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The compound was quiet. It was 2am, everyone was already asleep or quiet in their rooms. Y/n wished for nothing more than for sleep to come. He had been tossing and turning all night, not quite able to stay comfortable long enough to drift off. His mind was running at full speed in all the wrong directions.
Y/n was an assistant living at the Avengers compound. He got hired after working a job for Pepper Potts and making a good impression. When he finished his degree and started looking for full time positions he reached out to Ms.Potts on the off chance she might have a position available. Turns out she didn’t have any in her office but there were some openings at the new Avengers compound. He didn’t really have anything holding him back from picking up his life and moving so he went, and it was one of the best decisions he has ever made. He had room and board completely covered and had the best insurance he could possibly imagine, and to top it all off he actually enjoyed his job. Compared to the other gigs he had in the past he was actually treated like a person here. He worked for pretty much all of the Avengers and would help them out whenever they needed it. Most of them were pretty independent but occasionally would have him go out and get them something or pass along information if they didn’t have the time.
But even with all of that y/n still had his moments- like right now. He gave up on trying to sleep and dragged himself out to the patio lawn that looked out at a large pond. He took a blanket and a pillow and some freshly brewed coffee he made. The moon was almost full and being this far out from any big cities meant he could see the stars. He was out there for about half an hour before he heard the sound of the sliding glass door open behind him.
Bucky Barnes wrapped up in a loose hoodie and sweats walked out and sat on the other end of the couch y/n was sitting on. He didn’t seem all too surprised at seeing y/n but he knew they both had some sleeping trouble occasionally.
“Can’t sleep either?” y/n asks once Bucky settles in.
“No, had a late sparring session with Wilson and I don’t think my body has fully relaxed from it yet.”
Y/n hums in understanding. Not particularly wanting to break the peace that has settled over them. The only sounds coming from the wildlife roaming around and the soft sound of y/n sipping his coffee. The two sat like that for a while in comfortable silence until Bucky broke it by asking what had you out this late.
“Ah just my brain, it won’t slow down so I came out here to try and, I don’t know, find my peace or something.” In all honesty his dysphoria had been acting up for the first time in a while and it was too much, he had to escape. Y/n was out as a trans man to the Avengers and they had all taken it really well which honestly did kind of surprise him for some reason. He had been transitioning for a couple of years before he started working with them so he passed but he was comfortable enough around them that he wanted to share that part of himself. He decided it’s probably healthy to let some of his thoughts out from bouncing around his head.
“It’s just some dysphoria. I feel like even though I have been transitioning I still don’t look like I am supposed to. I look in the mirror and only notice the problems. My hips, my thighs, my height, my lack of muscles. I know it takes time but I wish I could just flip a switch or sign on a dotted line and it would all get fixed.” Y/n let out more than he was planning on but it felt good to finally say it out loud. He hadn’t talked to his therapist since moving, even though he knew he needed to, and all of the emotions just bubbled up and gushed out.
Bucky looked at him with understanding in his eyes. He didn’t completely get what y/n was going through but he understood the feelings of not being comfortable in your own skin. He wasn’t sure about how to comfort you so just said what came to mind after you had finished talking.
“I’m not sure if it will make a difference, but to me, y/n, I look at you and I see you. Completely as you are with imperfections that aren’t really imperfect because they are yours. I don’t see the things you see because when I look at you. I see a friend, someone I can talk to and share my thoughts or questions without being judged. I know I am not super well at communicating feelings and stuff but you are a big part of how far I’ve come since coming to the compound.You are more than you realize.”
Y/n didn’t know what to say. He had never had someone say anything like that to him before but it was nice. He gave Bucky a grateful small smile that he hoped conveyed the emotions he didn’t know how to put into words. He leaned back into the couch and lifted up the corner of his blanket as an offering to Bucky. He took the opportunity and snuggled in close to y/n. He leaned his head on Bucky’s shoulder and they stayed like that and watched the sun rise.