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“OH MY GOD STOP! PLEASE!” Sophie scolded herself once again.
Seriously, why did Ro have to go and point that out?? There was no way she was ever going to get any sleep now. And the thing was, she wasn’t even wrong, it’s just that…that’s not what she should be thinking about right now.
She had more important things to deal with than how she felt about a certain blond elf…and how his hair looked so incredibly soft, despite all the products she knew he used…and the stupidly annoying (adorable) lilt of his lips when he teased her…and the mesmerizing depth of his glacier-blue eyes that she always found herself lost in…and the way he—
“NOPE! NO MORE!” She ran her fingers through her hair, pacing around her room even faster.
There was no point in thinking about it anyways. He was gone. It’s not like she could do anything if she figured any of these…feelings out. And she didn’t even know if the whole situation with Fitz was settled.
How did she feel about that??
Sophie internally cringed at the thought of how they left off. She had learned that lesson the hard way.
But…what if it could be different?
The way she thought about Keefe was certainly different from the way she thought about Fitz. Did that mean anything?? Even so, It didn’t guarantee there wouldn’t be a whole new train wreck to deal with, one that she didn’t think she could take.
She saw in her head the irritated look Fitz's face morphed into when he so much as heard her name…but this time it wasn’t Fitz. It was Keefe.
And seeing his ice-blue eyes look down on her with such disgust made her tear up. Her heart sank because she could see it so clearly. The way the light in his eyes flickered away when he glanced at her. The way his nose crinkled just enough to be noticeable. The way his mouth turned the opposite way from his signature smirk.
It hurt. More than she thought was possible.
But would he really do that? a little thought in her head (that sounded suspiciously like Edaline) chimed in.
And the only answer she could come up with was no.
Keefe was kind, and funny, and charming, and a billion other things Sophie could list, but she’d have pointy ears by the time she finished. He wasn’t an angry person. He had been through a lot, and the influence of his parents certainly didn’t help, but he wasn’t like that. He put everyone else first because he cared, more than he’d like to admit. He would never intentionally put someone down, or hurt them for a selfish reason. Sophie knew that.
So maybe there would be a difference.
Maybe there would be sweet, soft times that made her feel like nothing else mattered. Maybe she would smile because she couldn’t help it, and laugh so hard her stomach hurt. Maybe there would be someone with her for those times, someone who was considerate, and ridiculous, and unbelievably beautiful.
Maybe there was a chance.
And, of course, there were risks for taking that chance.
But…she was reckless, right?
Maybe she could–
“OKAY!” She said to herself again. “We’re officially done thinking about this.”
“Officially done thinking about what?”
His smooth voice cut through the air like a knife and Sophie spun so fast she nearly toppled over. Her gaze flew to the door, spotting just who it was she had been dying to see.
“Keefe!” She gasped, rushing to wrap her arms around him tightly.
“The one and only,” he wheezed. His arms fit around her shoulders snugly. Warm, she thought, safe. He smelled like sunlight on the first day of summer, like a swift breeze fluttering through an open window, and…slightly like the bottle of purple hair stuff she knew Kesler reserved just for him. Sophie smiled.
He was here.
She pulled away quickly and looked up at him. His eyes were still the same intense blue she remembered, and his hair, its familiar mess. She noticed that he now wore a baggy gray hoodie, and jeans that were a size just too short for him.
“I–” Her breath caught. “You–”
“I know, I know,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “I’m stupid, and overreacting, and I technically shouldn’t be here right now, but…”
“No! You should be here right now.”
“But I can’t,” he stressed. “Foster, you know how much danger I put you guys in. I can't do that, not to you.”
“And yet here you are,” she spoke, her voice soft.
He sucked in a breath, “Yeah, I–” He paused. “I…missed you.”
Sophie's tears were dangerously close to spilling out now. She watched him fiddle with the strings of his hoodie.
“Kinda goes against my whole ‘running away and never be seen again’ thing, huh?” He joked, but his voice was quiet.
“Yeah, but I'm glad,” she told him. “I missed you, too.”
“Gee, I couldn’t tell,” he grinned, a sparkle in his eye.
“You can always tell.” Sophie smacked his arm lightly.
“I just know you so well, don’t I?”
She rolled her eyes, but her smile gave her away. She looked back at him, and saw the way his shoulders slumped, and the way his eyes were circled with dark.
“Keefe, you’re going to stay here, right?”
He didn’t meet her eyes.
“Keefe-”
“Please,” he breathed. “I don't want to think about all that right now. I just…wanted to see the Mysterious Miss F again.”
Sophie bit her lip. He looked exhausted, and the tinge of sadness in his eyes was obvious.
“Okay,” she said as she took a hold of his wrist and led him over to her bed. She sat down and patted the seat next to her.
“Woah, what happened to the ‘no sweaty boys on the bed’?”
“I can make a few exceptions,” she smiled.
He ducked his head with a grin, but flopped down next to her. The mattress dipped, and their thighs touched. It felt comforting knowing he was right there next to her. his eyes closed, and his long eyelashes rested on high cheekbones. She knew he was pretty, but he was downright breathtaking as the moonlight cut through the window and washed over his face.
They sat in silence. There was so much she wanted to say, but Sophie knew he didn’t want to talk about it right now. So, she looked around her room, watching the bits of dust flutter in the beam of the moon. Her eyes focused on a piece of paper on her desk, the one she had read dozens of times over. The one she swore to herself she would never lose. Because it was the only thing he left her.
He really left, only leaving a note behind. Was it really that unimportant to him? Was she really that unimportant to him??
“Hey, Foster, woah,” Keefe sat up and faced her. “Don’t cry. It’s ok.”
She didn’t even realize the tears had come back, and were now tracing down her face. “Sorry,” she mumbled.
“No, no, don’t be sorry.” He reassured her, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I should be the one who’s sorry.”
“You got that right,” she sniffled. He held her face so gently, the touch barely there, but enough to make her insides warm.
He chuckled and said, “I am sorry. I…just, I'm scared. I can't stop thinking about what might happen if I stay here and live like nothing’s wrong. What might happen if I slip up again. I can’t let it happen again.”
“It won’t!” she exasperated. “We can help! And we trust you, we know you won’t–”
“But I don’t trust myself,” he interrupted. “I'm scared of myself, Foster.”
She hugged him again and cried into his shoulder. The fabric of his hoodie was soft. “I'm sorry, Keefe.”
“Seriously, you have nothing to be sorry for,” he said, pulling her in closer.
“I'm sorry for you,” she clarified. “I'm sorry that you’re the one who has to go through all of this. I'm sorry you’re so scared. I'm sorry I can't do anything to help you.”
“You are helping.” He rubbed her back. “Just being here with you is helping. I don't feel so…lonely.”
“Then stay,” she begged. “You don’t have to be lonely.”
“You make a convincing argument there,” he joked. Keefe rested his chin on her head and said, “But you know I can't.”
“Just for tonight, then,” Sophie bargained.
“And risk getting caught by Grady and Gigantor? No way!” He laughed.
“Keefe,” she whispered and looked up at him. “Please.”
He sighed. “You know I can never say no to you,” he said as he cradled her face and wiped away another tear with his thumb. His hand was soft, warm.
He took off his shoes and moved to the other side of her bed. He climbed under the fluffy blankets before holding them up for her to join him. She slipped under and settled down next to Keefe. He wrapped his arms around her and she felt safe. Like nothing could reach her in their little cocoon. She buried her face in his chest and she felt it rumble with a laugh.
“Cuddle sesh now, huh?” He teased.
“Shut,” she replied with a grin. “You can’t leave to who knows where and not expect me to miss you.”
“I'm sorry,” he said genuinely.
“I know, and I forgive you. I just…it hurt that you left like it was nothing.”
“But it wasn’t nothing.” He rubbed circles on the small of her back. “I'm doing this to protect you guys. I'm doing this to protect you.”
“I don't need protecting,” she countered.
“I know you don’t, but you shouldn’t have to,” he said. “I'm the one who got you into this mess, I should be the one to make sure it doesn’t get any worse.”
“You know I don't believe that.” She looked up and saw his eyes glinting in the shine of the moon. “None of this is your fault, Keefe. It’s your mom, and she forced you to do the stuff you did.”
“That doesn’t mean I'm not dangerous.”
“You’re not,” she mumbled, sleep heavy in her voice.
“I am,” he said. “I am far too dangerous to stay.”
But she felt the gentle hold of his arms around her. She saw the sad look in his eye. She felt his nervous shudder when he took a breath. She knew he wasn’t dangerous. But she also knew she couldn’t convince him otherwise.
“Sleep,” she whispered. “…look tired.”
He laughed. “Says you.”
She hummed in response.
“Okay, okay, I’ll sleep.”
“Goodnight, Keefe,” she said, sleep already crawling over her. Her eyes fell closed, her mind starting to drift off.
She heard him say, “Goodbye, Sophie,” but she had already slipped off.
——
It was now the sun that sneaked through the crack in her curtains that woke her up. She opened her eyes, her vision foggy. She didn’t feel like getting up. Sophie already knew that what she wanted wasn’t there anymore.
The weight of strong arms wasn’t around her. The cozy smell of something that felt like home wasn’t there. The rhythmic beat of a heart couldn’t be heard.
Keefe was gone again.
She felt numb. It was like he hadn’t even been there in the first place. She felt water well up in her eyes, but she refused to cry anymore. She sat up and pushed the blankets off of her, not caring that they all fell to the floor. Her eyes had cleared now, and she saw a crisp piece of paper sitting on the pillow next to hers.
It’s his handwriting, she thought. Sophie smiled.
She unfolded it carefully and slowly read what it said.
Thank you, Foster. I needed that. As much as I miss everyone else, you’ll always be the one I miss most.
I know I've asked you for so much already, but please don’t tell anyone about this. And don’t come after me. I get that that’s hard for you, but it’s what I need right now. It's what we all need.
I want to promise you that I'll come back…but I can't. I don't know if I'll be safe again, and I don't want to put you guys at risk again.
And don’t worry about me, okay? I've lasted this long here, I can last however long is necessary.
Thanks again. You’re everything to me, it’s always the hardest to leave you. But I believe in you, that’s why I'm doing this. So go on and beat some Neverseen butt!
Love,
Keefe
Sophie smiled…again. He always knew how to make her do that.
As angry as she wanted to be, she couldn’t. She didn’t agree with his plan the first time, and she didn’t agree with it this time…but she trusted him. She would still worry (and there was no way she wasn’t going to go after him eventually), but she knew he’d be okay. She had a feeling.
He always was.