Work Text:
(1)
“Order whatever you want.”
Janae slides their phone across the couch to Addy who sends it back without even looking.
“You choose,” Addy says.
Janae slides the phone to her again. “I chose last time.”
“This isn’t life or death, Janae. I don’t mind. Really.”
Janae folds their arms. “And what if I said I wanted pineapple broccoli barbecue pizza?” Addy makes a face that's disgust personified. “Then choose!”
“Why are you getting so worked up about pizza toppings?”
“It’s not about pizza toppings. Deciding what to eat shouldn’t be a whole thing. Maybe like riding a bike, the more you do it, the easier it gets so choose whatever you want, try something new and if it sucks, I will definitely let you know after I eat like three slices.”
Addy reflects, then picks up the phone. “You know, there are less dramatic ways of finding out what kind of pizza I like.”
Janae turns their attention back to the TV with a self-satisfied smile.
Later that night, Janae's phone buzzes.
ADDY
I love ham and pineapple! It’s good!
You’re just a 🍕 snob!!!
JANAE
Ham and pineapple is a crime!
But I will entertain your questionable takes and endure your worse taste. Keep them coming!
ADDY
Thank you.
(On a rainy day at Balmoral Hall, a delivery person shows up at Janae’s dorm with a pizza they did not order. Janae laughs so hard seeing ham and pineapple inside.)
(2)
“This is your idea of a beach day?"
“Eh,” Janae says. “I'm not a big beach person. I could take it or leave it. Mostly leave it.”
With Addy suspended and Janae expelled, they escape together a lot. Today they’re sitting on the front of Janae’s car parked out at a lookout point at the edge of the Pacific Ocean. Janae rests against the windshield, wearing Addy’s sunglasses and lazily playing their ukulele.
“How can you say that?” Addy flicks a hand out in the way she does when she’s worked up about whatever topic.
“Only 5% of the ocean has been explored and charted by humans! Five-percent! Have you seen those deep sea organisms that are acclimated to life in perpetual darkness? They’re horrifying. The ocean is not our natural habitat for a reason yet people insist on going in it? No thank you.”
“But isn’t the unknown kind of exciting?” Addy pulls her knees into her chest, eyes cast out to where the waves are crashing against the rocky cliff side. “The ocean is so powerful. It can be destructive, but beautiful. Does whatever it wants and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.”
“How poetic,” Janae says. It sounds like sarcasm, but the words are true. There’s also poetry in the way Addy closes her eyes and tilts her face towards the sun, but Janae doesn’t let their brain lean too far in that direction.
“When I was a kid, I remember turning my back to the ocean just for a second and it knocked me face first into the sand,” Addy recalls, laughing. “That’s how I lost my two front baby teeth and my mom began preaching the art of the close-lipped smile.”
“And you still go to the beach after that?”
“It's not the ocean's fault I always need to learn the hard way...”
“Is that another one of your mom’s keen observations?”
“And my own,” Addy insists. “I think it’s just how I am, my nature.”
Like the ocean, Janae thinks to themself. If being out at sea could feel like being in this moment with Addy, serene despite the threat of danger with every dip and swell of the current, Janae could maybe learn to love it.
After Janae drops Addy off at her house, they go to pick up Maeve from school. Waiting in the parking lot, they get a text:
ADDY
I love the ocean! 🌊🌊🌊
JANAE
Have you heard the theory that there’s alien technology hidden on the ocean floor? TERRIFYING!
Janae sends Addy a link to the NPR article about it, still smiling to themself long after Maeve gets in and even more when asked about their day.
(3)
The night before Janae leaves for Balmoral, Murder Club throws them a backyard going away party. There’s pizza and music and once it gets dark, Janae and Nate convince everyone to watch Janae’s favorite horror movies. Despite initial protest, everyone agrees because this is what friends do. Janae finally has friends and has no choice but to leave.
It’s pretty late by the time they call it a night. Addy nudges Janae and asks if she can stay the night just so no one else has to go out of their way to swing by her house. Makes sense. Totally logical. No one makes her explain further. Janae and Addy head toward the main house, leaving Nate and Bronwyn talking on the pool house couch.
Addy clings to Janae’s arm as they make their way upstairs. Janae and Addy have always been unafraid to be physically close, but something changed after the yacht fire. Sometimes Janae feels anxious out of nowhere and can’t settle down until they find Addy and know she’s okay. Addy always sits as close as possible to Janae, always making bodily contact when they do. If they were subtle with how they comfort or reassure each other before, they aren't now.
And maybe before Addy almost died, before Maeve accused Janae of trusting their closest living friend more than their girlfriend, Addy spending the night wouldn’t be such a big deal, but it feels like it.
Janae’s bags are all packed by the door. Addy’s wearing one of Janae’s long-sleeves to sleep in, stretched across the right side of the bed, hugging one of the pillows she said looked like graph paper that first day Janae invited her over.
“Are you nervous about going?”
“More annoyed.” Janae collapses on the other side of the bed and turns out the light. “Indifferent. Resigned.”
Addy’s arm snakes around Janae’s, her cheek meets their shoulder in the dark. “Don’t have too much fun away from Bayview without me.”
“Unlikely.” Janae chokes on a would-be laugh. “At least you can go back to your normal life now.”
“I don’t think there’s any going back to before, Janae. I don’t think I want to. You helped me see that.”
“It’s going to be so weird not seeing you a-and everyone every day.” If their eyes glaze with tears, it’s okay because they’re in the dark. Even if the lights were on, it’s just Addy. It’s just Addy and they don’t pretend so why is this so hard? “What if things change?” Janae whispers. “What if I change? It’s five months. Did you realize it’s been five months since Simon died? I’m not the same person I was five months ago. Who am I going to be by spring?”
“I don’t know, Janae. We’ll just have to see when you get back. For what it’s worth, I’m looking forward to finding out.”
“Okay.” Janae swallows and settles. “Unlike Bronwyn, I do believe women.”
When Addy laughs and throws an arm across their body to hold them close, Janae's fingertips dance along her arm like they do the strings of their favorite musical instruments. Not for the first time, they question if this was a mistake, knowing this kind of closeness, the warmth of Addy’s body and the sound of her breathing as she falls asleep, because it can only hurt when it’s out of reach, right?
In the morning, they get breakfast burritos and if their dad has a problem or notices Addy in more of Janae’s clothes, he does them one small kindness and doesn't mention it. Addy decides she likes green salsa more than red and the green chile potatoes are essential. It’s the perfect last morning in Bayview.
Later, while Janae’s dad loads up the car, they see a text on their phone:
ADDY
I love your bed.
Attached is a photo of Addy with a Cheshire Cat grin, posing next to a still sleeping Janae, mouth open and hair askew.
Janae slams out a reply: You’re so messed up for that!!!
ADDY
😈
(4)
ADDY
I’ve decided to give pancakes a real try.
The text comes with a photo of Addy sitting at the same booth they did on that first day they went to Gwen’s Diner after school. She’s holding her phone at an angle that Janae can see both her face and the stack of blueberry pancakes on the table. Walking across the dreary Balmoral campus, Janae stops in their tracks and just stares for a minute. Some days it feels like just yesterday and others, a different, luckier lifetime.
Janae dials Addy’s phone. It rings twice, but then Addy switches to video call instead. Janae’s heart thunders in their chest. Seeing Addy’s face on the screen is the first time Janae has smiled all week.
“Is Addy Prentiss eating alone?”
“Oh yeah, breaking news.”
“But you hate eating alone.” Janae stops under a tree and presses their back to the rough bark just to feel something.
“Less true now. I still feel awkward sometimes, but this is like our place. It would be weird coming here with anyone else.”
Janae fights the urge to break down right here and now. “Did you ask for maple syrup? You have to try it with maple syrup specifically.”
“Yes, I did. I knew you'd say that.”
Janae watches as Addy tops perfectly golden brown pancakes with butter and syrup. When she takes a bite, Addy is sure to look directly at the phone camera. She tilts her head from side to side as she chews, mentally debating. It shouldn't be cute (but it is).
“What’s the verdict?” Janae asks.
“They’re okay,” Addy replies. “Still not completely sold, but I get why you like them. You’ve always had a soft spot for sweet things.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Addy takes another indulgent bite, borderline reenacting that Meg Ryan diner scene from that movie Addy’s mom loves. Their surroundings might be bleak, but all Janae sees is sunshine.
ADDY
Still don't love pancakes but I love that diner ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
(5)
“Do you think I’m more of a Marissa or a Summer?”
Sprawled across the twin size bed in their dismal dorm, phone on speaker, Janae replies, “Depends. Has Vanessa ever left you literally in the driveway of your house when you passed out from drinking too much?”
“No. I don’t mix alcohol and anxiety meds. The one time I did was on the beach and I ended up…” Addy stops herself from finishing that thought. “It’s kind of wild that no one in Murder Club has a drinking problem.”
“There’s still time,” Janae says. “Marissa Cooper was all self-destructive walking tragedy. You fucking up Giselle’s car was kind of your throwing the chair in the pool moment, but I think we all have our Marissa Cooper tendencies, especially in Bayview. You’re more of a Summer with the whole didn’t realize what a bitch you were in season one thing.”
“Hey!”
“By that, I mean she initially appeared to be just another ditzy socialite-in-training but quickly evolved into so much more. Easily the best character development of the core four.”
The line goes quiet long enough for Janae to wonder if they said too much.
“Nate and Bronwyn are totally Ryan and Taylor Townsend,” Addy says.
Janae barks out a laugh. “The early aughts audience didn’t care for Ryan and Taylor Townsend together, but it wasn’t her fault everyone was still hung up on Marissa, which is saying something because Ryan and Marissa were always a mixed bag. If anything, Nate and Bronwyn are a superior Ryan and Taylor Townsend. Easier to root for, still painfully straight.”
Addy laughs and Janae wants to jam the phone into their ear canal, anything to be closer.
“When are you coming home again?” Addy asks.
“You ask me that literally every time we talk.”
“Obviously. I need to hear you say it because that’s how much I miss you.”
Janae’s breath catches in their throat and they’re too struck by this feeling to worry if Addy caught it or not.
“Is this the part where you’re expecting me to tell you I miss you too?”
“Only if you mean it. I know there are so many other things and people to miss in Bayview.”
“I know you know that is blatantly untrue,” Janae says. “I do though. Miss you. I’ll be back for spring break. Do you have plans?”
“I can think of a few things we could do…”
The next morning, Janae receives a text that makes existence a little more bearable:
ADDY
Season two rewatch done! Love a mall episode but nothing beats Chrismukkah !
And yeah, Janae can’t regret leaving their boxset behind.
(+1)
It feels pathetic to count down the days to seeing Addy again and then feel sick the morning they’re supposed to meet. It’s been three months since Janae left for prep school and they talk nearly every day, but a lot can happen in three months. All of those thoughts disperse the moment Janae pulls up in front of the Prentiss house and Addy practically claws her way across the upholstery, practically crawls in their lap to hug them. And the world is the right color again.
“Where to?” Janae asks.
“Gwen’s Diner. Wait, smile.” Addy holds her phone out and Janae glares at the camera instead. Addy snaps the photo and moves to her side of the car.
“Why there?”
“So you can get your pancake fix and maybe we can create better memories than the first time. I’m not ordering pancakes, but I want a milkshake and fries.”
“So not just because no one from school will see us there?”
“Honestly, fuck other people from school, who cares,” Addy says with a shrug. “This is such a good picture of us. Do you mind if I post it on Instagram?”
“But I work so hard to live life off the grid.”
“Come on! Just this one time. Please?”
That’s a lie, but Addy actually pouts. With the warm affection Janae feels swelling in their chest, it really is like no time passed at all.
“Sure.” Janae gives in, to the surprise of absolutely no one.
Addy squeals with excitement and squeezes Janae’s forearm before going right back to her phone. They catch up on the drive and once they arrive, Addy leans over and asks, “What do you think about this caption?”
On the screen, Janae just sees a string of emojis:
🍕🌊😈🥞❤️
Janae narrows their eyes suspiciously and Addy responds by smiling so wide her dimples are extra distracting.
“What the fuck does that even mean?” Janae asks.
“It means I love you,” Addy says. “Now who’s the clueless pain in the ass?”
“Still you.” Janae returns the smile, leans over, and taps the post button.