Chapter Text
Vernon was five years old when he cried while playing hide and seek with his cousins.
He was not sad and he did not get hurt, in fact, he was running around the house trying to find his two cousins when all of a sudden he had this strong urge to cry, and before he knew it, Vernon had fallen to his knees and started to sob. It was loud enough that his cousins came out of hiding to see what was wrong, and his parents ran into the room to see if he was seriously injured.
His cousins stepped back as his parents ran their hands over him, looking for some type of injury. His father's hands were frantic, pressing down everywhere to see what was hurt. His mother grabbed him by the face and turned Vernon to face her, she begged him to tell him what was wrong and was close to tears herself.
He tried to tell her.
But he didn’t know why he was crying either.
Vernon stopped crying immediately, tears still staining his cheeks. He looked at his mother and told her exactly that, his mother looked shocked but said nothing else to him. Vernon looked over to his cousins next, both of who had taken to huddle together scared about what was happening and apologized.
Vernon got up from the floor and started wiping the tears from his face, he wiped his hands on his jeans and was about to walk away when his father grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. He could feel tears dripping on the top of his head as his dad congratulated him, his mother hugged him from behind and cried her congratulations to him as well.
Vernon learned that day he had a soulmate. That night his parents sat him down and explained why he had randomly started crying, his soulmate had a strong emotions and Vernon felt the same emotions as his soulmate. His parents explained that not everyone had a soulmate, they explained that when both Vernon and his soulmate turned eighteen they would be able to communicate their thoughts and emotions.
Vernon loved it. He instantly tried sending a feeling to his soulmate. His eyes were shut in concentration and tried squeezing his brain hard, but all he got was his parents laughing in return. They then explained that while he felt emotion from his soulmate today, it’ll only happen again in extreme circumstances. That until he and his soulmate are eighteen, they won’t be able to properly communicate, only able to feel each other's emotions if the other is feeling something very strongly. That made Vernon upset, but he knew how to wait. He was upset that his soulmate had to be really hurt or sad to have cried so much, but was happy that he could share something so special with someone out there. Maybe soon his soulmate would feel one of Vernon’s emotions and feel happy and not cry.
Vernon couldn’t wipe off his smile of happiness for days.
Seungkwan was five years old when he was not happy.
He was riding his bike earlier when out of nowhere he fell off and felt a terrible pain shoot up his arm. It hurt so much that he started crying, loud enough that his mom was able to hear him from a couple of houses down where he had fallen. She ran over quickly and when she realized she called his father. Seugkwans dad had picked him up and they started to drive, eventually ending up at the hospital. Seungkwan had cried the entire way in pain, his mother had sat in the back seat with him and tried to calm him down but nothing could distract him from the pain.
At the hospital, Seungkwan was taken for an x-ray. It was the worst experience Seungkwan had felt in his short life. He was taken away from his mom and they made him move his hurt arm in all kinds of ways that made the pain so much worse. By the time Seungkwan was done with the x-ray he was covered in more tears, and snot, and the pain had felt so much worse. He hated today, he hated the hospital, he hated his arm, and most of all Seungkwan hated the fact that he was in a lot of pain.
But he couldn’t stop laughing while the doctor wrapped his arm in a cast.
Seugkwan would go between crying about how much it hurt to have the doctor touch his arm, to laughing randomly and he hated it. Seungkwan was not happy, he was hurt and upset and he wanted to cry with how much everything hurt but he kept laughing and it was driving him mad. He didn’t understand why he was happy enough to laugh when all he felt like doing was crying. And when the doctor asked what was making him laugh Seungkwan told him all the little thoughts in his head.
That apparently was the right thing to say, as his mother's face changed from concern to happiness, and his father had a smile grow on his face for the first time since coming to the hospital.
The doctor just gave him a smile and congratulated him, then turned to his parents to say the same.
The next morning, after everything had calmed down, Seungkwans parents explained that he had a soulmate. That the reason he kept feeling happy and giggling while wanting to cry yesterday was because his soulmate must have been really happy about something and Seungkwan was feeling the effects of that. They told him how he would be able to properly communicate when they both turn eighteen, and until that moment Seugkwan and his soulmate will only feel each other when the other feels something extreme.
Seugkwan hated this. How could this happen to him? He didn’t want to feel someone else, especially if it's going to annoy him when he's trying to feel his own emotions!
Vernon was teased relentlessly for how much of a romantic he was. He refused to date anyone in school because he knew that out in the world there was someone waiting for him.
Vernon hadn’t felt his soulmate since that one time when he was five. He had learned a lot about soulmates since that time and knew that it was normal. He had wanted to learn as much about soulmates as he could, there wasn’t a lot of information out there, but he learned nonetheless. He learned that not everyone had soulmates and that only about ten percent of the population had a soulmate connection. Soulmate connections didn’t have to be romantic, but almost all were. Vernon learned that when he and his soulmate turned eighteen, they would have no control over what thoughts are shared and what thoughts are kept private. Apparently, they would have to practice, but people who have years of practice had a hard time hiding emotions and thoughts from each other. That kind of scared him a bit, but it also made him a little excited.
Even though Vernon was only fourteen he knew what he would say the day he heard about his soulmate for the first time. He would simply introduce himself and then would let them know that he couldn't wait to meet them and that he hopes they can meet soon. Then he would just get to know his soulmate, let their thoughts and emotions consume him and let himself bask in the joy of having someone meant for just him.
The one downside to knowing that there was someone destined for you is that you don’t really feel attracted to anyone else. Or at least that's the way it was for Vernon. His parents kept reassuring him that it was normal to still feel attraction to others, but Vernon just felt guilt every time he thought about other people in a romantic way. He knew there was a chance that he and his soulmate may not be romantic partners, but he knew on some level that they were going to be. Vernon doesn’t think he can love anyone else, he has tried. He tried convincing himself that he also had a crush on the girl that all the other boys had one on, but he just couldn’t get himself to like her. He tried dating the boy who confessed to him, but he just felt like he was leading the kid on. No matter what Vernon tried, he knew he was destined for someone else, so he gave up dating at the young age of thirteen. Which admittedly wasn’t that long ago, but it's the thought that counts.
Or at least that’s what Vernon thought. If you asked Vernon two weeks ago he would tell you he really has tried but he just can’t get himself to like anyone. But then Vernon joined Pledis Entertainment so that he could become a singer, and consequently, he was put into a group that was going to be called Seventeen, then with some terrible twist of fate, he was moved into their official dorm two weeks ago. And that is where Chwe Hansol Vernon met Boo Seugkwan. And well, now Vernon has a big, fat, crush on Boo Seungkwan.
It started when he walked into the practice room. The boy was handsome and the butterflies erupted in his stomach as soon as he saw him. Yup. Seungkwan is definitely going to have a crush on this boy.
Seungkwan never bothered to care about his soulmate. His parents tried to convenience him to not date and to wait for his soulmate, but Seungkwan always countered back with the fact that for all the knew his soulmate could be a fifty-year-old man who was like a father (more like a grandfather) figure to him. There was no way to tell if the soulmate connection was going to be romantic, and quite frankly if Seungkwan had anything to say about it, it won’t be. Seungkwan hated the idea of having a soulmate connection. This random person he barely knows is going to have access to his emotions and thoughts. And even if he tried to block this person out, it took years to get even a semblance of control over it! No thank you! Seungkwan was perfectly fine being responsible for his own feeling and thoughts and did not need another person butting their head into his business, or forcing him into their business. He knew exactly what first thought he was going to share with his soulmate when he turned eighteen, and it was going to be him telling them to leave him alone. He wasn’t giving them a name, or anything. Just a simple ‘go away’ seemed good enough for Seungkwan.
His parents always had been able to cut his relationships at home short, which admittedly was with a lot of people for only being fourteen. It wasn’t his fault he was so charming! He had many girls confess to him back home, and many boys too. He tried to date the boys and the girls but every time he brought them back to his house to play games or have a snack his parents were quick to bring awareness to the other person to his soulmate situation. But finally, Seungkwan moved away from home a month ago. Seungkwan has moved from Jeju to Soul to become a singer under Pledis Entertainment, and while he does miss his parents, especially his mom, he is also glad to be free of their constant soulmate reminders. He hasn’t had lots of luck in the romance department yet, it has only been a month, but now that there was someone who looked interesting finally here, Seungkwan could finally let this soulmate thing behind him. He didn’t need to worry about having a soulmate if he already loved someone.
Seungkwan was in the training room with some other members, he had already been placed with a group called Seventeen when the new boy walked in. He introduced himself as Vernon and as the weeks passed by, Seungkwan's butterflies grew, not that he would let Vernon know, they had too good of a thing going for Seungkwan to ruin it this quick. Seungkwan and Vernon had become fast friends, they were the same age and only a month apart. Their personalities also went together really well, and within a week both boys were talking to each other as if they had known each other their entire lives.
They were the only ones who knew about each other’s soulmate situation. Vernon laughed at him when Seungkwan told him about his soulmate possibly being an old man, but Seungkwan laughed right back at Vernon when he told him about how he promised to only even date his soulmate. Seungkwan also let him know that Vernon would probably change his mind as he grew up, that he may just find someone who he liked before he turned eighteen, and it was ok to be like that. Sadly, Vernon never really listened to him when he would say that, happy to live in his own little world of soulmates. Which sucked for Seungkwan, because he had a big, fat, crush on Chwe Vernon Hansol and now he knew it could never go anywhere. Not that Seungkwan would try to do anything with him anyways, Seungkwan liked their friendship way too much to ruin it. Plus they did so many realtionshipy things anyway, they cuddled and held hands. Sometimes Seungkwan just sat on Vernon’s lap and the boy never would complain. They whispered words to each other in the corners of whatever room they were in, and they even gave each other kisses, only on the cheek or forehead though, never on the lips. They had a friendly relationship, and even though Seungkwan did want more, he was getting more than enough affection from the other boy to state him. He was only fourteen, he didn’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Vernon didn’t mean to fall in love with Boo Seungkwan, and he definitely didn’t mean to kiss the boy. Vernon knew from the moment he met Boo Seungkwan that he was a dead man.
A few weeks after meeting the boy, Vernon started to develop feelings for him. And instead of cutting his feelings in the bud, he let them grow. Seungkwan was like a fresh flower in spring, and Vernon wanted nothing more than to be the stem connected to him. So for two years, Vernon let himself fall. He fell so far down that on Seungwan’s sixteenth birthday, Vernon kissed him. He didn’t mean to! But he had pulled Seungkwan to the side to give him a birthday gift. Vernon had bought him a little hoop for his helix piercing, Seungkwan had recently pierced his helix and was thinking of putting in a hoop instead of the stud that he had in. Vernon had managed to find a simple black hoop that he thought Seungkwan would like. And he had been right, Seungkwan had looked up at Vernon and thanked him, he had a smile so big on his face that Vernon felt like if it was any bigger his face would crack. Vernon felt Seungkwan’s arms wrap around him and could feel Seungkwan jump on the balls of his feet in excitement and happiness. And before Vernon knew what he was doing, he pulled back from their hug and leaned in to touch Seungkwan’s lips with his own.
At first, Vernon felt scared. He messed up, he knew he screwed up. But as he pulled back he felt Seungkwan lean forward to connect their lips again. It wasn’t a peck on the lips, but just their lips touching, and it was the best feeling in the world. And underneath his own feelings of joy and happiness, Vernon felt something he hasn’t felt since he was five years old. Vernon felt his soulmate’s emotions. He pulled back from the kiss and looked Seungkwan in the eyes. He searched through Seungkwan’s eyes to see if he realized. He could only see the confusion on Seungkwan’s face, and when Vernon finally processed what was happening, he started to cry.
Vernon was a dead man. He was a dead man because when Vernon kissed Seungkwan, he felt something he thought he wouldn’t feel until he was eighteen. He felt the same overwhelming feeling of feeling someone else’s emotions. The second he touched his lips with Seungkwan’s he felt the feeling of surprise take over him, and then the feeling of elation.
Vernon knew that those were not his emotions, he knew they belonged to his soulmate. He knew it because even as he felt the despair crash over him, he continued to feel those emotions.
For a split second of time, Vernon forgot he had a soulmate, for a split second he let his heart control him when he kissed Seungkwan. He had been fighting his feelings for a long time, almost two years, and today is the day he failed. Tears streamed down Vernon’s face as he pulled away from Seungkwan.
Vernon was a dead man because even though he had a soulmate, Vernon was inexplicably and undeniably in love with Boo Seungkwan. But Vernon knew he wasn’t allowed to be. Vernon shut himself down to the possibility of loving anyone other than his soulmate, he couldn’t love Boo Seungkwan, no matter how much his heart wanted to. He felt Seungkwan’s holding him tight, asking him what was wrong, but Vernon couldn’t answer. Vernon couldn’t let Seungkwan know what he was feeling because Boo Seungkwan did not want a soulmate, and Vernon wanted nothing more than to be with his soulmate. Boo Seungkwan had made it clear to him and the rest of Seventeen that he did not want a soulmate. The others were shocked to learn Seungkwan’s revelation, out of all of the members only Vernon and Seungkwan were confirmed to have soulmates, most of the older members already knew that they didn’t have one and the younger ones were waiting until their eighteenth to confirm it.
“I don’t understand why you’re crying?” Seungkwan sounded panicked, and Vernon felt so bad. He knew for a while that Seungkwan liked him as much as Vernon liked Seungkwan. Vernon also knew the reason neither of them ever made a move was in fear of running their friendship, and in Vernon’s case because he swore off dating.
Vernon didn’t want to tell him, he wanted nothing more than to be in love with Boo Seungkwan, his bandmate, his friend, and he did love that Seungkwan. Vernon loved this Seungkwan so much.
But Vernon was also in love with Boo Seungkwan, his soulmate.