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Dice headquarters was an old abandoned mansion in the woods. It was at the edge of the city and easy enough to keep secret. There were enough rooms for all their new siblings, for Dice, and they still had some rooms empty. Kimochi had been the one to find and secure the mansion. Kokichi never asked him how and Kimochi never told him. It was one of many things that they never talked about.
They didn't talk about Kimochi not being in school, either. Everyone knew that he wasn't, of course. Dice often asked him for favors precisely because he would have the time to get them done. None of them knew why he wasn't though and neither he nor Kokichi talked about it. Kimochi was second in command of Dice, in charge of finances, in charge of the base, and even after everything, Kokichi had never taken that rank from him. Kokichi trusted him with those things. But there were other things that he wasn't trusted with. Couldn't be trusted, because he was the evil twin.
Kimochi acted out and lost rights, that's just the way it was. He threatened bullies with fire, so he lost the right to school and lighters. It was only fair. Kimochi couldn't be trusted and he was smart enough to keep up with anyone else's studies anyway, since he regularly helped Dice with homework. He didn't miss it, really. He only missed Kokichi's company.
The first time Dice caught him practicing knife juggling, he lost the right to knives.
It didn't stop him from having either, on occasion. It made him cautious, hesitant, and he tried to be respectful of Kokichi's wishes. But Kimochi liked fire and he liked knives and he was the evil twin.
He kept his exploits contained to the night, when everyone was asleep. Kimochi wandered the streets at night, finding new and stranger places to play, to relax, to run, to hide. He explored the woods around their house, the river bank, and the graveyard. Slowly making a map of the city and the people in it. And when he was tired, he knew where to find Kanade most nights, in the cemetery, cigarette in hand, leaning against a gravestone.
Kanade never turned him away, never blinked at him, never faltered. Kimochi had shown himself through stories, through knife throwing, through hand holding and laying his head in her lap. He had offered himself to her and she accepted. She always accepted.
Kanade Akamatsu had shown herself to be an easy presence to get used to. She had never asked to see him, merely shown up where she thought he might be. She didn't ask him what he did, but she made a point of saying that she didn't care what he got up to. If asked, she wouldn't say that they were dating, but she would say that he was hers.
Kimochi was amused by it, charmed by it, and tolerant of it in turns. He didn't have a problem with dynamics he couldn't name as long as he understood them. He understood Kanade. She was equally careless and cautious, sarcastic yet sweet.
When he laid his head on her lap, she pretended not to smile. When he took her hand, she wouldn't always hold his back, but she never pushed him away, never pulled away, and he increasingly left her company with a token of her presence to remember their time by.
Like leaving her signature on him, constantly toying with the idea of claiming him while refusing to do so outright. A black lipstick kiss on his collar, a bite mark hidden on his thigh, a shallow press of steel along his lower back. She marked him however she could, wherever she could find, silently and fervently. Kimochi never stopped her, even when the marks were something visible.
And even when Kokichi saw them, saw the lipstick, or a bite mark, it was just another thing they never talked about. Kokichi knew he had someone, had found out who, and just like so many things before he chose not to ask. And Kimochi didn't explain it because until Kanade wanted to claim him, there was nothing to explain. Until Kokichi decided to ask, there was nothing he needed to say.
Kimochi was as used to not talking about things as he was at reading between the lines to know what was being ignored. So when she was watching him wrap his fingers one day, tending wounds from a failed attempt at blade juggling, he could easily read the look in her eyes. They were beautiful even in the dark, ardent and wholly focused on him, on his pain. So he asked her, "Do you want to hurt me?"
Straight forward and without judgment, because that's how Kimochi was.
Kanade met his gaze without flinching, because that's who she was, as she answered, "Yes."
So he gave her the knife, gave her his skin, and bled for her.
Kanade could be a soft touch with a knife, when she wanted to be. He'd watch her trace elaborate designs all across his skin with just the scrape of a knife, fully losing herself to whatever hidden confessions she was writing on him, until she finally overflowed, pressed too hard, and broke skin. It could be hours before her control would slip. Sometimes the lines crossed over each other, sometimes they never did. Sometimes she took a wet cloth to his skin to clear the board, dry him off, and start again.
She always seemed startled when she nicked him. So deep into her trance that she didn't know what she was releasing. And when her hands weren't steady enough for a blade, he made her use her fingers, her nails, her lips, her tongue. Any part of her to imprint her sadness on to his skin where he could hide her secrets, hide her, deep inside himself.
Kanade was really soft inside and she didn't want anyone to know it. She liked the thrill of having a blade against her skin, but she didn't like bleeding. She didn't want anyone to see her bleed. She didn't know that Kimochi could find her in her eyes, her kiss, her touch, whenever he was holding the blade. Kimochi didn't like when Kanade was afraid though, so he let her have the knife and did the bleeding for her. Then he swallowed up every sad piece of her that she dropped in the aftermath.
Kanade was easy to love. She showed him all her cracks by recreating them on his skin, then he in turn kissed away the wounds. He kissed handprints off her skin, licked away the imprints of claws and teeth, caressed her every wound closed.
He whispered to her in late hours of the night when they both refused to sleep for one reason or another. "I'll hold all your sadness in my skin, so it can't hurt you. I'll take all your anger, so you don't have to fear it. If you're ever afraid, I'll be the bigger demon that will chase those fears away."
Kanade rarely said anything to these promises, but when she laced their fingers together, he knew it was a deal. They didn't talk about it, but he understood her.
It was awkward the first time a Dice member caught him with a knife to her neck. Not for him because Kimochi was fairly shameless in most areas of his life, and not for Kanade because she didn't care about most people's opinions, but certainly for the Dice member who looked at Kimochi like he was a freak. There was no doubt that they would tell Kokichi and he would have to talk about it.
He moved the knife away from Kanade's skin, taking a step back from where he crowded her against a wall. "We'll do this later," he said quietly.
Kanade smirked at him and said, "We'll see," but it felt like a promise.
Kimochi went to Kokichi's room as soon as he returned home. It was better to let Kokichi say what he wanted to say than to try and put it off. He knew that Kokichi wouldn't think he was about to slit some girl's throat in the graveyard, though whether or not that particular Dice member had the same faith in him he couldn't say. He was equally sure that Kokichi hadn't put any thought into what exactly Kimochi had been doing.
He was proven right when he opened the door to his brother's room and the first words out of Kokichi's mouth were, "What the fuck, Kimchi?"
"You wouldn't understand, Chichi," he sighed. That wasn't entirely true. He was pretty sure that Kokichi could understand it if Kimochi told him that it was adrenaline and intimacy and not really about knives. Kokichi didn't want to understand though. He didn't want to know that Kimochi gambled with blades the way that Kokichi gambled lies. Kokichi wanted to say "That's weird" and take the knife. Kokichi wanted to laugh with him like nothing was wrong and be secure in the knowledge that he was protecting Kimochi and keeping him from going off the rails. He wanted to be the Supreme Leader, ordering around his second in command, the big brother that knew better, and Kimochi didn't want to deny him that. Didn't want to deny him anything.
So he let nothing be wrong.
Kimochi tossed himself onto the bed theatrically and said, "It's really hot though, Chichi."
Kokichi groaned and tried to push him off the bed. "Ew, don't bring your weird fetishes into my room."
"You show off your weird fetish when you play the knife game."
Kokichi gasped and made the most offended face possible. "I do not! That is not a fetish."
"Whatever you say."
Kokichi does push him off the bed then, at the high price of Kimochi dragging him along to the floor. They both laughed. The moment was natural, normal. Nothing was wrong.
Kokichi took the knife.
Another thing was added to the list of things that they didn't talk about. Kimochi thought that was okay though, as long as Kokichi didn't look at him the way that Dice member did. As long as Kokichi still loved him. Kokichi was the leader and even a second in command was meant to take orders.
Being with Kanade was the opposite of being with Kokichi. Kanade rarely gave him advice. Kokichi was supportive and bossy, jovial and lighthearted. Kanade was sarcastic to a fault, mocked him to make a point, and rolled her eyes when she thought he was being foolish. She listened to everything he said though. She always listened. He never lied to her and she never tried to make him.
He had his head in his lap and his eyes on her when he told her, "I think I'm in love with you."
Kanade responded exactly as he expected her to, exhaling smoke and not even sparing him a glance as she responded. "Sucks to be you."
Kimochi laughed, catching her empty hand and entwining their fingers. "It's not that bad, really. Sometimes I get to kiss you."
"Well, aren't you easy to please?" She drawled before taking a long drag on her cigarette.
He smiled at her. "Yeah, I am."
She blew out the smoke again, slowly this time. Kimochi watched it as it left her black painted lips. "A lot of people get to kiss me."
He shrugged. Kanade had made herself clear enough on the matter of what their relationship wasn't, even if she refused to pin down exactly what they were. "Maybe a lot of people are in love with you."
She laughed. "That would mean stiff competition for you, Mochi."
"I'm not afraid," he told her. "None of them bleed for you like I do."
Kimochi didn't mind sharing. He had to share Kokichi's attention all of his life, after all. He was only ever afraid of being replaced. Being abandoned. Kanade kept coming back though, so he wasn't afraid. He'd already told her all the things that she could have been scared of and she'd parted her perfectly pretty lips and called him a fool.
"So what are you going to do if I find someone that can take a knife better than you?" Kanade question.
He didn't hesitate. "I'll eat them."
Kanade laughed so hard she choked. "Damn it, Mochi! You trying to kill a girl?"
He just laughed.
"You just let the weirdest shit come out of your mouth."
He waited until she was calm to give her the real answer. Or rather, to word his answer in a way that she would understand. "I would just make them love me, too. And if I fall in love with someone else, I'll make them love you."
Kanade gave him a wry smile. "I don't need more people to love me."
"You do," he told her firmly.
She gave him a look then, something between amused and crossed. "I don't want more people to love me."
"I know."
The staring that followed could have been a stalemate, but Kimochi knew he would win. He didn't need her to love him, just to give him pieces of herself the only way she knew how. He would protect the soft pieces of her by being scarier than anything else she feared. Just like he protected the soft pieces of Kokichi by being a bigger target than him.