Work Text:
You walk into Washingtons office.
G.W: Gay people. Sips coffee
A.B: My cousin came out as gay last week.
G.W: Ooh, spill.
A.B: Okay Okay so- inaudible gossip
G.W: Oh my!
A.B: more gossip
R: What the… You mumble, looking at them in awe.
G.W: Oh y'know what - gossip
A.B: She did not!!
G.W: Nope she did!
A.B: Please say she stopped.
G.W: She didn't, She slapped him and said it was his fault!
A.B: HIS?
G.W: She fully believes she was innocent.
A.B: WHAT? Oh em gee no l'm gonna dieee...
G.W: Don't die I haven't gotten to the good part!
A.B: There's more?? Oh continue!
G. W: Okay so- gossip
A.B: Please tell me she gave up.
G.W: I wish I could..
You continue to watch, a small urge to go and grab popcorn overcomes you. You decide to stay and watch, resisting the urge. While beginning to record them
A.B: Oh noooo.. Continue spilling im curious.
G.W: I was getting to thatt! Turns out she had a affair with her maid of honor.
A.B: Whaaa-!!!
‘What!’ You think to yourself, their lives seem so interesting..
G.W: **and** her soon to be husband was having an affair with his best man!
A.B: WHAAAT?
G.W: They ended up turning it into a double wedding. Was super cute!! Cat themed.
A.B: Ooh love that, send pics later.
G.W: You know I will.
A.B: Ooh I actually know a story about gay people and pets.. wait ..
Washington only tilts his head in confusion.
A.B: READER???
R: Hi..
A.B: What’re you doin????
Washington is watching while sipping his coffee.
R: nothing. Just walked in here and heard you guys gossiping like teenage girls so I decided to stay.
A.B: Im sorry .. but TEENAGE FUCKING GIRLS?
G.W: Language Ronnie.
A.B: Oh sorry Geo- BUT TEENAGE. GIRLS.?
R: LIKE 14 YEAR OLDS AFTER THEY FOUND OUT THEIR CRUSH HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
G.W: *spits out coffee* FOURTEEN? THATS TOO YOUNG.
You pull out your phone and show them the recording, determined to prove they act like 14 year olds.
G.W: That’s.. Normal Tuesday gossip.. have you even seen Wednesday gossip?
A.B: Oh Wednesday gossip is absolutely insane.
G.W: Like, Oh em gee Ronnie remember the murder accusation?
A.B: Totally! Was insane.
R: I’m sorry. WHAT?
A.B: So like Geo was accused of murder.
G.W: You were too!
A.B: Both of us.
G.W: Mhm both, so basically this was like post-war so super illegal.
A.B: Very super illegal.
G.W: I just said that.
A.B: I said it better. *shrug*
G.W: psh, anyway. *gossip*
A.B: *interrupting with extra details*
*they both gossip together about how they got accused of murder*
G.W: And Ronnie decided to pick up the murder weapon after discovering the body, so now his prints were on it.
G.W: And Ronnie decided to pick up the murder weapon after discovering the body, so now his prints were on it.
A.B: and I thought if I get charged so will he and I lightly threw the knife at geo!
G.W: So both of our prints were on it..
A.B: We had almost like no connections to the victim until they discovered a twitter argument between Geo and The victim about how Apples are better than oranges.
G.W: They obviously are.
A.B: Well it was not that big of a deal.
G.W: It definitely was
A.B: So apparently since Dming someone to kts is motive we were totes about to go to jail.
G.W: Then I remembered I was recording it because I was originally in that alley since Ronnie wanted to prove he could do a handstand but inside had too many valuables.
A.B: So we showed the cops the proof and we were home free!
G.W: No we weren’t. We spent a week and a half in jail.
A.B: Worth it.
You only watch in shock.
G.W: Did we kill them?
A.B: Maybe. Good.
G.W: Wha-?
A.B: Oh that reminds me of the time we almost got murdered.
G.W: Being kidnapped doesn’t mean murdered Ronnie.
A.B: Okay but it does when the kidnappers had guns against our heads.
G.W: Temporarily, for a ransom video!
A.B: It counts.
G.W: Does not.
A.B: Does. Too.
They continued that in front of you for an hour, until they got bored and got drunk together.