey would end at Angel’s Share, where he would tend to the usual drunkards until the tavern closed for the night.
He wanted to turn back and walk into the woods, to lose himself among the trees and listen to the constant crunch of leaves under his feet. It had been a while since he had taken the time to enjoy nature, and even longer since he had reflected on himself and his path in life. Not that he particularly wanted to think about that- it would certainly bring emotions he wasn’t ready to face- but he wished he could have this night to himself.
Even so, he crossed the stone bridge and passed through the gates of Mondstadt with a courteous nod to the guards before heading toward the tavern. The atmosphere within the city walls was a shocking contrast to that of the world outside; it didn’t seem as cold, and the evening instantly buzzed with energy as the sound of lively conversation drifted on the breeze. When Diluc reached the tavern door, he paused and took a moment to mentally prepare himself before entering the overwhelming scene.
The first thing he noticed was that it seemed busier than usual. People crowded the bar and filled up nearly every seat in the tavern, and the constant loud chatter made Diluc’s head hurt a bit. He then noticed Charles’ look of relief upon seeing him, and he forced a smile as he made his way behind the bar. “Busy night,” he observed, already moving to take over and prepare orders.
“Definitely. It’s getting later, though, it should ease up soon,” Charles reassured him before swiftly disappearing out the back door.
To Diluc’s relief, the rush only lasted another half hour, and the commotion finally started to die down for the night. Only a few groups of people remained, chatting quietly and finishing the last of their drinks. Diluc busied himself with cleaning the empty glasses, feeling some stress leave his body as he idly worked.
There was something he liked about the repetition of cleaning and drying; many would find it a tedious task, but to Diluc it was relaxing to feel the same motions over and over again. It was predictable. He would pick up a glass, scrub it with soap and water, dry it with a clean towel, and repeat the same process. Simple, no room for change or error. Even his nightly protection of Mondstadt was a routine. He patrolled the same areas, carefully avoiding the Knights’ patrols, and when he encountered an enemy, he knew he could rely on his safe and familiar combat style. Safe and familiar- that was how the tavern felt to him, despite the loud noise and the occasional irritating customer.
Safe and familiar, until snippets of a nearby conversation caught his attention.
“Did you hear? Captain Kaeya…found injured…can’t remember anything else…”
Diluc froze halfway through drying off a glass. Kaeya was injured? Diluc knew Kaeya could take care of himself, but he also understood that the safety of a captain was part of the safety of Mondstadt, so he felt somewhat worried by this news. But this didn’t personally concern Diluc whatsoever. Unless the injury was serious? What would he do if that were the case? What if Kaeya…
Diluc shook his head as though fending off the unwanted thoughts and quickly resumed drying his glass. Kaeya would be fine, there was nothing to worry about. And he didn’t hear the whole conversation- maybe Kaeya was the one who had found somebody injured. He wasn’t part of Diluc’s life anyway, it didn’t matter.
So after the tavern finally closed and Diluc cleaned to his heart’s content, he calmly left the building without a single care in his mind. But something about the world felt different; the air was heavier, more ominous. That must have just been because it was later at night, and the streets of Mondstadt were silent under the growing darkness and cold. Of course the night felt strange- autumn was a season of death and decay, after all.
But something about that death and decay drew him in. Instead of turning back toward the Dawn Winery or going off on a patrol, Diluc gave in to his earlier desire to wander into the woods, despite the fact that it wasn’t his usual course of action. But maybe he could still have some of this night to relax and enjoy nature. He followed the trail into the Whispering Woods, feeling his spirits lift with every fallen leaf that crunched under his feet, and moved through the trees at a leisurely pace. The air was even colder now, and though it bit into Diluc’s skin and made his arms tremble, he continued wandering on his unfamiliar journey.
He focused on the physical sensation of his body, the way his ears took in the sound of wind rushing through the treetops, the way his legs stretched with every casual step, the way the freezing and humid air rested against his exposed hands and face. It felt good to experience the present moment without any thoughts of the past or future. Even with his routines, Diluc struggled with more than his fair share of anxiety. Any possible threat to Mondstadt kept him awake at night, and he worried about the plans of the conspirators and evildoers he knew were out there in the world. He worried about the growing power of the Fatui and the Abyss and feared there would someday be a great war that he wouldn’t be able to protect his beloved city from. And now there was the question of Kaeya’s safety.
Diluc sighed in exasperation as the thought entered his mind again. Kaeya didn’t deserve a place on his list of things to worry about. No, he shouldn’t be worrying about anything right now, just enjoying his solitary night.
But the thought of Kaeya possibly being injured rested in the back of his mind and pulled at him like a magnet. As much as Diluc tried to avoid thinking about it, the thought still existed, and the neurons in his brain fired in the same pattern as he remembered the pieces of conversation again and again. This intrusive thought wasn’t a repetition he was comfortable with, but it repeated itself regardless. By the time Diluc reached the middle of the woods, the worry was all he could think about, and a light but freezing rain had begun to fall. He decided it would be best for him to go home and get some rest. He was probably just exhausted, and the worry would ease by morning.
So he turned and retraced his steps back toward the city, yet even with the rain, he still walked rather slowly. He almost would have preferred to lie down on the dirt and let the rain freeze his senses and cleanse his anxiety, but he needed a proper rest in his warm and comfortable bed. Not to mention that he wouldn’t know how to explain himself if he were found by a patrol or a passing adventurer.
He passed by the entrance to the city again, making sure the guards didn’t notice him as he continued on his way home- the last thing he wanted right now was to draw attention to himself. Or would he rather be surrounded by every knight on guard than continue his unnecessary worrying? The fact that he couldn’t decide which was worse made Diluc more eager to go to sleep, to drift out of consciousness and have no cares, even for a few short hours.
He picked up the pace of his walking but still didn’t run, and eventually he came to his most safe and familiar place- the Dawn Winery. He remembered back a few years when it was unbearable to even be in Mondstadt, let alone the winery, and he had gone off into the unknown to investigate the Fatui for himself. But as time went on, he began to miss having a home, even if it was one that held unwanted memories of his father’s death and his brother’s betrayal. So he returned, and slowly he grew accustomed to the place again and resumed his daily life, adding in the routine of protecting the city at night. Once he was settled in and the news of his arrival stopped coursing through the city, he came to terms with some parts of his past, and the winery felt like a comforting home again.
Diluc opened the front door and was greeted with more darkness, but the silence was a welcome contrast to the relentless sound of rain and wind outside. He shivered as he stepped inside and began to warm up, feeling sensation slowly return to his body as though he was just waking up. He figured he should get to bed before he became fully alert again. The needless worry was finally starting to die down, but it would surely come back if he was awake enough to think.
His footsteps sounded through the silent mansion as he went upstairs to his bedroom, pointedly ignoring the door to Kaeya’s old room- no more reminders, no more thinking. Diluc quickly changed into a dry shirt and sweatpants and climbed under his warm blanket with a sigh of relief. He had survived another day, even if it was more difficult than most.
…
Diluc woke to the sound of knocking at his bedroom door and grunted quietly, rolling over to face his window and feeling a few bones crack. The sun was just barely beginning to rise- what could someone possibly need him for this early? He got out of bed and, shivering from the loss of heat, pulled on his still slightly damp coat before opening the door.
Adelinde, who looked just as sleepy as Diluc felt, greeted him with a worried gaze, a frightening contrast from her usual warm smile. The worry from the previous night suddenly started to crawl its way back into Diluc’s heart. “Is something wrong?” he asked urgently.
“I’m not sure,” Adelinde sighed, though the look in her eyes told Diluc that something must be wrong. “Master Jean is at the front door for you.”
Jean? Diluc had barely spoken to her in years, even since his return to Mondstadt. And it had been even longer since he gave up his position as a knight, so she certainly didn’t need him for any official business. Questions ran through his mind as he acknowledged Adelinde with a nod and pulled his boots on before reluctantly leaving his safe and familiar room.
He quickly stepped down the stairs and saw Jean smiling weakly at him from the other side of the open door before he even reached her. “Sorry to disturb you so early in the morning,” she said as she blinked the exhaustion away from her own eyes. “But I have an important matter to share with you.” She shifted her gaze to one side, breaking eye contact with Diluc and looking afraid to see his reaction. “It’s…about Kaeya.”
A pang of cold fear stabbed through Diluc’s chest and pierced his heart. Kaeya was the one thing he was trying to avoid thinking about, yet it seemed that his worries, however irrelevant, might be confirmed. He felt like some barrier in his chest was blocking his words from coming out properly, but he managed to stutter, “Is- is he- I heard he might be injured, is that true?”
Jean nodded solemnly. “A patrol found him unconscious by the edge of Dragonspine. And the situation is a little complicated. He seems to be physically fine now- he’s resting at the Knights’ headquarters- but…”
Diluc raised an eyebrow as the coldness spread through his body. “Mentally?”
Jean took a slow breath, still avoiding eye contact, and answered, “He seems to have lost his memories.”
His memories are gone? …All of them?
“He doesn’t remember what happened, or…or who anyone is. I-” Jean blinked rapidly for a moment and wiped something from her eye. “I even had to explain to him who he is.”
Diluc stood frozen, staring at the floor as he processed her words. They settled into his tired mind, slowly but surely, and fed on his thoughts until there were none left. Only a sense of terror remained in his body.
“Diluc?” Jean’s quiet, concerned voice called out to him. Diluc suddenly realized how he must look- half awake, clearly having just been dragged out of bed, a blank look on his face as he remained completely unresponsive. He blinked hard and shook his head quickly as though snapping himself back into reality.
“Okay,” he breathed. He ran a hand through his tangled hair, pulling at his head a little bit as his fingers caught on the knots. “He really doesn’t remember anything? And we don’t know how it happened?”
“No,” Jean whispered, matching Diluc’s tone. “I didn’t explain a whole lot to him- I feared it would overload his mind. If he does recover his memories, it’s best to let them come back over time rather than all at once.”
“Okay,” Diluc repeated. He almost laughed at how sudden and frightening this information was. His emotions simultaneously felt blunted and overloaded, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to his safe and familiar room and watch the sunrise from his bed. But Jean looked like she had more to say, so he asked the question that had been on his mind for the past several minutes. “So why are you here about this so early in the morning?”
“Well, as his brother, I thought you should know as soon as possible. And…I have a request for you,” Jean continued. She looked up into Diluc’s eyes again, and she suddenly seemed older, worn down by the stress and exhaustion this situation had undoubtedly caused her. “He’s awake right now, and I don’t want to leave him alone for too long. Could you come with me and help support him while he recovers? I think he would be a little relieved to know that he has some family.”
Diluc’s stomach turned at the mention of Kaeya being his family. We’re not really brothers, not anymore, he wanted to say, but the look in Jean’s eyes was so desperate and tired that an agreement left his lips before he could think about it. Jean stepped aside to let him through the door that served as the threshold between the comfort of his home and this unfamiliar challenge that the cold, harsh world had in store for him.
He resolved that he would make it through this day, too, even if it would be more difficult than the day before.