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The apartment was awfully quiet when he came back, save only for Leon’s soft barking when he heard Koga pull the keys out of his bag. He frowned as he opened the door, leaning over to welcome his puppy, looking around the hallway as Leon licked his fingers, happy to see him again. But there was no music playing softly in the apartment, no humming, and no Kaoru’s coat on the hanger by the door.
Koga sighed. He knew Kaoru should be home by now and Leon’s bowl was full, so it surely wasn’t that long since he left. No new messages on his phone, and no sticky notes on the fridge either. He tried to remember if Kaoru mentioned having to leave in the evening, but there was no memory of that in his brain. He put his bag away and sighed, getting Leon’s leash and clipping it onto his collar, telling his puppy they will go on an early walk today. They had his stupid dad to pick up on their way there.
They stepped out like they always would, Leon loyal by his side and patient when Koga gently tugged him in the opposite way of the doggy park in the neighborhood, never once complaining, sensing Koga’s tiredness and dutifully following after him. Koga raised him better than to whine and tug on the leash and Leon already knew where they were going anyway.
Because Koga knew exactly where to find him.
There was only one place where Kaoru went when he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, when he wanted to think or clear his head. And usually Koga would leave him to it, not pushing too hard and letting Kaoru have his safe space when he needed that. He knew better than to force Kaoru to come back home, especially when he always allowed Koga to have his alone time, hiding in the studio or shutting himself inside his room and writing music whenever he needed to. But summer was long over and evenings got colder and colder with each and every passing day.
He would rather have Kaoru complain about Koga coming there for one evening than hear him complain about getting a cold for the next week or so.
The sea was shining with pinks and oranges and reds when he took off his shoes, the soles of his feet hitting the cold sand. It was too late and too cold for people to really take walks here at this time of the year, Koga wrapping his leather jacket tighter around himself as he started walking towards Kaoru’s usual spot. He promised himself only to call him if it turned out he wasn’t there. Not wanting to come across as overprotective or nosy or annoying, even though he knew he would play it off as not caring at all.
There was a little, battered bench by a big tree and Koga saw him before Kaoru could notice anyone coming close, too busy staring at the sun, now halfway hidden behind the horizon. Leon got impatient by Koga’s side though, following the footsteps Kaoru left in the damp sand and Koga took pity on him, taking off his leash and letting him run, straight to the bench Kaoru sat on.
And Koga saw him flinch before even looking Leon’s way, the startled look on his face visible even from a distance. For a second Koga considered letting his puppy deal with that, turning back and waiting for them to come back home when Kaoru decided it was the right time, pretending as if nothing had happened. But then Kaoru looked up, meeting Koga’s eyes and he knew there was no running away now. Koga squared his shoulders and walked towards him, deciding that dealing with it now instead of pretending it didn’t happen was the mature thing to do. He was an adult now, he couldn’t keep running away from all the uncomfortable conversations and unpleasurable experiences forever.
Kaoru looked down, as if only now really realizing he wasn’t alone anymore. He blinked, looking into the puppy's dark eyes and Leon stared back at him, trying to figure out what was wrong, because it was clear to him that something happened. Leon put his paws on Kaoru’s shin, leaving damp and sandy pawprints on his jeans, whining softly as if to ask if there was something wrong. Their puppy was always more honest than either of his dads.
Kaoru didn’t look up when Koga finally caught up to them, instead choosing to scratch behind Leon’s ears because he couldn’t help himself, and also to have something to do with his hands. Koga stared at him for a moment, bangs falling into his eyes. He could try all he wanted, but Koga knew him too well, knowing Kaoru tends to duck away and hide his swollen eyes, puffy from crying and unwilling to reach out for help.
“Don’t you dare come into the bed with a fever tonight,” Koga clicked his tongue, but he still dug around in his pocket to offer him a tissue.
Kaoru took a second to take it from him, wiping his hands on his pants first. He didn’t say anything before blowing his nose and then folding the tissue carefully before putting it in his coat pocket. It made Koga sigh and he grumbled for Koaru to scoot over, he wasn’t going to stand there all evening long.
Kaoru kept his eyes on Leon stubbornly and Koga was getting frustrated. He wanted to help somehow, but being the first one to offer comfort was something he still struggled with. It was hard, not being good with his words when your boyfriend needed them. Especially when he was so talkative all the time, only shutting down in situations like this. It was easier to deal with Kaoru when he was annoying, as much as it pissed Koga off most days.
“Was it your stupid dad again?” he tried, staring at the sea, following the waves with his eyes. He felt Kaoru shake his head but he still wouldn’t say what the issue was.
Koga waited for a bit, letting him gather his words and offering him space to say something if he wanted to. He felt tempted to look at Kaoru when he heard him sniffle, but kept his eyes on the horizon stubbornly, not wanting to impose. Maybe he should have stayed back at home and just waited for Kaoru to return, to give him the time he needed. But his hands itched to do something, comfort him somehow - maybe not with words, since he was still terrible at conveying his thoughts. He loved him though, as much as it was still embarrassing to admit at times, somehow.
“It’s the anniversary of mom’s death next week,” Kaoru admitted finally, his voice weak and croaky. “It’s stupid. It's been so long.”
Koga felt bad now for acting like an idiot. Right, it was this time of the year again. Kaoru always spoke of his mom with fondness, telling Koga about her, all the stories he managed to remember from his childhood. But even after so many years, Kaoru still missed her.
“It’s not stupid,” he grumbled. “It’s not stupid if it makes you feel sad.”
Koga tried his best not to come off as ignorant or cold, but he was terrible at comforting people. It was easier to do things for others, rather than offer them words of compassion. Actions and grand gestures always felt more reasonable to Koga, especially when his words simply refused to come out of his mouth in the right way, just the way he wanted them to sound. Though he knew he should say something to his own boyfriend to at least try and make him feel better.
“But, you’re seriously gonna get sick if you stay in the cold any longer,” Koga sighed and stood up, offering Kaoru his hand. He wanted to touch him, see if his face was cold from the sea breeze or hot from his tears, but he held himself back for now. Kaoru’s hand was certainly cold when he took Koga’s, and he squeezed their tangled hands in the pocket of his jacket. Leon immediately jumped up to stand by their feet, Koga putting the leash back on him. He squeezed Kaoru’s hand in his pocket, wanting to warm him up somehow and show him he was there for him. His voice was softer when he spoke again. “Let’s go home. I’ll make you pancakes for dinner.”
Kaoru rubbed his eyes with his fist and nodded. “Okay.”