The grinning on his face, his deep voice and the warm hugs. It’s all memorized in his mind.

Kenma’s head refused to listen to him and played these scenes over and over again. Like a broken record. There were stuck in his brain for days now.

He shifted in his bed sheets and put the blanket over his head, rejecting the world that laid past the closed door of his room.

Since the day his best friend left with his fiancé and left him all alone, Kenma locked himself in his room and didn’t come out. He didn’t bother to turn on his game console or to reach for his phone on the floor. Kenma didn’t even know how many days he already was hiding himself now. He just laid there and knew that he wanted to be left alone.

Kenma put his hands over his ears and drew his legs up to his chest. He felt as if his whole body hurt. The heavy feeling lying on chest didn’t want to go away. It was like he was being crushed from something he couldn’t see or grasp. Something that was invisible and Kenma couldn’t push it away no matter how hard he tried. It was suffocating. It was disgusting.

His whole body tensed up and Kenma began to tremble. He just wished that all of his feelings would take over him. He wished for himself to cry, to scream or just something that would make the overwhelming feeling bearable but no matter how long he waited his eyes stayed dry and his expression blank.

“Kenma I got a girlfriend and I think that I might like her. I mean like really really like her.”

“Sorry, but I can’t stop grinning when I think about her.”

“Her smile is the most beautiful thing I ever saw.”

“She is bright. She shines just like a star. My own little star.”

“She said yes! SHE SAID FINALLY YES TO ME!!!”

“I’m happy.”

“Kenma, I’m really happy.  I’m glad I met her.  I didn’t think that love could make someone this happy.”

Kenma pressed his hands stronger down on his ears and tried to blend out the voice inside his head. He tried to forget. He tried to supress it, keeping it locked away in his chest but it just didn’t work. It always came back. Kuroo’s voice repeated the same cruel things over and over again.

He couldn’t bear it. He didn’t want to admit it. But Kenma knew that Kuroo was in love with her. She was the one who made him happy. She was the one to make him smile. Kuroo wasn’t there for him anymore. He left. It wouldn’t be Kenma staying by his side. It was her.

What was the name he called her by again? He snorted. …. right. The love of his life.

It felt gross.

He felt gross.

Kenma came out from underneath his blankets and got up. It felt weird to stand on his legs again but he ignored the slight pain in his limbs. He wanted to get rid of his feelings. He wanted to feel better, he wanted to forget. And he knew that he couldn’t, if he stayed in this room any longer.

With small steps he walked over to the bathroom and slid in his clothes, while avoiding to look at his image in the mirror. He took a pile of sheets and a pen from his desk and walked out of the room.

Since he was little he always came back to this place when he needed a time out. It was calm and quiet. It was his own domain that laid in complete silence. It was perfect.

Kenma went into the abandoned building beside the lake and climbed up the stairs one by one until he reached the door on the fifth floor that lead him on the rooftop.

The fresh night air hit his face ruthlessly and yet Kenma felt like he didn’t mind. It was cold but on the same time oddly warm. The wind gently caressed his cheeks and let his hair sway in the air.

“Kenma, I’m really happy.  I’m glad I met her”

Kenma grind his teeth and took a few steps before he sat down on the roof. He closed his eyes and concentrated his thoughts on his breath.

It didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt.

“I’m happy.”

It did.

Kenma clenched his fist around the pen in his hand and opened his eyes. He reached for the pile of sheets in his bag and started to do what he always did. He began to write.

Kenma wasn’t eloquent. There were many things on his mind. Many things he wanted to say and many things he just wanted to scream out but none of his feelings could take a stable form of words. They were blurry and vanished as soon as the letters in his head started to string together.

That’s why he just wrote that, what he was certain on. Three short words.

Kuro, Thank you.

These were the words he wanted to say the most. The other ones just melted on his tongue and remained silent. Unspoken. They didn’t need to be let out. Not even on the paper.

One by one Kenma started to fold the paper into planes. Careful. Exact. Steady.

If they would be fold too sloppy, his feelings would be too heavy for the paper planes to carry.

A sigh escaped his lips when the last one was done and Kenma turned his gaze upwards. He looked at the dark sky before he let the first plane fly away, slowly letting it to be swallowed by the night.

Plane by plane. Emotion by emotion. Kenma watched all of them being eaten away by the unknown darkness above him.

He felt lighter. He felt empty. He felt better.

Kenma grabbed another paper plane and looked at it carefully. It was the last one.

He let out a small snort before bringing his lips against the paper.

“Goodbye, Kuro.”

A gentle breeze took the plane away and Kenma watched till the end how the last of his love vanished right in front of him.