Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Adachi?”

I panic, no matter how much I tell myself to calm down or to not overreact, I can’t help it. My brain feels mushy like porridge and my body is way too fuzzy and slow to react in any other way but to burst into messy tears as I watch him look at me with confused eyes.

“K K Ku gh” I am struggling miserably to even produce the simple task of saying Kurosawa’s name. My words don’t work. Nothing works. I’m fighting it and trying to be big but I can’t, just can’t.

Hold me, tell me everything is going to be ok, tell me I’m good. Please.

“please” it comes out as a pathetic whisper barely understandable. But he understands it. He slowly comes closer, as if not to startle me. He looks worried and like he’s itching to ask all the questions that are probably flowing through his mind. But instead he brings his hand softly to my face, wipes the tears that keep on falling through my lashes and down my cheeks, and brings me to his chest in a warm embrace.

Kurosawa doesn’t say anything but I can hear his inner voice. I’m not capable of keeping up with all the questions and bursts of thoughts but I can hear him thinking that it’s all going to be ok, that he will protect me and not let anything hurt me. That’s the last thing I hear when I pass out in his arms, exhausted but so warm.

Kurosawa's POV

I quickly went to the convenience store near Adachi’s flat to buy a couple things that were missing for today’s breakfast. It was way to early to be awake since it’s Saturday but I woke up with this urge to pamper my Adachi since he was feeling a lot of stress from the last work week. He didn’t have to tell me, I could see it. The twitching and nervous tics he gets when he’s stressed, the way he sits just a tad bit closer so that you can feel his body warmth. And the distracted stares. Those worry me. I can’t read them and it scares me.

Adachi is still shy and hasn’t opened up to the depths that is his somewhat simple but confusing mind. I can’t read minds like he does so I will never know until he tells me.

Us dating is still fresh and new and exciting, everyday next to Adachi knowing that he’s mine is just pure heaven. I love him so much and I want him to be happy. I want to share everything with him but I know if we go to fast he will get overwhelmed, but that’s ok I understand and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for him to trust me, his morning smiles are enough for me to feel his care and affection. I’m rambling. It’s ok I’m just overflowing with love for my angel.

So, I went to the store, Adachi was still sleeping deeply when I woke up, snoring softly and all bundled up in the warm covers. I got up and very quietly got out to get the groceries, but when I came back I saw a sight that both confused me and broke my heart to millions pieces with affection.

Adachi was sitting on the bed, still rolled up in the comforter, with droopy eyelids and a white pacifier in his mouth. I paused. He flinched so hard he might have gotten hurt. His eyes opened full of panic, the pacifier fell out of his mouth and his eyes, his beautiful eyes, filled with tears that cascaded down his face. Sobs came out like they had been punched out and I couldn’t move.

“Adachi?” I managed to say before the tears started to fall. The sight broke me.

“K K Ku gh” a pathetic sound came from the bundle of blankets, so tiny and low that I could barely hear it. What’s wrong? Why? Did I do something?

“please” that was a word, a please, I don’t know what’s happening but I have to hold him. Protect him.

I approached him slowly, as if he were a wild animal that could be startled at any moment. I got to him, just looking at him makes my chest fill up with pity and so much love. I touch his face with all the gentleness I can muster. ‘What’s wrong? What’s going on? Is he hurt? What was he doing? I love him. He looks so scared.’ So many thoughts flashing through my mind as I wipe his tears hoping he understands I’m here to help, that he’s going to be ok.

I bring him to my chest in a gentle cradle, I promise to myselfthat I will protect him with my life and not let anything hurt him. As I gently rock him I feel his body melt into mine, my eyes never leave his face as I watch him close his still tear filled eyes and he passes out in my arms. It’s a scary feeling but also pride bubbles in my chest as I feel his breathing evening out and he rubs his face against my chest like a kitten that is trying to get comfortable in their owners lap, trusting them.

We stay like that for what feels like hours, breakfast forgotten and lunch probably nearing, I can’t tell for sure, but I do know he’s going to be hungry when he wakes up.

I hadn’t dared to move, but I kept peaking at the pacifier that had fallen out of his mouth when this whole mess began. I kept looking at it, my hand on his head slowly stopped petting him. I reached out to grab it and looked at it with curiosity and confusion. For a second Adachi moved and I froze, but he just nuzzled closer to me, as if that was possible.

I kept inspecting the object and suddenly felt this rushing affection, as if I didn’t have enough already, and need to care for the man sleeping in my lap. He knows Adachi can take care of himself, he knows he’s strong and feisty when he has to be and how smart he is, but at that moment he could only think about the fragility of his boyfriend, one who doesn’t share his worries and hides his insecurities, maybe he didn’t feel comfortable sharing this part of him, one he probably felt wasn’t worthy of Kurosawa’s care. I don’t understand what this is or why Adachi does this but I love him, I’m willing to learn.

So I decide to slowly bring it to his mouth, checking first if it got dirty when it fell and watched as Adachi subconsciously opened his mouth to welcome it, signing in relief and melted even more into his embrace.

It shocked me, I had never seen him like this, so open, fragile and frankly, small. Adachi isn’t a small person. Yes he is shorter than me and hunches on himself to hide when he’s uncomfortable but he hadn’t ever hidden himself from or in mein this short time they had been dating, even before when they were colleges and then friends. And here he is, hiding in mychest as if he expects Kurosawa to protect him from everything. It’s touching and it makes my eyes moisten with unshed tears of pure affection for this man. This man who already made his brain melt and heart pound in close distance, who made Kurosawa write poems and explode with the need to yell out to the world how much he loves him, is making him fall in love all over again.

Adachi's POV

‘I love him’ ‘he’s my precious angel’ ‘you can trust me, I will protect you’

Adachi hears Kurosawa think when his brain starts to re-gain consciousness, albeit still very fuzzy and really warm. This feels like heaven, Kurosawa feels warm and sturdy and his hands are moving circles on my back and I still can’t think a clear thought.

Warm. Fuzzy. Comfy. Love.

I feel content and suckle a bit harder. Wait.

Wait. My eyes widen ready to panic as my heart rate quickens and anxiety fills my chest. I want to cry but before I can, Kurosawa looks at me, eyes filled with love and affection and my breathing stops.

“shhh, it’s ok Adachi, breathe slowly, no need to explain anything right now, I’m not angry at you love”

Kurosawa, my boyfriend, talented, strong Kurosawa is holding me so softly and thoughts filled with nothing but beautiful words of trust and love making me calm down, anxiety and panic beingreplaced by butterflies, the nice fluffy kind, and my eyes shed tears of pure adoration.

“Please don’t cry angel, I’m here for you, you are safe” I trust him. I reach for his hand and hold it as best as I can in the smallest headspace I’ve ever been on. Everything is blurry and I can only focus on Kurosawa’s low and soft voice. I hear “safe, love, angel” and I feel happy. Slowly, I don’t know how much time has passed, I detach myself for m his chest, a very hard task in my 2 year old headspace's opinion. I have to look at him.

And what I see is the softest Kurosawa I’ve ever seen, peaceful and content and a bubbling sound comes out of me. Babbles and giggles. I don’t even know.

And he smiles, chuckles a little bit at my random babbles and kissed my forehead with a loud chu sound.

I giggle even harder, so hard my paci came out of my mouth. I want it, my lip trembles and before I can even whine in protest Kurosawa is bringing it up to my mouth once more without question. My brain is so fuzzy and small that I can’t even hear his inner voice. But I don’t have to, I feel every ounce of affection he is feeling for me. My eyes start to drop again, despite probably having slept for over two hours already.

But before I can fall asleep again my stomach rumbles with hunger. I whine as Kurosawa giggles, I feel it in my ears, it’s a lovely sound.

He starts to detach himself from me and I panic, holding onto him with all my force so he doesn’t leave.

“ Shh shhh baby, Adachi honey I’m not going anywhere I promise, I just want to ask you something ok Hun?” he says in a soft voice that melts my panic like snow in spring.

“Mmm” I can’t form words but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Angel, are you hungry?” I am but I still can’t speak “No need for words baby just nod your head slowly for yes and shake it for no”

I think he notices my struggle and does his best to make me comfortable.

I nod slowly feeling very hungry. He hums in acknowledgment.

“Hun, I have to make something for you to eat, but for that you have to stay here”

I whine and hold on tighter as my head shakes in a deep no. I don’t want Kurosawa to leave this warmth cocoon. It’s too nice.

He chuckles in awe. I don’t understand why it’s funny.

“Let’s make a deal” I perk up and detach myself from him just enough to look at his eyes “we go together to the kitchen while I make you something and you sit near me while I hold your hand. Is that ok baby?”

I ponder for a few seconds, as much as my very small mind let’s me and I agree. I’m hungry and I trust Kurosawa and I really want to hold his hand. It’s a win-win for me too.

Kurosawa’s POV

Peaceful. Is the only way I can describe Adachi right now. Actually no that’s a lie, the words Angel, love of my life and light of my day also come to my mind but I digress.

He’s peacefully sleeping, my angel. I love him. He’s so precious. I will protect you from everything. All of that fills my brain in just pure adoration and love for my Adachi.

My hand is unconsciously circling his back in silent comfort. I don’t know why but I can’t keep a smile out of my face. I feel him move, a small but noticeable movement. For a moment I hear him suckle louder on the pacifier. Maybe he’s waking up. Indeed he is. But I feel him freeze. Oh no. Not again.

I move to look at him, eyes beginning to fill up with warm tears once more. My heart fills up with affection and so much love at the sight and I do my best to calm him down. Soft words and warm touches to make him feel safe, loved and cared for.

It works and I feel pride. He falls into my embrace once more and it seems like he is ready to fall asleep again, but he is interrupted by his loud tummy asking for food.

I start to move and he panics again. We can’t have that. I reassure him, and promise him that I’m not leaving. I talk to him in a soft voice, one I would use for maybe a small puppy or a child, I never thought I would use it on my boyfriend but I’m filled with so much adoration that I can’t help but feel like it is a perfect fit, if I exaggerate with the pet names no one has to know, Adachi seems to like them. I end up forgetting this later.

I make him a very silly deal that brings a chuckle to my lips. I have this deep need to feed him, make sure he is safe and comfortable. I have always felt that, Adachi’s yum belongs to him and him only but, this is different, stronger and driven by instinct.

We make our way to the kitchen, slowly and with a lap full of Adachi as I do my best to carry him, Adachi may be light but he’s being very uncooperative right now and not exactly small in size.

I put him down and keep my promise to hold his hand. I get a chair and wrap him in blankets as I start on a simple porridge. I feel like he needs that comfort. And honestly so do I.

I get things done, it’s a bit hard since Adachi is extra clingy but we make it work. If I sneak extra forehead kisses in the meantime that’s only for Adachi to know. He suckles happily and content on that pacifier and the thought of it starts to feel warm rather than confusing. I want him to always feel like this, happy and safe. Brings a smile to my face.

He looks so cute. My baby. I love you.

Love you so much.

My Angel.

Chapter Text

Adachi pov

“Kurosawa” I look at him, no longer feeling as muchfuzziness that accompanied my regression. “You must have questions”

He seems startled, like he wasn’t expecting my voice, my regular everyday Adachi voice. I feel bubbling anxiety rising through my stomach to my chest. He’s going to hate me. He deserves an explanation though, I owe him that at least, after bothering him for most of his rare day off.

“Adachi” he looks at me, filled with love and so soft. Nop, not now fuzziness I have a mess to fix. I have to detach myself from him, if he keeps embracing me I might fall into the temptation of regressing again.

“Kurosawa” I breathe in, deeply and slowly trying to will the butterflies away “It’s me”

He looks confused, ah man why can’t I do things properly “Yes? Honey I know it’s you” he says with a light chuckle.

“Yes, no... I mean I’m big again” I test it out.

“Big?” He frowns looking even more confused “Adachi, I’m sorry I don’t understand but I really don’t know what you mean” he says apologetically.

“Ok, this is how it goes...”

Kurosawa POV

-A bit ago-

Me and Adachi successfully finish making a basic but yummy porridge. It took a little finessing but I managed. Adachi is still looking very comfortable in the kitchen chair all bundled up. My lips turn at the thought. He’s still suckling on his pacifier, but he looks adorable and very sleepy.

“sa..wa” I hear very softly “wa wa” is that Adachi?

“Baby? What’s wrong?” I turn to him, and I see him reaching out his arms to me like a big teddy bear. His eyes are so big and round and hopeful, my heart melts as I see his hands gesture to me asking for a hug.

I noticed I let go of his hand to wash some lettuce for a simple salad, I put the greens down and rush to give Adachi a big bigwarm hug. Well that’s what I thought so. But he shrieks, a high pitched giggle fills the room.

“Wa! Cold!” he attempts to say through his pacifier filled mouth. I accidentally put my still wet hands near his lower back touching his bare skin lightly.

“Oh sorry!” I say but holding my laughter down so he doesn’t notice. I fail and we both end up giggling to each other still in a sweet hug.

“Sorry baby” I say petting his soft still messy bed hair “Was it too bad? Did I hurt you?”

He shakes his head answering no, I’m scared he’s going to hurt himself by how hard he’s shaking it.

“Ok, Ok Hun I get it, not hurt but be careful so you don’t hurt yourself with all that shaking” I say softly holding his cheeks in my hands.

“‘Till cold Wa” he says giggling “Bu no ouch”

Adachi is talking in a odd way, he’s speaking slowly and sounds like he is struggling to talk properly. He sounds like a child, a young one who still hasn’t learnt to speak properly. Maybe it’s the object in his mouth that’s making it hard to speak but I have a feeling he would still be speaking in the same way if I took it off.

There is no way I’m doing that though, he looks to comfortable with it and by his earlier reactions taking it off would be a big mistake. He looks cute anyway. Uh? I must be going crazy. No stable adult should think that his boyfriend no less, looks cute in in a object made for babies. I’m sorry Adachi you deserve better than this, I think while I frown slightly feeling really bad about myself.

“why sowy?” I hear Adachi say “Achi no cute?”

Ah that’s right, he can read my mind. He looks both confused and a bit sad. We can’t have that.

“Oh baby you are so cute, the cutest kitten in all the land” I say watching him blush and  giggle in the most adorable way. But then my stomach drops. I’m an awful person, and an even worst boyfriend. What am I thinking?

I keep calling him cute and oh all those pet names and treating him like a baby, Adachi didn’t ask for this. This is clearly a break of all of his boyfriends boundaries. He shouldn’t be thinking that his 30 year old boyfriend is cute while he struggles to speak and is wearing a baby pacifier. Adachi is an adult and my equal, it shouldn’t feel this nice to have him so vulnerable and like he can’t do anything without me by his side, he’s very capable and independent, I shouldn’t be reducing him to this dependability on me in this moment, I feel disgusting, I hate how nice it feels, to let myself pamper him and coddle him, and jus generally taking care of him.He’s going to hate me, he’s usually a very closed of guy, even if he’s beginning to open up as our relationship progresses.

I forget completely about his most recent reactions to the pet names, and Adachi himself asking if he was cute. All of that because I was feeling bad about myself and if Adachi would hate me, looking back it was kind of selfish.

But something soft brought me out of my self-pity. Adachi’s soft hands holding onto my face, still with a mouth full of pacifier but with a smile you can see through it.

“wa no sad” I struggle to understand but with enough attention I can pick up words “no sad, s ok shhh shhh can think achi cute n baby”

Adachi is trying to comfort me. Like I did earlier. I bet he can sense my anxiety.

I have to ask “Do you like it when I call you pet names? Like honey, angel and all those other names? Do you like I when I take care of you? That I want to take care of you? ” I have to make sure he’s ok with it, I don’t know if I could go on knowing I made Adachi uncomfortable by being to forward.

“huh uh, love” he says smiling “make achi happy, love that wa wan take care of”

I relax in relief, tension leaves my chest and I can breathe. He likes it, scratch that, he said he loves it.

“Then, is it ok if I find you absolutely adorable in that uhh” I say pointing at the pacifier.

“my paci! achi likes dis one” this one? He has more?

“Your paci yes, is it ok if I find u cute in it?” I ask tentatively.

“huh uh, hoped wa though achi was cute wiff paci” he says in the cutest voice I’ve ever heard from him.

Why was I worrying? He’s not disgusted, he’s happy. I feel bad I let stereotypical society thoughts and even what Adachi's thoughts should be, cloud my mind when all that matters is if me and Adachi are comfortable, I thought I was better than this.

He looks happy and I like to see him happy, yes I don’t fully understand it yet but I’m sure I will. I love him and he loves me the same, I hope.

“love Wa” Adachi? “love wa much much, dis much” he is extending his arms trough the blanket and stretching them out as far as he could. So cute.

“I love you too Adachi” I smile. This feels right.

“wa?” he pokes me on my shoulder lightly. “yum?”

Oh, the food! I quickly let go of him and check on the food still on the stove. Luckily nothing burned so we are safe to proceed.

He looks startled by my sudden movement but not too sad.

“Sorry baby, I had to check if the uh yum was ready, I got distracted by my cute Adachi” I can’t help to let it all out, he gave me the green light so I’m ready to pamper him with sweet words forever, still feels weird to talk to him in a babyish way, but it’s not a bad weird. It’s a very nice weird actually.

He giggles and hides himself under the blanket only his hair poking out. I fight this urge to coo and squish him till infinity, I manage to not do that but to unwrap him slightly so he can sit at the table for food.

He looks at the food, hungrily. But he pouts. How he pouts with a pacifier in his mouth is beyond me, but he does it.

Oh, I get it. It has to come off. He can’t eat with it on. Ok Kurosawa think, before he starts crying. Ok, child, food, oh! Bingo, airplane. I hope I’m right.

“Hey Adachi? Want some help?” I say moving my chair to his side of the table, wasn’t very smart to sit so far from him but oh well.

He nods and I move to take the object out of his mouth. He whines and moves away from my hand.

“Shhhh honey it’s ok, but I have to take it off so you can eat the yum. Here, I’ll put it right next to you plate so you can put it on again after you finish. Is that ok?”

He ponders for a bit but ends up nodding in agreement, he seems very hungry after all.

Let’s try the airplane. “Adachi? Here honey, look an airplane!”

He gasps so cutely, have I mentioned he’s so cute? He opens his mouth wide and waits for the spoon. After the airplane had landed, I made sure it wasn’t too hot so he wouldn’t get burned, and he chewed softly with a happy look on his face.

“yumm!” he says flapping his hands. I feel my cheeks hurt from so much smiling.

We managed to finish eating, Adachi even had to remind myself to eat too because I only wanted to keep feeding him. I have this urge to just take care of him.

“wa? can watch tv?” he asks putting his paci back in place, pointing to the tv.

“Of course baby, what do you want to watch?” he hops up and clumsily walks to the bed picking up the remote. He browses quickly through the recorded shows and puts on a documentary? It’s about frogs.

“Adachi likes frogs?” I giggle, it’s adorable. I make my way to him and sit down next to him.

“mmhuh, fav” he wiggles for a bit, coming closer to me and cuddling up, I also bring him closer until he is mostly on my lap.

We sit comfortably for awhile, he sometimes squealed at the tv when cute frogs came up. I’m pretty sure he had watch this multiple times before because he sometimes mumbled the words that were being said.

But as the documentary came to an end I could feel him becoming less clingy, that made me frown slightly, I want him to stay close to me. He started to slowly detach himself from me

“Kurosawa?” Adachi?! He seems like he’s talking normally, I proceed to look at him eyes a bit too wide. “You must have questions”. He sounds normal, like he normally talks at work or at home.

I keep looking at him and he looks nervous, I smile at him trying to keep him at ease. “Adachi” I say in the softest voice possible as to not scare him any more.

He starts to distance himself from our embrace even more, I don’t really want him to but I can tell he wants to say something important.

“Kurosawa” he starts taking a deep breath in “its me”

It’s me? What does he mean by that? “Yes? Honey I know it’s you” I say still smiling. I don’t get what he means by ‘it’s me'though.

“Yes, no... I mean, I’m big again” he admits but I really don’t know what he means by that. I’m so confused I can’t help but frown a little.

“Big?” I have to ask, I will never know if I don’t. “Adachi, I’m sorry I don’t understand but I really don’t know what you mean”

“Ok, this is how it goes...” he takes a big breath and seems hesitant but I want him to keep going. “I’m an age regressor” Adachi closes his eyes like he expects me to get mad at him.

“Can you explain that a bit more?” I urge him on, I don’t want to force him to tell me anything but I also want him to keep explaining. I feel like he wants that too.

“Well, basically uh, my mind regresses to a child headspace or little space as some call it, sometimes” he seems uncomfortable and embarrassed, I don’t want him to feel that way.

“So when that happens you are like a child? Why?” I have to be careful, I don’t want to overwhelm him.

“Yeah, it only happens when I’m really stressed or tired” he scratches his head still pretty tense “I don’t like it when it happens though, it’s embarrassing”

“Not at all” I say “It’s not embarrassing Adachi, don’t think so low of yourself”

“But, it’s weird right?” He laughs “I’m an adult I shouldn’t be acting like this” he seems like he’s going to cry, hate seeing him doubt himself like this.

I take his hands on mine “Adachi no, I don’t really know what being an age regressor is but all I know is that the last couple of hours were so nice, there is nothing to be embarrassed about and it’s not weird, it’s actually adorable”. He’s still looking at our joint hands, head low and still fighting tears. I let go of one of his hands and turn his chin to look at my face. “You said it happens to you when you are stressed right?” He nods “So it’s like a way for you to rest?”

“Yeah, it’s a sort of coping mechanism” he doesn’t seem like he is going to cry again, even if his eyes are still a bit misty.

“Then it’s no different than getting drunk with friends to de-stress” I start saying, but wait that doesn’t sound right “I mean, of course it’s different but it has the same purpose” he laughs lightly at my attempt.

“It is” he gives a small but genuine smile “How are you so great Kurosawa?”

“I’m not really” I say “ I just care for you that’s all” Well it’s the biggest truth after all.

“No really, thank you for understanding” He’s still a bit shy but at least he isn’t hiding from me so that’s good.

“Always, I want to learn everything about you Adachi, I hope you hid this from me be cause you were embarrassed not because you thought I was going to hate you and not support you” I’m rambling, stop “I mean you don’t have to tell me anything that’s not what I mean” He looks amused but still doesn’t stop me from continuing to talk “But that the reason was because you were scared but not scared of me?” I don’t think I’m making any sense.

Adachi puts his hand on my leg and that makes me look at he’s smiling at me, I can feel myself blush, ahhhh now it’s my turn to be embarrassed, I hide my face in my hands and groan.

“I’m making a fool out of myself aren’t I?” I ask laughing slightly.

“Just a little, but it’s ok, I like that part about you” I remove my hands from my face and he moves to grab them. “But I understood what you meant, and no, I wasn’t scared of you, I mean a little but it’s not because I don’t trust you, it’s more of my own insecurities telling me you would leave, not because you never made me feel safe”

I release the breath I was holding, I didn’t even realize I was this tense. I sense he isn’t done yet.

“I was just scared and embarrassed in general, it’s not necessarily something that’s expected or normal. I guess.” He shrugs.

“Hey, I promise there is nothing to be scared about, but I understand, as you know I also felt the same” Adachi has accepted so much about me without questioning or making fun of me, but I was also scared he wouldn’t. Which was dumb of me, because he had accepted me since the beginning, that’s what made me fall in love with him after all. But that’s why I understand, it’s not the trust, or lack of it, that prompted him to hide this part of himself from me, it was his own insecurities.

“Yeah, you are right” he smiles even harder “I’m sorry for not telling you”

“Don’t be silly, there is no reason for you to be sorry” I put my hand on his cheek and he nuzzles it. “I would never judge you Adachi, but...”

Chapter Text

Adachi POV

“I would never judge you Adachi, but...” I suck on a big breath, suddenly feeling anxious again “But, I wasn’t expecting to like it as much as I did” What? What does he mean by that. He liked it? Now I’m not anxious anymore but confused, and giddy. Calm down Adachi, this doesn’t mean anything. He’s not your caregiver, he is your boyfriend.

“What do you mean by that?” I have to ask, I don’t want to get my hopes up but also I can’t help it.

“Well, I liked it” he laughs a little “It was great to be able to hug you like that, and take care of you, and oh Adachi you were so cute” Kurosawa squeals, oh talk about cute. “Really you were adorable, I only wanted to pamper you and call you cute names because you seemed to enjoy it so much” I’m blushing, geez this is too much praise; my heart can’t handle it, and if the fuzziness comes back slightly no it didn’t. “You were so precious Adachi, I mean, not like you aren’t always but you were extra cute” he’s still going oh wow, I’m going to combust.

“Ok, ok! I guess you really liked smol Adachi” I want to hide, I’m so happy but also it’s so embarrassing! In a good way though, but still embarrassing! “That makes me happy though, and no, don’t worry, I know that you saying that doesn’t mean that you don’t like the ‘adult’ me any less or that you think little of me, it’s just different. I know Kurosawa, I heard you before” I’m still probably as red as a strawberry but I have to reassure him. He was thinking that so I had to make sure he knew I didn’t miss understand. I give him a big smile as to reassure him even more.

“Good I’m glad, I’d never think little of you Adachi I promise. I love all sides of you” he doesn’t seem to be panicking anymore so that’s good “I mean, I’ll never think little of you but you are small? Young?” I can’t help but laugh at his words and straight face. Why had I ever thought he would judge me.

“I’m still a bit embarrassed about it though” I can’t help it really, even with him accepting me I still feel that pit of anxiety in my stomach.

“I understand” he says with a light but reassuring smile “But you don’t have to be embarrassed with me, ever, about anything”

I know. I have to hold him, let him hold me. So I just hop into his arms relaxing into his embrace, mimicking the position we were in earlier. I don’t feel small again, not really just happy.

Kurosawa POV

God I’m so happy, for a second I thought I had messed it up. But no, Adachi is smiling and laughing and hopefully happy. I know he is still embarrassed about himself and what happened, I wish he wasn’t but I understand it.

So I do what I do best, hug him until he is satisfied. It’s just as good for me as it is for him so I’ll indulge in selfish thoughts

“Ur not selfish” his words are a bit slurred, could he? “I’m not little now, jus comfy” The feeling of disappointment that washes over me should be surprising but honestly it’s not. I can feel him giggle in my arms. “I know this is all new and that you are curious but I actually don’t regress that often” oh I guess that makes sense, in a way that bothers me but it also means Adachi isn’t stressed like this that often.

“How often do you usually regress then?” I ask, I’m using this opportunity to ask as many questions as I can think of, still careful to not overwhelm him though.

“Mmm, maybe about once a month?” he ponders for a bit “Maybe less maybe more but depends mostly on my stress levels, or you know...” he looks shy again, it’s cute but I want him to talk to me.

I give a light laugh “No I don’t know Adachi, what do you mean?” I want to pet him, so I do just that. His hair is still messy but pretty soft.

“Like... Like this, when you treat me softly” he says shyly while I keep petting him “When you ask me if I’ve eaten or pull me closer when it’s cold”

Oh I make him feel little?

“Yes, you do” I see his hands grasp the blanket a little harder “I’m sorry”

I grab onto his hands and softly “You have nothing to apologize for” I start to pet the back of his hand with my thumb in a soothing way “That means I make you feel safe right?” I smile at him wanting to make him comfortable.

“Yeah but it’s also not very fair” He bites his lip lightly, it takes a lot of willpower to not tell him to stop “Kurosawa you are my boyfriend not my caregiver, it’s not fair for me to think of you as such” He looks sad, I don’t like seeing him sad.

“I don’t care about fairness, I can be both, I want you to let me take care of you” I do want to take care of him, make him feel safe and happy whether he’s feeling big or little.

“I’m scared, don’t want to lose you, I’m already enough of a bother regularly and even more when regressed” It hurts to hear that he thinks he’s bothering me with this, or that he’s afraid I would just leave him for something that just brings him comfort.

“You won’t lose me Adachi, I told you, I love taking care of you, seeing you happy and comfortable is all I want” I pull him to look at me and his eyes are misty “No more tears baby, you aren’t a burden, never have been and never will, let me look after you” He is tearing up again, it’s ok though, I understand.

I clean up his tears and gently press a kiss to his forehead. I hope he lets me do this often. He’s all snuggled up again and he’s not crying anymore I think, though his eyes are still moist on my sweater.

“ill be good” You are always good “ m won’t bother” He says it in such a soft voice, is he regressed? Seems like it.

“m sorry”

“No need to be sorry, we have been through a lot today haven’t we?” I start rubbing circles on his back, it’s funny, it’s almost like we are in the same position as earlier. It’s such a nice feeling, my baby is so precious.

“ur babie” *thump* oh there goes my heart, I could die happily, this is heaven, that’s it I died and now I’m in heaven. “nu wa not heaven, home”

Home. Yeah I’m home. Adachi is my home.

“Yeah honey, we are home, and I’ll keep you safe, I promise”

“s t ok?” it sounds like it’s getting hard for him to talk “lil?” Oh he sounds so small.

“It’s very ok, I’ll look after you, we can talk more later” I push his hair out of his face “Now, looks like your sleepy love” it’s so cute, he can’t keep his eyes open.

“ sleepy, mmhuh” his hair lightly tickles my face as he hides his face on the crook of my neck. “Wa sleep”

I grab his paci that is nearby on the couch, check to see if it’s dirty and give it to him. He opens his mouth wide, eyes mostly closed accepting the comfort item.

“We can sleep” I move to lay us down on the couch, pulling up a blanket to cover us with just a bit of struggling, don’t want to let him go after all, that would be absurd. “Sleep baby, I’ll be right here when you wake up”

“wuv u” He’s all comfy, I’m so content, I feel my eyes start to droop too, it really has been a long day, so many emotions, but this is the most relaxed and comfortable I’ve been in a long time.

I promise, I will take care of you baby, I won’t let anything harm you, I love you.

Love you so much, My Angel.