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Penelope Garcia always found an excuse to leave early on girls nights, but JJ stayed. She basically had to, Emily reasoned, since they normally shared a hotel room during cases. JJ also claimed to want to help Emily clean up, all giddy with glossy eyes and drunk laughter with the occasional hiccup —
How much help could she really be, in that almost euphoric state?
But it wasn't like Emily Prentiss knew how to say no to Jennifer Jareau either.
One night they both reached for the same bottle of red wine and it ended up all over one of JJ's crisp white buttoned down shirts, which wasn't a big problem in itself.
"Oh JJ, I'm sorry!"
"Don't be, it happens."
No, the problem came when JJ simply stripped off the offending piece of clothing and marched right over to the sink in the bathroom, to try to salvage what she could.
Emily did her best not to stare, of course. But she felt her mouth going dry, watching who was essentially her best friend walking away to get out a complicated stain. Been there, tried that. She could have suggested a much better option, like tossing it out and getting a new one? Maybe it was a little too drastic for something other than blood splatter, but she couldn't exactly think rationally right now.
Instead, Emily said nothing as she sat back against the headboard and waited patiently for JJ's return. She readjusted herself, taking on different poses. Trying to appear to be completely calm and composed, despite feeling like she was losing it.
JJ, on the other hand, felt like her skin had soaked up all of the redness from the wine. Her cheeks were flushed as her blood rushed back into them, giving them a slight tint. She'd undressed in front of the others before. Whenever they were at the gym or if they were sharing hotel rooms, just another night like tonight. Yet for some reason, now she was feeling a little too self-aware to continue.
"JJ? Are you alright in there?"
Shit.
"Yeah, I'm fine! I'll just be a minute."
Tossing the tainted shirt into an empty bag to properly clean later, JJ reminded herself that Emily was straight. They both were, right? She remembered her own conventional upbringing, how JJ was always expected to marry a man and have kids. But wasn't that someone else's dream, not hers?
Hearing soft music playing, JJ peered out from the bathroom and watched curiously as Emily found a channel on tv that only played soothing piano music. Her fingers glided across the comforter draped over her lap, as if she were the one playing the ivory keys. There were so many things about Emily that JJ didn't know about.
JJ wanted to learn everything about her.
She wanted to be those keys, watching as Emily's eyes fell closed during a beautiful crescendo. Despite her worn down fingernails, Emily's strong dexterous hands had always gotten JJ's full attention. Wasn't there a joke somewhere in all of this, how nails only got in the way?
Of playing the invisible grand piano, of course.
"You're staring."
Emily's eyes hadn't opened, yet she'd picked up on JJ's movements nearby and the ghost of a smile crossed the dark haired profiler's lips.
"Well yeah, you're hypnotizing."
Emily's eyes finally opened as she moved to stand, surprising JJ by taking her hand and urging her into the middle of the hotel room.
"No shoes."
JJ glanced down at her feet with a small shiver, grinning as she happily kicked off her heels from her sore feet and followed the other woman's lead. First Emily draped her coat over JJ's shoulders, flowing behind her like a cape as it kept her warm. Next, JJ put her hands where Emily told her to, one on her waist and the other hand in hers.
Then they started to slow dance, a self imposed no shoes rule securely in place, while they moved together right there in the middle of the night.
At some point during the dance, Emily had gotten impossibly close. JJ felt like she was hallucinating, feeling the faint sensation of the other woman's lips ghosting along the column of her throat. It was as if Emily were searching for her pulse point, stopping at her collarbone…
Before slumping forward slightly in defeat and resting her chin securely against JJ's shoulder.
JJ exhaled, both in relief and frustration. This wasn't the only slow dance that they had been doing, for months now. The other kind was much more emotional than physical. A dangerous dalliance that was starting to become some kind of epic self discovery legacy. The one where JJ questioned what she needed, as opposed to what she thought she wanted in her life.
Emily Prentiss just had a way of making her question everything.
But they were friends and that was why she had ever entertained anything with that detective, Will. Because if JJ couldn't have Emily, then why not the next best thing? Maybe JJ could learn to love him. It could be like an arranged marriage, but not born out of a dogma or imposed by her parents.
JJ had chosen her very own cage and she was throwing away the key.
Just not yet, not tonight.
Emily's hand had moved from the small of her back, putting some distance between them as it brushed JJ's blonde hair behind the curve of her ear. There was an unspoken question in her eyes as they looked at each other, shortly before Emily's gaze betrayed her completely and drifted down to visually trace JJ's soft mouth.
JJ bit her lips, unintentionally sending all the wrong — or maybe oh so right — signals to her friend, who leaned in for a taste. But JJ pulled away before they could ever connect, seemingly jolting Emily out of her tipsy liquid courage inspired daze. Before she could explain, Emily began to compartmentalize and quickly stepped back even further, the distance between them growing.
"Em…"
"I'm sorry, Jennifer."
Usually the way that Emily spoke her name made JJ contemplate if it merely existed to be said by her and her only, but this time it was laced with guilt and hurt. Neither of which belonged. Not here, not with her.
JJ tried to meet Emily's skittish gaze, wanting to erase all of the shame that was playing across her face now. She wanted so desperately to tell her not to apologize. To tell her about Will, about herself, about how it was all a farce.
Did Emily know, about her and Will?
Or was she just feeling humiliated because she thought that she'd kissed her not-so-straight best friend?
"Emily, it's okay."
It wasn't okay. None of it was. Emily looked like she wanted the ground to open up underneath her and swallow her whole. Like she wanted to be woken up from this dream, to be called out to a case in the middle of nowhere where she could finally be alone with her mistake. How could she risk this, one of the only friendships that she'd ever maintained?
"Emily, I…"
There were miles between them now, so hard to bridge a gap that she'd put into place herself by pulling away. Because it was what JJ was best at, running away before she got hurt. But who's to say that Emily would ever hurt her?
Did JJ even have a heart worth breaking?
JJ's hands were shaking slightly as she saw her chance and she didn't take it. Her life was composed of so many of them. Relationships, job offers, wasted potential —
That was the main script of her entire life: a repertoire of lost chances.
"I have to go."
With that, Emily turned and left the hotel room. JJ was left standing there by herself, turning her head and unintentionally catching the scent of Em's shampoo on the collar of the coat draped around her shoulders. It was both comforting and unsettling, how quickly she fell asleep curled up in an empty hotel bed with the sleeves of the other woman's coat wrapped around her.
"Good night, Em."