Chapter Text
It was annoying. Everything was. The sound of his own shoe tapping impatiently on the floorboard, the creases on his velvet shirt, the weird waiter smiling at him every two seconds and the purposelessly laid out menu card in front of him was all getting on his nerves.
Sunghoon waited nonetheless. He had risen early in the morning to book and appointment for a haircut, and went shopping with his best mate to dress up well for the evening. And before it was almost sunset, he put on his quartz watch, black boots, and a coffee-coloured overcoat. It was nothing too formal. The place Sunghoon found himself in was none other than your ordinary neighbourhood café.
For the first half of his wait, he was busy observing around. The tables were clean and the place was barely busy. The last batch of students were packing up their books to take their coffees home and study while more working couples saw themselves in for evening dates. The latter half of his wait consisted of those couples walking home, all lusty eyed and mushy towards each other.
Soon, even the staff started taking their leave. One after the other. Until there were only two people left, the smiley waiter (who was a couple years older than him) and Sunghoon himself. He had been very patient. Both had. But their patience was racing to limits when the clock stuck the dark of 10.
'Are you not planning to leave, sir? I need to shut the café.' The waiter smiled at him, hinting at the clock.
'I really should.' Sunghoon sighed.
'Well, that was easy. I assumed you'd be difficult to kick out, given that you've just been sitting there by yourself for two hours now.'
'I was waiting. Your singing kept me entertained.'
'Glad it did. I had really hoped you would make up your mind on one of our great coffees by now. I get paid on that, y'know? I'm about to brew myself a personalized coffee before I pack it up here. Wanna have some before you hit the road?' The waiter finally put the washed trays away and folded his arms.
'No, I'm good.'
'Well since you've hung around this long, please keep me company while I have my drink.'
Sunghoon nodded. He didn't have anything better to do either way. The folds on his forehead relaxed as the waiter hummed a soft tune, pouring himself coffee. Once the waiter was done, he stood by the counter, sipping the hot elixir gently.
'Why don't you have a seat?' Sunghoon gestured to the seat opposite him.
'Oh, no, I can't do that. That seat was supposed to be reserved for someone of your acquaintance tonight, wasn't it?' The waiter blushed.
'What's your name?'
'Heeseung.'
'Cool... uh... I'm Sunghoon.'
'Is this the part where you hand me your business card?' Heeseung raised his brow.
'I wasn't here on business.'
'Ooh, was it a date then? Whomsoever that seat was for missed a good one. Who was it?'
Sunghoon shrugged. The blank expression on his face made Heeseung find his customer very questionable. But he didn't dare to ask. Sunghoon answered it himself though.
'It was supposed to be a blind date. They never showed up. God knows who my friend set me up with.'
'Don't mine me being frank, but either you've got bad luck or a useless friend, if I'm to guess.'
'You're damn right about both.' Sunghoon said. 'Well, not that I'm very upset about it. I was never interested in this anyways. I just came for the sake of it. So, come sit down. I really don't mind.'
'Thanks again for the offer. But a date is still a date. I don't think my son would approve of me sitting there.' Heeseung told him.
'You look too young for a dad.'
'I know right? My son's boyfriend thought I was his brother. Wait, I think my son could've given me a pass on having coffee with you since you're hot. If only I wasn't so attached to his mother.'
'Romantic.' He uttered monotonously, already getting irritated for having such a long conversation.
'Well, Sunghoon, I'm done. I won't hold you back further. Please do come again. Maybe I'll take that seat when you're not here on a date. Ah, just don't come for business though. If it looks like I earn enough to consider selling the cafe, let me tell you, I don't.' Heeseung quickly washed his coffee cup before fidgeting with his keys.
Sunghoon stood up from the table and walked over to the exit, mumbling a quiet 'Maybe.' He waved to Heeseung before going for his car.
Heeseung was probably the only person Sunghoon had held up a non-business relationship with in the last two months, except his best friend Jake. He knew Jake since high school. He got a job which required him to work online. He was only needed to visit his office once every couple month. Which left him all by himself at home for weeks and weeks on the end.
Jake told him that loneliness must've been eating him out, so he often forced Sunghoon out of his house for "a breeze of fresh air". But Sunghoon really was okay with being by himself. He disliked going outside unless he was going to the skating rink. He preferred it when Jake came over with drink and they played on the Xbox indoors.
He was just enjoying his peaceful late night drive home. He was secretly glad that he didn't have to sit through a date he was least interested in. He wanted to make it home as soon as he could. Though his luck didn't seem to have his back at all.
Something bright reflected the light from his car's headlights in the dark. He hurriedly hit the brakes. The car screeched to a halt.
'THE FUCK!' He gasped, feeling his heart jump to his throat.
Sunghoon took a few deep breaths. Then stepped out of his car with his phone's flashlight on. There was another car in front of him. Or at least what looked like it used to be a car at some point in time.
It was in ruins. Must've been a horrible accident. Sunghoon's car wasn't going anywhere with that in the middle of the road. He was just about to dial up a service facility on his phone when his eyes caught onto something else.
A ring lay near his foot. He picked up the shiny jewel. It was a strange blue in colour. Fascinatingly so. However, Sunghoon didn't have time to be fascinated. The ring was covered in blood. Which meant someone was inside those ruins of a car.
He eyed the car nervously. Then looked around. There was no sign of anybody else on that deserted road. He ran towards the ruins and tried to move a few things. Everything was too heavy. He barely managed to pull out a scrap of metal. From behind it, a hand fell out, scaring his wits out of him.
With horror filled in him to the brim, he dialled up 911 on his phone with shaky hands.
'Hello, you've reached 911. What's your emergency?' The receiver's voice echoed.
'H-hello!? Yeah, well, t-there's been an accident here... I-I think someone is inside the car!' Sunghoon breathed out.
'Sir, we are sending an ambulance immediately. Could you describe what it is like there? Did the accident happened from your vehicle?'
'My vehicle? N-no. I was just driving home, through lane three, and there's this car in the middle of the road-... or rather, it used to be a car... it is destroyed now.'
'So, you did not see the accident happen?'
'I didn't.'
'Alright sir, the ambulance will be there in a minute. Are you injured in anyway?'
'No, I'm fine.'
'Would you please wait on the scene for a while?'
'Okay.'
He went back to observing the hand. It was so skeletal; he didn't even want to start thinking about how long the person inside must’ve been there for. He shakily laced his fingers with the hand's. It was warm. Sunghoon's eyes widened. The person was still alive! Just then the blaring siren of the ambulance was heard.
'Hey! Just hold on a little longer. They'll save you.' He said to the person who's hand he was still holding.
Then he went away to signal the ambulance over. The paramedics took hold of the situation. Sunghoon didn't watch them carry the unconscious person on the stretcher.
'Hello sir. You did great by calling us in time. The doctors said that he can still be saved. I'm with the police. We came here to investigate the situation. What is your name?' The officer asked him.
'Park Sunghoon.'
'Alright Mr. Sunghoon. We have already heard that you didn't witness the accident taking place. Our team is accessing the CCTV footage. Is there anything you'd like to share?'
Sunghoon shook his head.
'Then, would you like someone from the team accompany you home? The scene must've shaken you up quite a bit. It was horrifying indeed. Will you be fine?'
He had to admit that he was still shaking in his boots. But right now, the last thing he wanted was people. He was just fine shutting himself inside the house. If they let him make it there of course.
'Uhm, I'll be fine... I want to go home now, if that's okay.'
'Please, go ahead.'
The officer left him alone. Sunghoon sat in the car. He was about to reach for his keys when he realised that the ring was still in his hand. He popped his head out of the window to call someone. But everyone had already dispersed or were leaving.
He caught the name of the hospital on the ambulance. He would go later to return the ring if he felt like it. He turned off the radio in his car and sped back towards his house. Once he had parked his car, he climbed the stairs, fidgeting with the ring. Lost deep in thought, Sunghoon bumped into someone in front of his small apartment.
'Sorry-'
'HOoN!'
'Oh. It's you.' Sunghoon changed his tone into a bored one.
'oH. iT's yOu. Of course, it's me! I told you to give me a call once you were done with your date. I've been sitting here for almost an hour now!' Jake expressed his concern.
'What date?' Sunghoon scoffed.
'Dude, you've gotta be kidding me.'
'No, Jake, you are the one kidding here. I sat like a dumbass all by myself at the damn café in anxiety for someone I didn't even know to show up. No one ever did.' He snapped at Jake.
'You date stood you up...?' Jake softened his voice with confusion.
'See? This is what happens when you set others up with shady friends of yours. Or worse their super shady friends-'
'What do you mean shady!? My boyfriend said he knew the guy for years and wasn't supposed to be like that.'
'And how in the world does your boyfriend know me?'
'Uhm...He doesn't? But I-'
'Jake. Jake, do you hear yourself right now? You set me up on a blind date with the friend of someone who doesn't even know me, yet set up his friend who stood me up- Fuck. I don't even understand what I'm saying right now.'
'I don't understand either. But it would've helped if he did show up.' Jake mumbled.
'Really now?'
'At least you wouldn't be miserable sitting in isolation without even asking for help, ignoring your problems and pretending you're okay.'
'That's because I am okay. I don't have these problems that you're talking about. I was always fine by myself and still am. I don't need anybody. So, get lot. I already had a shitty enough day thanks to you setting me up with a stranger who did the right thing by not showing up. Worse, I had to talk to strangers while returning!'
'Hoon-'
'Shut up. Just leave me alone.'
Jake pursed his lips. Hurt became evident in his eyes. He pulled his hood over his head and began stomping away. 'Tch. Whatever man. This is what I get for trying to help.'
Sunghoon didn't pay mind to him. He unlocked his house door and shut himself in. He removed his overcoat and threw it somewhere in the darkness. He didn't remember where he put his shoes, or when he took off his watch that night. Or frankly, he didn't give a shit about that. He didn't even switch on the lights since his return.
He passed out the moment he hit his bed. He could worry about everything there was to worry about the next day. He really was lucky in that aspect.
There were many who didn't have the choice to do so. The prime example of such a person being Kim Sunoo. The pale little guy who sat on the floor of his bathroom, shivering. He had a lot to worry about. So much that he was scared to shut his eyes. To fall asleep. Or he'd have the same dream again. It was just better to call it a nightmare.
Sunoo wanted an escape from the world. Everything was painful for him. Eating, not eating, sleeping, not sleeping... Just living in general.
'Hyung, please, come out.' Jungwon knocked on the bathroom door.
'I don't want to.'
'Please? Why don't you go outside for a walk?'
's too cold.'
'Sunoo Hyung, come out! It's freezing in the bathroom. At least sit in the living room.'
There was a little shuffle behind the door before its lock clicked open and a tear-stained Sunoo appeared outside from behind it. Jungwon was holding a sweater in his arms, which he handed over to Sunoo.
'Look, I won't force you to eat. You can do that when you want to. But at least get some rest. You can't keep using up your energy when you have none left.'
'You don't worry about me. I'll be okay. You have a test tomorrow.' Sunoo deadpanned at him.
'Niki is coming to pick me up. We're going to the library to study together.'
'Isn't it too dark outside? Why don't you guys just study here? I'll be in the bedroom. Let me have the top bunk today.'
'Sure, works. Please go to sleep. Come on, come on.' Jungwon gestured him to their bunk bed.
Sunoo nodded and made his way to their room. He climbed up on the top bunk and lay down comfortably. He couldn't get himself to shut his eyes. He switched on a lamp and grabbed the novel he was reading. A few minutes later, he heard the doorbell ring. There was a little chatter outside. A very familiar voice came echoing in the quiet house.
'Is Sunoo Hyung not home yet?' Niki questioned in a polite tone.
'He's inside. I think he's a little unwell so I told him to rest. What about your dad? How's he?' Jungwon asked in return.
'Crazy as ever. He still believes that he sees my dead mother smiling at him and whatnot superstitious stuff. I love my mom. I really do. But I think dad's going a little too far. Whatever, let's just study.'
Sunoo zoned out when he heard Niki's dad's story. He didn't want to overhear the two, studying physics... or creating chemistry between them. He, in the end, did not read the novel. Just remained lost in thought. He didn't even realise when Jungwon walked into the room.
'Oi! Why are you sleeping with the lights on?' Jungwon complained.
'That's because I'm not sleeping...?'
'Hyung we were studying for three hours straight. I expected you to be fast asleep by now. Don't tell me you were zoned out all the while.'
'Kind of.'
'Seriously?'
'Hey, Wonnie. Do you like Niki?' Sunoo leaned over the edge on the bunk to face Jungwon.
'I- WHAT!? N-no! I don't know where you got that idea from. I do n-not like him like that.' He blushed.
'Hmm. Are you sure?'
'Okay, maybe a little...'
'Bingo!'
'I didn't tell him yet.' Jungwon slumped on his bunk.
'You should. He's a polite kid. I ship you. What do you like about him?'
'Well... he defended me the other day when I was in trouble with my seniors... and I feel like he did it genuinely, because he agreed with me. He's frank and wouldn't have bothered to take my side just because I'm his friend unless he agreed with me.'
'You got into trouble with your seniors?' Sunoo asked.
'Oops, ignore that detail. But I like Niki because he doesn't lie to me. He's just himself around me and is okay with me being myself around him. Maybe you should date someone. If you fall in love, you might start feeling better about yourself.'
'Don't push the topic on me. Promise me that you'll tell me when you confess to Niki. I'm all up for the gossip.'
'You're okay with that? You don't mind... that I'm gay?'
'Weren't you always gay?' Sunoo rolled his eyes, laying back down. '
You never questioned anything about it.'
'Was I supposed to? Eh, whatever. Just sleep. I really hope you studied instead of just flirting all the time. I'm going to come to your school to sign your report card.'
'You don't have to if you're busy. My grades aren't that pathetic, believe it or not.' Jungwon pouted.
'Nerd.'
'Did you really just call me a nerd?'
'You are a nerd!'
'Hyung, shut up!'
'Bleh, you shut up!'
The brothers quarrelled back and forth till Jungwon fell asleep. Sunoo switched the lights off for him. Yet he found himself twisting and turning over and over again in his bed all night long.
Sunrise was not the rise of hope, but the dawn of anxiety. The anxious feeling that built itself up in Sunoo's throat every morning he dressed up to leave for work. Swallowing it up, hoping that all the people he disliked would just die, he had a shower and fitted himself into some clothes that made him look less miserable than he was.
While he prepared a piece of toast for breakfast, Sunoo put up a sticky not on the refrigerator, wishing Jungwon all the best for his physics test. He took his bag and set off outside. The sky was a could stained shade of grey. He didn't have an umbrella and wouldn't bother to go back inside to fetch one, even though now was the perfect chance.
He scanned his pass in the bus and took a seat. The bus was mostly empty. Maybe he was going to have a better day than he thought. He met up with his favourite colleague, AKA his best friend, the moment he entered his office.
'Sunoo! Morning!'
'Ah, Jay! Hi! You're early today.'
'Yeah, I needed to give someone a lift, so I came directly to work after-' Jay explained, getting interrupted.
'Damn, there they are, the f*gs. Early morning nuisance.' A person walking by muttered.
Jay clicked his tongue in annoyance and Sunoo rolled his eyes. Their boss also walked in through the doors, standing beside them. She raised her voice at the co-worker who made the comment.
'I would appreciate some professionalism in my office.'
'Yes, ma'am.' The guy brushed it off and went to his seat.
'We have a lot of workload today. We've had a shortage of manpower in the marketing team. Now, it's not unfortunate for a stationary company like ours. But I would need you both to take over a few more tasks than usual this week. To be frank, I can't trust the others with my work.' The boss started handing files to Sunoo and Jay.
'Your work? Are you going somewhere?'
'No, I am not going anywhere. I have other things to take care of. There's a list of things to complete on my laptop. The password's in one of these files. I trust you to handle it. I'm called by the head office to manage charity and donation that we're holding on Friday. The company wished at least a thousand kids to receive donations of notebooks and basic stationary items so they are encouraged to attend schools. Expensive necessities are the prime cause of the fall in literacy rate.' She explained.
'You'll do great, ma'am. We can take care of the work here. Good luck with the donations!' Sunoo assured her.
She thanked them and went to her cabin. Jay stood there for a minute looking at Sunoo with doubt.
'What?'
'Are you sure you can handle it? I mean, I don't want to offend you, but you look a little sick.' Jay said.
'I'm fine. It's just Wednesday today, so I'm going to work overtime today and tomorrow. I need to go to Wonnie's school on Friday.'
'Isn't your brother a genius? Like, I know for a fact that he always scores well.'
'Yeah, but it's been a significantly long time since he took me to a teacher's meet. I don't want any rumours about his family spreading in the school. He already got in trouble with some seniors and didn't even tell me because he probably thought it would stress me out.'
'It is stressing you out.' Jay huffed.
'Let's get to work quickly. I'll too try to finish as much as possible today itself so you don't feel too burdened all by yourself.'
The two got to work. Sitting in front of a computer screen, doing boring clerical work for hours long didn't bother Sunoo at all. It was when the lunch hours started that his anxiety rebuilt itself. Jay forced him to at least go to the canteen with him even if he disliked the food. The truth was, Sunoo didn't dislike food. He absolutely loved it. But lately, he couldn’t shove a bite of lunch down his throat.
For the first 10 hours of the day, a piece of toast and 2 cups of water would suffice. Lunch was a big red NO. And if he was free enough or in a good mood, there'd be one boiled egg for dinner. No salt, because salt meant dehydration and increase in consumption of water. He would bloat up if he drank above 4 cups of water a day.
The reason behind this inhuman diet ended up sitting right behind Sunoo at the canteen.
'I'd hold that chair if I were you. Who knows when it might break with that burden sitting on it.' A guy (Let's call him Brandon, also apologies to all the Brandon(s) reading this) said to Jay, pointing towards Sunoo's chair.
'Oh my god, can you just keep your nose over your own plate, Brandon?' Jay said in a warning tone.
'Jay, it's alright. Don't pick a fight here. I'll head outside.' Sunoo stood up.
'Yes, please leave. You entering the canteen has killed all our appetites, fat ass. Look, the ladies over there probably agree.' Brandon continued.
Sunoo glanced sideways. Two women who were looking at him just a moment ago, averted their gaze when his eyes met theirs. They continued whispering amongst themselves. To make matters worse, the homophobic guy from the morning took a seat across Brandon. And just had the courtesy to open his mouth.
'Dude, why you wasting your breath on these f*agg*ts? You already know how much of a waste of space they are, taking advantage of the office ACs because being gay and eating isn't providing them enough.'
'YAH! SHUT THE FUCK UP DAN.' Jay rose from his chair. His fist balled up, ready to punch either of the two on their faces.
'Jay, knock it off!' Sunoo stopped him.
'Are you fucking listening to them? Did you hear what he just said? Let me just shut them up-'
'Don't stoop to their level.' Was all Sunoo said as he left.
He made his way out of the canteen without a second glance at anybody. Sunoo settled down on his desk, turning on his computer again. He absent-mindedly continued his work. A lot of things were spiralling in his head. The whispers in the canteen, the voice of those guys... everything merging into one horrific thought which played and replayed itself endlessly in his mind.
'F*gg*ts... waste of space... fat ass... useless... sick... burden... waste of time... burden... f*g boy... burden... burden... fat... burden...'
The curses reminded him of an old memory that he had sworn to forget. But a human cannot control their own memories, can they?