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Kaoru had a hickey.
Now, he was known to be a playboy, so that shouldn’t have been a problem. It was normal for him to have hickeys, even if it was a risk to his career as an idol to be marked up so obviously.
It shouldn’t have been a problem, but Rei had found himself enjoying the other boy’s presence far more than he should’ve, actually. Maybe, just maybe, he thought he was special, but he should have known better.
Kaoru was straight, of course. There was no way that Rei would be anything more than a friend to him, not with how much he hated being around men. Rei was tolerable at best, and that was it.
That didn’t stop him from hiding in the light music club and sulking alone when he was supposed to be in class, though. He wasn’t even in the same class as Kaoru, he just got a glimpse of the side of the blonde’s neck covered with bruises as they passed by each other in the hallway.
Rei wasn’t special. Kaoru wasn’t gay. Rei just shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up, that's all.
(It wasn’t like anyone cared about Rei that much in the first place. No one knew him, and no one tried to know him, that was the way everything went.)
Well, at least he could work on writing lyrics, if he wasn't going to be in class. He was always better at expressing himself through songs, rather than with words. Kaoru didn't care enough about their unit to pay enough attention to the words, anyways.
In his own hiding out in the club room, he forgot that Kaoru also has a lacking attendance. When the door opened, Rei immediately stilled as Kaoru entered. At least now the marks on his neck were covered up with layer upon layer of concealer, a poor attempt to cover up the deep bruises.
“Can we talk?” Kaoru asked, uncharacteristically serious.
“About what..?” Rei hummed, shuffling through the papers in his hand to occupy himself.
“I don't know, just to talk? You seemed upset when I saw you earlier.” Kaoru explained, running a hand through his hair nervously.
"Now, what do I have to be upset about?” Rei asked, tilting his head curiously as if he didn't know where Kaoru was going with this.
“I don’t know, okay? But if you want to talk - I’m here, or whatever.” Kaoru huffed, sitting down in one of the room's plastic chairs, watching as Rei continued to mess around with the papers, occasionally scribbling down a few words in near-unintelligible writing. "What are you working on?"
"Lyrics." Rei answered shortly.
"For what?" Kaoru asked, evidently trying to get Rei to open up even just a little, to let the blonde see inside to Rei's truest self and the emotions he hides so deep - if only, but he was probably just curious.
"A song, of course, Kaoru-kun. Have you forgotten where we are?" Rei chuckled nervously while subtly trying to cover up the paper to the best of his ability.
"I know where we are! Can you stop talking in circles and just spit it out already? I know something is wrong, okay?" Kaoru huffed, shaking his head with frustration.
Rei didn't want to spit it out, quite frankly. He'd retreated to his club room - a club with which Kaoru wasn't even apart of, and definitely shouldn't be skipping class to spend time there - for alone time, to turn his thoughts into lyrics where he failed to turn them into words, to be alone with his emotions and only his emotions, yet here Kaoru was.
"Mmm… Your hickeys are quite obvious, did you notice? Is that why they magically became covered up since I saw you last?" Rei hummed, stopping his writing.
"Yeah, yeah, Senacchi made me cover them up. I know idols aren't supposed to do stuff like this, but I don't really care? They'll be gone before our next show." Kaoru said with a roll of his eyes, getting up to leave. "If that's all you're worried about, then I'm leaving."
"You know, Kaoru-kun, I almost thought you liked me for a while." Rei said, quietly, almost like he was hoping Kaoru wouldn't actually hear him, that his words would be lost to the air as Kaoru left.
Kaoru stopped. Well, it was more like he froze. He remained staring at the door, a few heavy breaths leaving his chest as he pondered Rei's words.
"No, I didn't." Kaoru finally said, not even giving Rei one last look at his face before he left.
Well, their next practice would surely be awkward.
-
Rei had a box where he stored all of his lyrics never to be shown to the public. That day, those lyrics drawn up across from Kaoru were shoved directly into the box once he got back from school.
How could he ever let them see the light of day again, when it would be so obvious to Kaoru that it was a poor attempt at a heartbroken love song?
He was embarrassed, but most of all, he was stressed. Ignoring his emotions came easy most of the time, as he always cared about everyone else too much, anyways.
Would his words be the downfall of Undead? What would his dear juniors have left if their unit was gone, erased to 3 members - but it really wasn't the same, not when it was one of Undead's main attractions leaving.
His parents were never home to hear his sobs ringing out from his bedroom, and Ritsu no longer cared enough to bother himself with it - Rei felt completely alone, and he knew it was all his fault.
-
Practice went fine, actually.
Kaoru pretended like nothing had happened, showing up to the next practice like usual.
(Or unusual, since he usually skipped, but he probably felt he had to prove to Rei that he wasn't upset, or something of the sort.)
"Did you end up finishing that song you were writing the other day?" Kaoru asked, casual as ever.
Rei followed along, acting as if his emotions weren't trying to tear themselves out of his body and further intensified by the blonde's words, "Oh, I don't think it turned out that well, quite frankly. I got rid of it, but I'll certainly have more songs prepared for us soon, do be sure."
Kaoru let out a small laugh, "Not everything a prodigy puts out is a masterpiece, then?"
"Well, not for me, at least. Perhaps I'm not a prodigy? Or maybe my skills are fading with my old age…" Rei sighed as he shook his head.
"Nah - I mean, even a prodigy isn't a God, right? Not like everything will be perfect. You're just as human as the rest of us, grandpa." Kaoru said, and Rei left it at that.
(But was he, though?)
How was he supposed to not fall in love with one of the few people who treated him as a human; one of the few people who accepted him as he was, quirks and all? It was cruel of this world to make him fall for someone who could never love him back, but perhaps it was his punishment for all of his past wrongdoings.
This world knew he wasn't meant to be happy, and Rei had accepted it.
-
Their live ended up being a disaster.
…Well, it was fine to everyone else, surely, but Rei felt otherwise.
His body was aching, he felt like he was losing his voice, the lights were too bright and the music was too loud - but to everyone else, it was an amazing performance.
(Honestly - sometimes Rei wondered why he chose to be an idol when his body seemed so adamantly against it.)
While everyone else was chatting and enjoying the atmosphere, Rei escaped to the dressing room, curling his knees into himself on the couch in hopes the pain would subside. The walls couldn't muffle the noise outside the room, the vibrations of the sound infiltrating the room. To Rei, it felt like his bones were vibrating with it.
It hurt, and he was alone.
…Until he wasn't, and Kaoru was there.
"Sakuma? You doing good?" Asked the blonde. Rei groaned in response, curling into himself further as he did his best to ignore the pounding in his head as music poured through the open door. "Why'd you run away?"
"It hurts." Rei managed to whisper once the door was closed, Kaoru taking slow steps towards him on the couch.
"I get it - I mean, I don't really get what hurts, but I get it must suck. Did you wanna head back? I'll take you home, if you want." Kaoru shrugged as he approached Rei, kneeling closer to look Rei in the eyes.
"I don't want to move." Rei murmured. He didn't want to go home; home meant being alone, dealing with both the pain and loneliness with no one there by his side.
"You don't gotta move much, okay? I'll call a cab and take you home, you just gotta work with me that much, sound cool?" Kaoru was already pulling out his phone as he spoke, not giving Rei much of a choice.
"You're that desperate to get rid of me, are you?" Rei whined. He intended for it to sound like his usual fake crying, but he didn't have the energy to put into it. Instead, he just sounded sad and alone.
(Still true, of course, but he hated people knowing that. Usually, his fake tears were enough for people to believe that he wasn't actually that serious about anything he was crying over.)
"'Course not, I'm just trying to make sure you get home safe. That's where all your medications are, and you can sleep in your own bed?" Kaoru tried bargaining, convincing Rei that it was for the best as he flipped through his phone for the cab number.
Rei didn't respond, just sat and listened as Kaoru made the call. Kaoru picked up a piece of Rei's hair that had fallen near him, twisting it around his fingers distractedly, watching as the black slid over his skin like silk.
"How are the kids' getting back after?" Rei hummed once Kaoru hung up, suddenly worried about their unit's juniors.
"Train? Cab? Walking? No clue, they're grown enough to find a way back without us." Kaoru shrugged, pulling his hand away from Rei's hair. "Let's go wait near the front, okay? The cab should be here soon, so we should start heading out, if you can move."
Rei begrudgingly got up, albeit quite slowly due to the lingering pain everywhere. He stretched out his limbs, standing on trembling legs and trying his best to ignore the dizziness that came with standing. He knew once he left the room his ears would be assaulted with the noise surrounding them and resume pounding once more, but he couldn't just stay locked in the dressing room for the rest of his life.
As Rei took his time getting up, Kaoru collected his and Rei's bags, meeting him at the door to help walk him out to make sure he didn't get lost or fall on the way out.
The cab ride was silent, but Rei was allowed to rest his head on Kaoru's shoulder to rest, so it felt okay.
(It didn't feel okay, he was reminded of the crushing feeling in his heart at Kaoru rejecting him. How could he reject Rei and then be this nice to him? Rei was confused, was he supposed to feel special or not? Kaoru hardly helped other people, so why help Rei?
At least the marks on Kaoru's neck had faded by then.)
Rei fell asleep in the cab, apparently, because the next time he opened his eyes he was on a bed and face-to-face with… dark fabric? He couldn't tell, so he closed his eyes again, trying to fall back into the calm slumber he'd been in previously.
The bed shifted. Rei slowly realized that Kaoru had been leaning over him, and he was lucky that the boy didn't see him wake up briefly.
He felt hands running through his hair, and soon, a pair of lips pressing to his forehead. "I like you, too." Kaoru said, his voice quieter than it had ever been. It was obvious that he still thought Rei was asleep, and Rei didn't want to alert Kaoru that he'd heard the words, but it was shocking.
Why did he say no? Why did he reject Rei? Why did he deny liking Rei, when he really did? Why did he lie?
Kaoru got up from the bed, the mattress creaking as he did so, despite Rei continuing to lay still on the bed. He left, not bothering to say anything as he did so, presuming he thought Rei was asleep.
He had to have. There was no way he'd say such a thing knowing Rei was awake.
…But why did he do it in the first place? Why did he say such words accompanied by the most gentle touch Rei had felt in years?
-
The next morning, before school, Rei pulled out the box from under his bed. He carefully sorted through the papers before pulling out the song he wrote about his feelings for Kaoru.
Rei wanted to show this to Kaoru, to confront him about last night. Why lie to him at first if he returned Rei's feelings?
It was hard to find Kaoru at school, mostly due to them being in separate classes, but at lunchtime he found Kaoru alone on the roof. Kaori sat on one of the benches as he scrolled through something on his phone, not yet noticing that someone else had joined him up there. The weight of the lyrics felt like a brick in Rei's bag, but all he had to do was get rid of them.
"Kaoru-kun, how interesting to find you up here," Rei hummed, putting on a smile as he walked closer.
"I could say the same for you - don't you hate the sun?" Kaoru asked, suspicion laced through his words.
"That's irrelevant. Regardless, I wanted to give you a song to look over, if you don't mind?" Rei said as he shuffled through his bag, eventually pulling out the familiar sheet music.
"Why not Koga? He helps you with songs more than I can." Kaoru shrugged, finally putting his phone away in his pocket.
"Oh, sure, he helps with the music itself. Now, I need help looking over some lyrics, if you don't mind?" Rei asked, trying to ignore his heart pounding in his chest as he handed over the sheets to a confused-looking Kaoru.
"I mean - I guess I can?" Kaoru responded, and the papers were finally out of Rei's hands.
"I must give you my sincerest thanks, Kaoru-kun, let me know your thoughts after you've read it!" Rei said with a cheerful clap of his hands before turning to leave, both to get out of the sun and to get away from Kaoru.
Now, he just had to make it through the rest of the day while waiting for Kaoru to come find him again. Time was going by painfully slow, and Rei felt like he might actually faint from how hard his heart was beating in his chest. He'd just handed over the inner-workings of his brain and his heart, and he was terrified.
Kaoru came to find him after class as Rei was sitting there and working on his class journal. A few other 3-B students were lingering around, either chatting or busy with homework and other various tasks.
"Sakuma, can we talk for a sec?" Kaoru asked, following the knock on the door to get his attention. Rei nodded and stood up shakily, leaving his things behind as he made an effort to not break down from the stress he'd caused himself with this situation.
He trailed behind Kaoru as the blonde led them somewhere, neither of them saying a word until they eventually got to an empty classroom - Kaoru had probably checked before he came to get Rei, so he knew they'd have a place to talk privately.
"What did you think of the song?" Rei asked, watching as Kaoru dug through his bag to get it out.
"It was good." Kaoru said simply. Rei was terrified, what did that mean? He'd just read through what was essentially a love confession to him through song, and he said it was good?
"...Anything else?" Rei said, voice trembling as he spoke, accepting the papers when Kaoru handed them back.
"Rei." Kaoru said seriously to get his attention, making eye contact with the black haired boy. "I liked it, okay?"
"You… Liked it? Did you even read it?" Rei scoffed, very confused by the conversation.
"Yes, that's why we're alone right now." Kaoru responded, a warm smile on his face.
Rei looked at him for a few seconds, not saying anything as he collected his thoughts before speaking with quiet words, "I thought you said you didn't like me, though."
"Geez, is it that hard to believe I lied?" Kaoru laughed nervously, cheeks reddening as he was caught. "I do like you, okay? I was just scared."
(Scared, because Rei isn't normal; because Rei is too much to deal with, and Kaoru knows he doesn't want that.)
"What is there to be scared of?" Rei asked carefully, pushing his thoughts away.
"We're both boys, you know. I've never even liked a guy before you, so this is weird - how are people going to react? Idols can hardly be in relationships normally, let alone like this. I do like you, I promise." Kaoru explained, and Rei hugged the sheet music to his chest.
It wasn't because he was weird, it was because he was a boy.
"I'm sorry, I know it's a difficult situation." Rei nodded, not sure of what else to say.
"Don't be? I mean, if I'm willing to risk my career for a girl, then why not do the same for you?" Kaoru explained, and Rei felt shocked. With how this conversation was going, he'd honestly been expecting Kaoru to reject him.
"You... what?" Rei asked, in shock.
"I like you, Rei. I want to take that risk to be with you." Kaoru responded, and Rei felt like he was going to explode, actually. All of his emotions were rising to the top, rushing to his head and he was having far too many thoughts to process any of them. "Here, I'll prove it."
And then he kissed Rei.
And they were kissing, in an empty classroom where anyone could walk in, with the orange hues of the sunset reflecting onto them through the windows.
Rei dropped his papers in shock, noting to pick them up later as he used his now-free hands to cup Kaoru's cheeks and draw him in closer. He felt hands on his waist, a welcomed pressure accompanied by Kaoru's chapped lips on his.
They were still just in an empty classroom, though, so Rei pulled away upon remembering that fact.
"So, boyfriend?" Rei asked, hopeful, as he rested his head on Kaoru's shoulder.
"Boyfriend." Kaoru confirmed, running his hands through Rei's hair as the papers filled with Rei's feelings surrounded them on the floor.
Rei was glad that Kaoru was willing to make that sacrifice for him, as Kaoru was the first person to properly treat him like a human deserving of love.
He felt special, and he didn't want the feeling to go away