Chapter Text
Destruction of Government Property
Summary: Ok so I saw this picture on Facebook. It’s a screenshot of a tumblr post. The post (by narutowiener) says that their friend got in trouble for destruction of government property because she gave her marine husband a hickey that was visible while he was in uniform. The friend got a call where she was told she had harmed government property and not to do it again. Tumblr user seekoutstarlight proceeded to reblog the post and add “someone fic this please” to it sooooo here I am…This story did not make it into my notebook of oneshots for two reasons….one, I haven’t finished the oneshot im currently working on and don’t want to write one that may wind up in the middle of a fic that’s already longer than I intended. And two…I couldn’t decide between making this fic Stony or WinterIron so I flipped a coin and Stony won. I MIGHT do a WinterIron version later and upload it as a chapter two though xD. Either way, Steve, to my knowledge, is still technically in the military because he was never discharged and he is not dead like people thought soooo….yea. This happened.
Chapter One
It all started with a letter. Tony grabbed the fan mail for the team on his way up to the penthouse, coming back from a board meeting that Pepper dragged him to. When he stepped off the elevator, he sat down on the couch and started sorting the letters into piles. One for each member of the team and a separate pile for the letters addressed to all of them. At the bottom of the stack of letters he was sorting, Tony found one that was too formal to be sent by a kid…or any fan really. This letter was from the military. “It better not be another attempt at getting me back into weapons.” Tony muttered darkly, tearing the envelope open.
The letter read: “Dear Mr. Stark, We are writing to inform you that we noticed the damage you recently caused to government property and, as you obviously are not aware of it, we have decided to let you off with a warning. Do not repeat these heinous actions or we will be forced to take more serious actions.” A photo was attached at the bottom of the letter…a photo of Steve in his uniform, with the cowl down and a hickey visible right above the collar of his suit.
“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Tony burst out, one part outraged, one part laughing his ass off. “What now, Stark?” Clint asked, dropping down from the vents. “What the fuck! We’ve been over this Barton. Don’t give the guy with the heart condition a heart attack!” “Whatever….did the military really send you a letter to tell you not to give your husband hickeys…?” “Looks that way.” Tony laughed. “I’m gonna go show Steve.”
After Steve read the letter, he looked like he couldn’t decide between being angry and laughing. “They don’t have the right to this! Even if I’m still technically in the military, I’m not part of any branch controlled by the government. You’re my husband. How the hell can they tell you not to do that?! It’s not like the marks last long anyway.” Steve ranted until Tony kissed him quiet. “I think they’re just mad because I did it right before a press conference.” Tony chuckled. “Let’s just enjoy the rest of our day hm?” “Fine.” Steve agreed.
The next day, Tony came up from his shop for coffee around lunch time and Clint promptly dragged him to the living room. Natasha turned on the T.V. to reveal Steve doing an impromptu press conference. “And furthermore, to the higher ups in the military who think they can tell my husband not to leave hickeys on my neck, mind your own business. He’s my husband, and in the military I may be, but that does NOT make me government property. If he ever gets a letter of that sort again, especially the threats to retaliate if it occurs again, you will find yourself short one Captain America. I don’t take threats against my loved ones lightly. You made a mistake threatening Tony. I love him and it’s not ‘damaging government property’ for my husband to leave a hickey on my neck. Especially not with how quickly they fade. This is your first and last warning to not threaten him.” Steve concluded his speech. “Congratulations, Tony. You made Captain America rebel against the military.” Natasha laughed. “I did no such thing. He does that on his own all the time.” Tony said, as soon as he could speak again. “I’m going to go find a suitable way to reward him…” “Gah! Invent brain bleach first!” Clint cried out, covering his ears.