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Six words. She finally let the six words escape her mouth.
“I’m in love with you, Maa-kun.”
Ritsu tried to guess how Mao felt, but her expression wasn’t easily readable. No sign of shock, happiness, disgust, it almost looked depressing.
They sat still on the bed for what felt like forever, Mao’s hand placed on top of Ritsu’s. So soft, Ritsu thought, even though she works so hard. But she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the other girl’s face.
Mao wasn’t looking back at her. Her eyes were glued to their hands, the bed, the floor, anywhere downwards and away.
“I know.” Mao muttered. She still kept her head down, like she was ashamed.
“…Right, of course you do.” Ritsu slowly pulled her hand away, along with turning her head.
Silence followed. What did she expect anyway? Who could be so oblivious, so dense to not realize Ritsu’s overwhelming affection for Mao. Anyone could see it from a mile away. Of course she knew. Of course she didn’t reciprocate. Of course this would never work.
“Maa-kun?”
“Ritchan.”
“Can you do me a favor?”
…
“..Maybe, it depends.”
Ritsu turned back to face the other, Mao looking back at her finally. She was studying her features as if this would be the last time she could view it. In a sense, it was that way. After this, she’ll never be able to look at her the same. Out of shame? Or respect? One of the two, but she will forever miss the way Mao’s eyes look back at her, the way Mao’s forehead creases when she’s frustrated, the way Mao’s nose and cheeks redden up when Ritsu says anything remotely suggestive, and the way Mao smiles at anything, anywhere, in any context.
It’ll never be the same, so what is there to lose?
“Can you kiss me?”
A desperate request, she thinks, but she’s selfish. So, so selfish, selfish enough to want something from Mao that she will never truly obtain. Not in the truest sense, at least. There will never be a kiss between them with mutual love. But it’s something.
The shorter of the two fumbled with her sleeves, not entirely sure how to respond from the looks of it. Kissing isn’t exactly the first thing to do upon indirectly rejecting someone, especially when both of them have never kissed someone before.
“That’s not really..” Mao paused.
“Not really what?” Ritsu said with a more harsh tone than intended. This was asking for too much, she knew that. She knew it but she wanted it so bad. She’s spoiled like that. Spoiled rotten.
“..fair. It’s not fair to do you like that, giving you that when I can’t feel that way, and it’s not fair to me either.”
More silence ensued, and not the comfortable kind. It felt so hot. Everything was sticking to Ritsu in an unbearable way. All she could think was to leave, abort while she can and forget this ever happened. She knew the risks, she knew what would happen if it failed, but the tears that pricked her eyes weren’t preventable.
Familiar hands held her head.
Stop.
The younger of the two lifted her head above the other’s.
Please.
A kiss was pressed against her forehead, so gently as if any more would’ve shattered Ritsu.
Don’t leave me, Maa-kun.
An apology was muttered from Mao’s lips. All Ritsu could do was stare as she left the room,
and she was all alone.