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Xiao must be a fool.
That's the only thing on his mind as he slowly walks into one of the bedrooms in The Wangshu Inn, trying to be as quiet as possible. Getting caught by someone while trying to see Lumine isn't something he'd want to experience - knowing Verr Goldet, she would assume that he's in love with the famous traveler.
And maybe he is. That seems like the only reasonable explanation to what he's doing now.
His heart is beating so fast that Xiao wonders if it's echoing in the quiet air the way it's roaring in his ears. But as he walks deeper inside and his gaze lands on Lumine, he realizes that she doesn't hear it nor notice him.
She must be sick. Hence, she's on the bed, lying beneath multiple blankets yet still trembling from the cold.
Xiao has seen her being asleep many times, watching her breathe deeply, her chest rising and falling peacefully in a steady rhythm. Sometimes, she even murmured his name with her eyes closed, probably not lucid enough to remember it nor to do it on purpose.
Nevertheless, seeing her like this - so vulnerable and brittle unlike her usual self - makes something within his chest ache. He should do something to dull her pain as soon as possible.
"...Xiao?" He freezes, his muscles tensing at the suddenness of her words. "W-What are you doing here?"
"You didn't come to the balcony today, I thought something might be wrong." Xiao answers swiftly, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible - whether he succeeds, he's not quite sure.
Slowly, he takes a few steps closer towards the bed. Lumine watches him lean against the wall right next to her with arms crossed in front of his chest.
For a moment he remains silent, studying her face as if he's trying to learn it by heart.
"It seems that I was right."
He doesn't even have to ask to know how bad she feels. Now that Xiao stands closer, he can clearly notice that her cheeks are dusted with blush and that there are tears in her eyes. Lumine's expression is unreadable but he's still able to see a hint of sadness in it.
"Ah..." Lumine sighs quietly and xiayo watches how the light in her eyes gradually dims. He feels his heart sinking a little. "I should have told Paimon to inform you but she flew away to the Bubu Pharmacy and you probably noticed how hard it's to stop her. But I'm so sorry for making you wait in this cold..."
"There's no need." Xiao interrupts. "I didn't wait too long."
It's obviously a lie. She's probably aware of this, too.
Actually, he waited for long hours at that goddamn balcony, hoping that she would show up like she always does. Every minute of that time was almost like a silent torture when he could sense that is somehing's wrong with Lumine.
It was like an instinct if anything. As if there's a strange mystical bond tying them together and causing him to know what she's going through - no matter if it's a sickness or something else that bothers her.
Today it was like that, too.
The air was warm against his skin when Xiao was watching the sunset on the rooftop; and yet, a cold shiver kept on running down his spine. Even much later, when the moon was starting to be more visible in the sky, the uncomfortable feeling still lingered, buried within his chest.
He tried to meditate, hoping that it could save him from thoughts wandering back to her, somehow. His eyes were closed and he focused on his steady breathing, on the sound of wind swirling in the air—
His breath hitched. He heard her again.
"Dwelling on the past you cannot change does you no good." With a heavy sigh, Xiao shakes his head as if he's trying to make his thoughts scatter across the starry sky. It doesn't work that well. "You're probably already aware that you simply punish yourself for an insignificant thing now."
Lumine looks up at him, her eyes glazed with the usual fierceness.
"It's easy for you to say, Xiao. But I know you don't listen to your own advice, anyway."
Silence falls between the two of them. Although it's as comfortable as always, it holds a certain hint of tension.
Xiao can't even try to deny it when every word lumine says is true. How is it possible that she knows him so well and can see right through him?
It's crazy to think that even now he's acting the way she described - nagging himself for not bringing some warm food for Lumine. Or almond tofu, even.
As much as Xiao prefers to keep his distance from mortals, he's familiar with some of their traditions and behaviors. That's why he knows that taking medicine and resting is one thing that might be important while recovering. But to fully regain strength, Lumine needs to drink a lot and eat something healthy.
It's okay, Xiao will take care of that matter later. He's been planning to stay with her, anyway.
He tries to convince himself that it's not because of his feelings for her.
It's just... It wouldn't be good if she stayed out here all alone while feeling bad. Knowing Lumine, she would recklessly try to go back to work faster than she should. Staying in Teyvat must be quite lonesome for her and it's obvious that someday, she will reach the peak of hopelessness.
And if she needs someone during times like this... Someone to look after her and protect her from falling sick again... Who's better for this job than Xiao?
He's supposed to protect people in Liyue, after all - including Lumine. It's only natural if he takes care of her now.
Nevertheless, he can't shake off the knowledge heaving somewhere within his chest - just like his karmic debt is - and telling him that it's just an excuse.
This burden, however, is much sweeter, making his heart race and not ache. Instead of nightmares, now he's haunted by the sweet dreams of being close to her and hearing his name falling off her lips.
Temptations to kiss her until she's breathless aren't his demons, either. Even more intense ones aren't - for example, those about biting down Lumine's shoulder, leaving marks on her neck and making her gasp as his kisses go down her body—
Xiao clears his throat, glancing at her. "You should have called me. I could help you."
Even though he tries to sound firm, there's a quiet undertone in his voice - much softer, fonder. Much to his delight, Lumine is unaware of it.
"I didn't want to bother you. It's nothing serious, just some stupid cold caused by the autumn weather. And maybe it's an effect of me overworking myself, too."
Xiao sends her a half-hearted glare.
"But some good rest will solve everything!" Lumine adds quickly, smiling sheepishly. "Besides, I'm a strong girl, I can manage to deal with this on my own. And you have the whole Liyue and its citizens to protect so—"
"I swore my oath to you, Lumine."
A heavy sigh escapes Xiao's lips. It's almost funny how his hands are shaking right now and yet, his voice and heart is filled with so much certainty and emotions that it should scare him.
Before he can think about it, words spill out of him again. "I will always be there when you call, no matter how small your problem might seem. I will always be there if you want me to."
Lumine blinks slowly, her lips parting.
Her eyes are gleaming even more than usual and Xiao wonders if it's really true or if it's just a trick his mind plays on him. Or it might be all because of her sickness.
But as she covers up her rose-tinted cheeks, his heart swells with pride. It must be his words that affected her so much.
"You know, Xiao..." she whispers, her voice almost inaudible as it's muffled by the blankets. "I've heard that a true love's kiss can break any curse and heal every wound."
He freezes, his mind going blank.
It's not a shock that Lumine feels something for him. Xiao must have been blind if he didn't notice already that her face lights up every time she gets close to him and their shoulders brush. Or when he finally agrees to her idea to go out somewhere and she runs into his arms, pulling him into a tight warm hug.
Lumine can't stop smiling once they're walking, her fingers intertwined with his as they hold hands. Sometimes, in silent moments of boldness when the adrenaline rushes through his veins, Xiao tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and watches her hold in a breath as if she's afraid that once she moves or does anything, this moment will shatter.
They are not like they used to be.
Instead, their bond is growing stronger with each of Lumine's visits. He wonders if there's some heavenly force - a fate, perhaps - pulling them together.
Of course, she's not the only one who experiences all those intense emotions simmering within her heart. Much to his own horror, Xiao has been wondering for quite some time now how it would be to get even closer to her, too. Images of her sleeping in his arms and his kisses lingering on her skin show up inside his mind often, keeping him up at night.
The hatred for those thoughts isn't as big as Xiao thinks it should be, though.
His soul is tainted by karmic debt - for now Lumine doesn't experience side effects of it but who knows what will happen if they get even closer. In the past, every single thing he touched became sick with sadness or went insane...
Xiao would rather burn in the depths of hell until the point of insanity slowly devouring him than allow the effects of his past to hurt her.
Perhaps, he should work on his self-control again. Even if he doesn't want to put distance between them, it might be for the better.
His palm reaches to her face, fingertips barely brushing against her forehead.
"Your fever must be rising." Xiao mumbles underneath his breath. It sounds more like an excuse for her words than anything. "You should rest and I—"
"Wait! Don't go!"
Before he can take a few steps closer towards the door, Lumine grabs him by his sleeve, preventing him from walking away. The sound of her heavy breaths fills the air as both of them remain quiet in the moments that follow.
It's kind of weird and almost heartbreaking to hear her sounding forlorn. Out of the sudden, she seems not only so drained and tired, but also like she's holding onto Xiao for dear life. A broken part of her, hidden beneath the layers of melted shining gold, is now visible.
He doesn't know what to think about it but he can clearly feel the heaviness in his chest.
"I mean, um, you can go if you really want to but..." She bites down her lip, holding back a heavy sigh. Her face is averted as if she's trying to escape his burning gaze, and yet, her hand is still clutching on the material of his sleeve.
It amazes him, sometimes, how easily he's able to tell what Lumine is thinking about and how exactly she feels.
Perhaps, it's simply because they're so similar - both so lonesome, suffering from events from their past they couldn't prevent. They can't erase effects they have caused, either.
One might say that there's beauty in every painful moment, darkness always has a ray of light in it - just like night has the moon solely for itself.
Now Xiao wonders if meeting Lumine isn't that kind of miracle in his life, shining just for him.
"If you hold my hand," he starts carefully, swallowing the lump in his throat; "Will you feel any better?"
Lumine's hold on him tightens before faltering, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "Well, I would rather want you to hug me but then again, I don't want you to get sick." she hums thoughtfully, her cheeks puffed. "So yes, holding your hand will make me feel a lot better."
To think that even when she doesn't feel good, his health is her first priority... Xiao isn't sure whether he should find it adorable or scold her for not putting her own well-being first. How can she be so foolish when it comes to taking care of herself? It seems that he has to do it for her.
A heavy sigh rolls off his tongue, masking a gentle grin that's threatening to show on his face. "Hm, I see..."
Slowly, Xiao slides his hand into hers.
While it feels natural to hold her like this, he still experiences many overwhelming emotions. It's hard to pretend that he doesn’t feel sparks scattering across his skin at the mere contact. It's even harder to act as if his heart doesn't skip a beat when he sees Lumine's eyes gleaming, cheeks flushed a bright red.
His thumb brushes over her knuckles as he squeezes her hand in his just a tiny bit more.
Time seems to slow down and speed up at the same time.
It's not the first time he's been holding her hand. Yet somehow, Xiao feels even more nervous than he was back when emotions took over him and before this idea could double-cross his mind, Lumine was in his arms.
Then again, maybe every time she's close, he feels this way - so mesmerized and overwhelmed yet still craving for more. He must be going crazy.
"Just so you know," Xiao glances at her, swallowing the lump in his throat; "The adepti don't get sick. We're not weak like mortals."
"Oh." Lumine's lips part, her eyes big and sparkling as she hears the statement. It takes everything in him not to lean in and kiss her just like that. "Then... Will you hug me, Xiao?"
Human motives are somehow too complicated to fathom. Every action seems to be an equation of thoughts and desires but it's not that simple.
Most of the time rationality is something that shows through Lumine's actions.
When she tried to get closer to Xiao, all her words - even though they were dripping with honesty - seemed to be calculated. Or maybe he should call it a hesitation. Back then she was trying not to scare him away so she had to be careful. Even a single touch of her finger could be too much.
These days, however, Lumine is more spontaneous and open. Reckless, even. Still, Xiao doesn't hate it. Even if sometimes he scoffs quietly and calls out her foolishness, it takes him a second to agree to her idea.
But now... Logically speaking, it all doesn't make sense. How can a simple hug solve all her problems and make her feel less sick?
Yet, deep inside his brittle heart, Xiao understands it. He can tell and feel that Lumine yearns, unsatisfied with the faded edges of affection.
He feels like that, too.
"So greedy, huh..." he huffs, feigning nonchalance.
This distant attitude is still there when he sits down on the bed and lifts up the blankets to slip under it.
But then, Lumine moves, clinging tightly to the fabric of Xiao's shirt as she hides her face into his chest. She presses her body tightly against his, peering up at him with a dazy smile.
The weight lying on top of him feels strangely comforting and soothing. Absent-mindedly, Xiao finds his arms circling around her body as if this way, he wants to protect her from everything.
Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want to let go of her, too.
Lumine drags him just a tiny bit closer to herself until there's no space between them, their limbs tangled together under the covers. The silence between them feels comfortable even though Xiao finds himself aching, intense emotions swaying through his body with every breath he takes.
Mindlessly, his fingers reach out to her bare shoulder.
The touch burns. He's not sure if it's simply because of the fever Lumine has. Her lips part as his hand lingers there, ghosting her exposed skin.
He swallows, overwhelmed by the mere proximity. He doesn't move away.
Still, Xiao can't help but want to get closer to Lumine. To cup her cheeks now and let her know that he's looking only at her and nobody else. He could even crawl back to her on his knees from the depths of hell if it meant he could pull her inside his arms.
Something within him screams, his hands shaking in anticipation. Now that he knows what it feels like to have her next to him, how can he ever move away?
He's always been a fool for her, saying that human connections are nothing but a waste of time yet playing pretend that there's something more official between them than an unspoken oath of adoration and love.
He loves her. He always did.
His mind has never been clearer than now even if Xiao feels his heartbeat pick up its pace in preparation.
"Does something hurt you?" His voice sounds like a breathless murmur as he leans down to press his lips against the top of her head.
It feels too close to a kiss, like a whisper of it.
Lumine tilts her head up to find Xiao looking right back at her. She leans in, her moves careful yet confident at the same time. Her hot breath flutters against his skin and he represses a shudder.
Yet, no matter what he does, he can't shake off the fact that something within him screams, his hands shaking in anticipation as he yearns to press his lips against hers. Gods, he can't even remember how long he's been wanting to kiss her - it feels as if this passion has always been there, a permanent part of him.
"Mhm." Lumine hums and somehow, all he can focus on is how her lips are almost brushing against his. "Everything hurts me, Xiao. My head, stomach and muscles."
His fingers slide over her back, a shaky breath escaping her lips every time they ghost her exposed skin. He stops, his palms resting against her lower back.
"Just go to sleep, Lumine." Xiao murmurs quietly. "It will help you."
Lumine doesn't answer, only nuzzles her face in the crook of his neck as a response.
The world is too fast for every day to feel this way, too suffocating and brutal - but when she's in his arms, it slows down and softens. For a second Xiao thinks that maybe she belongs right here, that heavens send her so she can be next to him for as long as possible.
A quiet afterthought rings inside his mind, saying that he hopes she never slips away.
Surprisingly, it doesn't take long for Lumine to fall asleep. Her breathing becomes more regular as Xiao starts to run his fingers mindlessly through her hair.
She looks beautiful when she's asleep, her expression so peaceful that all the thoughts about going away are nowhere to be found. Not that he would do it, anyway.
Slowly, Xiao reaches out to brush bangs off Lumine's forehead, his touch feather-light as if he didn't want to startle her or wake her up by accident. His chest feels heavy but something about it is just right.
He places his lips against Lumine's forehead. His eyes are closed as he draws in a shaky breath, his face moving down so he can place a soft kiss against her nose. And then, another one - this time on her cheek.
His eyelids flutter open. His gaze falls on her face.
Instinctively, his finger slides over her jaw before brushing against her slightly parted lips.
Perhaps, Xiao can never walk away from Lumine. And perhaps, he doesn't want to ever let her go, either.