Chapter Text
“I think about dying. Since I was 12. It soothes me. When I can’t sleep. When I’m anxious. I think about dying, and then I can fall asleep.”
“And what about now? Do you still think about dying?”
“No, not since I met her.”
“And tell me more about her.”
“There’s not much to tell. She was a vision, a blur, a damsel in distress.”
“And you were the one to rescue her?”
“Well, you make it sound like it’s some kind of fairy tale, but yes.”
“Is this not life’s fairy tale?”
“If it were a fairy tale, wouldn’t there be some grand meeting of sorts? Life isn’t one of those cheesy romance movies where the two lovers meet once, don’t see each other for a while, and then magically something brings them together again.”
“Is that not how this story goes?”
“Well, no… not exactly. What happened here was a coincidence, not fate.”
“And, remind me, how does this story go?”
“We met at a bar. She was drinking alone when someone came up to her and wouldn’t leave her alone, she called me over to try and get rid of them.”
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“Hey gorgeous, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing drinking alone?” There was a skinny brunette man standing next to the woman at the end of the bar.
“Who said I was drinking alone?” She smirked bringing the wine glass to her lips.
“I mean, I haven’t seen you talking to anyone else here tonight. I’m Todd by the way.” He stuck out his hand in a form of greeting.
“Well Todd, I’m just waiting for my friend to get here, so there’s no need for you to stick around.” The woman brushed off Todd’s advances.
“W-“ He was cut off from his next though when she jumped up at the door opening.
“Babe! Over here!” She waved me over. I only walked that way, because she seemed desperate.
“Hey, how was your day?” I put on a fake smile and wrapped her into a hug.
“See Todd, my friend is here now, so you can leave.” She turned to the man next to her and waved him off.
It didn’t take me long to realize what was happening. He was clearly harassing her, and she was just using me to get him to leave her alone. She clearly called me over in a moment of desperation, so who was I to not play along?
“My day was okay, how was yours? You seem tense.” She turned back to me, a frown now plastered on her face.
“It was long, but it’s over now. Let’s just have a drink, then get you home.” I turned to the bartender to order a whiskey.
“Well ladies, seems like you both could use some relaxation tonight.” Todd took it upon himself to enter our conversation.
“Todd was it?” It was my turn to speak, and he just nodded his head dumbly at me. “You can go now, my girlfriend and I would like to enjoy our night.” I grabbed her hand possessively hoping he would finally go away.
Between the glare I gave him, and the close proximity of our bodies he finally got the hint. He put his hands up in surrender and started to back away.
“Well, if you’re ever looking for a good time, you know where to find me.” He winked at us before turning back to his table.
“Thank you. You really helped me out with him.” She turned to me and gave me an embarrassed laugh.
“Don’t mention it, it was nothing honestly.” I took a small sip of whiskey and gave her a small side smile.
“I’m Dr. Carina DeLuca by the way.” She reached out her hand in formal greeting.
“Listen, if I’m being honest, I just came here to have a drink… alone.” I shot her down, someone with her beauty doesn’t need someone so broken like me around.
“Oh, are you sure about that?” She sounded truly disappointed and that made me look at her again.
I looked at her, really took in her features this time, and sighed, “maybe not.”
She looked hopeful at my words. Something about her captured my attention right away. She had these eyes that were so brown they looked like melted chocolate, but then there were flecks of gold in them as if they were shining with hope. There was the way her hair was in perfect waves over her shoulders, they looked so soft like rippling fields of lavender. Her smile, her smile was so delicate and curled up at one side making her look so innocent. Then there was the freckle that rest in just the perfect spot on her neck. This woman was a devil dressed like an angel, once I got one taste, I wouldn’t be able to stop.
“Do I get to know your name?” She looked at me as if it were a challenge.
I decided to play cat and mouse if she wanted a game, “that’s for me to know, and you to find out.”
“Well then, is there anything about you I get to know? You know I am a doctor and that my name is Carina. I think it is only fair I get to know something about you, Prince Charming.”
“You want to know something?” I thought for a moment, what could I say without giving myself away?
She nodded her head waiting for my answer.
“I work at SFD, I am the captain.” Vague but entertaining. She gets to know I am boss, I work for the fire department, but she doesn’t know which station.
“Ooh, un capitano, how exciting.” There it was again, the gold in her eyes lighting up with excitement.
I smiled over at her, she clearly had a few glasses of wine tonight, “why don’t I walk you home?”
“I am perfectly capable of getting home on my own, but if you insist on taking me…” She smirked and got up off the stool.
“I would feel better knowing you got home safe.” I helped her with her coat and handed her her purse.
There were no words exchanged on the walk back to her apartment. She just grabbed my hand in the bar and didn’t let go, which in truth, I wasn’t sure I wanted her to let go. The walk was nice though, it wasn’t uncomfortable, something about her brought peace over me. Maybe it was the way she smelled like vanilla, or maybe it was her infectious personality, the personality that was filled with hope. Whatever it was about her, I never wanted this feeling to disappear.
“Knowing what I know about you, which isn’t much, how am I supposed to contact you to get to know you better?” She turned to me once we were outside her door.
It was my turn to let out the embarrassed laugh, “lets just say I frequent the bar, I’m no alcoholic, don’t get me wrong.” I had to clarify, I couldn’t have her thinking bad of me already.
“Then, I will see you at the bar again il mio capitano.” She leaned in a kissed me softly on the cheek and vanished into her apartment.
The walk back home to my own apartment seemed colder, lonelier, longer. Any other day, and I would have enjoyed the walk home alone. Tonight however, the thoughts in my head seemed to be too loud, and obnoxiously accurate. It wasn’t that I needed a girlfriend, monogamy is for the weak, or the very dedicated. I wasn’t weak, that much is true, but dedication to one person, that seemed like a lot for one person. I didn’t need a girlfriend like Carina, but I couldn’t bring myself to justify her as a “self-care-Wednesday” either.
It was a brief meeting of the woman, but something about her demeanor seemed like it wouldn’t be fair for her to be just one of my Wednesday nights. The back and forth arguing with myself happened the entire walk home. The images of her smile, the way her eyes crinkle at the corners when she’s happy, all of it just kept replaying in my head. Broken people don’t get the girl, they get sidelined and hurt happy people like her. That night I would go home, shower, get into bed, and hope that by the time morning came I forgot about the captivating brunette.
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Morning came and thoughts of her were just as loud as when I had gone to bed. My 5:30 morning run should shake all thoughts of her away, it was an escape, except it wasn’t. Was she still thinking of me? She did imply I rescued her, maybe she was still thinking of the mystery woman, of me. Who was she to make me some crazy person obsessed with the thoughts of one person? I felt like I had lost myself in someone I didn’t even truly know. The longer I thought, the more I could feel the ghost of her lips on my cheek again. I had to do something about this before I let myself get swept up in this madness.
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Carina
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I slipped into my apartment after giving the captain a kiss on the cheek. I couldn’t have her notice the blush that surly came across my cheeks. I wasn’t some teen girl with a crush, but I knew I was acting like one. It could have been anyone to walk through those doors, and life gave me her. I’m not one to say it was fate, but I am glad that life gave me her tonight. It has been a while since I had felt this feeling. What this feeling was, I could not describe. It was almost as if I had butterflies in my belly because of this mysterious blonde.
Tonight, tonight I would have to settle for the memories of her to hold me over until we met again. She has something about her that just made me want to know more about her. I don’t know if it was the blue of her eyes, the way they looked like an endless sea. It could have been her smile, the way she has this dimple that forms and her eyes crinkle at the corners when she’s happy. But then there’s her hair, soft blonde locks that look like strands of gold silk.
As I change for bed, I notice a hint of what I can only assume is the blonde. When I hugged her, I didn’t notice the scent, but it seems to have lingered on my shirt. The smell of something cedar, or maybe cinnamon. The more I think about it, the smell suits her, strong, bold, and warm. If it weren’t for the fact that I have a 6:30 shift at the hospital, I would have tried to make the night last longer. The game we seem to have started was playing tricks with me now, unspoken rules of being mysterious making me want more, needing more.
I suppose looking back now, I started this game, but I suddenly wanted to stop playing. I needed to find out more about her. I wanted to know how someone so perfect could just choose me, or well, care so much as to help me out the way she did. I wanted to know what the hidden sadness in her voice was about. She seemed to have learned to mask the hurt fairly well, but I know what that’s like, I know what that sound like. There was so much I wanted to learn about her, but I would have to wait.
I crawled into bed and pulled the sheets up to just below my chin. As I felt sleep taking over, I hoped I would remember her in the morning, that she wasn’t just some fever dream. The bar would quickly become my new favorite place, if it meant I got to know more about her.