Work Text:
It wasn't as if Nathan had expected that he’d be able to avoid Beard forever. He hadn’t even expected to avoid him for the entirety of the season. They were still coaching in the same league after all, and he knew it was inevitable that sooner or later their paths would cross again. It was just that he would have preferred later. He'd thought that he would at least have time to prepare himself for the moment, maybe even seek Beard out himself once he had figured out what he was going to say.
What he hadn’t expected was to find Beard standing in the car park outside the London Stadium, clad in his favourite green hoodie, leaning nonchalantly against the hood of Nathan’s new car – a black Bentley that Nathan hoped suited his new position as manager of a Premier League football club without giving too much of the appearance of a mid-life crisis.
Nathan had just wrapped up after a long day of training, his mind so filled up with the work he still had in front of him with improving the team’s performance and everything awaiting them at the midpoint of the season that the lingering bitterness about his former workplace had for once only been a vague afterthought stirring somewhere at the back of his mind, rather than the constant obsessive gnawing it had been ever since he’d quit last summer. Talking to Ted had helped, but he was well aware that not everyone back at Richmond would be as willing to let things lie as Ted had been. He didn’t expect them to, nor did he even want them to be. Ted’s forgiveness still felt unearned, like something he would have to work on before it became real. But he was working on it, determined to make amends where he could, however gradually.
Nathan stopped a solid two meters short of Beard, not wanting to get too close. His body tensed up with all too familiar anxiety as he made an effort to hold his head high, meeting his former coworker’s gaze.
“Are you here to headbutt me?” He hated the slight hint of trepidation in his voice, hated that he was itching to let out every nervous tick he’d tried so hard to overcome.
Beard seemed genuinely surprised by the notion. “What? No.”
“To gloat then?” West Ham had lost their third match in a row this past weekend, and the disappointment still weighed on him, just as it did on his entire team.
Beard shook his head. “No schadenfreude zone, remember?”
Nathan nodded carefully. Of course, he remembered. How could he forget? Not that he’d really understood what they’d meant back then. God, he’d been such a fool.
“Then why are you here?”
“Ted told me what you did.”
“I thought you already knew? I assumed you must've figured it out somehow.” That entire last day at Nelson Road, Nate had felt Beard’s glare following him, burning into his skin. There’d been no doubt in his mind that Beard could see right through him. He wished that just once, he’d never been able to return the favour, but he'd only ever caught glimpses of what was lying underneath the surface of Beard’s calm exterior.
“Oh, yeah no, I knew you had to be the leak. No one had to tell me. It was pretty obvious by then that you’d been itching for an excuse to leave. I’d just hoped you would have done it with a bit less fanfare.”
Nate let out a defeated sigh. That day felt like a lifetime ago, like something that had happened to a different version of him, but whenever he lingered too long on his actions, he still felt the shame gnawing at him. “I’m sorry.”
Beard smiled. “That’s what Ted told me. That you apologized.”
“I hope you can forgive me.”
Beard frowned. “What for?”
“What for?” Nate stared at him, and then raised his voice. “Are you taking the piss?”
Beard curled his eyebrows slightly. “I never really got that expression. Are there a lot of pee-based pranks over here?”
“I ratted out Ted!” Nate told him, unable and unwilling to hide his frustration. Surely, he hadn’t forgotten.
Beard looked at him carefully, and then, just as carefully shrugged, a performed gesture loaded with meaning Nathan had a hard time decoding. “And you apologized to him. The way he tells it, as far as he’s concerned, that’s all water under the bridge. I was angry with you for what you put him through, but if that’s the way he feels, then I have no place holding on to that grudge.”
“But he’s not the only person I hurt. I know he forgives too easily. It's in his nature. But you had every right to be angry with me. I ripped up the believe sign!”
Beard shrugged. “We taped it up. I’m not gonna lie, you definitely hit us where it hurt, but Nate, it’s just a piece of paper. Ted’s got five others just like it hanging around his apartment.”
“But you tried to tell me!” Nate let out, frustrated. God, how could he be so calm about this after everything? “With Colin? You tried and I didn’t understand what you were saying. Not really.” Nathan could feel the tears at the corners of his eyes and tried to will them to stay put. He didn’t want this to turn into a pity party. “You took me in, you believed in me, and then I betrayed you. All of you.”
Beard took half a step away from the car, towards Nate, and Nate had to resist the instinct to retreat. For all the progress he’d made with. his confidence, he still tended to opt for flight rather than fight. Not that he thought Beard wanted to fight him. He couldn’t tell what Beard wanted at all; that was what terrified him.
“Guess I didn’t do a good enough job of explaining it. That’s on me. If you think Colin needs another apology, or anyone else for that matter, you should give it to them, but you didn’t betray me, Nate. There’s nothing to forgive.”
Nate just stood frozen, staring at him.
Beard sighed. “I should have told you how good you were more often. I should have made it clear how much we appreciated you. I know that’s usually Ted’s job, but it shouldn’t have to be. It’s not like I didn’t see it too. I should have done more, stepped up.”
“I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much,” Nate replied bitterly. He’d never been an equal in their eyes, not really. It had taken leaving to see how true that was.
“I know,” Beard said, something sad in his eyes. “And I’m not going to pretend the way you left things wasn’t hurtful, but I knew long before you left that you were meant for more than we could offer you at Richmond. You're smart, brilliant even. You have a knack for strategy and the dedication it takes to pursue it. That's rare. You earned this position.”
“And it doesn’t upset you that I’m working for Mannion now?”
Beard laughed, actually laughed, his eyes bright, his grin wide. “Sorry to break it to you, Nate, but if I resented every person who had a boss I didn’t like, I wouldn’t have a whole lot of friends left. I know we got lucky with Rebecca. Football owners who actually give a shit about the people that work for them don’t exactly grow on trees. Just… try to be careful about who you idolize.”
Nate looked away from Beard, couldn’t bring himself to face him as he spoke. “Don’t worry. I learned that lesson the hard way.”
“I meant what I said. Ted and I wouldn’t have promoted you in the first place if we hadn’t seen your potential. You were always going to get a better job offer someday. A good mentor hopes you’ll move on; a great mentor knows you will. ”
“Is that from one of your football books?”
Beard shook his head. “It’s something Higgins told me actually. I think he had a point.”
Nate nodded at that but didn’t reply.
“I really am sorry,” Beard insisted.
“Why are you apologizing?” Nate asked, frustrated. He moved forward, instinctively, as if he had any chance of convincing Beard of how wrong he was if he just tried harder to intimidate him. Not that it made a difference; Beard didn't even flinch. “You’re not the one who fucked up.”
“It feels like it. I was angry with you the day you left, for what you did to Ted, but that was just me being protective. I’m not the one you hurt, at least not directly, and I was too busy dealing with my own bullshit to see what was going on with you. Me and Jane… it clouded things for me for a while. I lost track of what was important.”
“B-but I’m the manager of West Ham now. I’ve joined the enemy.” He’d mostly ridden himself of his stutter, but here it was again. He couldn’t quite help it. Something about the look in Beard’s eyes made him nervous.
“Opponent,” Beard corrected with just a hint of a smirk. “Don’t get me wrong, I take what we do very seriously, but at the end of the day, it’s a game, not a war. We’re in it to win, but I’d prefer it if there weren’t any casualties.”
“But—“ Nate repeated, only to stop. He didn’t know what else to say. He was running out of rebuttals.
Beard took a step forward, standing close enough now that Nate could better study his expression. There was no hint of the resentment that had been so apparent the last time they’d seen each other, just the same kind eyes of the man Nate had once thought of as a friend. After how he’d left things, a buried hatchet seemed too big an ask, but the idea that Beard would ever even consider something like the friendship they had been building before everything went to shit seemed so beyond the realm of possibility that he’d never even let himself hope for it. But there it was, something stirring in his chest. Hope.
Beard was looking right back at him, and Nate wondered what his own expression was revealing, but he didn’t step back. There was no use running from this.
“You guys really think you have a fighting chance against us without me on your side?” Nate had meant it as a jab, but it came out more playful than he’d intended
“I didn’t come here to talk about work,” Beard replied in a tone that made Nate slightly worried that Richmond might just have something up their sleeve.
“Then why did you come?” He held his breath as the stirring in his chest turned into a loud, steady buzzing.
“Nate, I… there was a part of me that was scared of what would happen if I got too close, even if that closeness was what you needed. I wanted Jane to offer it to me, but that only made it worse. I came here because I was hoping that you and I could maybe mend those wounds together.” There was something expectant in his expression like he wanted Nate to say something, but Nate couldn’t fathom what he had left to offer.
“I’m not going back to Richmond.”
“Didn’t expect you would.” Beard huffed something like a laugh again. The smile was a relief, but it still made Nate’s stomach twist into anxious knots. “I thought since we never really… I didn’t want to assume anything, but if I didn’t make it clear before, Jane and I broke up. For good this time. Which means I’m single. And the reason you don’t know that is that you’re here, which means I’m not your superior or your coworker anymore.”
“Wh- what are you saying?”
“I know that where we left things… you said you’d rather forget it, but I haven’t. I still think about you. All the time.”
“I uh, I think about you too.” The words slipped out of him before he had the time to even consider them. But maybe he owed it to Beard to be honest. It was the truth after all.
“So, I thought maybe we could…”
“I’m not sure that’s such a… It didn’t exactly go well last time.”
“I wasn’t talking about that part. We rushed into things, I know that. I rushed you. I should have made things clearer. Put a stop to things when I knew it might be taking it too far. Maybe we should take things slower this time around.”
“Slower…” Nate said, feeling out the word, trying to make sure he understood.
“More casual. Or maybe not too casual, but I think I’d like to take you out to dinner first?”
“Dinner?”
“I know this great place I think you’d like. Ted takes me there sometimes even though the spice level is way too much for him. He sort of knows the owner’s son-in-law.”
“That sounds…” Nate began, still trying to process what was happening. “That sounds lovely, actually.”
Beard’s smile widened, his eyes crinkling. “Tomorrow? Pick you up at 7?”
“Uh, sure. Yes.”
“See you then,” Beard replied with a grin, and then tipped his cap at him, heading out the parking lot.
Nate just stood there for a moment, head spinning, trying to process what had just transpired, and then picked up his phone, figuring he better let Mannion know he’d be heading out early tomorrow. He had a date to get ready for.