Work Text:
Raja and Raven sat on their respective stools in the green room in the basement of World of Wonder. Raja was wearing a black velvet top with a deep neckline and a ruffled collar, her natural silver hair pulled back into a ponytail. Raven wore a black top as well, which was sequined and had large puffy shoulders, her hair a black bob that sat close to her scalp.
“Hi everyone!” Raja said, waving enthusiastically at the camera. “It’s Raja.”
“And I’m Raven,” Raven chimed in with a smile.
“And welcome to another episode of Fashion Photo REview!” Raja called out, gesturing dramatically with her arms.
“Where we are tooting and booting the looks of Resident Evil 8: Village,” Raven explained.
“Ooh,” Raja reacted, “ooky spooky village. And is there a theme for the looks?” she asked.
Raven shook her head. “Come as you are. They are just giving us their best Resident Evil realness, and we’re gonna toot it and boot it.”
“Alright, and up first is: Lady Dimitrescu!” Raja said, looking down at the first photo. “And Lady D, as she is known, is wearing a white gown, which- oh, I actually love this gown. I love the way it’s gathered in front.”
Raven was also impressed. “That dress hits the floor,” she said, looking up at the camera. “And you know she’s a big girl, and she went to the store and bought bolts and bolts of that white fabric. She said, ‘I am not skimping.’”
“And I really like the hat,” Raja breathed. “I looove a big hat, I just think it looks so glamorous. It’s very sort of 1920s jazz lounge singer.”
Raven nodded. “I love that the hat matches the gloves, matches the flowers on the shoulder, matches the hair. Everything is just so.”
“And her makeup is beautiful,” Raja commented, looking more closely at the picture.
“Oh she’s always painted,” Raven agreed.
“This is a very well put together look, and I give Lady D an absolute toot,” Raja concluded, looking back up at the camera.
“Tooooot,” Raven sang out.
Raja flipped to the next photo. “And next we have: Ethan Winters!”
The two queens stared down at the photo silently for a few moments, Raven blinking a few times pointedly.
“Well, what do you think?” Raven asked finally.
Raja gave a little laugh. “You know, I’m struggling with this,” she said. “I like casual separates, and you know I like a pants on the runway moment. But this is just too pedestrian. It’s like Santee Alley-”
“Girl, this isn’t even Santee Alley,” Raven interrupted with a laugh, “it’s TJ Maxx.”
“I knowww,” Raja whined in agreement.
“And once again, the face is obscured,” Raven pointed out. “We saw this last season with Ethan. How are you gonna serve face when we can’t see your face?”
Raja threw her hands up. “Well you know everyone has to have their gimmick now and they just squeeze all of the juice out of it that they can get,” she said exasperatedly. “Monet had her sponges, Mo Heart had her brown cow print, and now Ethan has his not having a face.”
“I will say, the body is right,” Raven offered. “You can tell he worked out. He said, ‘I’m coming back, and I’m gonna look my best.’”
“Oh, he went to the gym” Raja agreed, “he did his planks and his crunches.”
“But then he covered it in a sweater, a parka, jeans, and your dad’s dress shoes,” Raven continued.
Raja sighed. “Yeahhh, this is not a successful look, and I’m just gonna have to give it a boot.”
“It’s a boot,” Raven agreed quickly.
“Okay next up is Donna Beneviento,” Raja said, examining the next picture. “Dressed all in black. It’s very gothic, sort of Victorian, too. I definitely like those points of reference. I like that there’s a little bit of a shoulder pad to give it some shape on top without being too boxy. And I like the veil.” She looked up at the camera. “You know, I know everybody is just sick of comparing queens to each other and we’re not supposed to do that, but it does make me think of Jaida Essence Hall’s Woman in Black look from our All Winners season.”
“And you know she’s a puppeteer,” Raven said, “so she’s here with her friend Angie.” She looked at Raja, wondering what the other queen would think of that.
“I feel like we haven’t really seen puppets on the mainstage since, I don’t know, maybe Jaymes Mansfield or something,” Raja mused. “I like this, though. It’s kind of creepy, and I like that it plays with proportion: she’s got this really skinny, lithe body, and then that big puppet head.”
“Now, her face is hidden,” Raven pointed out. “And we just read Ethan for that.”
“I don’t mind that Donna has her face covered,” Raja replied, “because I feel like it’s saying something. There’s a reason, there’s a purpose: she’s drawing your eye to the puppetry. And she didn’t have to worry about doing her makeup, and that’s smart. So I’m gonna give it a toot. Donna and Angie both get a toot from me.”
“Eh,” Raven thought aloud, gesturing with her hands that she wasn’t feeling strongly about it. “It’s a toot. Like, you did the assignment. It’s not a TOOT, but it’s a toot, it’s just above the line between toot and boot.”
“Alright, next we have: Karl Heisenberg,” Raja went on. “And I’m seeing another big hat. I think maybe we found out Trend Alert here.”
Raven looked at the photo. “My main problem with this is that the boots cut off the leg. If you have long, beautiful legs like Naomi Smalls, you can get away with that. But Karl does not.”
“I like the trenchcoat,” Raja offered. “I think it’s a good length.”
“Imagine if it went all the way to the floor, though,” Raven said.
“Ooh, imagine if it had a train,” Raja added. “A trench coat with a train? Fierce.” She shifted in her seat. “Umm, but this is okay.”
“There are elements of this I like,” Raven said. “I like the coat, I like the glasses, it’s just… it’s not enough, you know? This is Resident Evil Eight. The belt is just a belt, I’m not sure what exactly is around his neck, the hair is kind of a mess, I just need more.”
“Well I think he looks good,” Raja decided, “and I’m gonna give Karl a toot.”
“And I’m gonna give him a boot,” Raven said, looking up at the camera unfazed. “To go with his boots.”
Raja flipped over to the next photo. “Next up: Mother Miranda! Wow.”
“This is a motherfucking toot, and I’ll tell you why,” Raven exclaimed immediately.
“Tell us,” Raja encouraged her.
“That headdress is mag-nificent,” Raven said. “And you know it weighs twenty pounds, and she wore it all day for this.”
“I love the gold mask, too,” Raja said.
“I could see you wearing that, actually,” Raven said with a laugh.
“Oh, I would totally wear that,” Raja agreed.
“Now, what do you think about the feathers?” Raven asked.
“I love all the feathers,” Raja answered. “I mean, it’s a little bit Christmas angel with the feather skirt. Like, I feel like I’m gonna put her on top of the Christmas tree. But why am I being so picky, I mean this is fantastic. I’m actually-” She looked over at Raven. “You know what? I’m gonna Shoot it.”
“Shoooot,” Raven agreed readily.
Raven took a turn changing over the photos. “Next up, Chris Redfield. Boot.”
“What??” Raja called out with a laugh. “You think??”
“Giiirl,” Raven said, shaking her head as she looked down at the photo. “It’s a boot. We don’t even need to talk about it.”
Raja looked at the photo as well, hoping to find something about it to compliment. “I like the monochrome, though,” she offered. “All black? Very chic.”
“Monochrome is nice,” Raven agreed, “but the actual clothes have to look good. And that turtleneck is wrinkled.”
“You are being ridiculous,” Raja said, “this look is perfectly presentable. I actually really like the jacket, I like the huge lapels and the big statement collar-”
“You are high as fuck if you are about to toot this,” Raven laughed out.
“I am high as fuck!” Raja confirmed.
“You are, but this is a boot,” Raven said. “We’re gonna boot it.”
“Ugh, okay hold on let me consult with myself,” Raja said, rotating on her stool away from the camera and doing some fake math on an imaginary chalkboard. “Add three, carry the two…” she whispered to herself. She then turned back. “Okay, yeah, I’m gonna boot it.”
“Cuz it’s a boot!” Raven exclaimed.
“Alright up next: Elena Lupu,” Raja said.
Raven took a moment to look at the photo completely. “Okay here’s the issue,” she said finally. “I like all the pieces of this…”
“But they don’t go together,” Raja said, completing the thought.
“Right. I like the sweater, with something else. I like the skirt, with something else.”
“What do you think of the length of the skirt, though?” Raja asked; they were usually picky about that.
“I feel like it should either be longer and touch the floor, or shorter,” Raven explained, “maybe at the knee?”
“Ooh, or why not a mini skirt?” Raja suggested excitedly. “Right? Just go for it.”
“And there’s not enough jewelry,” Raven continued. “Give me an earring, give me a bracelet, give me something. The outfit itself… it’s frumpy. It doesn’t do her figure any favors.”
“She’s a very pretty girl,” Raja offered.
“She’s beautiful,” Raven agreed quickly. “But we’re judging the fashion.”
“Well, I think it’s okay, honestly,” Raja said, looking up at the camera. “It’s a little simple, but it’s better than some of the other looks we’ve seen. This is Village, and she’s a villager. So because she got the assignment right, I’ll give it a soft toot.”
Raven was silent for a moment. “Well, I don’t like it,” she decided quietly, blinking at the camera. “So I’m booting it.”
Raven reached over to the increasingly sparse stack of photos to change it to the next one. “Next up: Rose Winters. And it’s a boot.”
“What??” Raja asked, surprised again at how quickly Raven had decided that; she hadn’t even looked at it herself yet. “Why??”
“I mean, where do I start?” Raven asked incredulously. “The jeans are ripped. The sneakers are dirty. The hair is thirsty, and she just has a simple black baseball cap on.”
“You are harsh today,” Raja said, shaking her head at the camera. “They’re gonna come after you.”
“They will come after me,” Raven agreed simply. “But I don’t care, cuz I don’t read YouTube comments.”
Raja leaned into the photo. “And is that the same jacket-”
“Yes, she’s wearing the same jacket that Ethan was wearing,” Raven answered. “If I was in the werkroom and I saw another girl pulling the same thing out of her bag that I was pulling out of mine…”
“You have to find something else to wear,” Raja confirmed. “And the jacket’s too big on her! Does it reveal into something?” She asked, reaching over to see if there was another photo underneath that one.
“Nope,” Raven said with a laugh. “It’s just a jacket.”
Raja shook her head. “I’m sure she’s a very sweet girl, but yeah, no, it’s gonna have to be a boot.”
“Like father, like daughter,” Raven concluded. “BOOT.”
Raja turned over to the next photograph. “And last but not least: Salvatore Moreau.” She studied the photo. “I think this is a really strong look for Moreau, actually. I like the bone and rope crown. I like all the sort of fungal, barnacle-like appliques on the jacket and pants. This is definitely giving horror, it’s giving Resident Evil.”
“And this one did have a reveal,” Raven said, moving that photo aside to reveal the final picture.
“Wow,” Raja reacted. “All of those pustules and eyes all over the back. I mean, I don’t want to claim any inspiration or anything, but you all know I’m sort of known for pioneering the eye motif back in the day. Umm, but this is great. It’s totally punk rock, and this is exactly the type of thing I would wear just to go to Trader Joe’s to get quinoa.”
“So is it a toot, or a boot?” Raven asked, looking at Raja.
“Definitely a toot,” Raja answered.
“Two toots,” Raven confirmed.
Now that they were finished critiquing each photo, Raja and Raven moved to wrap up the episode.
“Trend Alert!” Both queens exclaimed at the same time. “Black.”
“Black on black on black,” Raja sang.
“Black hats,” Raven said, giving the camera a seductive look.
“Black jackets,” Raja whispered.
“Wrinkly black turtlenecks,” Raven said, suppressing a laugh.
“Big, black collars,” Raja moaned.
“The trend is black,” Raven deadpanned to the camera. “A bunch of people wore black.”
Both queens spoke in unison again: “Our Top Toot of the Week is… Mother Miranda!”
“Condragulations, Miranda,” Raven said, clapping her hands.
“Looove this look, Miranda, props to you,” Raja said, giving a golf clap as well.
“Putting the mother in Mother Miranda,” Raven added.
“Alright, that’s all for this week,” Raja said, concluding the show. “Be sure to tune in next week for another episode of Fashion Photo REview!”
“And don’t forget to subscribe to WOW Presents!” Raven finished.