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Opening the door rather roughly, Childe slips into the driver seats and turns on the engine of his car. After making sure that the aircon is on and his phone is properly connected to the speaker and its standee, he drives off from the underground parking area of his apartment.
The low hum of a random RnB song fills the car as the light from nearby street lights make fast-paced silhouettes on the dashboare. His navigation system beeps as it’s finally fully synchronized with his phone and Childe instinctively takes a glance on its screen. It’s already so late into the night, almost one in the morning and yet here he is, making one decisive turn that lets him get into the absolutely empty highway, knowing that it’ll give him the peace and simplicity that he needs in this lonely night.
Childe takes a deep sigh, as he lets his shoulder slouches a little. As if the heavy burden in his heart is literally weighing his shoulder down.
Flash of tall, dark-haired male with molten orange eyes hits his mind and he grimaces a little as it brings a painful wrench on his chest. Never in his lifetime, did he think that he’ll get this distraught over a relationship.
Can it even be considered as a relationship anymore?
The ginger-haired man grips his steering wheel tighter, before he consciously slackens them once again.
What’s the use of getting worked up? He’s here to clear his mind, not the other way around. However, it doesn’t stop the melancholy he feels as coincidentally a slow and sad-sounding song is played in the background.
‘Why can’t you understand?’
‘Childe, my decision is final. We can’t get married yet-’
‘Why? Is it because of-’
Childe takes a deep shaky breath as he shakes off the memory, but even then, the image of Zhongli’s cold expression, with his narrowed eyes and tight jaw can’t escape his mind entirely.
Zhongli loves him, but just not enough, never enough in comparison of-
Childe lets out a bitter chuckle. In retrospect, it might’ve partly been his mistake as well. Loving someone who’s still not over with his past, even Tonia knows better than that. He licks his dry lips, as his eyes unwillingly moistens at the pathetic reminder and familiar pain erupts in his chest.
He loves Zhongli much more than he has ever realized, it seems.
Their relationship is practically doomed at this point. He fully realizes that he has to let it go, one way or another, before it breaks them, breaks him beyond apart but-
Why is it so hard to let go of his warm hands?
Why is it so hard to take an elegant step back, to close the curtain of this romantic stage he has set up for himself?
Why did he love him so much? Even parting ways with his exes weren’t this hard, this painful, this distracting.
Hell, he’s still on amicable terms with them too.
However, if it's Zhongli…
‘Childe, don’t be ridiculous. Can’t you consider my perspective-’
‘What about mine? Have you considered me in that oh so holy decision of yours, Zhongli? Have you?’
‘Watch your words, Childe.’
‘You just don’t want to admit that-’
A frustrated growl bubbles from his throat as he hits the accelerator.
Why why why for Archon’s sake why-
A lone tear finally slips down from his eyes. Beeps and warnings from his phone and his navigation screen due to his high speed cuts the song off, but he pays it no mind. In fact, he’d have kept hitting the accelerator if it’s not for the sudden ringtone that echoes within his car.
His phone screen’s changes from the map’s layout into the very person he’d like to avoid and forget tonight.
Childe slowly decreases his speed, as his eyes can’t help but keep glancing at his uprighted phone beside his steering wheel. Zhongli seems to be in his house, although he’s still clad in his typical light brown shirt. The dark filter from the video-call can't give him a clear view of the older male’s face, but it’s enough for him to see the gauntness on his face and how the ever healthy and routine-abiding Zhongli actually has eyebags.
It’s not long before the call is cut off and a message notification appears on his phone.
‘Where are you? It’s dangerous, Baobei, please lower your speed.’
Ah.
Childe scoffs disbelievingly. It completely slips from his mind that Zhongli’s phone is still connected to his account.
Of course he must’ve seen the notification alerts.
He hits the accelerator again, never minding that his screen changes again to show Zhongli’s face as the older male relentlessly video-calls him. A scoff escapes from Childe. Here he is, speeding up on this empty highway to clear his mind and erase Zhongli’s presence even if it’s only for a few hours, and yet the taller man keeps plaguing him like a fucking pest.
‘Baobei, slow down.’
‘Where are you? At least answer my call.’
‘Childe I’m worried please decrease your speed.’
’Childe, please.’
When Zhongli won’t cease calling him even after ten minutes in, Childe has enough. He decreases his speed and it’s not long before he can brake safely and change the gears. His car stops with a low thud and he takes his phone from its stand, rejects Zhongli’s call and opens the navigation application. Childe opens the setting and scrolls down until he finds the devices menu. Before the list appears though, the older male’s face pops up once again and Childe hisses when he accidentally receives the call instead.
“Baobei-”
He doesn’t give Zhongli any time to say more and ends the call. The screen returns to the list of devices menu and he swiftly unlinks Zhongli’s phone. He rejects the call one more time before he puts his phone back to the stand.
Childe wipes his surprisingly wet face and takes a deep breath, before he changes his gears and his car moves once again.
‘Did you just unlink my phone?’
‘Childe, please you don’t seem in the right mind to drive.’
‘Please drive safely.’
‘Where are you?’
‘I’ll come to you, please tell me where you are.’
‘Childe please stay safe.’
‘I don’t want to lose you.’
Even the notifications from the older male only makes him angrier as the hurt he feels seems to multiply. With his left hand, he rips his phone from its stand and turns it off, before throwing it to the seat beside him.
Would the older man have contacted him if it’s not for the dangerous speed notification?
I’ll come to you
Stay safe
I don’t want to lose you
Such.. such bullshit.
He’s not even that eager and desperate for marriage. He’s just… he’s just trying to make sure that Zhongli remains as his, that the dark-haired male will be officially tied to him in the eyes of law and public.
Childe takes a deep sigh as he lets the silence and the low hum of his engine calm his raging emotion. He doesn’t increase his speed anymore and resumes his initial lax speed as he turns the radio on. Random news and advertisements become his new best friend as he lets the empty road lead him to wherever it is.
The ginger-haired man doesn’t know how long has passed with his muddled mind, but when he sees another rest area, he decides to take the turn to get water and maybe some candies. He parks his car in one of the many empty places, before he slams his forehead on his steering wheel.
Childe closes his eyes momentarily, before he turns his head to the left and winces a little when he notices that he’s already on the last rest area in Liyue, before he crosses the border to Mondstat. He scowls when he inadvertently realizes that Zhongli was right. It’s kind of dangerous for him to go off at that speed, seeing that he’s already near the border.
His hand reaches for his phone and stares at it tentatively, before he turns it on. Immediately, his bar is bombarded with multiple messages and missed calls. He skips them all, but the last message catches his eyes.
‘Please, I won’t bother you anymore but tell me that you’re safe.’
Another pain wrenches his heart at the damning message. Even when he’s hurt like this, his heart is still so soft for the dark-haired male. He tries to type several messages to respond to Zhongli but none feel appropriate. Childe ends up with a short reply,
‘I am. Don’t worry.’
He blinks when he immediately sees bubbles of typing from Zhongli’s side, as if the older man has been waiting and staring at their chat screen.
‘Where are you?’
Childe doesn’t know what fills him. Courage, exhaustion and perhaps resignation as his heart steadily gets numb with each syllable he types.
‘Zhongli, let’s end this.’
His screen immediately lights up once again to show Zhongli’s name, as the older male waits for him to accept his call. His finger hovers hesitantly at the green button, before he swipes right to receive it. Childe hasn’t even gotten the chance to say anything when Zhongli immediately says, “Childe, where are you?”
The younger man takes a deep breath. “Zhongli, listen-”
“I will pretend that your last message is a lapse of judgment.” The dark-haired man cuts firmly. “Where are you now? I’ll come to you.”
“This situation is beyond what we are able to handle, Zhongli.” Childe murmurs quietly as another sense of numbness washes over him. “We are not okay, we are hurting each other. You are hurting me.” He shakily says. “There’s no point on holding onto this relationship-”
Zhongli exhales harshly. “Baobei, you don’t understand-”
“It’s beyond rationality and understanding, Zhongli.” Childe says. “Just how greedy and selfish you are, to hold onto me and yet you don’t dare to take a step forward with me?” He starts. “Just tell me that your past caught up to you and now you can’t choose.” He continues. “Just tell me honestly that you’re at a junction and you don’t know where to go, which hand you should grab onto.” He quietly says as his voice cracks in the middle. Childe doesn’t even realize the tears that have gathered on the corner of his eyes as the doneness he feels in his heart overwhelms everything. “You can’t afford to choose me in a heartbeat, I can’t afford to be in this relationship anymore.”
“Childe, love please, at least let’s sit down and discuss this face to face.” Zhongli says, as he doesn’t bother to hide the desperation in his voice.
“Why? So you can hurt me more?” Childe chuckles rather wetly.
“No.” Zhongi says sternly. “So I can have you in my arms and tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you, Childe.” He whispers. “It’s you, who I can’t live without, Baobei.”
“Zhongli, my decision is final. We are over from this moment.” Childe calmly says, throwing the older male’s old words back before adding, “Let’s meet up, I’ll return the ring.”