Work Text:
Pess had a new competitor for Miles Edgeworth's affection: A stuffed shark he had bought at Ikea. The dog eyed
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it and grew angrier. He has to destroy it, make it explode into a load of cotton stuffing.
Why was this shark getting all the attention? Pess got closer to it and sniffed it.
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THEN PESS TURNED INTO A MAGICAL PUPPY!!!! apparently trying to tear apart the blahaj unleashed the blahaj's magical power and cursed pess into being a magical girl to save the universe.
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"holy shit i'm a magical girl" pess gasped as blahaj laughed manically.
"this is what you get for attempting such a dastardly deed!"
pess sobbed, crying and screaming and pissing everywhere "I DON'T WANNA BE A MAGICALL GIRL I DON'T WANNA SAVE THE UNIVERSE" it was then pess decided they would go agaisnt their destiny and destroy the universe instead
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They started by setting the entirety of Brazil on fire, because Brazil sucks and it wouldn't be missed anyway. Thinking about where Pess should continue their world destruction
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they traveled to Sweden. What Pess didn't realize was that Sweden was under the protection of the famed IKEA™ shark Blahaj, who had been preparing for this very day. Blahaj who grew up in Sweden knew all of the advantages of its landscape, which gave him an advantage over Pess, who had never been to Sweden. By the time Pess arrived Blahaj had already set up a surprise attack.
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When Pess set foot in Sweden, Blahaj leaped off of the IKEA™ shelf and wiggled his way over to him, jaws wide and menacing. Pess lept back in surprise, confused and worried by the sudden appearance of the fluffy guardian shark. But at the same time, being a dog, he was excited by a plush toy he could sink his teeth into.
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Pess after getting over his surprise then eagerly sprang towards the fluffy shark toy and began to tear him apart. Blahaj screamed, but Pess did not hear for only toys can hear the voices of toys.
Blahaj began to regret all his life choices. This wasn't what he wanted at all, what a living nightmare. Or perhaps not so living for much longer, he thought as he stared down at his scattered stuffing and fins.
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"Pess, what are you doing?" asked sternly Miles Edgeworth. He shook his head. He'll have to clean this up later. Pess stared at Edgeworth with her inteligent eyes, head slighly tilted. Dog had so much fun that day. Blahaj not so much.
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Edgeworth decided to leave a cautionary review on the IKEA website, warning others that Blahaj might not be suitable for households with extremely jealous pets. However, his review was largely ignored, and the intense turf war between dogs and plush sharks continues to this day.