Work Text:
[00:04:12:06]
Da-ge: Hey, I’m downstairs, buzz me up?
The message that lit up his phone screen drew Shen Yuan’s attention away from his work. Just the small movement of his neck was enough to make his whole body creak. Ugh, he had been sitting still for way too long. Actually, his entire body had morphed into a shrimp and he hadn’t even realized it. He groaned, a disgustingly loud and maybe inappropriate groan as he attempted to straighten himself out. It was a futile effort, his posture was a lost cause and his normal stance was a hunched over back. He’d have to tape a board to his back if he ever wanted to remain upright and not at a near ninety degree angle.
You have the code, come up yourself.
Da-ge: You just don’t want to get up!
I am one with the universe. I cannot move an inch or else I’ll lose enlightenment.
Da-ge: (◔_◔)
Just for that Shen Yuan really wasn’t going to get his ass out of this chair. He was now glued onto it, unable to move an inch. He occupied himself with trying to crack his back, he’d watched tutorials on it, if you twist around just right while grabbing the back of your seat. He quickly gave up as he started to swivel, rotating slowly in place. It’d be best to use a different chair but he had already committed to not moving from this spot.
It’s only a matter of minutes when he can hear the door click open, the lock undone as his unexpected guest finally arrives.
“I brought food!”
Oh God.
“I didn’t make it!”
Thank you, lord, for this small mercy.
He can hear shuffling in his kitchen, the fridge opening and closing. It was mostly empty, he hadn’t ordered groceries in a while. Sheer laziness? Yes. But also a lack of appetite of late. Mindless snacking happened often but he just didn’t have the drive to indulge in big meals anymore. His brother’s latest mission was to fatten him up, bringing him a variety of meals that he’d…lovingly make. The path to hell is paved with good intentions so they say.
“Just you?”
“Just me!”
“...You drove here? Alone in your car?”
“Yes, in my car. Alone.”
Last time Shen Yuan was sitting in that car it sounded like it was sputtering out its last breaths of life. All the money in the world at his fingertips and his gege insisted on keeping that junker because of sentimentality. It would be safer to bring the damn thing to the junkyard and put it out of its misery.
He was half rotated and still lazily spinning when his brother appeared in the doorway taking in the sight. Not fazed in the least having walked in on far worse things over the years. Shen Yuan spinning in circles was nothing.
“Mhm, I see you’re working hard.”
“Very, I’m utterly exhausted. Translated a disgustingly sub-par period romance.” Shen Yuan fake wretched, it was trash but nothing can compare to the hot garbage fire that had consumed his life over the last several years. “Where’s your shadow?”
“Had to work late,”
“You know you say that like he’s putting in extra hours at an office but all I can imagine is San Lang breaking someone’s kneecaps…”
“A-Yuan,”
“Menacing people…”
“A-Yuan, really,”
“Throw in an evil laugh or two,”
“ Shen Yuan.”
There was that exasperated sigh that Shen Yuan always managed to pull from his brother. Lian-ge was always easy to tease. Even more so when it came to San Lang. He’s known the guy since he was twelve but San Lang was a complicated mystery…but at least he was a mystery who liked to spoil his gege rotten and by extension him as well.
Being the youngest brother had its own perks after all~
Lian-ge strode in, spinning the chair around till they were face to face. The amusement in his eyes was clear but Shen Yuan could see he was also looking him over. The mental checklist had started. Doing a countdown in anticipation of the downturn of his lips and his mouth opened to ask the age old question:
“How are you feeling?”
If he could only bet money on it…He’d be filthy stinking rich. Next came the hand to his forehead. Shen Yuan was sure he wasn’t feverish, he didn’t feel any sort of chill but at this point this was just muscle memory working its magic.
“M’fine gege…”
Right now at this moment he was fine. Just a bit stiff with sore eyes from working…If he had come this morning he would have seen Shen Yuan struggling to crawl out of bed. His body simply didn’t want to cooperate. Despite how heavy he felt and the fatigue he managed. Just as he always did and will continue to. “What’d you bring me? Goodies? Snacks?”
[00:03:21:52]
They sit in the living room now, lounging on the couch in comfortable lazy silence. Shen Yuan’s legs draped over his brother’s lap as they watched mindless tv. Simple moments like this were like a balm to the soul. At least that’s what da-ge would say from time to time. He cracked his back again with a sigh, stretching out his limbs with only some difficulty. Even being a layabout was becoming a chore. From the corner of his eye he can see Lian-ge’s attention is more on him than the actual movie.
He felt as though he were under a microscope. His every breath and move being watched, studied intensely to see if something was going on. Trying not to sour his mood he nudged him lightly to get his attention.
“So what’s the plan?”
“Hm?”
“For next month, you’re gonna officially be old.”
Lian-ge let out a breathless huff and lightly slapped his legs in retaliation. His gege was going to be thirty! When did this happen?! He couldn’t help but laugh and kick at him some more, having to brace himself when a pillow smacked at his shoulder a few times.
“My poor gege! He’s reached middle age! Soon we’ll have a crisis on our hands! Will it be tattoos? Maybe finally an expensive new car?...Actually you should do that on-pft!!!” His nose scrunched up when he was smacked in the face next.
“You make it sound like I’m ready for a nursing home! I’m still young! thirty is the new twenty!”
“Let me guess who said that! Shi Qingxuan as he enters the downward slide of twenty-nine?” Shen Yuan snorted loudly as he endured another onslaught of smacks.
Had to get his jabs in now before anyone else!
He was sure San Lang was well into the process of planning a party to mark such an auspicious occasion. Probably rent out an entire club or something. That would be for the friend and family, he was sure he had his own private plans as well.
Thirty…wow…he couldn’t even imagine it. It really wasn’t that old in truth was it? He still had half a year to get to twenty-six. He still had some time before reaching that milestone.
If you reach it.
Swallowing, he sat himself up and smiled a little forcibly. He wanted to focus on something else. It was time to focus on other things! Happy things! He snatched away the pillow holding it to his chest and listened as Lian-ge went on about wanting a nice intimate dinner and not to be fussed over. Just time to be alone with his loved ones and that was it.
Yeah right! Whatever party that was going to happen was going to be big, loud and an obvious show of San Lang’s clear obsession with his gege! Number One simp goes to the sticky shadow that’s been clinging to Lian-ge’s hips since they were both sixteen!
San Lang kissed the ground he walked on! It was disgusting just how lovey dovey the two were. Honestly! Sometimes he’d have to yell just to remind them that he was in the room as well whenever they got lost in a moment.
Ugh, Shen Yuan’s seen some shit. Shit that cannot be unseen.
He’s been scarred! Compensation must be given!
Yet San Lang truly loved him, a love like that…seemed right out of a fantasy.
It’s what he deserved after all. His Lian-ge was brilliant and amazing. For all his little faults and odd quirks he really was perfect.
As close to perfect as someone could be.
What was that like? It’s something he’s wondered for as long as he could remember.
[00:02:43:07]
Lian-ge is really trying to get him to eat whatever take out he had brought along with him. He didn’t have any appetite now, he had eaten some cereal in the morning and some cup ramen for lunch. It’s not real food, he's reminded. Then also came the question of if he was taking his medicine on an empty stomach. What was this amateur hour? He knew how to take his pills correctly, he’s been doing this for how long now?
Shen Yuan is only half listening to Lian-ge who was rifling around his kitchen, boredly staring at the tv when his voice fell silent suddenly. Sitting up with a grunt he was going to call out and ask if he was alright when he re-appeared, papers in hand.
“You’re applying for a passport?”
Well, shit. His laziness had come to bite him in the ass.
Springing up despite the protest of all his muscles he was able to snatch the forms away easily enough.
“Just thought, in case of emergencies,”
The quiet that followed is enough to tell Shen Yuan his brother isn’t buying it. He didn't look back at him, he simply smoothed the papers and brought them into his office where they could be tucked nicely into a messy drawer. Lian-ge followed him, those eyes burning a hole into the back of his head.
“Are you going…to Italy with A-Ying and Lan Zhan?”
His smart and brilliant brother, putting the pieces together oh so fast.
“Ying-ge invited me.”
“And when were the two of you going to tell me?”
If Shen Yuan had it his way it wouldn’t have been until their plane was landing.
He didn’t need to turn around to see the expression on his face. The disappointment, the hurt but worse of all the fear. It was the fear that turned his stomach and had something ugly bite into his chest. The fear that’d make the back of his skull buzz and eyes go blank as he tried to block out everything else. Because when he did turn around it was there.
That expression, clear as the freaking sun. His wonderful, perfect brother was worried and a storm was brewing inside of him.
Inside both of them.
“I can’t believe he-he didn’t even tell me. He should have-we should all talk about this.”
His eyes nearly roll into the back of his head upon hearing that. As if he were a child and not a grown ass man! Hello, why does he need anyone else’s permission to go on a trip?! Why does anyone need to have a say in his plans?!
“It was a pity invite, don’t worry. I wasn’t keen on being the third wheel of their romantic getaway.”
Ying-ge had been over weeks ago telling him about the plans he and Lan Zhan had made.Showing all the places they’d go, sights they’d see. His face must have been thin that day because before he could say a word his er-gege was rambling on about him joining them. He was fluent in the language after all, it’d be so much easier with him there!
A bold face lie but his Ying-ge was just as good a liar as him.
And Shen Yuan had wanted to say no. This was not a trip meant for three. This was extended to him in the spur of the moment. Maybe to alleviate some guilt on Ying-ge’s part. Yet he swallowed his pride and accepted right there on the spot because when would he get another chance like this?
“A-Yuan, this is…” Lian-ge’s trying to form words, get his argument ready. His warm hands come to rest on his shoulders. “Italy is a world away and going in your condition, it’s not, it’s just not a good idea, it’s not a good time.”
That ugly anger bubbled inside his chest and his shoulders shrugged away his hands.
“When? When will be a good time? Because it wasn’t a good time last year, when you and San Lang went on that cruise. Wasn’t a good time when I was twenty and you two took that trip to Japan. Or when I was eighteen and Ying-ge went to Spain! When will it be a good time?! Because I’m running out of it! My time is coming to an end.”
“Don’t say that.”
His brother’s tone is sharp, his eyes harden but Shen Yuan doesn’t buckle, not this time.
“It’s true. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it! Look at me!”
“A-Yuan,”
“LOOK AT ME!”
[00:02:26:59]
Look, look at the shell he’s become!
Look at how ugly he is, look at the walking skeleton that can only shamble about and wait for death to take him!
There is no time for waiting, not time to be careful. Shen Yuan had an entire lifetime of that! Of being told what he can and cannot do. Not being able to run, to climb trees in the park with other kids. Not having the stamina to play a sport of even a strenuous instrument. Sitting in a cold white room gazing longingly out a window as the world moved onward.
Watching his two beautiful, talented brothers continuously move forward in their lives while he was being left behind again and again!
“Why-why are you always holding me back! Why can’t you just, you just support me?! Why can’t you even just pretend?!”
“A-Yuan, please, of course I support you! I’m just thinking of your health, I-I…if you get sick overseas, if something were to happen. If anything were to happen to you I-I don’t know what I’d do.”
He hated that desperate crackle in his brother’s voice, he hated seeing his eyes begin to grow wet and how his hands tried to reach out for him still.
“Something is happening! Something has happened! So many fucking things! You didn’t think about something happening when you went to college! You and Ying-ge didn’t think twice at all when you left! An-and I dealt with it all on my own! Me! And look, look at what I was able to do! Get my own place, support myself when…”
No, nope, he pushed those thoughts away.
Heat grew behind his eyes, a terribly familiar feeling. He didn’t want to cry. He hated crying. What good would it do? Crying was just…weird. It made him feel awful. So he sucked in a breath and slapped those hands away. “I am capable! I-I am capable of so much but-but you…you never want to see that! You treat me like I’m a fucking infant!”
“A-Yuan, no, no, I just need you to understand. I just want you to be okay .”
“Newsflash gege, I’m not going to be okay!”
“A-yuan-“
“I’m not! I don’t even know how much longer I have so…so I want to do things while I’m still able to!”
“A-Yuan! ”
“But I can’t do that if you keep babying me like this! I didn’t ask for your pity, I didn’t ask for your help, I just want to be me while I still can!”
His brother is crying, taking one small hesitant step forward. His hands come to cup either side of his face tilting his chin upward. Shen Yuan just stared at him, expression blank now.
“I don’t need San Lang or Shen Ying or Lan Zhan. I don’t need anyone's pity. Especially yours. I don’t need you.”
It was a strike right for the heart. His words were a knife that he stabbed into his dear brother’s chest and twisted to make sure it bled.
Shen Lian’s hands fell away, stepping back before he turned and left the room. Watching, Shen Yuan slowly trailed behind to see him gather his belongings and head to the front door. The air around them was colder, goosebumps formed on Shen Yuan’s arms but he ignored them, ignoring how he shivered as he stood rooted in place.
“A-Yuan…gege is always on your side.”
Shen Lian turned to face him once more, his eyes rimmed red but somehow he was smiling. A strained, fragile smile that had Shen Yuan’s stomach churn in a sick way.
“...I…we should take a few days. We’re both…in no shape to keep talking are we? Make sure you eat,”
“I know.”
God, why…why did that come out so nasty?
Shen Lian opened the door all the while still smiling.
“I love you,”
He didn’t respond, he forced himself to look down at the floor unable to take staring at those eyes any longer.
It was only when the door shut did he raise his head again.
What the hell is wrong with you? Go after him! Apologize!
Yet he doesn’t move. He can’t.
You’re pathetic, you’re disgusting! You piece of human garbage!
Somehow he forced himself to move but it was in the opposite direction.
You’re nothing but a scumbag!
He really was.
[00:00:10:27]
He can’t believe this, he absolutely cannot believe this. As if his night could get any worse. While he wallowed on the couch he received an alert on his phone telling him a new chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way was posted. But not just any chapter! No! The final fucking chapter!
Did that hack, second rate author truly think this was a good move? Just drop the finale on them like this?! With no warning at all! He had said it was winding down but the story didn’t seem to be settling down at all! The number of plot holes and unexplained story threads have not been completed! How was he going to tie it all together? With a pretty pink bow?!
Ripping the fridge door open Shen Yuan glared at the nearly barren interior when his eyes landed on the take out Shen Lian had brought. Dragging the plastic bag out he popped open one of the containers to find dumplings.
He shoved a few into the microwave to heat up, the plate spinning in front of him as his annoyance just grew with each passing second.
Stupid fuck author, of all nights. It was probably awful. No, even worse than awful. Literal garbage, yes, he was about to ingest the last piece of garbage from Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky. The casualty in this being his sanity and the assassination of Luo Binghe’s potential!
If he had been Luo Binghe’s author…there was so much that could have been done! He’d have treated him right! Give him the story he deserved! The life he should have!
He didn't bother to even close the door to the microwave and he retrieved his food, cursing at how hot he had made them. Stomping back to his office he slammed the door shut and dropped into his seat and stewed there.
Was it really worth it? Maybe he should just go to bed and deal with this train wreck in the morning? There’d be a lot he’d have to deal with in the morning.
Closing his eyes Shen Yuan covered his face and sighed wearily.
Fuck it.
Might as well get this out of his system right now or else he’d just get mad all over again.
Leaning forward he navigated over to the latest chapter, his mouse hovering over the final chapter. This really was going to be terrible. He could feel it in his bones…Airplane, bastard get ready to feel the rest of his wrath.
[00:00:00:00]
[Welcome to The System]