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“Ah man, I just took like the biggest shit of my life a few minutes ago! I even took a picture before I flushed, do any of you want to see it?” Wade says excitingly, waving a camera in one of his hands to prove it. Unfortunate for Wade, the other people in the room don’t feel his excitement…at all. He gets back a few eye rolls, someone making a gaging noise, the middle finger, and horrified faces for answers. “Fine, I’ll keep my awesome picture to myself then. Your lost, guys.”
“I’ll be sure to cry about it into my pillow later” Clint brushes Wade’s hand off his shoulder and vaguely wonders if he should go and take a shower. He might just really cry into his pillow now because Wade touched him.
Not taking any offense to Clint pushing off his hand, Wade coos “Aww, I’m glad someone appreciates what they’re missing out on.”
“Deadpool, can I as-”
“Wade! Call me Wade, Cap” chirps a happy Wade who walks over to where Steve is sitting down and takes the chair next to him. He actually scoots his chair to be a little closer to the blond man.
Blinking at the man whose sitting a tad too close to him, Steve continues on “Wade, can I ask you what you’re doing here besides using our restrooms?”
“Well, I so glad you asked, Steve” pausing “Can I call you Steve? Please? Pretty please?”
Using his secret powers of extreme patience, Steve nods his head a ‘yes’ even though he prefers if the other man didn’t. However seeing Wade’s huge grin or at least he’s assuming it’s a grin, he decides it’s really okay.
Wade looks around the room to see the people around them that are in the kitchen. He sees Clint, Logan, Luke, Carol, Tony, and Peter in the room. Perfect. “I was just wondering something…” Deadpool trails off, almost sounding a bit…shy.
Steve waits for a full minute and when Wade doesn’t continue on with whatever it is he wants to know, he urges on “What are you wondering about, Wade?”
“Are you really sure you want to ask him that, Cap? Cause it’s probably something really stupid or really, really dumb” Luke remarks as he drinks his coke. In the background Wade ‘looks’ hurt while Clint and Peter nod their heads in agreement with Luke.
Before Steve can comment on Luke’s words, he hears a groan of frustration from somewhere behind him. Holding her bowl of fruit salad away from her, Carol says “I can’t do it. I can’t eat this knowing that Deadpool just defiled one of our toilets. I think I might puke…doesn’t anyone want this?”
Peter wrinkles up his nose at the thought of fruit and puke together while Logan grunts out “Fruit doesn’t go well with my beer and I’m not giving up my beer.” The else of the guys shake their heads expect for Wade.
Jumping up from his chair, Wade skips over to Carol and gleefully takes the offering bowl of fruit from her. “Thanks” because despite what people might think, Wade does have matters.
“Whatever” Carol can only roll her eyes because she’s pretty sure her leader wouldn’t appreciate her punching Deadpool out of the kitchen window even if she promises to pay for it. She’ll just eat later with Jessica. Maybe even go to a nice little restaurant or something with her.
Wade skips back to his chair next to Steve and notices his chair isn’t where he left it. But that’s cool, he simply sits down with his bowl of fruit and scoots back next to Steve who may or may not have sigh. “Mmm, I love fruit! Do you, Steve?”
Titling his head a little, Steve stares at Wade and wonders just what is really going on with the other man. “Yes, I do love fruit. Do you care to continue with what you want to ask me?”
Confuse, Wade stops mid-way of eating a strawberry before his eyes goes wide with remembrance. Smiling or perhaps smirking, he pushes his fruit bowl to the side and leans into Steve’s personal space which isn’t much considering he kinda of already in it. “I was wondering if you would be interested in going out on a date with me! What do you say?”
Quite a few things happen next. For one both Luke and Logan literally choke on their drinks they were drinking at the time of Wade’s confession. Clint, who’s playing with his chair, ends up falling backwards due to pure shock and lack of concentration. Carol is pretty sure she can throw Deadpool out the kitchen window now but she’ll wait for Steve’s signal first. Peter is too stun and ends up dropping his sandwich that falls apart when it hits the plate. Naturally it’s Tony that stalks to where Wade is and grabs him harshly, hauling him up from his sit. “You piece of shit!”
“Tony! Someone help me here!” Steve grabs Tony’s wrist and tries to pry him off of Wade who is flapping his arms in the air and crying out for help. The only person who actually helps Steve is Clint but that’s due to the fact he’s sitting on the other side of Wade so he’s close. Peter wants to help Steve but is still too distracted by Wade’s words to do anything.
After a few minutes, Steve is able to calm Tony down and get him to sit back down next him while Wade is still sitting on the other side of him. Clint also sits back down after he picks up his chair off the floor which he hopes no one noticed him failing like a dork earlier.
Luke grabs another soda can for himself and a beer for Logan seeing as they sipped their last one. He hopes this beer is enough to calm Logan from jumping in the air and tearing Wade apart. Don’t get him wrong, he can care a rat’s ass about Deadpool but Steve doesn’t need any more shit right now. He smiles when he sees Logan opening up the bottle and settling back into his chair. But he doesn’t miss the murdering content in Logan’s eyes as he stares at Wade’s back.
Carol wants to grab Wade’s unfinished bowl of fruit and smash it over his head, she knows it’s a childish thing to do but who cares? Steve would and that’s why she still standing a safe distance away from Wade with her arms across her chest. Waiting.
Steve’s right eye is twitching and he takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He takes another deep breath before he decides to reply “I’m…um, I guess…I’m flattered…?”
“Don’t lie to him, Steve!” shouts Tony who really wants to punch Wade’s face. It really annoys him that Steve won’t let him but he’s putting his fate in Steve to handle this dumbass.
Deep breaths, really deep breaths, Steve endures on “However I’m dating Tony” points to Tony “and I’m very happy with him. With that being said, I’m going to have to turn your, um, invitation down. I’m sorry.” Thinking about it, Steve adds “I thought you knew Tony and I are seeing each other?”
Ignoring pretty much everyone’s death glare, Wade nods his head. “I know but I thought I’ll still give it a try. I mean, it’ll be an awesome date, Steve. We go get some grub and then to the movies to see some really scary movie so it won’t be so awkward when I put my arm around your shoulder when you get scared. Cause you know that move only works with scary movies. Then perhaps afterwards we go and get some ice cream. You’ll probably get plain vanilla where I’ll get some freaky flavors that probably have no business being together. I’ll somehow convince you to taste mine and you’ll let me taste yours. Even though I know what plain vanilla ice cream tastes like, hopefully you don’t know that and offer yours. Then I’ll walk you to your door because I’m a gentleman like that. We’re going to stand there for a few minutes and I’ll be honest, it’s probably going to awkward. You’ll be the one to break the ice by pecking me on the cheek and telling me how you ‘had a really nice time and we should do this again’. And because it’s an awesome date, you decide to ‘heck with it’ and kiss me full on lip. By the time you close the door, you’re going to have a nice hickey to show your friends the next day.” Pause, blink “You sure you still don’t want to go out on a date with me?”
Steve opens his mouth to say something…anything but words seem to fail him at the moment. He can’t tell if Wade just came up with that date scenario right on the spot or if he’s being thinking about it for a while. He honestly can’t tell with this man. He glances over towards Tony and can tell he wants to bash Wade’s face in. It’s time to do some damage control, “Wade?”
“Yes, Steve?” Wade says ever so politely, fluttering his eyelashes or Steve thinks he is.
“Do you seriously want to go out with me or is this about something else? Perhaps you’re bored or were you dared into doing this? You can tell me, Wade, whatever it is.”
Wade’s silent for a few minutes, staring at Steve with some interest behind his mask. Clearing his throat, Wade begins to explain “You’re really good, you know that Steve? Don’t get me wrong, I would totally love to take you out on a date but I know you’re happy with tincan over there.” Wade gestures to Tony who growls. Wade briefly wonders if Peter was right about Tony’s possessive side. That’s funny and needs some more exploring but that’s for a later date. Speaking of Peter… “The reason is because Peter said he would only take me serious if I asked you out on a date. He said if I did it in front of Tony, knowing you two are dating, it would show how serious I am about wanting to date him. You know, risking Tony’s wrath and all.”
“But I said that like a month ago!” Peter cries out.
Wade nods his head and stares down at his hands that are on his lap, “Yeah, it was. Sorry but it took me awhile too actually, um, you know? Gather the courage or whatever.” It’s really an odd sight to see Wade Wilson aka Deadpool looking so sheepish and embarrass. Even through his costume you can just tell which is saying something.
Peter softly walks over to where Wade is sitting and quietly thanks Clint for offering his chair that’s next to Wade’s. “I thought it was all just a joke when you never…went through with it. I mean…sometimes it’s really hard to tell if you’re ever serious about anything” he says in disbelief.
“What are you talking about? I offered to buy you a Spider-Cave, for fuck’s sake! How much more serious can I get then offering to buy you a place?” Wade asks. He knows he jokes around like 96% of the time and…Oh.
“He offered to buy you a Spider-Cave? Seriously?” Clint mumbles more to himself then to Peter. He’s standing off to the side near the table, looking from Peter to Wade and then repeating to motion.
“Yeah, I offered to buy him a Spider-Cave where he’ll take care of the household and I’ll worry about bringing home the bacon!” says a dreamy Wade. He can just picture it now; actually he’s been picturing it for a while now. He glances over to Peter who’s giving him a look.
“Or the other way around where I’ll take care of the household and you can worry about bringing home the bacon! I’m totally cool with that. I even made an apron” Wade says and pulls out a pink apron out of nowhere. “See? It says ‘Welcome Home, Honeybun!’ I can wear it around the Spider-Cave and when you come home I’ll ask if you want to eat first or take a shower first! And, yes, I’m being totally serious here. I mean I made an apron, look!” Wade proudly shows off his apron to Peter who just can’t help hide his smile.
“Don’t you think you should ask me out on a date first before jumping into living together?”
Silence. Tony, Carol, Logan, and Luke hope Peter knows better and says ‘no’ to dating Wade. Clint wants this to happen so bad because he knows it’s going to funny as hell to watch it all play out. And Spider-Cave sounds really cool. Steve, on the other hand, hopes for the best. He knows they’re both adults who can take care of themselves. If Peter wants to date Wade, then Steve is going to be support of him and let him know he’s there for him if he needs anything.
“Do you want to go out with me? I mean, out as in a date with me, Peter?” he says it slowly and just a bit uncertain because he really wants to go out with Peter. He risked almost getting killed by Tony for him. That’s showing how serious he is right? Just ignore the fact that he had to ask another dude first in order to get a date with another dude. Wade’s head hurts.
“Sure and just to let you know, we are not going to see a scary movie or eat ice cream afterwards” Peter says teasing while butterflies are flying in his stomach. He never thought Wade would go through with it. He hoped he did though. He likes the way Wade makes him feel. For one, there’s never a dull moment with him. Wade makes the most boring things seem interesting and ends up making Peter laugh.
“What? Why not?! I thought of that whole scenario with you in mind!” Wade explains anxiously. He totally thought Peter would have loved that date scenario. After all it took him like three hours to come with it. Hey, he’s not really known to be romantic and Peter seems like the kind of guy who appreciates a little romance so…yeah, Wade going to be romantic.
“Oh wow, I’m hurt” Steve says, placing his hand over his heart to add more effect. But his hand is grabbed by Tony who kisses his knuckles and says “Don’t be hurt, babe. I’ll take you out on a date that only has you in mind, well, just you and me that is.” Steve shifts in his chair as he tries to control the blush he knows is on his face.
“Well, isn’t this just nice. We have you two” Clint points to Steve and Tony, “together, two new lovebirds over here,” points to Wade who as an arm swung around Peter’s shoulders, “Carol and Jessica shacking it up, and then Luke with his Jessica. It’s just me and Logan that are single around here. What the hell?”
“Well, why don’t you two hook up then?” Wade suggests and gleefully laughs at Clint’s horrified expression.
Before Clint can say anything to that, Logan beats him to the punch “Because he doesn’t have a single romantic bone in his body and I deserve to be romance.” Logan’s smirks behind his beer bottle as he takes a big gulp of it.
Everyone stares at Logan and Clint before they all break out into laughter over Logan’s words and Clint defending himself that he does have a bunch of romantic bones in his body and that he’ll show Logan.