Archive of Our Own

Taking his esteemed rival out to dinner was certainly an odd way of continuing their little chess game, but Wilbur just knew that he had to pull out all the stops.

It would be a little gauche to take Quackity to his own restaurant, besides there was no indoor seating and his only other employee was dead. He wouldn't be able to properly swoon his rival if he had to be at the grill and making sure that he didn't burn their food. Plus it would add a whole new level of competition to their already rather stacked deck and Wilbur- while he knew that he far surpassed Quackity- didn't exactly want to deal with his food being ripped to shreds.

It wasn't his fault that he couldn't taste for shit, though if it came up then Wilbur could easily use being revived as an excuse. Thus putting the ball in his court and making Quackity have to flounder over apologizing because he brought up Wilbur's unfortunate (but reversed) death, and putting Wilbur in the lead of their little competition.

It would also be unfair for them to have the dinner in one of Quackity's own restaurants, and Wilbur technically was still banned from the entire country. Not that it ever stopped him, but the owners of the restaurant would be legally forced to eject Wilbur. As fun as it would be to run from the cops, Wilbur wanted to properly wine and dine Quackity.

To prove that he was the superior one in their competition, of course, and to win the battle in the war that was their psycho competitive homoerotic relationship.

Tommy said that they were boyfriends, but Wilbur always said that they were far more complicated than just that. They couldn't just be summarized by such a simple phrase.

Quackity may introduce them as boyfriends, but Wilbur knew that they were of one mind when it came to the nature of their relationship. They were rivals after all, and a rivalry couldn't prosper if both participants were equally invested in this.

As Wilbur tightened the bow tie around his neck, he grinned at himself in the reflection. The stitches that he had needed after revival were just a month away from being able to be taken out, and the scar at the smaller ends of them was almost invisible. In just a month, he would no longer look as scary as he did now! Perhaps he could even eat in public without getting stared at by strangers!

Wilbur was rather glad that even after thirteen and a half years of limbo, he hadn't changed physically other than the scars. One of his old suits still fit, though it wasn't in the best shape after moldering away in Pogtopia. But it was enough of a suit that Wilbur could mend it, and that meant that it was enough of a suit for him to wear out on his date.

He wondered, briefly, if Quackity was going to dress up like he was. It would be a nice move if Quackity showed up in his shirt and track pants while Wilbur was in a full blazer and slacks. The photos of them that would be taken- of course they would be taken, Quackity was the president of the country and Wilbur was a rather known figure- would only go to prove Quackity as someone with little care for his appearance and Wilbur as the direct opposite.

Wilbur had told this genius plan to Tommy the night before, but his little brother didn't really seem to understand the full point of the game.

"Wil, I just sounds like you want an excuse to dress up for Big Q." Tommy hadn't even looked at him while he said it, he was busy eating the meal that Wilbur had cooked for him. Even with his inclination to not disappoint Wilbur, the man still noticed how he tried to not grimace at the taste. "Which is fine 'n all- but you should be honest with yourself."

"It has nothing to do with Quackity, Tommy," Wilbur had insisted, but he knew that he had ultimately failed to convince his brother.

Not that it mattered, Tommy could think whatever he liked about Wilbur and Quackity's relationship and it wouldn't change the fact that they are rivals.

Besides, Wilbur wanted to make sure that he'd look the best he could. They were going to a completely neutral restaurant, there would be nothing that would be gained from showing up in his ratty old trench coat, smelling of cigarettes and sadness. So he wore one of his unstained sweaters, a soft dandelion yellow that hadn't been stained with blood or blue, and jeans that weren't ripped all that noticeably.

He wasn't exactly sure why the sight of him made Tommy grin like that, and Tommy refused to elaborate other than saying "Chase your bliss king, go get 'em!" Which was more than a little confusing, honestly. But Wilbur never claimed that he could always understand his brother, and as long as Tommy was both happy and also still talking with him, Wilbur would take any weird comments in stride.

"Hello, my esteemed rival." Wilbur leaned out of the service window of his van, which was the only way out of it ever since Ranboo died with the only set of keys to the van doors. It was a little awkward to fit his entire body through the window, but he had been doing it for a while at this point so he was practiced. He dropped to the ground in a practiced roll and landed at Quackity's feet.

Quackity looked between Wilbur and the opened window. "Is that- really the only way that you can get in and out?"

"Perhaps, but I'm not going to share such secrets of the trade with my competitor." Wilbur grinned, giving Quackity's tie an experimental tug. It was nice and tight, Wilbur could barely dislodge it. "Now, Big Q, where are you going to be taking me tonight?"

"So we're just- just ignoring the window thing okay. Okay." Quackity bobbled his head, the little wings on either side of his head flaring out before settling down. "We are going to McPuffy's, it's not Las Nevadas Territory and it's not...whatever your place is called."

"Pair of Dice," Wilbur supplied, ever so helpfully.

"Yeah, Paradise-"

"-No, Pair of Dice-"

"-That's what I said." Quackity flapped his hand at him, before pausing. There was only a second of motionlessness before he decided that he was going to grab Wilbur's hand.

Wilbur's heart pounded in his chest as he found himself getting dragged after Quackity. For all that skin to skin contact was enough to send him reeling, he couldn't help but needle at the other man. "Are you sure you're not just taking me to McPuffy's because you're a cheap date?"

Quackity huffed out a breath, staying silent so as to not justify Wilbur with a response.

That was fine by him, he could talk without anyone interrupting him.

"Really, Quackity, I thought that after all that we've been through together you would at least go for a bit better than fast food." Wilbur wrinkled his nose, feigning disgust. It wasn't like he could really taste food all that well, and it wasn't like he hated fast food (he ran a fucking burger van after all), but it was very fun to get on Quackity's ass.

"Sorry, I'm a cheap date." Quackity's voice was flat and Wilbur threw his head back and laughed. "Besides, Wilbur, you're banned from a lot of establishments around here, McPuffy's is the only one that's going to let you in the door."

"And, if you would be so clever to remember, the only reason I'm not banned from McPuffy's is because that guy tried to use my military ID to fake being me for a discount." Wilbur sniffed derisively. The situation was mostly funny to him though, especially considering that the guy hadn't even tried to look like him. He showed up in full sonic onesie and tried to use the Wilbur Soot's ID as his own.

"Connor got thrown in jail for that, seems like identity fraud is still illegal even when the ID belongs to a dead terrorist." Quackity knocked his shoulder up against Wilbur's...upper arm.

Without announcing it, or making a big deal about it, he reached down and slipped his hand into Quackity's. It wasn't something they did often, especially not in public with their extremely at odds public personas, but they had done it enough that Wilbur was used to the feeling of Quackity's hand in his. All of the callouses that slotted up against his own, the scars that bisected his palm- crossing over each other and pressing into his hand,- the ring that he never took off despite everything.

"I-" Wilbur started and stopped himself, frowning a little. He wasn't sure if he wanted to start off the night with emotional vulnerability. It could set the wrong tone for the entire night if he came out swinging like that. "I'm rather honored that you think I won't get myself kicked out of McPuffy's tonight." A tease was safer than exposing his delicate underbelly.

"Oh no I think you'd absolutely get yourself kicked out, I'm just putting my money on you taking enough time that we can eat least have a meal." Quackity laughed- which was one of Wilbur's most favored sounds. He would never admit it to the man, not unless he was heavily inebriated or high out of his mind, but he liked being able to make the other man laugh.

"That sounds like a challenge, Quackity, are you challenging me?" Wilbur leaned over him, knocking their sides together as he draped himself over the shorter man. "Do you want me to try and get us kicked out before we finish eating?"

"I said get yourself kicked out, not both of us." Quackity shoved at Wilbur, pushing him off of him. "I'm going to be the one stuck paying the bill."

"Well now that's just insulting, Quackity-" Wilbur drew out the vowel at the end of his name- "Thinking that I would be so cruel as to rob our server of their hard earned tips. I don't know who you think I am, but I support those who are in the service industry. The fact that you think I would be complicit in the wage theft that happens to waiters and waitresses and servers is disgusting."

Quackity leveled him with an annoyed look, but said nothing. His grip tightened on Wilbur's hand as he tugged him forward, but all Wilbur could focus on was the cool band of metal burning into his skin. Despite whatever that had happened between Quackity and his fiances, he still never took that damned ring off. Wilbur knew that the two rings from Karl and Sapnap lay in his bedside table, still on the necklace, but that didn't explain why he wore his.

Wilbur wasn't jealous about it, of course. There was nothing for him to get jealous of. What was there to be jealous of? A failed relationship that Quackity was still hanging onto in a way that he never did with Schlatt? A failed marriage that was a burning wreck but Quackity still put so much of his trust in despite all signs pointing to it only ending in further pain for everyone involved?

Absolutely nothing for Wilbur to concern himself with.

"You haven't gotten kicked out of this one, and I would really- really appreciate it if you didn't get us kicked out until we've actually eaten." Quackity rubbed his thumb across the back of Wilbur's hand, a nervous tick of his that had been there during whatever they were while Wilbur was exiled from Manburg. Whatever Quackity had planned for their rival's dinner, it was important.

At the very least, it was important enough for Wilbur to not immediately get them kicked out and ruin whatever Quackity wanted to say. Perhaps Wilbur would finally be unbanned from the country- which would certainly make getting into Quackity's office to annoy him much easier. As it was, with his ban still in place, Wilbur had to sneak into the country and then go on the backstreets all the way to the casino and hotel. At this point he was usually caught by either Sam or Foolish, who would physically pick him up and throw him across the river back to his van, but sometimes he managed to time it right. Which was when he would kick his boots off so that he was in the best situation for scaling the wall.

With his hooves out, he could easily find the small cracks in the wall and pull himself up. At this point, he usually wasn't seen and he could go about his plan normally. One time, though, he was seen by Sam and forcibly dislodged via trident. His ribs still gave him grief on rainy days, but such was the price of doing incredibly stupid tasks to get Quackity's attention. But that was only the one time, most of the time Wilbur was able to scale up the side of the wall until he could perch on the slim windowsill and jimmy the window open.

Sometimes Quackity would already be in his office, sometimes Wilbur would have to kill time until he entered. Either way, it always ended the same way. With Wilbur killing any plans Quackity had to get work done and instead he would be spending the rest of the day talking to Wilbur. Sometimes it was banter, sometimes they argued until both of them had reopened old wounds, one memorable time they had gotten drunk and talked honestly for the first in forever.

But if he was allowed into the country freely, then he wouldn't need to go through all of that effort of sneaking in. He would be able to go to Quackity's office like any other member of the city and be able to annoy him the good old fashioned way.

Besides, if Wilbur was going to be honest with himself, if it was important to Quackity then he wouldn't ruin the night. Beyond any of their rivalry or competition, Wilbur thought rather highly of the man. He would never say it, of course, but he had to respect Quackity for everything that he had been through. Schlatt and everything that came from him, whatever was going on with Sapnap and Karl; lesser men would have broken apart.

Despite the scar that blinded one eye, Quackity kept going.

Sometimes Wilbur felt like he was caught in Quackity's orbit. Not always, but sometimes the way that the man spoke drew Wilbur in and he had to keep catching himself from leaning in. They smoked together, only ever on the balcony of the Needle or in the side alley behind the Casino. Quackity liked to keep his vices hidden to everyone but Wilbur, and Wilbur was (of course) banned in the city.

Not even being seen with the president-owner-runner of Las Nevadas would stop Sam from kicking him out, unfortunate but the truth. Wilbur could count on his hand how many times Sam had seen him smoking with Quackity and threw him over his shoulder to carry him out. He had to finish his cigarette while bouncing on the shoulder of a massive creeper hybrid, which was not Wilbur's preferred method.

(Of course, he was halfheartedly attempting to quit smoking. Extremely halfheartedly. He wanted to but at the same time he really, truly did not.)

"I promise." Wilbur held a hand over his heart and raised the other one. "I'll wait for whatever pitch you have to give me before I begin to act out."

Quackity huffed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, okay, sure whatever." He sounded annoyed, perhaps at Wilbur's glib tone, but he didn't let go of his hand which Wilbur was counting as a win.

Wilbur knew he had a smile on his face- he could feel the slight ache of his cheeks that usually sprung up when he spent time with Quackity- but he couldn't make himself stop. Quackity didn't seem all that worried about Sam or Foolish seeing Wilbur and throwing them out; a fact that made Wilbur rather positive that he was going to be formally accepted into the country.

The walk to McPuffy's wasn't all that long or hard, even for Wilbur. After Limbo and revival, his physical abilities had taken a very sharp drop off. It wasn't like Wilbur was particularly capable before, but being in full stasis for thirteen years did not do him any favors. However, there was one of the chain restaurants just a little ways out from Las Nevadas.

The color scheme had been changed to something a lot more red and white, but Wilbur brushed that fact off. He had no idea what was in in terms of design, and it wasn't like he entirely gave a single shit about it. The food was passable and they had indoor seating which meant that Quackity and him could sit in a booth together. That was all that Wilbur really cared about.

Even if the poor hostess was staring at him like he was about to pull a comically large stick of lit dynamite out of his pocket and blow the entire place to kingdom come. Quackity cleared his throat to get her attention back on him.

"Booth for two please?" He had on his showman's smile, the one that stretched wide enough to show off his gold tooth. The hostess's eyes kept drifting off to Wilbur's face, even as she picked up two menus and utensil sets.

"Oh- uh- yeah- sure follow me." She kept starting and stopping, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights as she made sure to keep a few steps ahead of Wilbur at all time. Unsurprisingly, she led them to the back of the restaurant. Tucked away behind a wall so they weren't visible from the entrance, or visible at all unless people knew to look for them.

Quackity looked a little put off, the barest furrow to his brow that Wilbur found absolutely handsome (not that he was exactly looking that closely, of course). Wilbur, however, graciously nodded towards the hostess as he slipped into the booth. He made sure that he was on the side of the booth that meant he was absolutely invisible to anyone who wasn't directly in front of their table.

His rival had a little frown on his face, eyes furrowed more as he sat down across from Wilbur. Their hostess set down their menus and utensils fast, as though spending any prolonged time around Wilbur was going to cause her to go mad or something.

"Your server will be with you shortly!" Her voice peaked in a squeak as she sped away, leaving a metaphorical cloud of dust behind her.

Wilbur was used to it.

He turned to Quackity, supporting his face with a hand as he grinned at him. "So, you had something you wanted to tell me?"

Quackity jolted, turning away from where he had tracked the hostess. "I- uh, how about we wait for a little bit? Let's eat first." He nodded his head, reaffirming something to himself as he drummed his fingers on the sticky table top. "How have you been, have you been good?"

Wilbur blinked at him. Neither of them were a fan of small talk, and Quackity had once told Wilbur that he'd rather be shot than make it while there was something important going on. "I've been- fine? Quackity I thought there was something important that you wanted to discuss." If there wasn't a reason for them to be in McPuffy's, then Wilbur would have far preferred to just stay in Quackity's office and have their usual routine there.

He didn't go out often, mostly because of the fact that he would have to climb through the drive through window and didn't want to have to do that so many times. There was also the fact that he wasn't allowed in Las Nevadas and they were a good walk away from any other country with people. And the fact that people didn't really seem to like him at best, and openly fear and deride him at worst.

Sure he had a few off color patches of skin and some light scarring from where the stitches had been taken out. Sure he had a persistent limp- but he had had that during his presidency and people didn't seem to hate him back then. At least, not as openly as they did now.

Sometimes it was just better to stay in his burger van and have his only human contact be the odd customer who only came to order a burger on a dare or Quackity himself or Tommy.

"No- No I want to be here. I'm hungry." Quackity didn't look Wilbur in the eyes and fiddled with his ring.

Wilbur's heart sank.

Even in the best of times, he wasn't a fan of being reminded that he was technically the other man in Quackity's relationship. He wasn't sure if Quackity had even properly broken it off with the other two or if he was just doing all of this while still being technically engaged to them. He was a bit of a hypocrite, considering that no matter how discomforting it was to think about, Wilbur wasn't really going to stop doing whatever this was with Quackity.

Even if Sapnap and Karl showed up, Wilbur didn't think he'd do anything other than momentarily hide himself away and then return whenever the two had left. For as much as he liked to think of himself as a good person, Wilbur was also pretty sure that good people didn't help other people cheat on their fiances.

Maybe it had finally become too much for Quackity and he was going to call things off. Wilbur would of course respect him entirely, even if he didn't respect his engagement he had more than enough respect for Quackity as a person. He would gracefully accept the breaking off of whatever they had and would merely pay for their food before climbing back into his burger van and having himself a good old cry fest in the back of it.

Perhaps the best thing for him would be to eat light here and be able to make himself something more at the van.

With only the barest amount of polite interest, Wilbur looked at the menu. It was the typical diner-fast food chain fare, nothing that Wilbur couldn't make a thousand times better at his own restaurant but he supposed he was also paying for the fact that he wouldn't have to make it himself. He knew that none of the options wouldn't even taste like anything to him. It would all just be vaguely greasy and perhaps a little too crispy in his mouth.

But that was fine, he was planning on paying anyway so he could probably just choose the cheapest thing.

He flipped the menu over, drumming his free hand on the table top as he tried to pretend that he wasn't five seconds away from panicking. Quackity could be wining and dining him just to break off their rivalry and leave him in the dust. Worst case scenario he could go after Foolish. He was an attractive man, could definitely give Wilbur a run for his money and while there wouldn't be the natural rivalrous spark that there was between him and Quackity, Wilbur was pretty sure that he could do something to get the other man incensed.

Wilbur had found that he was rather good at pissing people off.

Quackity and him waited in deadly awkward silence for a few moments as they waited for their server to come back. Wilbur wasn't sure how to approach the fact that he knew what was coming without ruining what Quackity clearly wanted to be a gentle let down. He couldn't stop himself from staring at Quackity's hands, at the slight divots in his hand from old wounds that never fully filled out. At the callouses that Wilbur was rather familiar with feeling against his skin.

"Wilbur, I-" Quackity paused, pressing his knuckles against his lips as he tried to think of how to continue. A few more seconds of silence- aside from the noise coming from the rest of the restaurant- before Quackity picked back up. "You know that you're important to me, right?"

Well it was a little early for Wilbur's taste, he had at least figured that Quackity would let them get their food ordered first before starting with the gentle let down. On the other hand, he was rather thankful that he was being let down gently at all. Quackity easily could have had him more strongly banned from the country. Even if he was banned at the moment, getting just thrown out wasn't the harshest way to deal with that.

If he was really and truly banned, then he was sure that Sam or Foolish would have properly threatened his life. As it was, being banned just added a little extra flavor to their relationship.

"Yes, I know that," Wilbur said patiently. He did know, but he didn't know how important. It could be equal to the importance of the entire country, or equal to a gift card that was mostly spent.

"Good, that's good." Quackity fiddled with his outfit, pulling a small coin out of his pocket to flip it over and over. Wilbur's eyes tracked the gold coin in the air, instincts going on overdrive to the point where he was tempted to snatch it out of the air. Dying had taken an absolute sledgehammer to his ability to keep any of his instincts under the lock and key that he had maintained for almost his entire life. "Just checking."

"Quackity..." Wilbur sighed, rubbing at the side of his face. "What's going on here?"

Before Quackity could even say what the purpose of this meeting was, their server finally arrived.

Wearing the uniform of McPuffy's- a rather unfortunate combination of bright red and white with rainbow accoutrements- she was almost entirely unremarkable. Small spikes stuck out of her forehead and instead of ears, there were frilled fins sticking out of the side of her head. Guardian hybrid then. "Oh- uh! Hello and welcome to McPuffy's, are you ready to order?"

"I'll have the number six meal, no sauce and water." It was one of the cheaper options. Wilbur wasn't incredibly hungry and he didn't want to waste his own money when he seemed to be wasting his own time as well.

A brief frown twitched Quackity's lips down before he turned the coin back and forth between two fingers. "I'll get a number five, coke and ketchup." He grabbed Wilbur's menu along with his and handed it off to their server before she even asked for them.

"I'll- get that right to you?" Cetus- as her name tag read- flashed them an awkward smile, even as her voice pitched up in confusion. She sped walked away, leaving them alone in their little alcove of silence.

"Wilbur-  you are- a very hard man to get along with." Before Wilbur could even shoot out some quip about how Quackity really knows how to charm a man, the man cursed and shook his head. "That's not what I mean. I mean- I have been your friend through a lot of shit, yeah? We've been through a lot, you and I."

This was probably one of the more confusing ways Wilbur's ever been told to fuck off, but he was beginning to get a little interested on where it was going.

"Of course I do," Wilbur said, slowly as he leaned back against the padded back of the booth. He looked Quackity up and down, trying to see if he could visibly tell where the source of this sudden anxiety was coming from. From the twirling of the ring to bringing out the coin to flip it, Wilbur could read him like a book.

Maybe it was because they had been friends for a while before Wilbur died, but he found it in no small part reassuring that Quackity was still readable to him. Thirteen years in Limbo meant that he was expecting everything to have changed and left him behind, only to come into the world just a mere six months after he had left it. Things had changed- oh how things had changed- but there were some constants.

Quackity was one of his favorite constants.

His rival's shoulders loosened, dipping down into a gentle slope as he let out a relieved breath. "I don't say it enough, we have this rivalry but I don't actually- take the time to say it."

The words were very familiar to Wilbur and he couldn't stop himself from chuckling. "Did Tommy tell you to say that to me?" It was mostly a tease, but Wilbur had his suspicions. Tommy had recently started up therapy again- something that Wilbur was genuinely very relieved for. As much as he loved his little brother he wasn't foolish enough to think that he could help Tommy with the things that had happened to him.

(Especially when Wilbur had been one of those things that had happened- though he always did allow Tommy to drag him to therapy occasionally so they could talk about everything that had happened in Pogtopia. Their issues were a little more complicated than any one session could solve, but Tommy seemed a lot lighter after they had talked about their issues and had put everything out in the open.

Wilbur wasn't sure how much the talking helped him, but if it made Tommy feel better than it was worth taking a few hours out of his day every now and then.)

Quackity blanched and then went red. "What? No that's not what happened, Tommy had nothing to do with why I wanted to go out with you today." He moved his hands around, gesticulating wildly with a distinct twitch in his right index finger.

He was lying to him. It wasn't a large lie and it wasn't important- there would be more tells if it was- but Tommy absolutely had something to do with what was going to happen today.

Wilbur's stomach flipped in his stomach, lips twitching with the urge to grimace. He had assumed that Tommy was at least somewhat approving of his rivalry with Quackity, with all that he would joke about them kissing, or being boyfriends. Knowing that Tommy liked Quackity and got along with him well, that meant that he didn't think that Wilbur was worthy of being the other man's rival.

(It hurt to think about, but Wilbur couldn't fault his little brother for that.)

"Of course he doesn't," Wilbur drawled, openly not believing but not exactly challenging him. "So why don't you tell me why you wanted to see me today?"

Once again, Quackity was interrupted by their poor server.

Cetus was holding a tray laden with their food baskets, balancing it as well as she could with her tail flicking behind her to offset the weight. Her earfins were flattened against the sides of her head as she set the tray down and began to put the baskets in front of them. "I hope you two enjoy your meal, have a great-" Cetus stopped herself- probably before she could wish them a good day while they were still in the restaurant- and sped away with a squeak.

"I don't think she's being paid enough," Wilbur commented idly, dragging his food towards him despite not being really all that hungry. "No one ever is in these sorts of jobs."

"Does that include Ranboo?" Quackity scoffed, cracking his fingers as he did the same. "At the very least I pay Tubbo almost fifteen an hour."

Wilbur grinned like a shark smelling blood. "Only fifteen? Here I thought he had a manager's position. Ranboo wasn't even that and he got at least twenty five, plus a forty five minute break." It was the best sort of challenge between them, Wilbur was rather proud about how well he paid his single employee.

(Even if Ranboo was also mostly paid for the fact that whenever Wilbur would take a nap outside and the moss would grow over him, he would weed whack it off of him. Wilbur missed him, especially because he no longer was able to take naps outside without getting reclaimed by the earth.)

Quackity opened his mouth, a little sneer on his lips before it dropped. He dragged a hand over his face, scrubbing it at his features as he scoffed. "I'm not letting you do this- I'm trying to do something serious. We're going to have an actual conversation and we're not going to get into these petty fights."

"Petty fights, is that right Quackity?" Wilbur leaned forward, chuckling slightly as he drummed his fingers on the countertop.

"No. I'm not letting you do this." Quackity sliced his hand through the air, whistling through as he hissed. "I brought you here for something that's really important to me."

Slowly, Wilbur settled back down into his seat in the booth. A bit of a flush on his cheeks as he did his best to quiet down the energy that had risen up in his chest- though as always that came with a sudden lack of any energy in his body. "Alright, what did you want to talk about?"

He picked up his food and began to eat, wanting to get at least a bit through his meal before Quackity ruined his day for the next week or so.

"I haven't had the best luck with love, recently." The non sequitur made Wilbur choke on his bite of his burger. This definitely wasn't starting off the way that Wilbur thought it would. "You were there when I divorced Schlatt, you weren't exactly there for the stuff with Karl and Sapnap but you were there for the end of it. I don't even know what happened to Karl, or why Sapnap chose him over me, but that's what happened."

Wilbur reached out, hesitantly settling his hand over top of Quackity's. He wasn't sure how this was going to end anymore, but he figured that it might be for the best to not ruin things if he didn't have to.

Quackity swallowed harshly, fingers on his free hand twitching slightly. "What we have had over these past few months have been some of the best months of my life. You are an incredible man, Wilbur. You're intelligent and funny and sharper than anyone I've had this sort of connection with."

Now, it wasn't that Wilbur didn't enjoy getting laden with praise by attractive men, but he had no idea where this was going. Even less so than before, it had quickly veered off of the track that he thought it was going down. While the trajectory seemed to be going up, he couldn't be positive.

"That's very kind, Quackity." His voice pitched up at the end, almost sounding confused as he chewed on his lip. "What's brought this on?"

"Would it surprise you to figure out that I talked with Tommy?" A weak laugh and Quackity withdrew his hand to slump further into the booth. "He just sort of- had this whole spiel about time and life and seizing the moment and I think he was mostly talking to himself- but that didn't mean that I didn't get something from it. You know?" He tilted his head up towards Wilbur, prosthetic eye flashing all the signs of a slot machine at him.

"I think I do." And truly, it warmed his heart. Wilbur would almost certainly put money on him finally being allowed to walk through the glitzy streets of Las Nevadas without having to worry about diving away from Sam or Foolish.

"Okay, even if we both know where this is going, I still want to say everything I have prepared." Quackity laughed, a little frantic. "You're really important to me Wilbur and I'd like to be able to call you something that makes it clear how important you are to me." Quackity's face was open, for once. All honesty and excitement and something that Wilbur could only describe as hope.

Wilbur maybe be utterly and completely confused on what exactly Quackity was getting at, but he didn't want to crush that hope. He let a little bit of a bemused smile creep onto his lips as he tilted his head to the side, reaching forward to lay his open hands on the table. Ready and waiting for Quackity to hold them,

Quackity stared at him for a few seconds, trying to get a read on what Wilbur's silence meant before nodding his head and slowly twisting off his wedding ring. He took a steadying breath before gently taking Wilbur's hand and lifting it up slightly. Every second that passed was another layer of confusion that was weighing Wilbur's shoulders down.

"Wilbur Soot," Quackity began, with all the gravitas of someone announcing war. "You are one of the most important people in my life and past few months with you have been nothing less than wonderful. You may think that I'm being too hasty, but I've never let that stop me before. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Wilbur's jaw dropped open, his eyes flying wide as he scanned Quackity's face for any evidence that this was a prank. "That sounds- well Quackity you're a very attractive mind- I'm honored-" He flipped through several different sentence starters before landing on the one that really got to the meat of the issue. "Wouldn't we have to be dating first? In order to get married."

Now it was Quackity's turn to be agape.

"You're joking right?" His voice was flat, a little scowl beginning to turn his lips downwards.

Before Quackity could think that Wilbur was being crueler than he was, Wilbur pressed his free hand against his chest. "Swear on my beating heart, Big Q. I've only been married twice before and even those two dumpster fire relationships had a brief bout of dating."

Wilbur could visibly see Quackity discard the idea of questioning what the second relationship was.

"Wilbur we've been dating for the past few months."

"I think I would know if we were dating, Quackity. We just had a very fierce rivalry."

"Rivalry?" Quackity let out a startled laugh, slumping back in the booth and scrubbing at his face. No longer did he look like he was about to jump into a yelling match, but he was looking at Wilbur like he was an idiot. "Wilbur you've been consistently showing up to my office every day to hang out with me. You would climb the wall just to come and spend time with me. We've spent hours walking around and talking with each other, I've openly called you more handsome than my exes! What did you think we were doing?"

The words died in Wilbur's throat as he suddenly realized that he had been caught in one of his more stupid moments of absolute obliviousness.

"I had thought that we were something along the lines of a rivalry." Even to his own ears the words sounded weak and he couldn't hold Quackity at fault with how he fell into hysterical cackling.

Quackity set the gold band on the table top so he could bury his hands in his dark hair and tug at it. His laughing turned a tad more self-deprecating until he was groaning into the palms of his hands. He shook his head, grumbling under his breath to himself.

Wilbur grimaced a little- though he tried to turn it into a reassuring smile- as he reached out and patted Quackity on the shoulder. "I know I probably just ruined your entire plans for the day, but well-" He paused for a second, teetering on the ledge of a decision. Deciding to dive right on in, Wilbur continued- "I wouldn't be exactly opposed to marrying you."

He jolted up, head snapping up so fast that Wilbur was surprised he didn't hear something crack. "I thought you said that you didn't think we were dating."

He shrugged his shoulders, feeling his cheeks go ablaze. "Well it's not like this would be the weirdest way that I've entered into a marriage, and it's not like you're not a very attractive man who I hold no small amount of affection for. If what I thought was rivalry was your idea of dating, then I don't see any reason that we couldn't get married. Might be nice to have a wedding."

"I thought you said you'd been married twice."

"Yes, well-" Wilbur flicked a hand dismissively, the other reaching across the table and taking one of Quackity's- "Sally didn't exactly understand what a wedding was, she had her own customs that we had followed. That was also during a very awkward time in my life- so there wasn't anyone from my side in attendance. My first husband- well that's a story that I don't quite want to get into."

"You've had a husband?" Quackity's voice pitched up to the point where one of the tables further into the lobby of McPuffy's looked over at them.

Wilbur waved his hand, gently hushing his- fiance? "Yes of course I've had a husband before, but I think we'll need to be married first before I tell you that story."

"You son of a bitch."

"Son of a fridge, actually," Wilbur corrected, grinning. He had been grinning so much that day that his cheeks were beginning to feel sore from the stretch. Quackity delivered a quick kick to his shin and the two turned back to their food.

McPuffy's may be good hot, but if they let it sit for too long then it would become far too congealed to be anything other than trash. Wilbur was already planning on paying for the entire meal after the awkward ordeal of their fast tracked relationship. It was the least he could do, really.

But even as they ate, Wilbur couldn't stop himself from analyzing every piece of their relationship in the past few months from the angle that Quackity had been in love with him. Hindsight may be 20/20, but Wilbur needed prescription lenses. It was clear now that he looked for it that Quackity was in love with him. From the way that he had always seemed to put up with some of Wilbur's stupider plans to get his attention to the way that he had literally asked Wilbur if he wanted to go out with him.

(In Wilbur's defense for the last point, he had thought that Quackity meant it literally.)

It also added context to the way that Tommy would always refer to the two of them as boyfriends. Wilbur had just thought he was being a shithead younger brother, but it seemed like Wilbur was the last person to find out about his own relationship. Not exactly the most flattering fact about him- and he knew that it was going to be spread everywhere once Tommy caught wind of that.

It was beginning to slowly turn around from embarrassing to hilarious, especially since it turned out rather well for Wilbur. He got a fiance out of it, and a boyfriend retroactively as well.

"I'm-" Quackity swirled his drink, the ice clinking together with no liquid left. "I'll be honest when I set out today expecting to propose I wasn't expecting this."

"How do you think I feel? I just found out I've had a boyfriend for the past number of months and I didn't even know!" Wilbur nodded his head towards the gold band on the table. "I am, however, rather disappointed that you were going to propose with your own wedding band. What, am I not good enough for a proper engagement ring? Is your casino failing and thus you couldn't afford one?" Wilbur laughed until Quackity kicked him in the shin again.

His cheeks were a flaming red (again, Wilbur found him rather handsome) and he rolled his eyes. "Well I was actually planning on giving you a proper public engagement after making sure that you wanted to marry me."

Something warmed unfathomably deep in Wilbur's chest at the thought of having Quackity show his affections publicly. He had always figured (before finding out that they had been dating the entire time) that if they ever were to date then Quackity would want to keep it private. It's not like most people would want to brag about being romantically entangled with the server's resident zombie ex-terrorist ex-president small business owner.

He stumbled his way over a few words, heart beating behind his ribs and making the barely healed slash in his chest ache. "That- well I certainly wouldn't mind a public proposal."

"Are you feeling okay, Wilbur? You do look awfully red..." Quackity grinned at him, smug and teasing as he ever was as he slowly laced their fingers together and rubbed circles on Wilbur's knuckles.

"I look absolutely fine, I think you're just seeing the reflection of your own face in my glasses." Wilbur scoffed, rolling his eyes but not removing his hand from Quackity's.

"Are-" Wilbur almost jumped out of his skin as he heard their server approach their table- "Sorry about that, sir. I just wanted to know if you guys were ready to pay?" Cetus looked between the two of them, her brows furrowed over her eyes as she tried to figure out exactly what their deal was.

"Oh, yeah we'll take the check, thanks." As Quackity spoke, Wilbur kept his eyes on Cetus. It only took a few seconds before her eyes were widening and her cheeks were going a light teal as she nodded her head.

"I'll be right back with that then!" Cetus grinned a bit too wide and sped off, and though Wilbur couldn't hear the words he could hear that she was talking very fast to some of her coworkers.

Looks like they wouldn't even have to wait for Tommy to find out before the rumor of them being together was spread.

Wilbur made a mental note to tell Tommy the second that he had a chance so his brother wouldn't get on his ass for not telling him first.

"So, uh- are you actually giving me your wedding ring or did you just want that to be a symbol?"

Instead of saying anything, Quackity decisively picked Wilbur's hand up and slid the cool gold band onto his left ring finger. Wilbur could feel his eyes dilate as he stared at the golden band. His long buried instincts screamed in joy and Wilbur had to stop himself from jolting out of the booth to kiss Quackity on the lips. Something valuable, both in meaning and material worth, being given to him- and it was gold?

Wilbur was over the moon, though he would never admit to it. He didn't think he had actually held gold since pre-L'Manburg times. In L'Manburg he was too busy with being a president and during Pogtopia they had been too poor. It certainly wasn't gold of this quality and affection.

"Now, I think it might be about time for you and I to go back to my office." Quackity grinned at him, head tilted and eyes openly affectionate. If this was how Quackity had been staring at him for the past few months, Wilbur was definitely a lot more oblivious than he thought he was. There was so much affection within him and he wasn't sure if he just never noticed or if he subconsciously ignored it.

"I thought you didn't want to leave without paying. Is the good president of this company suggesting that we dine and dash?" Even as he spoke, Wilbur's hands moved to pat down his various pockets to try and find where he was keeping the loose diamonds and bills. There were a few diamonds in the pocket by his thigh, and a rolled up tube of money in the inner left pocket of his trench coat.

(He really needed to reorganize his pockets- he thinks that one of them held the original declaration of independence or some other primary document because he had just never bothered to take it out.)

"Of course not. I'm just saying that I think that we should just leave money and then walk out, assuming we paid enough." Quackity pulled out his wallet and began to leaf through the bills.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting money out, I just told you that we're not dine and dashing, you're not going to be able to convince me-"

"-No I mean, I'm not letting you pay!" Wilbur laughed, bringing out his collection of money. "People still take diamonds right? Yeah, of course they would. But- Quackity, my esteemed rival, my fiance-" he absently noted that Quackity's face flushed at the endearment- "I am not letting you pay."

"Wilbur I was the one who asked you out, I pay. That's how this works."

"Well, I don't know if you can tell but it's been a good few years since I've been in the dating market." Wilbur didn't look at Quackity as he arranged the bills and leafed out what he figured would cover two meals as well as a little tip for their server. "I am going to be paying as a way of making it up to you for the fact I didn't notice that we were dating."

"You don't need to make it up to me!" Quackity scoffed as he began to lay the bills on the table.

Wilbur responded in kind, but made sure to set his bills down with a lot more force. "Yes I do, apparently I've been wasting the past few months without properly dating you and I need to pay for that." He was absolutely not going to let this die.

He could have been kissing Quackity this entire time and he was only just now finding that out. He could at the very least pay the- the what, twenty five bucks for their order?

And then when they got back to Quackity's office perhaps he would be able to make up for some lost time.

"You're not paying," Quackity said, as though Wilbur was just going to let that go. "I invited you out-"

"-that doesn't matter-"

"-I invited you to dinner, and I proposed. The cost of the dinner falls on me. Besides-" A grin curled his lips, making the scar rippled and gleam in the flourescent lights- "I don't think your business is doing that well, are you sure that you'd be able to cover it?"

Wilbur paused, eyes going wide before narrowing. "Quackity H.Q. are you fucking kidding me?"

Quackity grinned wider at him, gold tooth glinting in the light. "Why would I be kidding? We're dating after all, of course I'm concerned about the state of your business. It's just you working there now and I know that you haven't really been working the stand. After all you've been spending all of your time at my house which means that you couldn't be running your shop."

And now, Quackity had a point.

Wilbur would never admitted that he had a point but he did. After losing his sole employee, Wilbur had only stayed at the van because he didn't want to live with his father at the ripe age of 26-42. It was also very warm in the van, and Wilbur could always easily get food whenever he was hungry. But even before Ranboo died, it wasn't like Pair of Dice was particularly popular. People only visited it just to see if it was really run by Wilbur Soot.

However, Wilbur would sooner let himself be shot and killed in front of his little brother before he let Quackity know that.

"You have absolutely no idea if I hired a new worker or not-"

"-I know you didn't, Tommy told me."

Well there went that plan of fantastically lying to his rival- his fiance, Wilbur corrected himself.

There was a giddy sort of glee that filled up his chest like a balloon being inflated. He had a fiance, completely skipping all of the awkward dating steps because he was convinced that he just had the world's best rival. He had a fiance.

Still, just because he was over the moon about the whole being loved by someone who knew his worst moments did not mean that he was going to accept Quackity insulting his business.

"Just because it's a one man show at this point does not mean that I'm in dire financial straits." Really, Wilbur was pretty sure that he was amongst the richest on the server. He had no chance to spend any of his money and just letting it accumulate. Of course, everyone else was also being affected by further war and destruction but his therapist had told him that he needed to look on the bright side of things.

When Wilbur looked up from where he was arranging his money, Quackity was already handing off his own stack to Cetus with a grin.

"Lost your chance, Wilbur," Quackity said, lightly, as he put the remainder of his money away. "Maybe you should have paid a little more attention to your surroundings."

"You motherfucker-" Wilbur hissed out. He stood up before Cetus cleared her throat.

"Sirs, since you're done eating and we're about to enter a lunch rush I will have to request both of you leave this establishment." Despite being noticeably shorter than Wilbur, he still felt himself feel rather cowed by the way that her bright orange eyes stared at him. "Thank you for your patronage, but please. You've already gotten a few reports from the other customers about disruption."

Wilbur was half sure that the disruption being complained about was nothing more than his mere presence but fine. He was working on being more graceful about accepting that people hated him, actually, and this would be a pretty good time to stretch those skills. With a slight nod of his head he gestured for Quackity to stand.

"Perfectly fine with us, we were just about to leave." He attempted his showman's smile- the president's smile- as he nodded his head at Quackity. "Come on, didn't you want to take me to your office."

Quackity narrowed his eyes at Cetus before slowly rising out of his seat. "You're right, Wilbur, we should probably go back to Las Nevadas."

(Once again Wilbur felt like he was in the middle of somewhere with absolutely no context. He knew that people didn't like him, people knew that they didn't like him, and yet here was Quackity acting like it was an affront to Prime Herself that their server was being just a little rude.)

Still, he couldn't really say anything to the contrary as Quackity too him by the hand and dragged him out of the restaurant. The feeling of the cool gold pressing against his own skin was thrilling and new, especially when it came with how Quackity's hand was still in his. The light feeling in his chest didn't go away as he let himself get led to the city proper.

He let himself float a little, looking around the city and finally being able to take in the sights without needing to worry about hiding at any noise. Wilbur was being escorted by the president himself, no one was going to have a leg to stand on if they tried to kick him out. What a wonderful feeling. What a wonderful city. There weren't all too many people about, the sun was far too high in the sky to be anything but a scorcher and most of them had sought refuge in the various shops and casinos and strip clubs that lined the roads of the city.

Which meant that Quackity and he were entirely unimpeded as he was led on the most winding route possible to get to the office. It was a little strange to be in the lobby of the casino, he had never been allowed in and there were far too many cameras for him to want to risk it. Besides, he had the absolutely foolproof plan of climbing up the wall so he didn't even need to enter the lobby in the first place.

The second he stepped in he regretted not even trying.

It was gorgeous, much like the man who built it and worked there. Gilt and gold with obsidian and quartz as a checkered pattern on the floor. Dark stone making up the desks and columns with a few tasteful accents of dark oak wood. Truly, it was one of Quackity's better design choices- Wilbur still hadn't really forgiven him for the atrocity that was the strip club being made out of stripped logs.

Wilbur walked past the desk with Quackity, feeling eyes burn into him and doing his best to ignore it. People would always stare at him, he just had to ignore it. It's what he did in L'Manburg, it's what he failed to do in Pogtopia.

Soon enough the two of them were in the elevator, completely alone and already ascending to Quackity's office.

"You know, this is my first time actually coming to your office the proper way." Wilbur leaned against the wall, one hand gripping the steel bar as he kept himself from falling down. He always hated elevators, always took the stairs whenever it was possible, but he just didn't have the cardio skills to do that anymore. It was one thing to free climb seventy feet and a completely other thing to run up at minimum seven flights of stairs.

Wilbur could do the first thing, he doubted he could do the second.

"Yes, you do seem really attached to ender pearling onto my windowsill."

"What?"

"Y'know-" Quackity shrugged, arching an eyebrow- "how you've been coming up every day?"

"Quackity, I've been climbing the wall outside of your office this entire time. Do you really think that I've been ender pearling this entire time?" He was a little embarrassed, mostly because he hadn't even considered that as an option. His first thought was to free climb the wall and he never rethought himself.

Quackity stared at him, jaw dropped open as he blinked. A surprised laugh that Wilbur didn't really get as he gestured up and down at him. "You? You've been climbing up a sheer wall every day?"

"Is it really that surprising?"

"Wilbur it's insanely fucking impressing that's what it is!" Quackity let out a disbelieving laugh as he closed the distance in between them, caging Wilbur against the wall with his body. Despite their height difference, with Wilbur leaning back and Quackity leaning up they were close enough that their noses bumped. "I don't think I'd be able to free climb that high that consistently. You've really never fell?"

"Not of my own volition, though there was that one time that Sam speared me with a trident." Wilbur winced upon remembering, though all memories of actually getting hurt fled fast as Quackity's hand slipped underneath his trench coat and pressed against where the injury had been.

"So that's where those scars came from," Quackity said, idly rubbing his finger pads against the raised scars that the trident had left. Wilbur couldn't fight the urge to shiver under his fingers. "I'll have to make sure Sam knows that you're allowed to be here, I wouldn't want you losing another life because of him."

"Ah-huh!" Wilbur got out, voice pitching up as Quackity slipped his fingers underneath his sweater to ghost over his actual scars. Despite the way that they had constantly ached and hurt ever since he recovered from them, suddenly all of that fled underneath Quackity's fingers.

Just as he was about to lean down and press their lips together, the doors opened a floor too early. Wilbur turned his head to see that there was a group of businessmen fresh from what seemed to be a very unlucky game of roulette.

To Quackity's credit, he just flashed them a beaming smile and waved his hand. "Sorry, this is occupied!" And then he reached out and pressed the close door button. The chrome doors slid shut on their shocked expressions and Wilbur was left staring at quasi-reflective metal.

That was before- of course- Quackity reached up with his free hand and directed his attention back where it belonged.

"Now, where were we?"