Chapter Text
Kimochi thought the first few years of his life might have been a dream. He remembered feeling warm and crowded by things, until slowly they all peeled away one by one and it was just him holding onto Kokichi so tightly that no one could ever take him away, too.
He remembered dreaming of himself standing in front of their house, Kokichi laid out safely on the ground beside him, as the place went up in flames. He remembers a hand on his head, leaning down to whisper in his own ear, "No one has to know." He remembers staring at the fire and thinking, "I did this," until he and Kokichi were picked up and rushed off to a hospital.
Kokichi didn't remember it though, so even when Kimochi did, he knew that it had to be a dream. Just like all the other dreams of being warm and crowded.
Kimochi continued to believe this until Kokichi came home one day and asked him, "Did you know that we have another brother?"
"No, that was a dream," he replied immediately. He looked up from his book and they both stared at each other as the words sank in between them.
"You dreamed about us having a brother?" Kokichi questioned.
Kimochi closed his book slowly. "We... have... another brother?"
Kokichi nodded, moving to sit on the arm of his chair. "His name is Kouchi. I thought I'd made him up but I ran into him today."
"Oh." He wonders what that means for his dreams, but he doesn't ask. "Do you like him?" Kimochi asked, because if Kokichi does, that probably puts him on borrowed time. He's always been the evil twin, if Kokichi has other options...
Kokichi sees through this question of course. He glares at Kimochi, flicking him in the middle of his forehead. "Don't be stupid."
Kimochi doesn't meet their new triplet right away. He didn't go to Hope's Peak, or to school at all, so it was easy not to run into him. Made even easier when he stopped wandering at night and started tucking himself into more and more secluded corners of their base to read. He wouldn't have called it hiding, but he wouldn't deny the increasing number of "Where's Mochi?" questions that he didn't answer when he heard them.
Two weeks later it didn't matter, because Kouchi showed up anyway. He had fallen asleep in the armchair that had long been designated as "his" and woke up to a face with a dark pink scarf mask hovering over him, brushing his hair. Kimochi would have startled at an intruder if it weren't for the fact he was staring at his own hair and eyes even with the mask covering most of the face. The eyes were crinkled, in a way that reminded Kimochi of how Kokichi's eyes looked when he smiled. However instead of the cryptic things he remembered from his dream, it simply said "Good morning."
Kimochi's eyes darted around until he spotted Kokichi right beside them, then he gave his own face a smile. "Is this always how you greet long lost siblings?"
"Only when they are my adorable baby siblings," Kouchi replied.
Well, Kimochi didn't hate that.
Kouchi was an enjoyable presence to be around. He joined Kimochi when he was reading, only bringing with him the soft sounds of classical music. It wasn't really to Kimochi's taste, but he didn't mind it and he began to associate the sound with his brother's presence. He would admit to being starry eyed in Kouchi's presence. He and Kokichi were together so often that Kimochi often considered them to be the same (when he didn't think of himself as being much worse), so it was odd to feel like he had an older brother. They were the same, but they also very much were not.
Kimochi soon had two very different sets of stories from Hope's Peak. The chaotic wildness that he was used to from Kokichi, and the more sedate stories offered to him by Kouchi. He found himself actively watching Kouchi, mirroring him, studying him as he never had to do with Kokichi. Kokichi just made sense to Kimochi. Kouchi didn't. Not quite, at least.
"You don't have to do that," Kouchi told him one day.
"Do what?" Kimochi asked.
Kouchi’s eyes softened like he knew a secret Kimochi didn't. It felt odd to be on the receiving end of such a look. "Copy me. You can be yourself around me."
Kimochi smiled in turn, adding a teasing tone to his voice as he asked, "Oh? And what if I'm awful?"
Kouchi met his eyes as he answered, "I won't mind."
Kimochi didn't believe him, but he liked the thought. He remembered the last time he'd gone to school, Kokichi worriedly wrapping himself around Kimochi and whispering that he loved him even though he knew that Kimochi was broken. He didn't think Kouchi would do that, but even if he did, he didn't want his new brother to think that he was a monster.
Hope's Peak must have some kind of obsession with Oumas, because they kept collecting siblings that Kimochi didn't remember having.
He saw Koharu the least of all his new siblings. Koharu seemed to always be busy and most days, Kimochi saw him more in passing or heard of him from whispers and rumors. He saw Kouchi dragging him to put ice onto a black eye, heard Dice members praising his helpfulness or his smile, and listened to Kokichi calling him a liar. Kimochi was rarely ever alone with Koharu, rarely ever even in the same room.
Despite that, Koharu became a fixture in their home frightfully quickly. One day, he was watching Kokichi throw himself on the bed and tell him about their new sibling and the next Koharu was bringing in boxes of things for "Safe keeping."
Well, Kimochi no longer had to worry about being the worst twin, at least. Every few days Kokichi had a new complaint to launch against Koharu and new whispers to listen to from Dice. Kimochi absorbed all this as he always did, writing down every new bit of information that he could.
Kokichi called Koharu a liar with the small purse of his lips that meant he was offended. Kouchi called Koharu a liar in the voice of someone that was highly amused. It was only when he talked to Koharu himself that he realized what they meant. Koharu smiled with empty eyes, cried with hollow tears, and spoke in a vacant voice. Kimochi got the sense that there was nothing inside him.
Well, no one told lies without a truth to hide and Kimochi could admit to being curious.
He went to Hope’s Peak and asked Kokichi where Koharu's class was. His brother looked at him with surprised eyes. "Why?"
"I want to spend time with him," he answered honestly.
"At school?"
"I don't see him anywhere else."
Kokichi blinked at him a few times before writing down directions and handing it to him. "Knock yourself out, I guess. He's completely insufferable though. Trust me."
Kimochi just smiled at him and set out to find Koharu's classroom. The reserve course was in a different building than the talented students. There were less recognizable faces the longer he went on. It was a little astounding how big Hope's Peak actually was. He wondered if they could have gone their whole high school lives without ever meeting their lost siblings.
"Koharu, what are you wearing?" Kimochi turned to face the girl that spoke. She was looking at him with a bemused expression, like she wanted to help him but wasn't yet sure what he needed.
"Ah, you know Koharu then." He smiled at her and she seemed to relax, as if her entire world made sense again. "I was looking for him, but I've never been to this building before."
"Oh, that's fine. I'll take you there." She made small talk on the way and Kimochi indulged her easily. The girl seemed to have a favorable enough opinion of Koharu, as did Dice. Curious that.
It was easy to spot Koharu in his classroom with his carefully combed hair and glasses that Kimochi suspected to not be more than aesthetic. He was the center of attention, with soft words and bright smiles and an air of helplessness that Kimochi hadn't seen the few times they had met before. It was a bit odd to watch the class hover around him as if they were the planets to his sun but the role of the bright center of the universe seemed perfectly at home on Koharu’s shoulders.The girl moved to call out to him and Kimochi stopped her. "I don't want to interrupt him, don't worry."
It was a few minutes until Koharu noticed him, getting to his feet immediately. Strange how he seemed to direct his entire attention to Kimochi, as if the rest of his classmates ceased to exist. "What are you doing here Kimochi? Is something wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong," he answered as Koharu reached him. "I just decided to spend time with you."
"Oh?" Kimochi wasn't sure what the look in Koharu's gaze meant. Koharu seemed to be made of air currents and turning gears, fast moving and too ephemeral for him to grasp. "Well, class will be starting soon, so..."
"That's alright," Kimochi said. He took a seat behind where Koharu had been sitting and smiled at him.
Koharu's smile wavered. "Kimochi, you can't just invite yourself to class."
"I won't disturb you," he told him. "It'll be fine."
Koharu looked like he wanted to argue more but then the teacher arrived and he decided to just take his seat. No one bothered him, so he assumed whoever's seat he was in must have been free.
"Oh, do we have a new student?" The teacher questioned.
Kimochi stood and bowed. "Please continue with the lesson. I'd hate to hold everyone up." The class clamor that followed, consisting of whispers and coos as to how he was "just as sweet as Koharu" and "so well mannered" had more to do with the teacher's eagerness to let him pass than anything else, but that was fine. Kimochi hadn't intended to be denied, so it was nice that Koharu's apparent reputation enabled that.
Koharu ignored him for most of the day. Kimochi made it easy to do, remaining observant and quiet, watching his brother and mostly only speaking when spoken to. Koharu was oddly attentive to his classmates, helping those that needed help, demuring from compliments, and flashing nonstop smiles. It might not have been strange at all if it wasn't for the lack of attention he gave Kimochi. He mostly only paid attention to Kimochi when his classmates said something to prompt it and there was a lingering question in his eyes when he did so.
It was only after school, when Koharu was walking Kimochi out that he questioned, "What was that about?"
"I told you, I wanted to spend time with you," Kimochi answered. The reserve class was a lot calmer than the times he had sat in on Kokichi's class. Boring, but predictable. Normal. He'd have to bring a book if he wanted to do it again.
He was suddenly stopped by Koharu crowding him against a wall, staring into his eyes as if he could burn away any hints of artifice that Kimochi might show. "What do you expect to gain here?"
"Knowledge."
"What?"
"I never see you. I want to get you to know you," he told him. He smiled when the look on Koharu's face remained as intense and mildly uncomprehending as it began. "I promise it's not that complicated. I don't know anything about you, Koharu. I want to."
Koharu moved away from him. "Hmm. There are easier ways to accomplish that."
"No, I don't think there are," Kimochi replied. "Everyone has something different to say about you and the only thing our siblings agree on is that you're a liar. That doesn't tell me anything about what the lie might be or what else you are."
"And you're doing this out of what exactly?"
"Curiosity."
"I don't understand you," Koharu admitted
He laughed. "Well, we just met. Takes more than a day to understand someone. At least, it does if they're interesting." There were people in Kokichi's class that he had understood in five minutes flat. People like that weren't as much fun though.
Kokichi found him an hour after he'd gotten home, tossing himself onto Kimochi's lap and planting himself right on the book that he was reading. "So what were you doing with Koharu earlier, huh?"
Kimochi pushed him onto the floor, ignoring Kokichi's complaints as he checked his book. "You bent the page."
"You bent my bottom," Kokichi replied from the floor.
He rolled his eyes, smiling at Kokichi's pout. He closed his book, tucking it away beside him as he gave his brother his full attention. "Shall I help you up or do you want to stay there and pout longer?"
Kokichi ignored that to jump to his feet, climbing onto the arm of the chair as he should have done from the start, and resting his arms on Kimochi's head. He sunk down on the cushion slightly to make it easier. "Tell me about your search for Koharu!"
"I was just watching him," he shrugged.
"While he was in class?" When Kimochi only shrugged again, Kokichi laughed. "Wow, Kimchi, you're such a stalker."
"If I am, it's your fault Chichi. You're the one that's told me all these vague things about Koharu. What kind of twin would I be if I didn't investigate?"
"One that wasn't nosy as shit," Kokichi answered.
"Unrealistic."
Kokichi giggled, making himself comfortable by folding his arms on Kimochi's head and laying on them. "Read to me from the book that I broke."
He rolled his eyes, but pulled out his book anyway. By the time he finished the chapter, Kokichi had fallen asleep on him and there were three Dice members crowded around his feet. He closed his book, smiling as he leaned into Kokichi.
The third day that he followed Koharu to school he got into a fight. Three fights, to be exact. It turns out that the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader had a short fuse and he took exception to Koharu accidentally bumping into him, and Kimochi took exception to him punching his brother in the face. This went on until the Ultimate Moral Compass commanded them to stop and they were all hustled away to the nurse’s office.
The second fight wasn't his fault at all. It turned out that the Ultimate Gymnast was quick to jump to conclusions, so when she walked in to find the Ultimate Nurse in a compromising position (that she put herself in) she blamed the boys in the room and attacked with no questions asked. Kimochi left them to it after a while to check on Koharu and make sure he was okay, the other two not really noticing that he had excused himself from the fight and Ultimate Nurse apologizing profusely.
Then he ran into Maki, who he assumed was looking for Kokichi. Her finding Kokichi was undoubtedly the worst option, but Kimochi was in a rather bad mood at this point and her picking him up by his shirt didn't do her any favors. He bit her hand, which seemed to shock both her and Koharu. They were late for class at this point, so he didn't want to give her any more of his time. She dropped him in surprise. He landed on his feet then he took Koharu's hand and they walked back to class.
Koharu was watching him most of the walk back, but that ended the moment they crossed the threshold of the classroom and everyone crowded around them asking Koharu if he was okay. Kimochi left him to it, taking the seat he'd claimed as his own and reading a book until the end of class.
"Why did you interfere?" Koharu asked once they left the classroom.
Kimochi gave him a confused look. "Because I didn't want you to get hurt."
Before either of them could say anything else, Kimochi found himself being caught up by Kokichi. Entering the room with the usual flourish, the crowd of students all quickly started to whisper between themselves again. Someone seemed to have recognized Kokichi, and in moments the entire class knew he was the Ultimate Supreme Leader. All eyes were on his brother, some were the normal curious expressions, other more alarming expressions immediately put the bearers on the didn’t like list. It was a bit strange they hadn’t associated Kimochi with the title, alarming even. However, as Kokichi walked over to him and Koharu, he pushed the thought from his mind.
“I heard the surprising news that I was in a fight today,” Kokichi told him, gazing at his nails in a fake nonchalance. “More than one, even!”
“Impressive of you,” Kimochi said. He didn’t think word would travel quite so quickly.
Kokichi gave them both a subtle once over as he pretended to look at his nails. He must have been worried to come and find him and the reason why was revealed quickly. “In fact, I heard that I bit Harukawa.”
Kimochi glared at the mention of her and his response was nearly instant. “I bet she deserved it.”
“I don't doubt it.” Kokichi was still trying to appraise them, so Kimochi gave his brother a smile.
“I’m fine, Chichi.”
Kokichi pointed at Koharu. “Hey, don’t go getting Mochi to fight your battles for you! What do you think he is, some kind of henchmen? Wrong!”
“Dice are the henchmen,” Kimochi joked quickly, receiving the flash of a smile from Kokichi.
“He involved himself, I didn’t ask him to do that,” Koharu replied.
“Then don’t be a damsel in distress so that he won’t have to save you,” Kokichi told him. And there lay the seeds of Kokichi worrying about their new brother. Neither of them fully knew what he was like and Kokichi hated it when people got hurt. At least, he hated it if it wasn’t funny.
“I’m fine, Chichi,” he insisted. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to him, you don't have to worry.”
Kokichi sighed and pet Mochi’s head. “Yeah, I know. Anyway, come on you two. I’m going to escort you home so that you don’t get into any more trouble.” He didn’t object, so the three of them walked home together while Kokichi pretended that he wasn’t fussing over them both.
Being the only one not going to Hope's Peak made it easier to get away with what he did, too. Of course, if his siblings talked to each other, the process of elimination would root him out. Kimochi felt pretty confident that the chances of all his siblings successfully talking to each other was pretty small.
He explained it to Kanade once, his head in her lap and her back against a gravestone, "I think there are three languages among the four of us. I might be the only one that understands all of them."
She blew rings of cigarette smoke into the air. Her voice was always flat and steady, her expression mostly blank. It added a weight to her words, he found. "Does that even count if you aren't talking to them either?"
He frowned at her. "I talk to them."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm sure you tell them about your nightmares and shit everyday. Kichi gives you the lighters and knives you play with and Kou doesn't think you're scared of him and Ru isn't worried his sibling is stalking him or whatever," she drawled.
"None of that is true."
Kimochi supposed that she made a decent point. Kimochi thought he understood his siblings, but he wasn't doing any better at communicating than they were. Kokichi was spending his days trying to find time for two extra siblings and Kimochi felt like the leftovers. He didn't want to say that though. He knew that Kokichi still loved him and that he wasn't even the worst liked. That should be enough.
Kokichi had Kouchi to confide in and Koharu to prank and to hate and... Kimochi couldn't expect to be Kokichi's favorite anymore. The thought shouldn't leave a sour taste on his tongue. It was completely ungrateful and selfish. Kokichi would be ashamed of him, surely. It made him feel even more sick and twisted to think that the warm and crowded feeling he'd been remembering could be bad instead of the comfortable safety net that he wanted it to be.
He pulled Kanade's hand down to his lips until he could take a few puffs from her cigarette. "It'll stunt your growth," she told him.
"I'm already short. Not much left to stunt."
"What if you go backwards, Mochi. Can you afford that?"
He laughed, but it was watery and he was on the verge of choking on his own feelings. "If I shrink, will you hold me up to reach things on the top shelf?"
"No, I wanna watch you struggle," she answered immediately. The drawl in her voice rarely changed, but he always knew when she was joking or serious anyway. "I'd put even more things higher."
"What a terrible girlfriend you'd make," he told her.
She leaned down, lifting her hand out of his grasp to take a puff of her cigarette and blow smoke in his face. "You're no trophy wife yourself."
"You wish that you could wife me up."
She smirked at him as she sat back up, fingers combing through his hair. He considered talking to them, the strangers that wore his face, the dreams that he loved and tried his best to mirror. He stole Kanade's cigarette to distract himself from the sour taste that refused to leave his mouth.
Kimochi decided to stay home the next day, not the least of which because Kouchi seemed worried about him and he didn't want to trouble him. It wasn't like he didn't have other things to occupy him anyway. He had articles to write and books to read and Dice members to attend to.
Kimochi was surprised a few days later when Koharu sought him out.
"Come with me," Koharu said. Kimochi wasn't sure if it was a demand or a request, but he excused himself from the conversation that he was in and followed Koharu anyway.
The outing consisted of Koharu taking him to a place, starting a conversation, pulling Kimochi into it, leaving him alone for five to ten minutes, and then returning to politely wrap up the interaction. Koharu did this about five times, returning each time with more than he’d left with. Kimochi ended the day with a Snickers, a phone charm, and a popsicle.
Kimochi thought he had a pretty good idea of what Koharu was like and why his siblings didn't like it. Koharu wasn't empty, he was just a mask.
As they walked home together, Koharu with notably fuller pockets and Kimochi with a popsicle in his mouth, he said, "My favorite flavor is strawberry."
Koharu looked at him for longer than was polite before he nodded. "Noted," Koharu said.
They didn't talk about it and when Kimochi retreated to his chair to read, Koharu decided to join him.
Kouchi was the best choice to talk to. They already spent dedicated chunks of time together and as the Ultimate Preacher, he was used to others confessing to him. Kimochi decided it was easiest to forgo asking permission or providing a lead in. Instead, he just looked up from his book and asked, "Do you think I'm the worst one?"
Kouchi didn't even look up from his book. "How could I think that when Koharu is right there?"
Kimochi frowned. "Koharu's not that bad."
Kouchi did look up then. "Is that so?"
"Well, he likes all of us," Kimochi shrugged. "That matters."
Kouchi closed his book. It was odd how foreboding that felt. "Is there something on your mind, Kimochi?"
"I just said it."
"Something more?"
He pulled his legs up to his chest. "Do you love all of us?"
Kouchi raised an eyebrow at that. "Of course?"
"Would it be bad not to?"
Kouchi was quiet for a moment. He could see Kouchi studying him, trying to pull back his layers and find whatever writhing thing was living underneath his skin and poisoning him so that he could kill it.
"You can't kill it just by looking," Kimochi said softly. "It's burrowed too deeply."
"I see." Kouchi moved his knees, sitting right in front of Kimochi. "Kokichi loves you. I do, too. Nothing could ever make me stop."
"I believe you."
"You don't." Kouchi said it with so much conviction that it shocked Kimochi into sitting up straight. "You think there's a line. Kokichi has a line he doesn't want you to cross and you think he'll stop loving you if you do." He took Kimochi's hand. "I don't have a line, Kimochi. Nothing you do will be too much or too far."
He tilted his head, staring at the conviction in his brother's eyes and the serious expression on his face. If this was Kokichi, he would believe him. Kokichi didn't lie to him, not in ways that mattered. But this wasn't Kokichi so he felt the need to test it. To be sure. Kimochi threaded their fingers together so that Kouchi couldn't pull away and whispered, "Did you set the fire?"
There was an unshielded shock in Kouchi's eyes for a moment, but he covered it with confusion quickly. Just like he tried to cover the small way he jerked back by squeezing Kimochi's hand. "What fire?"
It didn't hurt that Kouchi would lie to him. It would only hurt if this was a lie. If there was a line and he was trying to trick him into tripping over it. "I thought I dreamed it," he confessed. "Staring at myself in front of the fire the day that he died."
"How could it have been me?" Kouchi asked.
Kimochi closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees. He didn't let go of Kouchi's hand. "That's it then. There is a line and if I cross it, you'll hate me. I'm asking questions and you already hate it."
"I didn't say--"
"I have eyes, Kou. You didn't like it. It's not the same line as Kokichi's, but it's a line. It's not fair to let me trip over it when I'd stop if you just asked."
"I did."
Kimochi opened his eyes. Kouchi was much closer than he expected. Also much more determined and honest looking.
"So what now?"
Kimochi looked at their hands, wondering if he was imagining the slight tremble there. "Now nothing. I didn't ask to be conditional. I just asked so that I'd know. I want to know what the rules are. That's all."
"You never told Kokichi about that, did you?"
"You told me not to."
Kouchi relaxed, he could tell. He pulled Kimochi into a hug. ‘Conditional’ popped into his head again, but he ignored it in favor of enjoying his embrace. "You can tell me anything, Kimochi. I promise you that."
"What if I hated you?" Kimochi asked. "You and the others, for taking Kokichi away from me." He didn't, but it was uncomfortably close to his feelings.
"Well, you have had him to yourself for a long time. It's only to be expected that you would hate us." Kouchi smiled at him. "I don't reciprocate that hate, though. I love you and Kokichi both."
"I like all of you," Kimochi told him. "I don't actually hate any of you."
"You are my precious baby brother. Even if you make a mistake, I'll forgive you. And you can tell me anything and no one has to know."
No one has to know. The promise he remembered from so long ago. This time, it didn't feel conditional.