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“Big brother Albedo!”
Albedo hears Klee first, her stomping footsteps and high voice unmistakable. The door to his office bursts open to reveal the blur of red and blonde flying at him. He has to turn quickly to catch her up in his arms, boiling concoction forgotten behind him as he scoops up his sister and hides a small smile in her hair.
“Hello, Klee. How was your day?”
Tiny arms loop around his neck and short legs cling to his hips as Klee begins rattling off the events of the day. “And then big brother let me blow up a whole bunch of hilichurls all by myself!” She flourishes one arm in a wide splay, making a silly little explosion noise and contorting her face with it. Albedo lets out a small laugh, bouncing her a bit on his hip.
“She did very well,” says a voice from the entryway. Finally looking past his sister, Albedo sees Kaeya leaning against the doorframe with a smile splitting his lips. Albedo hadn’t even noticed him with Klee’s commotion.
“Ah. Thank you for taking her out today, Captain.”
Kaeya snorts at the formality, as he always does. Albedo refuses to drop such formalities, as he always does. “It’s no trouble. I get to sit back and just put out the flames while Klee provides the firepower.”
“Firepower!” Klee shouts in Albedo’s ear, causing him to wince a bit.
“Did you manage to complete all the commissions from the Grand Master?” Albedo asks Kaeya as the taller man stands from his slouch and approaches the pair. Kaeya just hums an affirmative, standing unnecessarily close and reaching around Albedo to - oh. To shut off the still rolling burner, the heat of it suddenly warm against his back. Had Albedo taken a step back? It seems he had, unconsciously avoiding Kaeya’s closeness.
Klee squirms in his arms, and he finally sets her down gently. She tugs on Kaeya’s ornate coat to get him to lean down, and whispers something in his ear. Kaeya lets out a low laugh, his eye flicking between Albedo and Klee curiously. His lips part as if to speak, but he hesitates a moment too long.
“Mr. Albedo?” Another voice sounds from the entryway, and Sucrose is standing there a bit nervously, papers clutched in her hands. “I have all of the notes you asked for.”
Glancing down at Kaeya, Albedo notes that his lips have pressed into a thin line, his singular gaze fixed on a point past Albedo’s shoulder. His eyes lift back up to Sucrose and Albedo quirks his lips in a way he hopes is friendly. “Thank you, Sucrose. Bring them here.”
She nods, stepping into the office almost carefully. Her eyes flit down to Kaeya and she pinks at whatever she sees there, gaze snapping away just as quickly. Albedo approaches her to take the stack of papers, his eyes skimming over the small print and alchemical symbols.
“Did you need anything else?” Albedo’s eyes don’t lift from the page as he addresses Sucrose, brow furrowing as he tries to make out some of the scribbled words.
“I’ll need your help identifying the strange mellago we recently received, but my individual projects are going well.” Albedo’s eyes finally lift to hers, and the shine in her gaze draws a relieved smile out of him. She’d been struggling with quite a few of her personal projects for weeks, but to hear that they’re going well is uplifting. Sucrose is a good student, if a bit overzealous. Though, everyone seems exaggerated in comparison to himself.
“Wonderful,” he says, not anticipating the softness of the word as it leaves him. He is surprised by his own genuinity. “I’ll come to the lab early tomorrow and we can make some starting observations about that mellago. If it even qualifies as one - its viscosity was… Quite unique, if I remember correctly.”
Sucrose nods so hard Albedo wonders if her neck aches. “Tomorrow, then. Goodnight, sirs! And Klee,” she adds with a smile at the small girl, who waves at Sucrose with a grin.
“Bye bye!”
The door clicks shut behind Sucrose, and Albedo carefully puts the notes she’d brought into one of his drawers. He sees Kaeya lift up Klee from the corner of his eye, and stifles a smile at her resounding giggles.
“You, my little darling, must be so very tired after our long day.” Kaeya’s drawling voice makes the endearment sound strangely sweet, Klee clearly agreeing by the way she wiggles in his hold.
“No! I’m not tired at all, I want to play!”
“Now, we’ve been playing all day, haven’t we? You need to be well rested in order to enjoy your lessons with Miss Jean tomorrow.” Kaeya has situated her on his hip, one arm wrapped around her while Klee crosses her arms and pouts. Klee is no longer small, and doesn’t usually enjoy the confinement of being held. It speaks to her exhaustion that she allowed Albedo and Kaeya to hold her as much as she had.
“Klee.” Albedo’s voice is soft but firm, as it often is with his sister. He approaches the pair and reaches up to tuck a loose lock of Klee’s hair behind her ear, the movement easy and practiced in a way that most physical affection is not for him. “If you’re a good girl and thank Sir Kaeya for his time, perhaps we can read a bit before bedtime?”
Klee perks up with interest, making grabby hands at Albedo. She gets a hold of the front of Albedo’s shirt, gripping it tightly enough to pop open the top two clasps. Unaware of her own strength, much like her brother. Albedo almost doesn’t notice the way Kaeya’s breath stutters to a halt, the way his gaze suddenly starts to burn into Albedo with its intensity.
Oh. Right.
Klee was none the wiser as she babbled on about the story they’d been reading the last few nights, a princess befriending a great and surly dragon. Albedo looks to meet Kaeya’s gaze, but it is understandably lowered to the small but bared portion of Albedo’s marked collarbone.
It hadn’t been a concern, considering Albedo’s modest clothing. Huffman had apologized profusely for his lack of propriety, but Albedo had simply laughed and assured him that the clasp of his Vision would adequately cover the evidence of his mouth. That had been a few days ago, and the mark was beginning to yellow rather prettily.
As Kaeya’s gaze lifts to meet his eyes, Albedo simply raises a brow at him questioningly. Say what you have to say , he wants to quip, but they both know nothing will be said in Klee’s presence. Instead, Kaeya seems to grit his teeth for a moment before relaxing and turning to the young girl in his arms, who is smacking his shoulder to get his attention.
“Big brother! Pleeease?”
“Please what, little darling?” Kaeya sets her down as she starts to squirm, but takes her tiny hand when it’s offered.
“Will you come with brother Albedo to tuck me in?”
Kaeya smiles at her, his glance skating over Albedo like he has something in mind. “Of course I can. Come on, sweetheart - let’s get you to bed.”
By the time they’ve walked across Mondstadt and gotten Klee into her nightclothes, she’s cracking her jaw with a yawn. Albedo smooths down the comforter as she settles into her pillows, eyes drifting shut almost immediately.
“Do you still want your story, Klee?”
Klee starts to nod, but is interrupted by another yawn that seems to compel her otherwise. “I guess not. Goodnight, big brother.”
“Goodnight, Klee.” Albedo brushes a hand gently over her hair before standing from her bed. Kaeya is once again leaning in the doorway, watching them. This time he seems more careful, more calculating. Albedo gestures for him to follow as he closes Klee’s door and heads into the living room of his apartment.
The place is sparse - a couch and low table, with a little kitchen that he barely uses for anything besides tea. The kettle is already filled and sitting on top of the stone stove, so Albedo lights the heart of it and lets the water go about heating up.
“Tea?” He asks Kaeya, who stands in the doorway of the kitchen with his arms crossed.
Kaeya shakes his head. “No, thank you.”
Despite his looming intensity, he’s still being polite. Albedo appreciates that as he sighs and leads them to the small and worn-out couch. He sits on the very edge, and Kaeya mirrors his distance by sitting directly against the opposite side. The mutual distance is somewhat strange, considering Kaeya is usually sitting with his legs sprawled and as close to Albedo as he can get without touching him.
“Go ahead and ask,” Albedo finally says, eyes fixed on one of Klee’s drawings pinned to the wall. The waxy colors glint in the candlelight, depicting a blonde man in purple, a blue-haired man in dark shades, and a tiny blonde girl holding both of their hands.
“Who?” Albedo’s glance flickers over to Kaeya, but the man isn’t looking at him. He’s picking at his nails, almost nervously if Albedo had to guess. He’s not sure, considering he’s never seen a nervous Kaeya before.
“Huffman,” Albedo says lightly. He doesn’t offer any other information - that is private business, and not his to share.
“Okay,” Kaeya says quietly. “Why?”
Why ? Albedo thinks about the question for a moment, mulling it over. He doesn’t entirely understand the question - perhaps, if it had come from someone else, he’d be less perplexed. Kaeya is known as a flirt and a playboy, though. Easy to catch and hard to keep. Albedo can’t quite understand what Kaeya doesn’t understand.
“He offered,” Albedo says finally. “And I wanted to. He’s pretty.” Albedo tacks on the last part thoughtlessly, the words spilling out before he has time to question them. Kaeya’s gaze snaps over to Albedo at that, eye cool and narrowed.
Kaeya doesn’t say anything, just stares and stares until even Albedo begins to shift uncomfortably. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to explain himself, to justify sleeping with someone for the first time in ages when Kaeya can be found on someone’s arm nearly any hour of the day. “I do have needs, Captain. Surely you can understand that.”
Kaeya mouths needs , as if Albedo had spoken a foreign language and he wanted to try it on his own tongue. Albedo supposes that the term is slightly incorrect. It was more of a curiosity, an experiment to test his own abilities and the extent of his idle wants. Because if there’s anything Albedo knows of himself, it’s that he wants quite frequently. Wants to know how far his illusion of humanity stretches, how realistic an imitation of flesh and bone he is. Wants to know if his blood rushes the way a real man’s would (it does), if he can flush and gasp and yearn the way a human would (he does).
Kaeya’s eye looks through him, like he’s taking apart Albedo’s pieces and trying to configure them in a way that makes sense. Albedo wishes him luck, if that’s the case - he’s yet to understand how he himself fits together as a whole.
“What exactly is it that you need, Albedo?”
An interesting question, and not one that Albedo has a true answer for. “To relieve stress,” he says, in lieu of explaining his own misgivings. “And to feel pleasure from time to time.”
“Does Klee know?” Kaeya’s brows lift in askance. Albedo chuckles, shaking his head.
“I see no reason for her to know, unless she asks. It’s not as involved as that.”
Kaeya seems to relax a bit at that, something in him loosening that Albedo hadn’t even realized was taut. Albedo watches as Kaeya’s nails skim the outer seam of his pants, the soft pull of the leather underneath his pressing fingers.
“And Huffman? Does he know you’re so - “
“Huffman,” Albedo interrupts, causing a flash of surprise to cross Kaeya’s face, “Knows very well the situation. We discussed the terms of our… relationship quite clearly.” Albedo is, admittedly, not one to speak over another. However, Kaeya’s insinuation that he was somehow leading Huffman on is oddly frustrating. Kaeya, who gazes and touches and flirts without boundaries. Albedo is intimately familiar with the games that Kaeya plays, and he resents the suggestion that he would do anything of the sort.
No matter how reserved he is, Albedo has never been anything but straightforward. To the point of being called ‘unnervingly blunt’, Albedo does not tiptoe or hint at things. He asks for what he wants to know, and tells what he wants to say.
“Your relationship?” Kaeya asks, lips quirking into a sly smile with no mirth to be found. Warning bells are going off in Albedo’s mind. He cocks his head at the captain.
“You deliberately misunderstand me. All connections between individuals are relationships, to some degree. I do not mean it in the way you seem to be suggesting.”
Kaeya purses his lips, the wary smile dimming but no less dangerous.
“Captain, is there a reason you’re so invested in this? With the way you tease me about my reservedness, I would think that you would encourage me to seek the company of another.” Something occurs to him then. “Unless, of course, you were interested in Huffman romantically. In which case I can assure you, I hold no claims to his attention.”
Kaeya scoffs at that, looking away and towards the window shining soft moonlight over them both. Kaeya’s profile is beautifully illuminated, the arch of his nose and the long line of his throat. Albedo is overcome, not for the first time, with the urge to reach out and touch him.
His hands stay firmly planted in his lap. If there is anything he knows, it is that Kaeya is untouchable. Unreachable. Albedo could stretch his hands out and out in his direction and never once brush the dark tint of Kaeya’s skin, the seemingly soft furs on his shoulder, the fluttering silk of his navy hair. Somehow, Albedo feels sure that Kaeya would be so smooth under his touch.
Such a touch is forbidden, undeserved. Kaeya is handsome and charismatic, wanted and dreamt of by people far more suitable than Albedo. So he keeps his fingers curled into a fist and does not reach for an orbiting moon he will never come close to grasping. Kaeya will surely continue to wrap an arm around Albedo’s shoulders, tug at his hair teasingly and let his palms press to Albedo’s back. Albedo will continue to snuff out his wants, to redirect them into new and lesser desires that leave him feeling unfulfilled and strange in his skin.
“I’m not interested in Huffman,” Kaeya says to the window, his low voice drifting through the empty air of the apartment. Shifting to stand, Kaeya straightens his clothing and casts Albedo one last glance. It is still wary, still full of something that Albedo cannot parse. “I don’t doubt that he holds no claim to your attention, either.” A pause, as Kaeya approaches the door. “No one does.”
When the door closes behind Kaeya, Albedo finds the silence to be stifling. He sighs, and wanders to the kitchen as the kettle begins to sing.
There is no sleep to be had.
–
“Albedo, come sit for a moment.”
Lisa’s voice is light but demanding, and Albedo halts in his tracks at the sound of it. The library is empty other than the two of them which usually leaves him feeling comfortable and lax. Surrounded by books and Lisa’s easy presence, it is much easier to let his guard down a bit and simply revel in the peacefulness. He’s needed peace lately, to calm the tumult of his thoughts.
Without a word, Albedo pulls out the chair in front of her desk and sits, setting his books neatly in his lap. One is on Liyuan alchemical symbols, mostly identical to the ones originating in Mondstadt but with small local variations that must be memorized. The other is for personal research - something he’s been doing more in the past few weeks, though it usually poses more questions than answers.
“Look at me, you foolish alchemist.” Her tone is sweet and teasing, and so Albedo looks up to meet her eyes. “What’s wrong? You’ve gone back into your shell these past few weeks. It’s like when you first came to us all over again.”
Albedo wants, at first, to duck his head in what seems to be shame. That’s true - he’s been feeling strange since his confrontation with Kaeya. It’s been just over a month, and their routine has shattered into jagged pieces that Albedo has no idea how to pick up without cutting himself. It is easy to draw blood against the edge of Kaeya’s ire. Instead of tempting fate, Albedo keeps his hands to himself and takes what he’s given.
Kaeya does not come home with him to help get Klee to bed, nor does he visit for lunch or dinner or just because. When they’re together, he’s still playful and kind, but it feels like a bluff. An image kept up to keep Klee smiling and happy, her time split between her two chosen brothers and Jean’s tutelage. Kaeya’s soft and lingering touch has turned to smacks on the back like he’s scolding Albedo, punishing him for some egregious wrongdoing that Albedo doesn’t even understand.
“I… Am not feeling entirely myself.” Albedo chooses his words carefully. “Perhaps it’s time that I returned to my camp, and continue my solitary research on Dragonspine.”
Lisa’s brows lift in surprise, and then furrow. “I was under the impression you were coming to enjoy life in the city. Teaching Sucrose and Timaeus is not a hindrance, is it?”
“No.” Albedo says it without hesitation, shaking his head. “They are good students, and do their best by me. I’m very thankful for them.”
“And Klee is not causing you too much trouble?”
Albedo lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “She is always trouble, but never too much.”
Lisa hums, nodding. Her concern has softened into a smile at Albedo’s blatant fondness for his sister. “It’s not your students, nor your sister. I know full well that you love your office space, and the laboratory you’ve been given. Your research is fundamentally easier here in the city, with access to help and resources.” Albedo is nodding along, fully in agreement. For a moment he almost forgets the line of questioning, until Lisa’s eyes narrow at him with a cunning that unnerves him. “So, what did Kaeya do this time?”
Albedo tenses in his seat, his hands curling tightly around the spines of the books he holds. “It’s not his fault,” Albedo says instinctively, before realizing that he should have denied that it had to do with Kaeya at all. Lisa’s eyes light with victory, and Albedo sighs, slumping a bit in his chair as the librarian leans forward with interest.
“Out with it. What happened?”
What did happen? Albedo isn’t entirely sure himself. He thinks for a long moment, fingers toying with the binding of the books and then the soft leather of his boots. “I believe that I offended him.”
“Oh? Not an easy feat, especially for one he’s so fond of.” Albedo snorts at that, making Lisa roll her eyes.
“Perhaps. Though, I don’t entirely understand what went wrong. He asked a question, and I answered truthfully. I didn’t think it would become a source of conflict, but it has.”
“What did he ask you?”
“He became aware that I’d had - relations. Personal ones.” For some reason, saying that he’d slept with someone felt inappropriate. Far too intimate. “He inquired about who and why, and seemed rather off put by my answers.”
Lisa’s gaze had zeroed in on him, suddenly intense. “Albedo,” she says slowly, as if speaking to a child. “Why do you think Kaeya was upset by that?”
It became very clear that Lisa knew the answer to her own question, which left Albedo frustrated and floundering for an answer. “I thought that it was because he was interested in - who I had been with,” he said, catching himself at the last moment. “However, when he left he seemed to insinuate that I was… Unfeeling. Towards anyone.” And it had stung, once the words had truly settled into Albedo’s core. True, he was not in touch with his emotions, but he hardly had a lack of them. Instead, he experienced them like a horse race, watching them beat their hooves into the dirt and fight for first place while he idly bet on the winner from the stands.
Lisa sighed, scrubbing a hand across her face. “Oh, Kaeya,” she murmured, and that caused a frown to flicker across Albedo’s face. In his opinion, Kaeya was being unfair. Albedo had, for once, taken something for himself. Instead of being proud of his growth or teasing him for finally breaking out of his shell, Kaeya was punishing him. Holding their carefully built friendship at arm’s length, where Albedo’s always felt he deserved it to be but never truly expected it to go.
What, exactly, does an amalgamation of chalk deserve from someone as bright and shining and human as Kaeya?
Albedo’s frown falls away into a blank mask, wrapping up his strange and distant emotions and boxing them away. What right does he have to feel them? The things he feels are pale comparisons to what those around him experience, a mere shadow of the grand mountains that are love, respect, fear. The human condition is unknown to him, revealed only in imitation. I do not feel , Albedo thinks with remorse. I can only play at understanding what they feel and see .
I can only want. Never have .
“Albedo,” Lisa says with a bit of warning in her tone. “Do not fall back to where we started. Kaeya is a man who feels more deeply than most, but also takes things very personally because of it. I think that you are purposefully not considering a possibility of why Kaeya is upset.”
Albedo shakes his head, as if trying to disperse the thoughts in his mind. “I don’t understand, Lisa. This does not come naturally to me.”
“Perhaps not, but you’re a very intelligent man. There is something directly in front of your face, but I think your lack of confidence causes you to dismiss it out of hand.”
I don’t doubt that he holds no claim to your attention, either. No one does.
Kaeya didn’t want Huffman. Kaeya was instead insulted that Albedo had chosen Huffman for his momentary lapse in control, because -
Because Kaeya wanted Albedo to choose him .
“You - He - “
Lisa starts to smile as Albedo can feel the heat rising in his neck, his cheeks. His chest feels tight and constricting. At a different angle, Albedo reconsiders every glancing touch and lingering gaze they’d shared. The growing warmth between them, suddenly cooled by Kaeya’s thought that Albedo didn’t want him, didn’t see him as an option.
And, to be fair, Albedo hadn’t. Kaeya was more than a lapse in control, a brief want. He was never an option for something so small as a rendezvous, because Albedo had always wanted so much more than that from Kaeya. He’d just never been able to admit that he ached for something so unattainable.
And now he could, maybe, have it.
Albedo jolts up from the chair, grasping at the books he was holding as they attempt to tumble from his arms. Lisa lets out a small laugh, and he can’t even begin to feel shame for his obvious excitement.
“Thank you, Lisa. I would not have understood this without your help.” He bows to her, ever formal, and she waves him off with a dainty hand and a widening smile.
“Nonsense. You’d have gotten there eventually, Albedo.” She watches as he gathers himself together, tugging in a breath that feels thick in his chest. “Ease into it, okay? And let me know how it goes.”
Albedo smiles, nodding. “Of course.” He’s already formulating a plan in his mind, steps and variables that need to be considered. “Thank you,” he says again, and turns on his heel to leave the library and find Klee.
He’ll do this slowly, methodically.
He’s got all the time in the world, and Kaeya deserves every minute of it.
–
Albedo lets Kaeya avoid him for a while longer, dances around him and his terse smiles, his accusing eye. He does not push.
When Kaeya used to pass by his office, even before the confrontation, Albedo would just smile or nod. A slight acknowledgement, never more. Now, he sets the bottle in his hand down and waves. Gestures Kaeya inside, and smiles easily when his request is denied. He allows Kaeya his space to be hurt or maybe confused, but he opens more doors than he ever had before.
He finds himself leaving lunch at Kaeya’s door, knocking twice and walking off as quickly as he can. If Kaeya ever sees him turn the corner, he never says a word. Albedo can almost feel the heat of his eye on his back, burning through his clothes and skin and bones and directly down to his chalk heart.
Kaeya doesn’t warm to his attempts, but Albedo stays the path. Keeps wanting, because what else does he have?
By now, Klee has figured out that they’re not on the best terms. It leaves her sullen and quieter than usual, less interested in playing and stories and general destruction. Kaeya had skipped out on watching Klee for the afternoon, so Albedo took a break from work to spend some time with her. They’re outside, picking dandelions by the gates of the city when Klee takes Albedo’s hand with her little one and tugs at him to get his attention.
“Yes, Klee?” He kneels down by his sister, letting out a soft noise of appreciation at the big blue dandelion tuft in her other hand.
“Big brother, do you love me?” Her amber eyes are wide and glassy, and she grips at Albedo’s hand tight enough to pinch. Albedo doesn’t wince, but it’s a near thing.
“Of course I love you, Klee,” he says, adjusting her little red hat and giving her a smile. He does not question her - she surely has a reason for asking, and she will explain it to him if she wishes to.
“Do you love big brother Kaeya?”
Albedo lets out a startled laugh, and finds that he can’t stop. The laughter rolls through him until his eyes are wet and just as glassy as Klee’s, until he’s sniffling and wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Of course I do, Klee. Very much.”
Klee nods, thinking about this for a second. “Does that mean we’re a family? Are we still a family even though brother Kaeya is mad at you?”
Still sniffling, Albedo clears his throat. “Even families get angry sometimes, Klee. It doesn’t mean we love each other less.” Straightening up to stand, he gives Klee’s hand a firm squeeze and leads her back towards the gate. “If anything, it means we love each other so much that we feel hurt when we don’t understand each other.”
Klee thinks it over like it’s all very, very important information. Albedo is surprising himself with his frankness. He usually avoids Klee’s more feelings-oriented questions, thinking himself unqualified to answer. Even so, he’d managed to answer questions about love without hesitation. He knew he loved Klee, and Kaeya -
Well.
Who didn’t love Kaeya?
As they pass by the small shops and stands that line the frontmost section of the city, Klee swings their hands and skips along. His answers had apparently lifted her spirits, assured her that Kaeya wouldn’t be angry forever.
“Big brother?”
“Yes, Klee?”
“Is that brother Kaeya?”
Albedo follows her pointed finger to the alleyway beside the Good Hunter, where the distinctive fur trim of Kaeya’s cloak is grasped in a tightly-clenched hand.
Kaeya, tall and lithe and unmistakable, has a man pressed to the wall of the building with a hand to his chest. He’s saying something that’s lost to the constant breeze of the city of freedom. His mouth is quirked up to one side, in that coy way he does when he knows he has someone exactly where he wants them. It’s not difficult for Kaeya to get them there - his charm is unmatched, undeniable. Their mouths seem close enough to brush, which is probably the point. Despite the proximity, Klee’s pointing is enough of a distraction that the man jerks his chin in their direction.
The moment Kaeya turns, he pins Albedo to the spot with his gaze. They stare each other down, Kaeya’s look bordering on a challenge. Albedo just feels - tired.
Suddenly, the emptiness of the last few weeks makes more sense. It is not that Albedo needs to be patient, or kind, or more feeling. Kaeya is not hurt because wants Albedo. It is that Kaeya has determined him to be unsavory, and has moved on to shinier things.
He wonders if Kaeya sees the fight leave him. They’ve been doing this for weeks now, and whether it’s boredom or revenge, Albedo doesn’t really care. He doesn’t like playing games, but Kaeya has every right to play whatever he wants. Whatever spark of inspiration he’d found is promptly snuffed out.
After all, Albedo is working off of an assumption. The only truth he knows is what he feels, what he wants. Kaeya is still, essentially, a variable.
He feels rather suddenly like he’s lost whatever match they’re locked in. He loves Kaeya, finally putting a word to the desperate thrum in his chest, but Kaeya had clearly decided that Albedo is not worth loving in turn.
Albedo swallows the lump in his throat, picks up Klee, and turns away. Heads back to the Favonius headquarters as quickly as he can, before his false heart spills all over the pavement.
He will not stay where he is not wanted. Lisa’s assurances are not enough to diminish a lifetime of knowing that he is less than human.
That would make him a fool.
–
Albedo’s office door stays shut.
When Sucrose or Timaeus bring him samples and paperwork, he reminds them to close it on their way out. When Klee bursts through, he quickly goes to meet her and tosses it shut. Lisa comes by to see what happened, a few weeks after their chat, and her smirk dies as she sees the way he curves himself over his research and does not meet her eyes.
“We were wrong about him,” Albedo says simply, and sips his now cold tea with a grimace.
Lisa doesn’t respond to that. She runs her fingers through Albedo’s hair, gentle and motherly, before leaving him in peace.
–
Whatever time it is, it’s late. Klee had long since been put to bed, and Albedo had climbed the stairs back to the headquarters knowing full well he was not going to be able to sleep.
He lights the candle outside his door, signaling that his office is occupied. It will, hopefully, prevent any knights or maids from bothering him. Another candle is lit and placed on the corner of his desk, hardly bright enough to see by. It does just enough that Albedo can sketch small figures on the blank pages of his sketchbook, not with much detail but plenty of fervor. The graphite digs deep into the page, surely etching lines into the next blank sheet. Each face, no matter the original shape, turns to sharp cheekbones and curtained bangs, one exposed eye that sees and sees and -
His door clicks open.
Albedo sighs, scrubbing at his eyes from behind his glasses. He’s frustrated and exhausted, and he simply wants to not be bothered while his thoughts sit at a rolling boil.
“Please, just come back in the morn -”
“Albedo?”
The voice is soft, tentative. Kaeya’s long fingers are curled around the edge of the door, his head peeking in as if in disbelief. Albedo sighs, fixing his glasses and closing the incriminating pages of his sketchbook.
“Captain.”
“It’s nearly dawn. Have you been here all night?”
“Yes.”
They stare at each other, Kaeya’s gaze searching his face for - something. He doesn’t know if Kaeya finds what he’s looking for. He doesn’t know that Kaeya finds anything at all.
“If you’re going to be here, at least come in. And close the door behind you.”
Kaeya looks like he’s going to retort, but seems to swallow down whatever response he had ready. Instead, he slips into the office and clicks the door shut gently before leaning back against it.
Again, they stand in silence. Sizing each other up like enemies, trying to see where the other’s armor cracks. They had both done damage, but there is no telling who will crumple under the weight.
“It’s so dusty in here. You should stop turning away Noelle.” Kaeya’s tone is light, casual. Like they hadn’t been at odds for two entire months. Like Kaeya’s presence wasn’t prying at Albedo’s fragile seams. Like everything was fine .
Albedo starts to laugh. Much like the dandelion field with Klee, it bubbles up and up inside of him until it rolls out of him in a desperate release of feeling, loud and full and completely in shock.
Kaeya stares like he’s never seen Albedo before in his life.
“You - ha! - you’re such an asshole ,” Albedo gasps through his laughter. Kaeya probably thinks he’s lost his mind. And he has, a little bit. Two entire cycles of the moon and Albedo’s barely heard a word out of Kaeya’s mouth. “I don’t even know what I did .”
Before he knows what’s happening, the laughter smoothly transitions into a heaving sob. Albedo covers his face and just lets it happen.
Emotion is strange for him. It’s distant and abstract until suddenly, the feelings are knocking him off his feet with their intensity. Any bottle packed with enough pressure will eventually shatter, throwing glass shards in every direction.
Hot tears roll down his cheeks, over his fingers, dripping off of his chin. It’s cathartic, a full release of all every constant ache that has plagued him for the last few months. When he opens his eyes, Kaeya is slack jawed, just watching him. Albedo heaves a breath.
“I get that you were - were angry, but I couldn’t understand why. You wouldn’t talk to me. I can’t fix it if - and Klee was so sad , because she thought you didn’t love her. And that’s not fair, Kaeya.” Another deep breath, and this time his words come out more composed. “She’s young. Leave me if you want to, but don’t hurt Klee anymore. She loves you, Kaeya.”
“I don’t.” Kaeya speaks so quietly that Albedo almost doesn’t hear him over the rush of blood in his head.
Albedo sniffs, scrubbing at his face. “You don’t - love Klee?”
“No!” Kaeya looks panicked for a moment, stepping forward and then thinking better of it. “Of course I love Klee. Of course I do. She’s perfect.”
“She’s a threat to public safety, Kaeya.” Albedo scoffs. He’s not arguing - Klee is perfect. But she’s also a menace.
“She gets it from me.” Kaeya smiles at his feet. His hands keep twisting around each other, restless and agitated. “I meant that I don’t… Want to leave you.”
Albedo stares at him. Kaeya stares at the floor.
“Why?”
Kaeya doesn’t look up, but his brow twists at that. “Why? What do you mean, why?”
“Why,” Albedo starts, standing from his chair, “Did you slowly disappear over the course of two months if you ‘didn’t want to leave’?”
Now, Kaeya does look up. He looks scared, almost. Daylight is beginning to filter through the windows, the warm pinkish gold of early dawn settling in. Albedo steps around his desk.
“Why did you let go of me over something inconsequential, with no given explanation, only to come back with no apology?”
“Albedo, I am sorry - “
“For what?” Albedo takes another step forward. Kaeya takes a step back. “Think carefully.”
“For not telling you what was going on. And for hurting Klee in the process. I’m sorry.”
Another step forward. Another step back. This game of cat and mouse has been exhausting, but at the last minute it seems they’ve switched roles.
“What was going on, Kaeya?”
Kaeya swallows audibly, and tangles his fingers together. His back is almost to the wall now. “I was - trying to protect myself.”
“From? What great danger was posed by some innocuous night spent in another’s bed?”
Kaeya sneers at that, defensive. “It meant I wasn’t good enough. Which meant you would leave. Again.” He squares his shoulders right as they bump into the wall behind him, Albedo still steadily approaching him. “Maybe for good this time.”
“So, let me clarify.” Finally close enough to touch, Albedo tilts Kaeya’s chin down so he’s looking the shorter man in the eye. “You thought that, because I had spent one night with another man, that I had shunned your - completely unknown - feelings? And that I would galavant off with some member of the guard I hardly know, leaving you alone?”
Kaeya is looking less and less sure of himself by the second.
“So, because I did not consider you to be one night stand material, you assumed I was going to take the life we have been building for years and give it to a stranger?”
Kaeya grits his teeth. He seems to think about it for a moment as his jaw works. “Why didn’t you come to me?”
Albedo, tears now dried and fed up with the fool in front of him, grips Kaeya by the gap in his shirt and yanks him down. “Kaeya,” he says, low and curt. “You are my best friend, a co-parent to Klee, and I am in love with you .” He watches Kaeya’s face contort into quite a few expressions. It can’t seem to settle on anything but disbelief. “You were not an option for disposable sex. I will not apologize for that.”
Kaeya’s sort of cute when he’s dumbfounded. He’s especially cute when he’s not talking for once.
“Did you know, you’ve never said my name without ‘sir’ before it?”
Albedo heaves a sigh. “Don’t change the subject, sir Kaeya.”
Kaeya laughs, soft. “Cruel.”
“Says you.”
“I’m not cruel.”
“You made Klee cry.”
“And you, apparently.”
“See?”
Kaeya snorts, shrugging as best he can while bent towards Albedo. “I’m not cruel. Just foolish. Please forgive me?”
“Maybe,” Albedo says after a pause, tilting his head. “Only if Klee does, too.”
“Albedo?”
“Hm?”
“Can I touch you?”
A huff of surprised laughter leaves him, but Albedo nods.
After months of avoiding nearly all contact with everyone except Klee, the warmth of Kaeya’s hands sliding up his back is startling. Albedo sighs.
“Kaeya?”
“Yes?”
“Quit hesitating.”
Hand pressing into the small of Albedo’s back, Kaeya shifts him just enough for their mouths to meet.
The world does not end. Nothing shatters or explodes. But Albedo’s heart jumps into his throat, and he feels more human than ever before.