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Jaskier needs a witcher. No, not that witcher. Not that one ever again.
He has one specific witcher in mind. This is a very personal matter. So he's not going to ask just anyone. He needs a witcher that's empathic, who will act calmly in this delicate matter.
So he listens to the rumors. Searches for a heavily scarred monster killer.
He finds him sitting alone in a corner of a tavern, and sighs.
"Is brooding included on one of those mutagens you're given?" he asks sitting in front of him.
Eskel looks at him.
"You're his bard."
Jaskier tastes bile. "Oh, I wouldn't be assigning me possessive pronouns, not when it comes to him. But I am who you think I am. I'm Jaskier, pleasure to meet you, Eskel."
Eskel gives him an assessing look before shooking his extended hand.
"I'm sensing this is not a casual meeting, is it?"
"No, it isn't. You see, I'm in need of the services of a witcher."
"Why me? I know you could have easily found him if you wanted."
"What I want here is of little relevance. I preferred you to your brothers. Will you help me? I'll pay for it of course," he says making sound the pouch in his waist.
"What is it you need help with?"
"I rather follow this discussion in private. But to hook you in, I don't age."
Eskel widens his eyes fractionally. "I have a room here."
Jaskier follows him. His posture confident, only his scent betraying a slight appreciation.
"What is it you need me for?" Eskel asks once they're alone.
"I noticed about a decade ago. I don't know why it is."
"I grew up normally as a kid, as well as a teenager but once I reached twenty-sonething. Well, it seems I haven't aged ever since. I don't know why that is. If it's a curse or something of my heritage. That's why I want your help. I want to know why."
Eskel hums. "Did Geralt ever noticed it?"
Jaskier laughs darkly. "He would have to have payed attention to me for that."
Eskel hums again. "And you never told him your suspicions because-"
"Because I was afraid of losing his friendship. There were not negative consequences so my desire to preserve his friendship was bigger than my curiosity. I don't have his friendship anymore. I don't want to return to where my noble family. I want-"
"You want to know if you belong somewhere," Eskel completes.
Jaskier nods bitterly.
"I know you and him aren't in good terms. His face whenever we asked about you... But for what matters, you're welcomed with us. At any rate, your songs helped us all. You have the witchers favor."
Tears well up in Jaskier's eyes. "Thank you."
They share the room, and the bed that night. It's a bit awkward but Eskel insists, and Jaskier's disarmed with his kindness. He has trouble falling asleep because he can't stop wondering why he had to give his heart to the wrong witcher.
The next day, Eskel keeps asking details about Jaskier's life. How he grew, why he chose music, among other things. By the end of the first day together, Jaskier's exhausted of talking.
He's soothing his throat with some ale. "You just might be part-elf," Eskel tells him.
"That might be absurdly anticlimactic if it were the case," Jaskier sighs. "But shouldn't I have some deformity?"
Eskel shakes his head. "It's a lottery which traits you inherit, you might just got lucky."
"Are you sure it's not a curse?"
Eskel scoffs.
"Remind me to punch my brother for you next I see him. I was going to check that. Magic will be the easier to know. As we're already discarded most monsters due to your reaction to silver. My medallion doesn't vibrate and I checked you yesterday. We're gonna need a mage."
"I don't know if I have the coin for you and a mage. My singing hasn't provided the coin it usually does lately."
Eskel smiles at him. "I know that's not your actual reason for not wanting to see a mage. But even so, don't worry, I'm not doing this for the coin."
"Then why?"
"I told you, you're one of us, little wolf. Even if Geralt's too daft to see it right now."
"I- thank you."
"Don't mention it."
Eskel takes him to see Triss. Life on the road with a witcher who praises his song, openly smiles at him and calls him friend, is weird.
He likes it. He likes being on the Road with Eskel. He knows, had he met him before. Had it been him in Posada instead, he would have fallen hard and fast. But it was not. And Jaskier's already in love with a witcher that doesn't even like him.
Triss is kind, and Jaskier wonders why he kept meeting the wrong people all over again. Triss smiles sadly at him.
"You're not cursed, Jaskier. Nor you're a magical being."
"Then what am I?" Jaskier asks on the verge of tears.
"You're Jaskier," Triss says.
"That's not the answer I was looking for," Jaskier says looking down. Eskel's hand on his back is a nice comfort.
~*~
"Tell me, dear witcher of mine, why did I let you convince me to follow you here. My balls are about to fall off from the cold."
Eskel smiles at him. "Because you still want answers, Vesemir knows best, and you do want to see him ."
Jaskier glares at him. He'd normally retort to that, but his teeth are too busy chattering.
"And you went soft when I said I'd like to keep enjoying your company."
Jaskier cursed about kind witchers that knew how to manipulate a bard under his breath just loud enough that Eskel could hear him over the wind and laugh at it.
"Here we are, my friend," he says with a heavy pat on Jaskier. "Home, sweet home."
Vesemir greets him with a nod. "Wondered when you'd be finally gracing your halls. I was curious about knowing you, bard."
"Blame Geralt," Eskel interferes.
"I did not expect that you'd arrive with Eskel though," Vesemir admits.
"Made more sense than Lambert," Jaskier replies.
Both witchers laugh.
Over some warm food and next to the embrace of a fire, Eskel and Jaskier tell Vesemir about the question that's been bothering Jaskier.
"We even met Filavandrel again. Asked him why he gifted me the lute. If he recognized something in me. He said it was just a nice gesture. So that's another dead end."
Vesemir hums. "I have one theory. It's unlikely, and it involves very old forgotten magic. It hasn't happened in centuries, but it's worth checking upon."
"What is it?" Jaskier asks eagerly.
"I need to check some books before."
"Do not fret however," Vesemir adds. "Relax, eat, you're welcome here and safe. We have the whole winter after all."
And it was nice, living here, at the witchers' fort. Eskel was a good friend, Vesemir was the one authority figure who didn't set him on edge.
Even Lambert, when he arrived was good company for all of his rough edges. He set on Jaskier's nerves, and they would spar verbally strongly. But then the witcher made sure to dilute their witcher alcoholic concoction for Jaskier's intake, and it was all good.
Of course, the calm only lasted a week and a half. When Geralt arrived with Ciri to the fort. Eskel let him know they've been spotted. The look Jaskier sends him warns Eskel.
"Don't worry, I'll back you up that it was my decision to invite you."
"I- thanks."
Geralt freezes in his tracks when he sees him. Surprise melting into a glare.
"What are you doing here?"
"He came as my guest, Geralt, so be civil," Eskel jumps in.
Geralt's glare turns towards his brother. "Why?"
"That's between him, me, and Vesemir. It's not your concern."
It's Ciri who breaks the tension. "Jaskier!" she cries the goes to hug him.
"Hello, little cub," he greets him, a pleasant smile on his face, his heart a little bit more warm.
He had played for her and taught her music one winter, after Pavetta's death.
Calanthe had been scared, the threat of Destiny had hit her. So she had wanted for Ciri to know someone. She still had forbidden Jaskier to talk or play about the White Wolf, but had let Jaskier be with her, know her and love her.
So now, they hug and a little lose piece in Jaskier's heart mended.
Geralt's subdued with that, the obvious affection the two held for each other. They spent an awkward day, avoiding one another as much as they can considering Ciri wants them both close.
Until Vesemir calls them both to the library, where he's waiting for them with Eskel. "I figured out what ails you," Vesemir says.
"What?" Geralt asks confused turning his look between Jaskier and Vesemir. "What's wrong with you?"
"Absolutely nothing," Jaskier answers icely.
"I'd prefer, Vesemir, if we could discuss this privately," he says with a pointed look to Geralt.
Geralt in turn looks at Eskel.
"No, no. You see, I hired Eskel for this. And he went above his pay grade for it. It does concern him. But you? You never even noticed what's wrong."
"So this doesn't concern you."
"Actually, it does," Vesemir interjects.
"What?" and is Jaskier's turn to look confused.
"I told you, it's old magic, very old. There's few registered cases in history. But people with an elongated magical life like witchers and mages, can have- It only certain people, and it's not activated until the bond has proven itself, through companionship and loyalty and well, love."
"What are you talking about?" Geralt asks gruff.
"I suppose there's no way to say it. You don't age Jaskier because you're a witcher's soulmate."
Strangely, it's Jaskier the one who gets up without a word. He runs out of the library, and despite the cold, he goes to that one place in the outer garden he likes to come to write. He screams in there, and cries for his broken heart and still thinks he's caught in a curse.
"Get out," he says as soon as he hears steps behind him.
"Get inside, you're going to be sick," it's Eskel.
"I don't care."
"Don't be daft. Don't make me carry you."
"Am I joke? You're my friend, so please, answer me honestly. Is my life some kind of cosmic joke?"
"I know you don't feel like it right now, but the fact you're a witcher's soulmate. It's a blessing Jaskier. The fact that you're even real. It's- that there's someone who can love so truly one of us."
"He said his one blessing would be if life took me out of his hands."
"Well, Geralt's an idiot, there's no denying that."
It makes Jaskier laugh.
"But a witcher's soulmate can't be made if the bond, the feelings aren't mutual. It's not just you loving one of us. It's one of us loving back such as deeply."
"That still doesn't mean he wants me around, that he'll chose me. He never did."
Eskel sighs. "Come inside, talk to him, please."
Jaskier nods and then turns and hugs Eskel, he needs the comfort. Eskel hugs him back and promises to himself to hit Geralt hard.
"I-" Geralt begins once they're inside. "We should talk."
"We should," Jaskier agrees without looking him in the face.
He follows Geralt, until he enters what he realizes it's Geralt's room.
"So, soulmates, hum?"
Geralt hums and that snaps something inside Jaskier.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I keep ruining your life. I'm sorry that you're now bound to me, that I'll have your same lifespan. That I'll keep living and being a nuisance to you, I'm so-"
But Jaskier can't continue because suddenly Geralt's there, and he's kissing him desperately.
Jaskier gives in, it's not like he could've resisted for long. They're kissing hard, and soon they're stripping their shirts. It's when Geralt moves to kiss his neck that Jaskier thinks again.
"Geralt, stop. Stop."
The witcher growls.
"Geralt."
When Geralt looks at him again there's tears in Jaskier's eyes.
"What's this?"
"I'm sorry, Jaskier," he finally says, cleaning a tear from his cheek. "I'm so sorry for what I've said. Nothing has ever terrified me more than you, save perhaps, taking care of Ciri now. I'm sorry for ever making you believe I didn't care for you. I was so terrified of losing you, that I- I'm sorry."
"Geralt, if- if we go down this road, you have to promise me. Promise me, Geralt, that you're choosing this, choosing me. I can survive the heartbreak of you rejecting me now. But if we go down this road, and you discard me again for her or- I don't know if I'll survive that heartbreak. At least not in ways that matter. Please, Geralt, you have to promise me you're sure."
"I am, Jaskier, I am," Geralt promises him. "I love you. I chose you."
It's Jaskier who kisses him again. "I chose you too, my dear witcher."
For this is the truth about soulmates. They're not destined. They're made.