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Geralt knew he wasn't a very talkative man. He didn't like to share a lot of things about himself or knew how to talk about his emotions with someone else.
There had been exceptions to that rule. The most recent being his boyfriend Jaskier.
He still didn't like to talk a lot, but Jaskier was one of the few people he actually shared his emotions with. Although that had also taken the better part of a year, and Jaskier forcing himself into Geralt's heart after he had decided they would be friends.
Right now they were on their drive back home from a dinner at Vesemir's, Jaskier being unusually quiet.
Geralt hated those moments. Jaskier usually never hid his emotions or thoughts and Geralt knew that just for once he would have to prod his boyfriend a little bit, even if he reallt didn’t like doing it. He had learned with time that sometimes Jaskier liked to be asked about what was going on, rather than having to share it with Geralt.
He took a deep breath. "You're unusually quiet."
"Hm."
Geralt had no idea how Jaskier handled him just humming sometimes, it was so annoying when Jaskier did it.
"What's going on in that head of yours? Come on, I can see it's eating you alive."
Jaskier chuckled. "You're not even looking at me!"
"You want me to drive us into a ditch?" Geralt never really took his eyes of the road when driving. It gave him anxiety when others drivers turned towards their passengers when talking. Which is why Geralt always drove them around as he couldn't handle Jaskier not paying enough attention to the road.
Jaskier just huffed, but it sounded more fond than annoyed.
"I just…I realised tonight that you are very close to your family, but you still don't share a lot of deeply personal things with them, do you?"
Ugh, how did Jaskier always know which things Geralt would have preferred to never talk about even if it would be better for him?
He loved his family, he really did. Vesemir took him in as a distant uncle when his father died and his mother couldn't handle him anymore, as did he with Geralt's cousins Eskel and Lambert, but Vesemir wasn't a man who knew what to do with kids and teenagers, much less traumatised ones. That led to a lot of fighting and bad blood.
Only in recent years did they reconnect again after they all went away for college.
"No, and I told you why."
"I know, I know, but you once told me that since you moved in with Vesemir, Roach was the one you turned to when you needed somebody to talk to."
Geralt let his gaze flicker over to Jaskier for a second. What was he playing at?
"Yes…I talked to my horse when nobody else would listen or understand. We've been over that." He could hear the strain in his own voice. He never liked talking about his childhood.
Jaskier reached over and grabbed Geralt's hand, drawing soothing circles on the back of it.
"I know, but Eskel mentioned today that you only got Roach when you were 14, but you went to live with Vesemir at 12…so if you did have somebody from the beginning, who was that?"
Geralt cursed under his breath. Jaskier was paying too much attention to the details. Usually, Geralt loved it, unless Jaskier turned his skill on him.
He could deny it, say that he hadn't remembered exactly when he had gotten Roach, that he hadn't realised it had been two years before he got her, but he despised lying to Jaskier.
Silence spread between them. Jaskier waited patiently for Geralt to talk, knowing that he just had to give him time to sort through his thoughts.
Was he ready to share that with Jaskier? He had never told anyone about this…
He sighed and squeezed Jaskier's hand.
"I can show you next time we go to dinner at Vesemir's. We could go a little earlier and I'll show you."
Geralt could see how Jaskier was wriggling happily in his seat. He loved to find out new things about Geralt.
"You are definitely trying to kill me with anticipation, but fine, next time you will tell me."
Geralt couldn't help but smile at Jaskier's excitement. It would be mortifying to open up so much to Jaskier, but he knew that he could trust Jaskier to hold all his secrets safe and the love that came with it.
— — —
It was three weeks later when they went by Vesemir's again. They drove to the farm 4 hours earlier than usual. Jaskier raised an eyebrow at that, but Geralt refused to share anything before actually getting to the place they needed to go to.
When they reached the farm they quickly greeted Vesemir. Jaskier was ready to go to Geralt's old bedroom, but Geralt held him back.
"It's not inside the house."
To Vesemir in the kitchen he called, "We'll be back in two to three hours!" and pulled Jaskier out.
"Two to three hours?? Where on earth are you taking me?"
"We'll go on a little hike."
"A hike?! Geralt, I'm not dressed for a hike!"
Geralt chuckled. He had waited those three weeks all excited about dropping this on Jaskier. Jaskier definitely wasn't dressed for a hike in his dress shoes and fancy pants.
Back at the car, Geralt pulled out a different pair of pants and hiking boots.
"Don't worry, I wouldn't dare to destroy your clothes."
Jaskier glared at him and quickly changed.
Chuckling, Geralt pulled Jaskier in when he was finished and pressed a kiss to his temple.
"It's just a little bit through the woods. Shouldn't be more than an hour."
Jaskier sighed deeply. "Please tell me your person of trust was the old witch that resides in these woods and will be able to teleport me out of them when we reach her."
"No, it's the old wizard that will hex you into a toad."
"Geralt!!" Jaskier whined, trying to hit Geralt, but he quickly jumped away, anticipating his reaction.
Geralt grinned brightly at Jaskier and waved at him to follow, as he turned around and marched into the forest.
Jaskier huffed loudly, but Geralt could hear him stomping after him.
"I hope that wizard hexes you into a toad too, then we can find ourselves a little pond and relax there together forever."
Something inside Geralt melted. Jaskier's hand slid into his own and Jaskier smiled at him so softly, he couldn't do anything but kiss him.
Barely 50 minutes later, they reached what Geralt had been looking for. It had been many years since Geralt had been here last, but he was pleased to find that not much had changed. It wasn't a special place, it wasn't a clearing or anything. It was as gloomy as the rest of the forest, but there, in the middle of nowhere, was a log of wood covered in moss, shaped like a beast.
Jaskier, not realising they had actually arrived at their destination, gasped in delight.
"Geralt, look at that! It looks like a bear."
He immediately rushed over and took pictures of it.
"Hm, say hello to Roach."
Jaskier froze in his crouched position and slowly turned around.
"I'm all for individual artistic interpretation, but if you're trying to tell me, that this looks like a horse to you…"
"No," Geralt chuckled. He took off his leather jacket and spread it on the ground, motioning for Jaskier to sit down next to him. It was a tight squeeze, but somehow they managed.
"That…as you know I came to Vesemir when I was 12. The beginning was shit and I spent most of my time outside, trying to avoid anyone as much as possible. That included exploring the woods."
Jaskier hummed, that much Geralt had told him before.
"One day I got lost. Couldn't find my way back. It was getting dark and scary and I pretty much stumbled blindly through the forest, because I was crying so hard. I was so sure Vesemir would send me away again or not even look for me."
Jaskier cuddled a little closer to him, just letting Geralt speak in his own time.
"At one point the moon came out from behind the clouds and I could at least see some of my surroundings. That's when I spotted this log. At night it looked even more like a bear. I screamed and promptly fell on my ass, but when it didn't move and my eyes got used to the dark, I could see it was a log covered in moss."
Jaskier chuckled. "Oh I wish I could have seen that and hugged little you."
Geralt kisses Jaskier's head. "Little me would have liked that… Well, when my panic dissipated, I crept closer to the log. I knew it wasn't alive, but somehow it felt like it could protect me, like nothing bad could happen if I just stayed here. I fell asleep curled up next to it.
The next morning I woke up to Vesemir's calls. He had actually come looking for me as soon as it was light enough. His knees were already shit back then, but he carried me the entire way back home.
He taught me about the forest, how to find my way around, because he knew I wouldn't stop going. I spent weeks trying to find this place again. When I did I felt so calm. I sat down and talked for hours and it felt like somebody was actually listening. I called her Roach and came here nearly every day for an hour or so. Vesemir never asked or stopped me. He saw how good it was for me to go out into the forest even if he didn't know what I was doing.
When Vesemir bought me Roach I knew it was her. I felt the same calm with her, the same protection, the same sensation of belonging. So I also named her Roach. I didn't come out here often after that, but yeah…that's why I had Roach to talk to ever since I came to Vesemir."
Now that he had finished, he felt flayed open. Never before had he told anyone about the origins of Roach. It left him feeling vulnerable. He knew Jaskier would never judge him, but his anxiety wouldn't listen to reason.
Geralt looked over at Jaskier.
Jaskier had tears in his eyes, looking so softly at him.
"Oh darling, I can never make fun of you again for naming Roach Roach," he said with a shaky voice.
Geralt barked out a laugh. As usual, Jaskier managed to take the tension out of the situation. He took a deep breath, feeling more calm again.
"You still can, my naming capabilities were shit when I was 12."
"No…no, that was…thank you for sharing this with me."
Geralt blushed. "Of course, I want you to know all of me."
Jaskier gasped. "You can't just…" but before he finished his sentence he was already kissing Geralt with all the fervour he could muster.
Geralt didn't know how long they kissed for, but eventually they pulled apart.
They made their way back before it darkenedrkk. Geralt didn't trust Jaskier's limb coordination at night through a forest.
Jaskier was quieter at dinner than usual, but luckily no one commented on it.
When everyone was leaving, Jaskier said he had to go visit Roach before they left. Before Geralt could offer to go with him, he had already abandoned Geralt at their car and left for the stables.
Curious as to what Jaskier wanted to do, Geralt carefully trailed after him.
He hid in the shadows and found Jaskier in Roaches stall, whispering to her. He strained his ears to actually hear their conversation.
"Stop it Roach, I have no more apples for you. Would you just once not eat my hair? I'm trying to have an important conversation with you…oh fine, chew on my hair if you have to."
Geralt had to suppress his chuckles. Jaskier and Roach had a tumultuous relationship.
"I just wanted to say thank you. You took such good care of Geralt for years and he told me today that you apparently did it for so much longer than I knew. You really are his guardian angel, aren't you?"
Slowly Geralt backed off. He didn't know how it was possible but he was falling deeper in love with Jaskier by the second.
Geralt left Jaskier and Roach to their conversation, trying to calm himself down again before he cried. He didn't know how he deserved Jaskier, but he was thankful for him every day.
When Jaskier came back he kissed him, trying to pour all his love into the kiss. Jaskier looked a little dazed when they pulled apart.
"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"
"Just…I love you. Never forget that."