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It was dark outside; the sun had set hours ago. The shrine was empty, aside from a couple of maidens coming back and forth. No one would notice her, however. The Guuji of the Grand Narukami Shrine was in an isolated corner, clutching her chest and sighing heavily as blood poured out of her lungs.
Her hands were stained red, not only from the scarlet she coughed but also from the petals. Dendrobium petals, named the “lycoris” by poets, bloomed from battlefields where most blood was shed.
Curse these flowers, she thought. If they were Sakura blossoms, Naku weeds, or maybe even Amakumo, it wouldn’t be so agonizing. They stung; they were poison.
It was funny, really. These types of things only occurred in books. She could vividly remember publishing some of those novels, the stories always ending the same:
Once upon a time, there was a young girl. This girl, as foolish as she was, fell in love with a man. He did not reciprocate her feelings, however, but the young girl refused to let go of her desires. She wanted to keep loving the man, even if it meant breaking her heart.
Because of her selfishness, she was cursed by the divine and was made a fool by the heavens.
Slowly as the days went by, she would cough up more and more petals. Those petals were of the flowers the man loved the most, beautiful white blossoms.
The roots expanded throughout her lungs until she could no longer breathe little by little. And eventually, she passed away painfully in a pool of her own blood, Cecilia’s sprouting out of her lungs and adorning her decaying corpse.
The stories tell of a way to get rid of the disease, but it was not as easy as it sounded. By getting rid of the flowers, one would have to sacrifice the love that caused them, meaning their feelings would disappear entirely and could never return. Yet, letting go of such a thing was hard, and so usually they refused to receive treatment.
Humans truly were foolish creatures, letting themselves be led by something as trivial as love. But who was she to judge them so? She too was a fool, having fallen for a god.
Eternity’s best friend and ally. That is as far as her role went, and she’d selfishly broken it.
It was then the kitsune sensed someone close by. She tried to scurry away, but it was of no use seeing that the pain of the roots pressing against her lungs prevented her from moving too quickly. She could’ve sworn she made sure no one had been following her, and even then, it wasn’t like there were many people around so late at night.
“Hello? Is there anyone there?”
Miko turned toward the voice. It was Kano Nana, a shrine maiden she knew quite well. Judging from her panicked expression, she must have noticed the blood dripping down her hands and the corners of her lips. Just her luck.
“Lady Yae! Are you all right!? Oh my, there is so much blood- Ah, wait right here, I’ll go find help- “
Miko grabbed Nana by the corner of her sleeve to stop her from leaving then. She had been trying so hard to hide her condition for the past few months. There was no way she was going to let it all crumble because of this one time she got careless.
“No, do not trouble yourself, Nana. I am fine, it’s not as bad as it looks-“ If her luck couldn’t get any worse, a dreadful cough overtook her, probably one of the worst ones yet. This time, along with the blood, dendrobium petals poured out in chunks. There were dozens, maybe more.
Nana stared agape, speechless.
“Flowers? Could it be...”
Miko gave the shrine maiden a knowing look before she proceeded to cough again, the other now pulling a handkerchief out of her kimono in an attempt to try to clean off some of the blood.
Slowly, Miko managed to catch her breath, and eventually, they made their way toward a bench to rest. Nana must’ve noticed the kitsune’s worry to be seen, and so did not question why they were so isolated from the shrine.
They sat in silence for a while as Miko took time to regain her composure.
“Lady Yae… I'll admit I'm rather surprised and I hope you don’t mind me asking but, how come you haven’t received treatment? Surely, it’s better than suffering like this.”
Miko hesitated at first, not wanting to say too much. However, she figured it wouldn’t hurt to tell Nana some of the truth. She had been nice and respected her wishes in keeping everything a secret for the time being.
“It is far too late for that now. I waited too long, and as a result, any treatment I receive now would be ineffective.”
Nana’s expression turned blue. “I see, I'm sorry.”
Miko turned to look up at the sky. No stars were visible, only clouds that covered it in complete darkness. She could feel the petals starting to die down then, but she knew it wouldn’t be long before they started to act up again.
“Death comes for all of us eventually, does it not? If fate has decided it is time for me to leave this world soon, so be it.”
The kitsune said it as if it was something one talked about on a daily. Yes, she was dying. She had accepted it long ago, and even now that her time was running out, she knew she was ready to welcome it with open arms.
A comfortable silence overtook them once again, Nana nodding in understanding at Miko’s words.
“Assuming I know who it is... You should go see her, Lady Yae.”
Oh? It seemed she was aware of who it was. Not like Miko was trying to hide it anyway. Most people knew of her close relations with their Archon, especially now that she was no longer isolated in her plane and roamed around more often, meaning visiting the Guuji at the shrine regularly.
“Hm, wouldn’t that be rather selfish of me? My feelings are my responsibility to bear and mine alone.”
“The way I see it, it is best to let go of as many regrets as you can first. It is not selfish, but instead, think of it as coming to terms and being at peace with yourself.”
Still gazing at the clouds, Miko gave Nana's words some thought.
“Hm, I suppose so.”
Eventually, she and Nana said their farewells. Miko could feel another episode of coughs coming and didn’t want the poor shrine maiden to witness it again.
She wanted to be alone to gather her thoughts as well. It was something she had found herself doing recently, and thought now would be a good time.
As Miko headed down the steps of the shrine, she could feel the petals going up again just as she had predicted.
Soon enough, she began to cough, blood and petals pouring out all at once. It was painful, the roots of the flowers scratched and grabbed at her lungs like vines, and every breath she took felt heavier and heavier.
Miko held onto her chest, heaving. Something was stuck in her airway, and it was not coming out. The more she tried to gag it out, the more the roots of the flowers poked at her lungs.
After much painful effort, she managed to cough out what it was that had been blocking her throat and the sight had her frozen on the spot.
On her hands sat the most beautiful yet sickening-looking Dendrobium. It was bright red and so unlike the dark crimson of the blood that covered it.
Her time was up.
She knew it would be coming soon, but not this soon. Usually coughing up the full flower meant it would only be minutes before the roots grew into a fully grown sapling, causing her lungs to fail entirely.
An eternal death was coming, and all she could do was accept it.
She was alone. It was very late in the night meaning there was no one around besides Nana who was still up at the shrine. But even then, she did not have the strength to go back up the stairs or yell out for anyone. Being at peace with yourself, she had said. Maybe she could try doing that now.
Miko, with her remaining strength, found a small patch of grass and laid down on it then. It was soft, rather cold but comforting. There was something familiar about the way the grass felt, but she could not put a grasp on it.
She had expected to find the sky to be dark like it was moments prior, only to be met with the most luminescent stars.
They were so beautiful and so bright. Probably the brightest she’d ever seen in decades. If it meant being able to look at these stars during her eternal death, maybe dying wasn’t so bad.
Eternity’s best friend and ally… yes that is as far as her role went. She had selfishly broken it and therefore suffered the consequences. This was her fate, and she had accepted it… so why did she feel so sad?
And why was her face suddenly so warm? It wasn’t the kind of warmth one would feel when going out during the summer or sitting next to a campfire. This warmth felt more homely, safer. She knew this warmth did not belong to something, but rather someone. Someone familiar.
“Miko…”
Yes, she knew this person like the back of her hand.
“Ei”
If she could’ve reached out to her, she would’ve. But there wasn’t any strength left in her body. Miko could barely move now, and breathing was becoming harder and harder. The most she could do now was tilt her head to the side.
She turned her gaze toward the Archon and was met with a sight that made her heart drop.
Her eyes were red, and out of them, tears streamed down her nose and cheeks. The saddest expression adorned her features and all Miko could do was lay there and stare as Ei cupped her cheeks with so much care. Her heart ached, why was this happening now?
“I-im so sorry Miko-“ Ei sniffed and stuttered between words and oh, it broke her.
Judging by the look on her face, she must have noticed all the bloody and decaying Dendrobiums surrounding her. And if her distress didn’t say as much, she knew the other had already realized what was going on.
Ei had to witness yet another loved one pass away in her arms, because of her desire to want something she should’ve already known she couldn’t have. She should be the one apologizing, not her.
“Please don’t cry,” Miko said in between strained breaths. “It’s not- your fault.” What was Ei even apologizing for? She had no fault in any of this. In the end, it was her stupid feelings that had caused this.
Or perhaps she just felt sorry for everything. Everything she's had to endure for the past five hundred years.
“I should’ve noticed it sooner. But I was too worried about myself to realize what was in front of me. Leaving the plane of Euthymia after so long, everything’s been so different for me I just- Why didn’t I notice? It's always the same outcome-“
Miko grabbed ahold of Ei’s hand.
“I am not blaming you for anything Ei,” She was coughing violently now, so many red flowers sprouting and attempting to clog her throat.
Ei, still in tears, held her gently. There wasn’t much she could do except comfort her like this, even if it hurt.
“Ei,” Miko’s voice was but anything above a whisper now. “Can you let me be selfish, one- more time?-” She managed to say before her ability to speak was gone for good. She could feel the roots spreading up her throat, but she held it even if it hurt.
She was not going to let this stupid disease take her, not like this. If this was the fate Celestia had chosen for her, then screw them for she was not going to give them the satisfaction. If they wanted her dead, this was not the way she was going to let it happen.
With her remaining strength, she guided Ei’s hand and placed it above her heart.
Her vision was beginning to blur, but taking one last look into Ei’s eyes she could see the other had gotten the message.
Hopefully, maybe in another life, the other would come to forgive her. Forgive her for being so cruel and unthinking. If the world thought of her as heedless and uncaring, so be it.
She deserved a final wish to be granted.
She could feel the left side of her chest being torn apart, and smell the crimson spreading throughout the ground under her.
Maybe eternity... was a word meant for memories, not people....
Darkness overtook her vision, and the last bit of sound she heard was the familiar trickling of electro, followed by quiet sobs. It would hurt now, but she knew it everything would turn out all right.
It always did.