Work Text:
It had started simple, Cas's curiosity about humanity. He'd dropped easily answered questions over meals, like, "why do I as a human have such a short attention span when I still have the mind of an angel" - Sam had answered that with some talk about humans' emotions made things that were mundane to angel Cas interesting to him now, caisomg it to be hard to focus on just one thing.
Then the questions got a little bit more complicated. Like the other day when Cas asked "do all humans wish to die, or is there another reason for their self-destructive habits" - Dean had answered that with a simple yes, not going into it further because he had a burger to focus on.
Of course, things went downhill from there when the questions started getting more specific. It was only a day after the death wish question when Cas dropped a, "Am I visually unappealing?" causing both Sam and Dean to look up in surprise, but Cas was specifically looking at Dean.
"Are you- why would you think that, Cas?" Dean asked, internally wishing for one - just one - normal meal.
The question would have made him seem insecure if it weren't for the purely curious tone he'd used.
"Well, you do stare at me quite often, but if I look up when you do, you are always quick to look away and act as if you never looked to begin with. It would make sense for you to do that if you were looking at my imperfections and did not want to hurt my feelings," he said and Dean blanched, Sam tried and failed to hide his amused smile behind a glass of green goo.
Sam had known about how Dean felt about Cas for years. He'd never said it out loud or said anything about it, but Dean knew he knew. It had been clear to him after the look Sam gave him when Cas had just cleaned up after Purgatory.
"Yeah, Dean, do you think Cas is 'unappealing'?" Sam asked once he'd swallowed - cutting off Dean's inner musings, clearly, he'd given up on pretending not to be enjoying Dean's discomfort.
Dean sent him a glare, before turning back to Cas, who was still patiently waiting for an answer. He scratched his neck. "No, of course not. I just- no, I don't think you're bad-looking, Cas." he finally settled on saying.
"Okay, Dean," Cas said, and Dean figured that was it, so he went back to eating his food. But of course, Cas wasn't going to make it easy for him. "So, you stare because you find me good-looking?" he guessed, though it practically sounded like a statement. This time Dean choked on his eggs, while Sam choked on laughter.
"I do not stare at you - or anyone," Dean said because what the hell was he supposed to say to that?
'Oh yeah Cas, in fact, I think you're the most good-looking son of a bitch out there' his mind supplied bitterly.
Yeah, not going to happen.
Sam shot him an unimpressed look, while Cas waited patiently because he simply couldn't leave well enough alone.
"What's with you and your looks today anyway?" he tried again.
"I do not think looks matter much in the long run, but humans often seem to base how much or little attention they pay to someone on how attractive they find them to be. I figured that applied to staring as well." Cas explained.
"I don't stare! I-" Dean took a deep breath. "Look, pal. Objectively, you are what most would call attractive." Smooth, Winchester. Real smooth. "Right, Sam?" he asked, just to pass the attention onto someone else.
"He's not my type, but yeah, I'd say so," he said calmly. Easy for him to be calm, he didn't love the guy. At least not that way... at least Dean hoped he didn't.
"So, we good?" Dean asked, and Cas gave a single nod.
"We're good, Dean." Dean let himself relax, the situation was handled, if with less grace than he'd hoped.
***
He'd thought that was the end, that the "looks" question would be the worst of Cas's queries. But no, of course not. Things got worse, so much worse, because he's Dean freaking Winchester and the only time luck is on his side is when he held that damn rabbit's foot all those years ago, and even that had come back to bite him in the end.
It took another week for the next question to come, this time during dinner, or more accurately, dessert.
It had been like any other dinner - Dean hogging the pie, Sam sporting a bitchface in response to his brother's eating manners, and Cas eating quietly, always seeming content to just be in the other two's presence.
"You're in love with me." The ex-angel said once he was finished eating, so matter of factly that when Dean first heard him, he didn't even think about the words. Words that often were usually a question when it had not yet been established to be the truth.
This time it was Sam who choked, as he too had indulged in a small slice of the homemade apple pie.
Dean slowly looked up, hoping the words were wrongfully aimed at Sam, because then they could just laugh it off. But no, they were aimed at Dean, if Cas's intense gaze was anything to go by.
"You know what, I think I'm going to finish this in my room, watch a movie," Sam announced, effectively excusing himself from the table. Dean would have glared, except he couldn't make himself break the eye contact with Cas, even though it made him feel like a deer caught in headlights.
He supposed that he still could laugh it off, pretend Cas was wrong - he was after all new to all things human - but that felt cruel, to lie outright and take advantage of his friend's disadvantage.
He could deflect though, there was nothing cruel about that.
"What uh- what makes you say that, buddy?" He winced at the term. It had been an attempt at keeping it casual, but it sounded stiff even to his own ears.
But could he be blamed? He had kept this secret for years, and he had gotten content with it. Not happy - never happy - but content, because as long as they stayed just friends, the risk of ruining said friendship was less. Dean was sure that if the truth came out and things then went sideways they would never recover, at least he wouldn't.
Cas had never been supposed to know, was never meant to figure it out. Cas knowing could end up with Cas rejecting him, and that would hurt more than being just friends ever could. Cas knowing meant new risks, ones that Dean never signed up for.
Couldn't his friend just do the kind thing and remain oblivious?
"I have given it thought," the friend in question answered Dean's voiced question, "and given that you find me physically attractive, your staring, your habit of getting all up in my 'personal space'," Dean would have smiled at the air quotes added if the situation had been different, "the prolonged eye contact, the way you get flustered whenever anyone hints at us being anything other than friends," Dean swore internally, he'd hoped Cas had forgotten about the time he and Sam filled him in on the supernatural fans and their little musical. It was safe to say that Dean had been anything but smooth when that happened.
He didn't have time to bristle over his friend's good memory for long, because Cas wasn't done. "And for quite some time now, it seems you have neglected to look for your usual 'hookups' to instead spend more time with me." It was true, of course, Dean hadn't looked for what used to be at the very least bi-weekly one-night stands in months, even before Cas had become human.
"That's quite the list you've got," Dean said, stalling. "But you do those things as well, so if anything, I'd say this hints at you being in love with me," he said, feeling pretty pleased with himself. He'd been working on his habit of resorting to anger whenever he got uncomfortable for a while now - Cas's new, strong human array of emotions being the reason, because he wasn't going to make a mess of his human experience this time as well - and had mastered the art of deflection in its place. With any luck, the ex-angel would get all flustered at the suggestion, resulting in him dropping the issue. It was probably a low blow, but Dean chose not to think too much about it.
Cas didn't get flustered as Dean expected - he'd pictured something similar to the hooker ordeal a handful of years back, when they thought Cas would die summoning Raphael in just a few hours - instead, he held his gaze at Dean steady, an eyebrow rising to turn the look more pointed. Dean felt his face go slack with realization.
Oh.
Oh.
Holy shit.
"So... you are...?" he asked, not even managing to voice the full question, his voice sounding as stunned as he felt.
"Am in love with you? Yes, I am." Cas said as if it was the easiest thing in the world. And maybe it was.
Dean's mind promptly began to analyze the shit out of almost every interaction they'd ever had, and the more he thought about it all, the more it made sense.
"I was getting too close to humans in my charge. You."
"I rebelled, and I did it, all of it for you."
Cas had died for Dean's cause, more than once.
Cas had been controlled by heaven's most proficient mind-scrambler and had broken free because Dean said he needed him.
He'd had an army of angels that he would need to defeat Metatron, but he'd let them all leave so that Dean could live.
And maybe Dean had been just as obvious.
"Don't ever change."
"Don't make me lose you too."
"I'd rather have you, cursed or not."
"I'm not leaving here without you."
"We need you... I need you."
Dean felt like an idiot. He'd said I love you to Cas for years, in every way but in words.
"Good," he said finally, feeling that he should respond to Cas's admission. But that wasn't how he wanted to respond. "And you were right, by the way," he went on, clearing his throat before forcing himself to continue, because if he was going to do this, he was at least going to do it properly, "I uh, I love you too."
That earned a small smile from Cas, soft and genuine. "Good," he said, echoing Dean's words, causing Dean to break their ridiculously long eye contact to look down, embarrassed by his stiff word choice. He could feel a flush working at his neck, and still, he couldn't help but smile as well.
Good, he thought.