Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

RandyC has been added to the chat

GottaGoFast: i thought this was a dm

NeonLeon: fr

RandyC: heck is this chat??

GottaGoFast: idk

GottaGoFast: me n leon were both added to eachothers contacts a while back and we both have the same voice for some reason? its weird

RandyC: ???

NeonLeon: well randy theres no escaping us now, tell us about yourself

RandyC: erm

RandyC: eh screw it

RandyC: Randy Cunningham, highschool freshman, he/him, 14

NeonLeon: damn it

NeonLeon: i am struggling to find the corralation

RandyC: ?

GottaGoFast: me n leo dont go to school for... reasons.

RandyC: reasons?

GottaGoFast: can we trust you?

RandyC: ...

RandyC: send a voice recording, i wanna know if the sounding the same thing has any truth to it

GottaGoFast: alr fair enough

GottaGoFast: [Attachment: 1 Recording]

RandyC: WHATTHEFUCK

NeonLeon: we have another one ppl!!

GottaGoFast: so randy is there anything speical about you that youd like to share with the class

RandyC: i mean,,, can yall go first pls

RandyC: with literally anything

NeonLeon: im a ninja who grew up with no acess to natural sunlight

GottaGoFast: ive spent the last decade living by myself, i'm 13 btw

NeonLeon: also i should mention

NeonLeon: were both what you would call... 

NeonLeon: uh

GottaGoFast: ✨not human✨

NeonLeon: pfft-

RandyC: what the hell have i just joined

GottaGoFast: i'm going to call this the high-ass voice cult

GottaGoFast: and before anyone gets defensive we all have the same voice so its allowed

RandyC: welp

RandyC: i'm the newest norrisville ninja, that's like a magic ninja who fights monsters and robots and such for those who haven't heard of it

NeonLeon: i don't have the meme saved can someone send the spiderverse clip where RIPeter says 'you're like me'

GottaGoFast: why is that accurate 😭

GottaGoFast: also why in the flying fuck would i have that saved

NeonLeon: idk

RandyC: wait so leon you were raised a ninja?

NeonLeon: hell yes i was

RandyC: can you teach me? 

RandyC: wait where do you live first of all

NeonLeon: nyc, and i'm not the best sensei but i can try

RandyC: dammit nvm thats too far away from mine

RandyC: i guess i'll just keep learning from the nomicon (magic ninja wisdom book)

NeonLeon: ugh i wish i had a magic ninja wisdom book, me n my bros had movies to teach us like 50% of what we know, the rest was our dad

GottaGoFast: ugh i feel like a minority gbye

NeonLeon: wait bestie no pls stay i'm just bonding with the new guy ur still my favorite

RandyC: damn

RandyC: i can hop off if yall want? my budy howards coming over soon anyways itll be fine

NeonLeon: nah randy i like u, u can stay

GottaGoFast: yeah man ur chill with us

GottaGoFast: me n leo are just close cuz we both grew up with little to nobody around, the more the merrier for us

RandyC: i'm kinda the weird kid at school, just bcuz there are ppl around doesn't mean they'll automatically make you happier, if that's any comfort?

GottaGoFast: dude i've watched enough movies to know all that

NeonLeon: i have one friend to tell me all that stuff, you are the second. 

NeonLeon: ANYWAYS ANYWAYS.

NeonLeon: fav sport. go.

Chapter Text

DewfordD has been added to the chat

DewfordD: sorry i think you have the wrong number

DewfordD: actually this nickname is my name nvm

DewfordD: who's this??

creative_nickname: and theres another one

NeonLeon: welcome dewford!! nobody is here willingly, i assure you

DewfordD: ew ew wait

DewfordD changed their nickname to DeweyBlues

DeweyBlues: thats better, continue

GottaGoFast: no questions?

DeweyBlues: ehn

DeweyBlues: im in need of some entertainment, whatever

NeonLeon: mood

DeweyBlues: so what is this 

creative_nickname: to give you the jist, everyone here has the same voice. that isn't a joke

DeweyBlues: i call bologna

DeweyBlues: and not just because i just learned how to spell it, that sounds like a lie

NeonLeon: [Attachment: 1 Recording]

DeweyBlues: UHM

creative_nickname: uncanny, right?

DeweyBlues: yeah

GottaGoFast: Sonic, he/him, 13 :D

NeonLeon: Leo, he/him, 14.

creative_nickname: i see we all take the into thing very seriously

creative_nickname: Randy, he/him, 14

DeweyBlues: Dewey, he/him

DeweyBlues: and uh

DeweyBlues: 10?

DeweyBlues: *runs*

NeonLeon: *spit take*

DeweyBlues: listen i am very mature for my age, i assure you

DeweyBlues: im an orphan and everything

GottaGoFast: greetings, fellow orphan!!!

creative_nickname: /10???/

NeonLeon: sonic you have been on earth longer than he has been alive

GottaGoFast: oh dear god--

creative_nickname: okay, no more swearing!! there are children present

NeonLeon: *sobs*

DeweyBlues: I'M A CHILD NOT AN IDIOT

DeweyBlues: wait--

DeweyBlues: what do you mean "on earth?"

GottaGoFast: so,,, i'm kind of what youd call

GottaGoFast: an alien

NeonLeon: and i'm a turtle!!

creative_nickname: and i'm randy. 

DeweyBlues: oh this is going to be fun

DeweyBlues: anyways my bros are def trying to read over my shoulder so byeeee

Chapter Text

creative_nickname: first day of school today and i am... hyped?

creative_nickname: first time going into highschool, idk

DeweyBlues: the only person i know who is still excited for back to school once they walk inside school is my brother huey

creative_nickname: true, true

creative_nickname: but i am the NINJA

creative_nickname: can i just...?

NeonLeon: go ahead randy

creative_nickname: EEEEEEEEEEEE

creative_nickname: but i can't tell anyone :(

NeonLeon: not even your friend? what was his name again?

creative_nickname: howard, and no

GottaGoFast: well please describe it in great detail for me later i am desperate to know how accurate the movies are

DeweyBlues: ya and my uncle donald says me and my bros might actually go to highscool when we're 14 instead of being homeschooled so i need to be ready for anything

NeonLeon: but you just said you walk into school???

DeweyBlues: oh whoops lol

DeweyBlues: school means our uncles room in our boat house lmao.

GottaGoFast: i just steal textbooks from the library usually but they arent very insightful so i usually sticl to comments

creative_nickname: are you getting the teacher versions?

GottaGoFast: wait what

creative_nickname: the teacher versions??

NeonLeon: uve lost me as well

creative_nickname: teachers usually have versions of the textbooks with answers and such

creative_nickname: well for some classes thats how it is others they use the same one i think

creative_nickname: idk i havent started yet i know this only from pre algebra which i barely payed attention to anyways

GottaGoFast: b r u h

creative_nickname: and anyways i usually use mathleaks for everything

NeonLeon: mathleaks?

creative_nickname: its this site that puts the answers to a lot of popular math textbooks up so that you can copy it down, very handy for everything except actually tests

DeweyBlues: *taking notes agressively*

GottaGoFast: human culture is so interesting

NeonLeon: i feel you on that one sonic

DeweyBlues: what does human mean?

GottaGoFast: wait what--

NeonLeon: ERM

creative_nickname: bro what

DeweyBlues: am i missing something here? i genuinely don't know what human means

creative_nickname: i think i was right on the alternate dimensions guess

GottaGoFast: fr-

creative_nickname: wait dang it school starts in 30 i gtg BYEEE

DeweyBlues: can someone please tell me what this means

NeonLeon: oh this is going to take a while.

creative_nickname: so,,, small update

creative_nickname: there was a monster at my school and i failed miserably in fighting it

creative_nickname: i forgot about the nomicon thingy lmao

NeonLeon: RANDY OMG UVE MISSED SO MUCH

DeweyBlues: leo cool it

NeonLeon: NU UH NOT THIS TIME

NeonLeon: EVERYONE FROM DEWEYS DIMENSION ARE EITHER HUMANOID BIRDS OR DOGS THIS IS NOT A JOKE

GottaGoFast: why are you even surprised at this point leo

creative_nickname: lol thats WILD

creative_nickname: anyways i gotta get back to school and fight a monster byeeeee

NeonLeon: big mood right there

GottaGoFast: i just realised this means there's still nobody in my dimension that knows i exist

GottaGoFast: this sucks

GottaGoFast: genuinely

NeonLeon: not many ppl in my dimension know i exist either

NeonLeon: me and my brothers and pops lived in isolation in the sewers for years until we made our first friend. she was weirdly chill about this whole situation.

GottaGoFast: that's... comforting. thanks leo

NeonLeon: no prob

DeweyBlues: my uncles got a job interview tmr :D 

DeweyBlues: fingers crossed!!

NeonLeon: yeah gl to him!!

creative_nickname changed his nickname to Smokey

Smokey: dont ask i couldn't think of a better reference

NeonLeon: so i take it you didn't die??

Smokey: I have sword. A SWORD

Smokey: AND BOMBS

GottaGoFast: 🤩

Smokey: SO. HONKING. BRUCE.

NeonLeon: i have a sword as well :D

NeonLeon: its an odachi, what's yours?

Smokey: a... sword? idk i'm still new to all this stuff.

NeonLeon: yeah ninjitsu has a lot of different weapons, if u plan on keeping the ninja thing up ull have to learn about it at some point

Smokey: before we have the culture debate i can sense, i didn't chose this, a magic mask and book was dropped in front of me and i just ran with it

NeonLeon: OH THANK PIZZA SUPREME

NeonLeon: i thought that this was something else-

Smokey: yeah i get it

GottaGoFast: what other weapons u got?

Smokey: haven't had time to test it yet. 

Smokey: anyways i told howard on accident lol

DeweyBlues: well what can you do

NeonLeon: if this is magic how i think its magic, send pics of weapons and ill tell u if i know what they are. have fun with this randy

Smokey: alr

NeonLeon: warning

NeonLeon: paper thieves are not what they sound like. 

DeweyBlues: well this sounds entertaining

Chapter Text

NeonLeon: twin brothers are demons from hell

DeweyBlues: how do you think i feel? i'm a triplet

GottaGoFast: i'm an only child

Smokey: bud we get it, you're depressed, but please hone it in. there are children present.

DeweyBlues: stop babying me :(

NeonLeon: didnt u say ur uncle has a job interview tmr? Its 10 why r u up??

DeweyBlues: me n louie are plotting rn

DeweyBlues: took a break to answer

GottaGoFast: wait a damn minute

GottaGoFast: so your names are louie, dewey and huey?

DeweyBlues: we dont even know if it's intentional

Smokey: dew fr get some sleep tho. i got into bad sleeping habits around your age and they do NOT GO AWAY as you get older

NeonLeon: yeah rands is right

DeweyBlues: UGH whatever

DeweyBlues: yoiu wsree eight

Smokey: lol

DeweyBlues: eh we still nhave time bewfore im in real trouble, whatever

NeonLeon: how long is this time

DeweyBlues: eh like an hour

NeonLeon: okay then, ull make a recovery by then. spacing outs gonna be a problem tho

Smokey: pls dont give him a lesson on how to handle insomnia

NeonLeon: it has become very clear to me that it is something we all suffer from, i gotta prepare the kid!!

DeweyBlues: anyways me n my bros need to set up byeee

DeweyBlues: GUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYS

DeweyBlues: OUR UNCLE IS OWED A FAVOR BY THE RICHEST DUCK IN THE WORLD

DeweyBlues: AND IS USING IT ON USSSSS

NeonLeon: bitch what

GottaGoFast: *sobs*

Smokey: sonic for the love of god quit being depressed on main

DeweyBlues: hidng behind the chair rn but at the same time,,, i rly wanna look

NeonLeon: ty for the update but bro you have to MILK THIS 

GottaGoFast: go on

GottaGoFast: go live my dream of having money

DeweyBlues: got it sonic :D

DeweyBlues: so much has happened over the last few hours and i really want to explain but sadly i will be out of wifi range for like 2 days sry byeeee

NeonLeon: BRO YOU CANT JUST

Smokey: we've been ditched 😔

NeonLeon: and sonic before you say ANYTHING

GottaGoFast: bruh

Chapter Text

NeonLeon: dewey if i sent you an audio of my brotehr speaking pure nonsense would you be able to translate

DeweyBlues: i can try!!

NeonLeon: ty

NeonLeon: [Attachment: 1 Audio File]

DeweyBlues: WHY DOES YOUR BROTHER SOUND LIKE MARK BEAKS

Smokey: who?

GottaGoFast: ooh now we're getting somewhere

NeonLeon: idk who that is, sorry dews

DeweyBlues: [Attachment: 1 Video]

DeweyBlues: ???

NeonLeon: oh mi gosh

NeonLeon: he can never know

Smokey: pfft--

NeonLeon: 3rd richest in the world? man, if donnie knew anyone that sounded like him could have that dream he'd be replacing them by the weekend

DeweyBlues: i mean

DeweyBlues: if mark beaks were to be replaced with a turtle

DeweyBlues: i wouldn't be complaining

GottaGoFast: one of these days i'm going to have more fun than y'all and you are all going to be so jealous i swear

Smokey: ight good luck with that sonic

Chapter Text

Smokey: so it turns out that one of my new arch nemesis (is/are, idk how to english rn i tired) the coolest guy in my city and like the most richest cool philanthropist on earth and idk how to feel about it

NeonLeon: so what your saying is that your arch nemesis is superior iron man?

GottaGoFast: good evening--

Smokey: why does that honestly make it hurt less--

DeweyBlues: I AM. EXHAUSTED.

NeonLeon: hey lil dude

DeweyBlues: I HAVE GONE THROUGH LOOSING TWO OF MY UNCLES IN THE LAST HOUR

DeweyBlues: AND THEN THE THIRD

DeweyBlues: has the AUDACITY

DeweyBlues: TO MAKE US STAY OUT

DeweyBlues: TO SEE A WEIRD BUG

NeonLeon: how many uncles do you have??

DeweyBlues: besides the uncles listed, i think i have 1? more? maybe?

DeweyBlues: we call our uncle donalds cousins our uncles because cousins once removed isn't rly a title and we do not disrespect the VERY old people that make up our family for fear of death

DeweyBlues: and that's just on my mom's side, idk anything about my dad's side

Smokey: I wanna see this on a pedigree chart for some reason

Smokey: random 7th grade flashback ig

GottaGoFast: okay so i've gathered that everyone is doing relatively fine?

Smokey: yeepers

DeweyBlues: could do with a little more sleep but i'm on a plane that frequently crashes so

GottaGoFast: okay great

GottaGoFast: i need to pass out for a few hours, have a good afternoon ✌

Chapter Text

NeonLeon: merry monday randy!!

Smokey: i hate you.

DeweyBlues: lol imagine going to school

DeweyBlues: wait gimme a min i think that my bestie is fleeing the house

NeonLeon: why is your bestie at your house at this hour

NeonLeon: wait sry i forgot sleepovers exist carry on

DeweyBlues: actually

DeweyBlues: so her gma is the cleaner/assistant/secretary of my great uncle so we're kinda roomates? in a way?

NeonLeon: found family much

DeweyBlues: more like rediscovered family but yea

Smokey: rekindled family?

DeweyBlues: i guess? idk much about our fam history since both my parents are dead and my uncle is very easily hateable

NeonLeon: yeah this is too complicated for my brain to handle

NeonLeon: we've already come to the conclusion several times that your family tree is a mess, let's just move on with our lives

GottaGoFast: lol hi i just made friends with a turtle

GottaGoFast: then i released him back into the wild

NeonLeon: that felt personal

GottaGoFast: What? noo~

Smokey: can yall stfu i'm in like the only good class at this school and i don't want to miss it

Smokey: jk i know most of this already wassap

GottaGoFast: just reminding leo what he is

NeonLeon: damn you hedgehog

DeweyBlues: OKAY HI

DeweyBlues: been struggling to find a second to text back lmao

Smokey: dewey are we your only friends outside of those who live in your house

DeweyBlues: ...

DeweyBlues: possibly

NeonLeon: i mean i have like 1 friend outside of my own house its not that weird

Smokey: it is for people who are able to walk around and socialise because they live in a society that is the same species as them

Smokey: a.k.a me and dewey

DeweyBlues: ANYWAYS

DeweyBlues: its my great uncles birthday and thats apparently a reason for ppl to flee? idk but me and my bros are setting up a party for him

NeonLeon: well have fun with that

NeonLeon: so my brother was all excited about this invention that he made

NeonLeon: but it turns out someone stole it

NeonLeon: ughhhh

Smokey: dude its the middle of the night why are you still awake

NeonLeon: i am like halfway between normal and nocturnal and ur just gonna have to accept that

GottaGoFast: aw dang it i almost forgot to text yall sorry i'm having a bit of brain static atm

GottaGoFast: if i dont ever text again its because i had to flee the planet due to unforeseen circumstances, so byeeee

Smokey: sonic wdym

NeonLeon: wait what

NeonLeon: sonic

Smokey: sonic elaborate on that right now.

NeonLeon: @GottaGoFast get back online

Smokey: sonic please

Chapter Text

DeweyBlues: sonic??

NeonLeon: morning dews

DeweyBlues: SONIC BRO ARE YOU OKAY??

Smokey: having an online friend go misisng isn't enough reason for me to take a mental health day UGH UGH UGH

Smokey: i have a test today and i'm going to fail it thanks to you sonic

Smokey: this is my entire thoughts and feelings on this matter, good day.

NeonLeon: randy its okay to not be okay

Smokey: YALL ARE THE ONE GROUP THAT I CAN TALK TO WITHOUT JUDGEMENT

Smokey: MY STINKIN EMOTIONAL CRUTCHES

Smokey: I CANNOT RIGHT NOW

DeweyBlues: sonic please

NeonLeon: @GottaGoFast please don't leave. You have people here that care about you, you're not alone anymore.

DeweyBlues: sonic i'll let you be my secondary best friend please don't leave.

Smokey: my principal saw me panicking and said i could take the mental health day anyways

Smokey: i might take some time off this gc until we get word in from sonic ✌

NeonLeon: that might be a good idea but i'm too attached to y'all. you are like my secondary brothers. cousins.

Smokey: yeah fr

DeweyBlues: now would be a great time for someone to reveal that they have an artifact that can make multiverse(?) portals

Smokey: i don't think that sounds very magic ninja-like, i can ask the nomicon if y'all want tho

NeonLeon: i ahve a portaling sword

NeonLeon: but it's never taken me to another dimension and i still don't really know hwo to make it go anywhere specific

Smokey: so thats another dead end?

NeonLeon: yeah

Smokey: UGH

GottaGoFast: jesus h. christ its been a long day

GottaGoFast: okay so i was tranquilsed by my new best friend the day after i sent that text, right when i was leaving, and now hes being hunted by the government for aiding and abeting an alien

GottaGoFast: and i kinda maybe dropped my portaling rings on the top of a building in sanfrancisco so i'll be here for 1-2 more days

GottaGoFast: also i'm aware it's 5am but i'm sending this now because i don't want yall to panic while i'm online, but i'm having a roadtrip so see yall tmr!!

NeonLeon: sonic what the hell

GottaGoFast: *RUNS*

Chapter Text

NeonLeon: MY DAD IS A MOVIESTAR

NeonLeon: LIKE THHE MOST EPIC-est EVER

Smokey: my dad left!!

DeweyBlues: lol imagine having a dad

NeonLeon: nan yall ruined my moment wtf

Smokey: see youre talking to me who has a normal family structure and dewey whos entire family are like the most imporant people on his planet

DeweyBlues: this reminds me

DeweyBlues: i finally have a lead on what happened to my mom!!

NeonLeon: damn

Smokey: yooo gl

Smokey: and @GottaGoFast??

NeonLeon: he said he probbles not gon answer till they touch down in sanfran

NeonLeon: atayed up on dms last night

Smokey: kk

Chapter Text

GottaGoFast: much has occured in the last 12 hours

GottaGoFast: and i am officially no longer leaving earth

Smokey: congrats on your new lease on sanity!!

GottaGoFast: shut up

DeweyBlues: why the change of heart if you don't mind me asking

GottaGoFast: so the planet i was planning on moving to now has a prisoner

GottaGoFast: by the name of piece of poop

DeweyBlues: jfc just say shit

NeonLeon: LANGUAGE CHILD

DeweyBlues: i'm remebmering this chat for next year so that i can say "i'm eleven so shut the fuck up"

Smokey: BAD BAD

Smokey: NO LANGUAGE HERE. THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT.

DeweyBlues: i hate you guys you know that

GottaGoFast: settling in to figure out how many anti-depressants i can take safely

DeweyBlues: see normally i'd be encouraging you to take your meds

DeweyBlues: but you should really try and get a basis before you start testing how many you can take

GottaGoFast: theres a lot of comedy in hurting yourself via antidepressants you know that?

NeonLeon: sonic genuinely please stop.

GottaGoFast: sorry hahah its just

GottaGoFast: it hought that once humans knew about me my life would get better but i just sent someone to die alone in the place i've feared for my entire life and i've gotten people injured and i'm still freaking terrified that someones going to come after me again

GottaGoFast: but i'm fine other than that

NeonLeon: give your self room to breathe, blue.

NeonLeon: the world isn't about to end if you tell yourself that you're not okay

GottaGoFast: we're not even from the same dimension, what would you know?

NeonLeon: we're as close to counterparts as you get, so suck it up. tell your humans that you think you need them and they'll use their actual like. possible degrees and highschool knowledge and shit to help you

Chapter Text

DeweyBlues: I HAVE AN UNCLE

Smokey: yeah dews

Smokey: we done-knew abt that

DeweyBlues: NO LIKE

DeweyBlues: ANOTHER ONE

DeweyBlues: I JUST PROCESSED THIS

Smokey: yeah most people have multiple uncles you aren't special

GottaGoFast: i dont

NeonLeon: i dont

Smokey: you guys are literally ruining my point shut up

GottaGoFast: no can do!

NeonLeon: plus, it's entirely possible that someone just has all aunts or smth

DeweyBlues: okayokay thats great BACK TO ME

DeweyBlues: its a THIRD UNCLE

DeweyBlues: i never knew that my family could be this big

DeweyBlues: and like ive known him for a little bit now but i just realised that he's an uncle and a few weeks ago i never thought i'd have more than one of those

Smokey: and see that was ur first mistake

Smokey: extended family creeps up on you like the plague

Smokey: hold up how did howard put it

NeonLeon: well congrats ig?

NeonLeon: i don't really know what getting more family is like.

GottaGoFast: That sounds like a you problem

NeonLeon: i miss when u were angsty

GottaGoFast: really?

NeonLeon: WAIT NO IM SORRY

GottaGoFast: haha

Smokey: "itz like this: u hav ur mom and ur dad and ur sis and that's all there is butt then its ur bar mitzvah and theres a gazillion people around who r like "omg i remember when u wer a baby" and im like "*I* dont even remember being a baby why the juice are you talking to me" except i didn't say what the juice out loud because that is apparently rude to old ppl"

Smokey: ignore the spelling that's just how he is

DeweyBlues: ...

DeweyBlues: why did you think about that before your own experiences

Smokey: bc i'm a great friend?

NeonLeon: mhm

Smokey: what is THAT supposed to mean

NeonLeon: you do bully us quite a lot

Smokey: oh bruce

Smokey: shut up i'm the bestest friend

GottaGoFast: that's tom actually

NeonLeon: who the heck is tom

Chapter Text

Smokey: so i've been thinking

GottaGoFast: a terrifying conversation starter

Smokey: shut up 

Smokey: my school is really honking werid???

DeweyBlues: yeah i thought that was covered by the whole "800 generations of teenage ninja" thing

Smokey: no but like

Smokey: REALLY really weird

NeonLeon: how does a school even become 'weird'

Smokey: hold up i'll send a vid give me like five minutes

GottaGoFast: oh come ONNNN i hate it when people need five minutes

GottaGoFast: five minutes is way too long come onnnnn

DeweyBlues: okay so we DO all have ADHD. got it

GottaGoFast: i've got ADHD+

NeonLeon: autism???

GottaGoFast: no its more like ADHHHHHHD

NeonLeon: sonic this really does not make sense ngl

GottaGoFast: it makes perfect sense to me idk whats wrong with you leo

NeonLeon: LE GASP

NeonLeon: RUDE

DeweyBlues: 🍿🍿🍿

GottaGoFast: i said what i said 😎

NeonLeon: well i'll have you know that there are many things wrong with me but definitely NOT what you were trying to imply there mr.

GottaGoFast: that's really not the argument that you think it is

NeonLeon: okay and??

NeonLeon: how does that response even count as an argument

Smokey: [Video: The video opens with the camera pointed at a bathroom mirror in what clearly looks like a gross school bathroom. Red light is fading from the scene, and Randy is still midway through shoving the ninja mask into his pocket. While looking at and filming his reflection in the mirror, he starts, "Okay, so, we found this earlier today. There's been rumours for ages about the school's old gym, but nobody could find it. But: watch." 

He reaches out and touches the soap dispenser, and then waits a few seconds. "Uh, why isn't it worki― OH GOD."

The camera flies out of Randy's hand and tumbles all over the place. There's a bunch of metal clangs, and then a bright red flash takes over the camera. When they land. Randy has switched into his ninja costume. He turns the camera around so that he's vlogging, but the angle is a bit awkard. "Okay, with the benefit of hindsight I really should have just stayed as the ninja. But: anyways. This is the old gym!"

He spins the camera around, planning around a dark and creepy basement lit only by his phone's flashlight. There's a giant ditch filled with pommel horses, and broken floorboards are scattered all over the place.

While walking around, the Ninja continues talking. "So there was a fight in here with another stank monster, long story. But it's totally wild, guys. Why was the old gym underground in the first place? Why is it so destroyed? I'd assume that it's because of some sort of ninja fight, but why have I never heard of that?"

He yelps as the floorboard splinters beneath his feet, and throws out his scarf in a panic. It wraps around something shrouded in darkness, and he zooms upward. After a few seconds of panting once he's come to a stop, he turns the camera back around. "I think that's enough of looking around here for now. Gives me the creeps."]

NeonLeon: omg i forgot about the voice thing entirely

Smokey: how???

Smokey: sharing a voice with dewey gives me the creeps on the daily

DeweyBlues: oh COME ON

GottaGoFast: LMAO

NeonLeon: okay yeah that is pretty creepy

NeonLeon: and i'm guessing ur ninja book thingy wouldn't have any ideas

Smokey: yeah no the nomicon never would give me a straight answer, its annoying like that

NeonLeon: is it,, alive??

Smokey: possibly????

GottaGoFast: well thats not worrying at all

DeweyBlues: EW EW EW

DeweyBlues: RANDY WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH SKIN

Smokey: jflkdjsklaj what

GottaGoFast: dewey what does that MEAN

DeweyBlues: YOU LOOK LIKE IF A PIG AND DOG FUCKED AND IT CAME OUT REALLY WRONG

Smokey: that is the most creative insult that i've heard to date

Smokey: but language?

NeonLeon: I'M CRY LAUGHING OMFG

GottaGoFast: language child!!!

DeweyBlues: RANDY IS THIS WHAT ALL HUMANS LOOK LIKE

NeonLeon: yes????

DeweyBlues: ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew EW

Smokey: okay so now that i have been THOROUGHLY bullied (and i will get you back one day dews) what do people look like in dewey's verse i'm curious

NeonLeon: oh yeah we really haven't sent any other photos of videos have we

Smokey: yeah

Smokey: which is wild because we've known each other for MONTHS

GottaGoFast: how did we get to spilling our deepest secrets to each other before sending selfies again

NeonLeon: welll if i remember correctly

NeonLeon: someone was really really in need of socialisation and confessed almost immediately back before dewey showed up (love ya dews)

GottaGoFast: oh righttttt

Smokey: wow we're really great at this

Smokey: also dewey i'm sorry for breaking you

NeonLeon: ...

NeonLeon: Dewey?

GottaGoFast: oh my god we killed him

NeonLeon: don't SAY THAT

GottaGoFast: okay maybe he just passed out a little

Smokey: i am legit not that ugly wtf

NeonLeon: pfffffffffft

GottaGoFast: maybe just keep in ninja mode next tiem

GottaGoFast: for dewey's sake

Smokey: EXCUSE THE BRUCE OUTTA YOU TWO

NeonLeon: okay actually i'm gonna go get some footage with me and my siblings to send yall

NeonLeon: there was definitely a point there abt not knowing what each other look like

GottaGoFast: [Image: Sonic, halfway in frame, throwing a peace sign at the camera while laying on a beanbag chair.]

GottaGoFast: quick selfie since everyone else around me is human

Smokey: oh nice

GottaGoFast: ???

Smokey: idk what i was expecting with you to be honest

GottaGoFast: y'know what? fair enough

Smokey: and still NO idea what to expect from leo

Smokey: i'm imagining the turtle people from infinity train

GottaGoFast: ?

Smokey: google it

GottaGoFast: LOL yeah i can imagine that too

NeonLeon: i just took SO MUCH offense

NeonLeon: also sonic you look cool or whatever

GottaGoFast: "or whatever" wow i see how it is

NeonLeon: [Video: Leo is shushing the camera, and then switches to the back camera of his phone to film the area around him. He's looking down from the top of a giant skating ramp, covered in graffiti. At the bottom, three humanoid turtles are lounging on the ground, lying on beanbag chairs. Leo is standing right on the edge of a ramp, with a skateboard next to his foot. He steps onto the skateboard, the video becoming shaky as he tries to balance. Then, he lets out a loud whoop, and skates down the ramp. It's hard to tell what happens next through the motion blur and screaming, but when he comes to a stop, Leo's brothers are all huddled at the very edge of the platform, the tallest hugging his beanbag chair to his chest nervously.

"What the heck was that for!?" The orange-clad turtle demands.

It's easy to hear the smirk in Leo's voice as he responds, "Content."

Three glares intensify, and after a short pause, Leo takes off running, and the video ends.]

DeweyBlues: sorry i got distracted

DeweyBlues: but i also took a video. hivemind moment ig

DeweyBlues: [Video: The video opens on Dewey's face, his eyes still wide after having seen randy. The video makes it clear that yes, he is a humanoid duck. He glances at the door beside him, and then stands up. He creeps in cautiously, holding the camera up like a vlogger, and once inside, distant arguing can be heard. The room also appears slightly abnormal. There's a scattering of a seemingly random assortment of objects, from a globe with a crack going through it, a mace, three separate conspiracy boards, and a mace leaning up against a twin-sized bed. Dewey doesn't seem at all perturbed by the state of the area, and continues up a ladder, allowing the arguing to gain clarity. 

"The definition of wet is 'saturated with water.' How can water be saturated with itself!? That's right, it can't!" A loud male voice shouts.

In response, a female voice shrieks, "Don't you dare bring the dictionary into this!"

Dewey sits down in the corner of what seems like some sort of attic space, except the attic is full of suspicious-looking boxes, none of which seem dusty in the slightest. Beside him is another anthropomorphic duck, this one decked in green and looking down at his own phone. He glances up when Dewey sits down, and then tilts his head curiously, even though his eyes are half-lidded. "Are you trying to film the nerds?" He asks.

"Uh, sure?" Dewey responds.

"That sounded suspicious," he deadpans, but then continues on anyways. "Well, your camera is backwards."

Dewey spins his phone around. In the centre of the room, there's a long table lit by various lamps and phone lights, where the arguing duo are. They're also anthropomorphic ducks, one in red and the other pink. 

"Dewey, that's not how you do it," the green duck grumbles, and the phone seems to change hands. The camera switches to the back camera, giving an awkward shot of the green duck for a moment before he turns the phone back around and hands it back. 

Just in time, too, as the red duck slams his hands on the table and snaps, "Water isn't wet, it makes things wet!"

"So then wetness is a plague!" The pink duck shouts in return, also slamming her hands on the table. "And water is the source!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" The red duck protests.

There's a sigh from behind the camera. "I could have sworn that they've said all this already."]

Smokey: oh great dewey's alive

GottaGoFast: okay i thnk these videos are giving a mini-crisis

GottaGoFast: dewey how does your hair work

DeweyBlues: ???

GottaGoFast: ???

NeonLeon: I agree, and i'm bald

Smokey: omg

Smokey: 🫵 Bald

NeonLeon: yeah yeah, i knew that one was coming

DeweyBlues: i'm pretty sure my hair just works like hair

GottaGoFast: ducks don't HAVE hair tho

DeweyBlues: okay but counterpoint: they do

DeweyBlues: my entire family is ducks, i think i'd know

Smokey: you know what

Smokey: i'm just gonna log off for the day and call this all "magic bullshit"

Chapter Text

GottaGoFast: that moment when you realise that you're basically the modern day ET

Smokey: omg

Smokey: sonic i'm so sorry...

NeonLeon: bro wake up new sonic lore just dropped

GottaGoFast: okay that being said i only know vaguely of ET but i think that i'm the modern day ET?

Smokey: YOU'VE NEVER WATCHED ET????

Smokey: that movie is not from my generation at all and i am still quite upset

GottaGoFast: i'm sorry!!

GottaGoFast: i know that he's a chill lil alien that the gov is after but he has friends who do their best to protect him

NeonLeon: i mean

NeonLeon: yeah that's ET in a nutshell

Smokey: kdflkjslkdflksjhljkfljdsfj guys please

DeweyBlues: i think you guys are killing randy

DeweyBlues: followup: what's ET?

Smokey: WHAT THE FUCK

Chapter Text

NeonLeon: New Dad Lore Unlocked

GottaGoFast: leo that is so cool, hip, and trendy, but has only deepened my crisis even further

DeweyBlues: ruh roh which one is it this time

NeonLeon: here sonic i can cheer you up real fast

GottaGoFast: i guarantee you that i am faster than anything you can and will ever do but you know what go ahead

NeonLeon: my bio dad / gene donor is apparently an actual action movie star who i've idolised since i was a tot

Smokey: wait thats sick actually

Smokey: i wish i had a dad like that. actually i just wish i had a dad in general

DeweyBlues: i'm with smokey on this one actually. 

GottaGoFast: okay that's actually sort of neat

GottaGoFast: what are the odds that you could introduce me?

GottaGoFast: i have meeting a celebrity on my bucket list and that ones going to be one of the harder ones to manage otherwise

Smokey: wait leo how human is your gene donor, considering you're a turtle and all

NeonLeon: i dont think i can, sorry blue. we're pretty sure he died in the same incident where we got his genes

NeonLeon: OH GOD 

NeonLeon: I'M WITH SONIC ON THIS NOW

NeonLeon: CRISIS UNLOCKED

GottaGoFast: lol welcome to the club blue

DeweyBlues: i'm leaving you all for webby 

DeweyBlues: bye

GottaGoFast: who/what's webby

GottaGoFast: okay cool he's gone already. 

Smokey: i'm a little bit scared to ask but what crises are going on right now and what do they have to do with male gene/affection donors

GottaGoFast: are tom and maddie my parents now because like i never had parents before because i was raised by this owl chick and obviously i'm not an owl because i'm not really nocturnal just have too much energy to sleep which gives me insomnia and also i'm literally a blue hedgehog which means i'm obviously not human either and like longclaw used to fill that mom role sorta but it's been almost a decade since she died or at least i think she died i don't really know if she died but i can't risk going back to that planet not now not ever so i'm living with tom and maddie now and they give me a room to myself and punish me when i missbehave and make me dinner and leave me in charge of the house and i'm realising that they're filling parental roles for me and it's weird because they're humans and i'm just that weird blue guy that stalked them quietly my whole life but they actually really care for me but i don't know if i'm ready to have parents again and it would be really awkward to say it to their faces because thats so weird we've only known each other a few months and i nearly uprooted tom's life because he got framed for terrorism because of me and AAHHHHHHHHH god this is hard

NeonLeon: i think my dad is technically my brother because he also got DNA from the famous actor guy

NeonLeon: sonic how the heck did you type that so fast

GottaGoFast: because i'm me

Smokey: ...

Smokey: i'm gonna go ask the nomicon about how to deal with you two

DeweyBlues: LOL

NeonLeon: gee thanks

Smokey: wait hold up sonic how did you get someone framed for terrorism

GottaGoFast: uh

GottaGoFast: bye

DeweyBlues: wow i'm so glad that my only family secret has already been cleared up and i know my dad was just some gene donor i don't need to worry about.

DeweyBlues: i'll never deal with problems like you guys again

NeonLeon: SHUT

Chapter Text

Smokey: major SOS

GottaGoFast: at ur service, what u need?

DeweyBlues: me 2

DeweyBlues: were rushing r messages das how serious we r

GottaGoFast: okay that was painful dewey please dont

GottaGoFast: i can type fast enough for the both of us

DeweyBlues: i have my doubts

Smokey: HELLOOOOOO

Smokey: this is a mask thing

Smokey: how speak in code to you guys

NeonLeon: red you good?

Smokey: I AM NOT GOOD

Smokey: I AM NOT HIm

GottaGoFast: oop-

GottaGoFast: why do you have randy's phone o mysterious one?

NeonLeon: welp i'm gonna dip~

GottaGoFast: leo stfu

Smokey: cause he told me 2 text the blue gc in case of a ninja related emergency

Smokey: is this like a group of old ninjas or smth bcz if it is ima be pissed he didnt tell me abt it

NeonLeon: okay wow do you want me to stay or go sonic

GottaGoFast: not now this is an SOS

GottaGoFast: is this howard?

DeweyBlues: okay but since when do any of us take SOS' seriously cmon

GottaGoFast: stolen phones are a very serious matter dewey

DeweyBlues: ohhhh okay

Smokey: ye this is howard do you know how to help

GottaGoFast: whats the actual issue

Smokey: ima just send a pic holdup

Smokey: [Image: Randy, slumped in his desk chair with his eyes rolled back, a small trail of drool coming out of his mouth. In his lap is a giant red and black book, almost seeming to glow.]

Smokey: we hav school like NOW

DeweyBlues: leo i needf toi dm real quick holy shit

NeonLeon: uhhh okay?

GottaGoFast: thats the nomicon isn't it

Smokey: y is that a question i thought u ppl were supposed 2 know abt this stuff

GottaGoFast: yeah okay

GottaGoFast: idk just close it maybe??

Smokey: ive tried

Smokey: but i dont wanna get sucked in

DeweyBlues -> NeonLeon

DeweyBlues: THE FUCKING SKIN

DeweyBlues: i feel like im loosing it whenever i see randy. its painful

NeonLeon: is this really your main concern right now

DeweyBlues: yes always

NeonLeon: okay cool i get it humans are kinda scary at first even without the horror stories

NeonLeon: but can you chill out for the sake of randy?

DeweyBlues: uhhhh depends

DeweyBlues: wdym by 'horror stories'?

NeonLeon: nothing

blue tinted adhd container

GottaGoFast: if you get sucked in just ask him how to get sucked out

Smokey: but i dont think that the nomicon likes me very much

GottaGoFast: what if you just "screw it we ball"

Smokey: the phrase is "honk it we ball" but sure

DeweyBlues: this level of censoring is excessive

Smokey: no its just how we swear

Smokey: its a cool highschool thing

Smokey: here we go ig

GottaGoFast: is using honk instead of the f word actually cool in highschool?

GottaGoFast: because if so that's super weird

GottaGoFast: tom would never say honk in that context

GottaGoFast: and tom LOVES swears

GottaGoFast: but rachel is great at creative swears and i can't imagine her using honk like that either

Smokey: i didsnt get sucekd in 

Smokey: but hes still in there as well

NeonLeon: okay i have a bit of a dumb idea

Smokey: give it

NeonLeon: shove the ninja mask on his head

Smokey: how will he notice when hes in the nomicon

NeonLeon: i mean

NeonLeon: the magic is related somehow right??? magic usually connects like that i think (i hope) (my magic but idk if thats the same for other types but screw it we ball ig)

NeonLeon: okay saying that without the swear was painful but moving on

GottaGoFast: so what your suggesting is that maybe the nomicon and mask are linked so the mask will suck randy out or get his attention from the trance??

NeonLeon: impatient much?

GottaGoFast: weve covered this several times

GottaGoFast: yes. yes i am

Smokey: ok but if i shove my hand into the wrong pocket to get the mask i am going to be so upset with you neonleon

DeweyBlues: pocket roulette

DeweyBlues: good luck

NeonLeon: o7

GottaGoFast: o7

Smokey: DID HOWARD BEHAVE HIMSELF

GottaGoFast: welcome back to the land of the living randy

Smokey: thanks my eyes feel like absolute ass and i have not slept enough

NeonLeon: yeah speaking of

NeonLeon: how did you get stuck in the nomicon in the first place??

Smokey: i woke up at 3am and couldn't sleep so i wanted to get some training in but time is all wonky in there

DeweyBlues: so is the nomicon a living thing or another dimension??

Smokey: yes??

DeweyBlues: dang

Chapter Text

NeonLeon: i'm at that point between being awake and being tired thats just annoyingly numb

Smokey: OUGH get some rest my guy

NeonLeon: i HAVE tho

NeonLeon: i went to bed like 3 whole times last night and got a full night

NeonLeon: but now i'm just tired again and it sucks

GottaGoFast: dang thats weird

GottaGoFast: shouldn't sleep have waken you up?

NeonLeon: FR

DeweyBlues: okay are you banned from energy drinks yet or not

GottaGoFast: "yet"

Smokey: dews is that even a question

NeonLeon: yes unfortunately

NeonLeon: and i think i'd meet an untimely demise if i tried to take coffee

Smokey: okay then coffee chocolate it is

NeonLeon: coffee WHAT

Smokey: coffee chocolate

Smokey: i think it has caffeine in it?

NeonLeon: i must research this

Smokey: ik some countries sell weed chocolate as well

Smokey: some guys in my grade got their hands on it last year

DeweyBlues: WHAT

Smokey: yeah it tasted really good tbh

Smokey: and made me feel really nice the rest of the day.

GottaGoFast: YOU. MR NINJA OF JUSTICE. GOT HIGH. BEFORE ME!?????

GottaGoFast: how is this possible

Smokey: well we werent HIGH just like. weed-y. pretty chillaxed. we didnt even get caught

GottaGoFast: is this seriously what highschool is like. i thought that it was exaggerated

Smokey: no this was middle school

DeweyBlues: you're kidding me

DeweyBlues: this could be my life if i make it into public school???

NeonLeon: guys wth

NeonLeon: i leave for 5 minutes and now you're all wanting to do weed what is this about

Smokey: very limited and calming amounts of weed*

DeweyBlues: yeah randy has me curious now

DeweyBlues: plus i have yet to hit my dangerous chemical limit now and thats coming from a guy who has now been shot twice with real antique arrows

GottaGoFast: yeah same

GottaGoFast: like i want to know what randy meant by being chilled out. was it like the ultimate adderall or something?

Smokey: GOD i wish

NeonLeon: randy as ninjas arent we professionally obligated to stop this conversation

Smokey: ):

DeweyBlues: okay i'm sorry or smth

DeweyBlues: but webby has connections and i think one of my bros would be very down to expirament with this weed chocolate

GottaGoFast: what country do you know it comes from

GottaGoFast: i might just break in rq and steal some

Smokey: how do you plan on doing that lol

GottaGoFast: superspeed

NeonLeon: YOU HAVE SUPERSPEED!??!?

GottaGoFast: yeah what do you think i meant by ADHD+

DeweyBlues: implying and telling are two very different things, man

DeweyBlues: WAIT

DeweyBlues: DOES THIS MEAN I'M THE ONLY ONE WITHOUT LITERAL SUPERPOWERS

GottaGoFast: oh blue i'm so sorry...

DeweyBlues: this is the new second worst day of my life

GottaGoFast: ...

GottaGoFast: i'm too scared to ask what the worst is

Smokey: okay is it superspeed where the world slows down around you or can you just run very fast

GottaGoFast: i can do both actually

GottaGoFast: but slowing everything else down is a lot more fun

Smokey: WOW that is OP

NeonLeon: ""- the guy with a magic ninja mask that remakes him weapons and armour automatically whenever he needs it and has a magic book full of advice and can go out in public and have fun adventures with weed chocolate

Smokey: WOWWW look who suddenly cares about the weed chocolate when he's trying to insult me

NeonLeon: what even is this conversation anymore

Smokey: indeed

Chapter Text

GottaGoFast: so tom walks into the living room while i'm just chilling

GottaGoFast: blankest look i've ever seen on the guy and thats saying something

GottaGoFast: and he just goes 

GottaGoFast: "was first contact me putting you in a crate after tranquillising you"

GottaGoFast: so thats how my day's going

DeweyBlues: i wonder who made first contact in my universe

NeonLeon: yo that's wild

NeonLeon: wait wouldn't those random animals you used to terrorise actually be first contact

GottaGoFast: i wasn't terrorising them i was showing them what it is to feel alive

GottaGoFast: also who says i stopped 

Smokey: dewey

Smokey: dewey that message made it sound like aliens are common in your universe

DeweyBlues: not really but like. they're definitely real

DeweyBlues: OH

DeweyBlues: hold up i gotta go have my regularly scheduled crisis rq

Smokey: bruh

Smokey: its on SIGHT now

NeonLeon: not even 💀

GottaGoFast: its your fault for being human

Smokey: I-

Smokey: okay

DeweyBlues: RANDY WHICH GODS/DEMIGODS ARE REAL IN YOUR UNIVERSE

DeweyBlues: SLIGHTLY URGENT QUESTION

Smokey: dewey what the fuck

DeweyBlues: SERIOUSLY

Smokey: none?? that i know of??

DeweyBlues: wait what

DeweyBlues: not even like. the greek?? norse??

NeonLeon: uh

NeonLeon: yeah those are all very very fake my guy. i think

NeonLeon: was ur uncle really into mythology or something?

DeweyBlues: no this is coming from a place of: they are very real and i have been to their home island

DeweyBlues: or at least the greek gods? unsure about what's happening with the norse ones but i wouldn't be surprised if they're still kicking around somewhere

Smokey: okay so

Smokey: uh

Smokey: why were you asking me this?

DeweyBlues: so there's this really obscure goddess named xandra. and i just realised that she looks like a human and i was wondering if there's a counterpart of her in your universes

Smokey: so are you saying that i look like a god in your universe??

DeweyBlues: i don't even know anymore randy

GottaGoFast: i think we just need to stop processing your lack of humans, dewey

DeweyBlues: yeah but its HARDD

DeweyBlues: you genuinely are like eldritch horrors and also gods and its freaky that you're just. a guy. there's three different planets filled with different personalised eldritch randy's

NeonLeon: dewey please say "eldritch randy's" more often i am DYING

Smokey: never say that again

GottaGoFast: how about instead we process the fact that you have gods kicking about and think that aliens are kicking around as well

DeweyBlues: okayokay i GUESS we can do that since its also sort of funky to think about how thats different for you guys

DeweyBlues: so i met zeus, storkules, and selene while looking for more info on my mom. we don't have proof of this but there's a surprisingly high chance that storkules and our uncle are exes or storkules is still in the unrequited pining phase in the world's slowest enemies to lovers arc ever known. i also know poseidon is real because this angry creature thingy tried to kill us when it thought we were going after his spear. and thats just from a couple hours of adventuring

DeweyBlues: and then the ALIEN thing. okay so this needs some backstory

Smokey: storkules???

GottaGoFast: wait who's storkules i've never heard of him

NeonLeon: hercules*

Smokey: ...

Smokey: he's still going isn't he

NeonLeon: what if hercules is just. a stork in his dimension

GottaGoFast: no way

NeonLeon: cue the jeopardy music

GottaGoFast: bum BUM bum

Smokey: bada bum BUM bum

GottaGoFast: bum BUM bum BUM BUMMMMM

Smokey: badadada bum

GottaGoFast: BA bum bada bum bum bum

Smokey: BUM bada bum bum, bum bum

NeonLeon: why can i read this lol

GottaGoFast: you're one to talk

GottaGoFast: i've never even WATCHED jeopardy

NeonLeon: that's okay it's pretty boring

Smokey: yeah, its a lot better with friends

DeweyBlues: okay so back before my time there was this rly cool superhero with a billion different names, but we can just call him PK. and this guy fought 'fake aliens for clout' on the daily but recently my uncles were talking about him and it got sorta argumentative and through that i realised that the two of them don't think the aliens were fake. and if tehre's anyone i trust on that it's uncle scrooge

NeonLeon: okay dewey looking at just how much you're typing

NeonLeon: were you an ipad kid

Smokey: LMAO

DeweyBlues: also, with all the different species capable of communicating to one another just on our planet, i'd be really shocked if aliens aren't out there somewhere else in the universe. like it'd be pretty creepy if theres nobody else even in like. our galaxy

DeweyBlues: sorry adventuring stuff gets me really excited and i have had ideas Drilled into me by my brother

GottaGoFast: nah its fine

GottaGoFast: its fun getting lore about you guys' universes. 

GottaGoFast: speaking of leo you owe us so much lore

NeonLeon: since WHEN?

GottaGoFast: since the rest of us have been sharing more, that's when

NeonLeon: okay???

NeonLeon: i don't think i'm the best source of info tho ngl

Smokey: at least give it a shot?

NeonLeon: i can try??

GottaGoFast: the more we know about each other's verses, the more likely we can make a portal to hang out irl

NeonLeon: OKAY THEN

Chapter Text

NeonLeon: [Photo]

NeonLeon: So this is my portalling sword. As Randy probably knows, the specific type of sword is an ōdachi, which basically means Long Boi. I don't know why it's an ōdachi specifically, it just sorta came that way

GottaGoFast: hypothetically what if i could ALSO portal 

DeweyBlues: PORTAL SWORD!!!

DeweyBlues: one of the awesomest word orders i've ever seen

Smokey: i want cool artiefacts like that!

Smokey: (i say, like a dumbass who is well aware of exactly what irony he just unleashed)

Smokey: wait snoic how can you portal

DeweyBlues: SNOIC

DeweyBlues: S N O I C

GottaGoFast: dewey no

GottaGoFast's nickname was changed to GottaGoSnoic

GottaGoSnoic: DEWEY

GottaGoSnoic's nickname was changed to GottaGoFast

GottaGoFast: that is totally not happening man

DeweyBlues: i have two brothers, try me >:)>

GottaGoFast: i am not threatened by you and your goose emojis

DeweyBlues: FDJSLKFDSL ITS A DICK SHUT UP

DeweyBlues: DUCK

DeweyBlues: DUCK I MEANT DUCK

GottaGoFast: LANGUAGE wtf there are literally children present???

Smokey:

DeweyBlues: i am NOt a chRANDY PFFF wtf is that?????

NeonLeon: so basically i stole the portal sword (and my brothers stole some other cool magic weapons) from the creepy basement inside the creepy lab by the absolute psychopath who apparently made the formula that turned us from normal turtles living our leafy lives to the cryptids we are today. he's EXTREMELY fixated on us beause we are his most sucessful creations, and he wants us to be soldiers in a war that exists entirely in his head, which is kinda annoying ngl. anyways anyways, he made the portalling sowrdf, not me, so i'm kinda still figuring out all the tricks of it. i think i portalled into a weird pocket dimension once? but idk how to portal to your guy's dimensions, i've been thinking a lot about yall while swinging around the sword, but i haven't really gotten anywhere. aaaaaand now there's a penis typo gif on my screen, wtf are you guys talking about rn and do i need to join in

Smokey: leo

Smokey: from the bottom of my heart

Smokey: did i just stop your infodump using the power of cock

GottaGoFast: THERE ARE!! BABIES!! PRESENT!! A FETUS IN THE STATION!!

DeweyBlues: hey sonic i'm not good with good words so sorry if i fuck this up

DeweyBlues: BUT YOUR STRANGULATION IS I M M I N E N T AND I'M COMING AFTER YOUR ASS

Smokey: hjdsajkfskl

Smokey: honestly i think we should unleash the feral fetus

Smokey: turned out well for the rest of us, and we all have a decent amount in common

NeonLeon: i mean

NeonLeon: - gay, - adhd, - magic, - gay again, - the voice thing

GottaGoFast: fair

Smokey: I AM NOT GAY??????

DeweyBlues: OI i'm not gay i've barely started puberty not crushing on girls is normal

NeonLeon: okay dewey makes a fair point

NeonLeon: but randy how fast did you whip out the penis typo gif?

GottaGoFast: WHEEZE

Smokey: ...

NeonLeon: I rest my case.

Smokey: okay going back to jeopardy

Smokey: can I doooooooooo ONGOING SEXUALITY CRISIS for 200?

GottaGoFast: sure can!

GottaGoFast: what is a randy, that is cunning and made of ham?

DeweyBlues: *bzzt*

GottaGoFast: dewey!

DeweyBlues: a sandwhich!

GottaGoFast: No!

DeweyBlues: wut

NeonLeon: *buzzzzz*

GottaGoFast: Leon!

NeonLeon: a sandwich

GottaGoFast: And the points go to Leo!

DeweyBlues: BRUHHHHHHHHH

Smokey: has anyone in this gc watched jeopardy?

GottaGoFast: nope!

DeweyBlues: not really

NeonLeon: like 2 episodes at best

Smokey: yeah okay i was wondering how the hell yall could share a love of trivia

Smokey: also where the fuck did the sandwich thing come from

Chapter Text

DeweyBlues: [Photo]

DeweyBlues: ROADTRIP!!!!!!!

GottaGoFast: FUCK YEAH

Smokey: why is there a cargo plane parked in the grass behind you

DeweyBlues: this aint about that

GottaGoFast: dew

GottaGoFast: dews

GottaGoFast: deweyyyyy

DeweyBlues: ye?

GottaGoFast: where ya headed

DeweyBlues: ADVENTURe!!!

GottaGoFast: yeah duh

GottaGoFast: but adventure where??

DeweyBlues: uh

DeweyBlues: highkey kinda blanking but ik its somewhere out of duckburg, and i doubt we're gonna be in the big city region so that also means it won't be st. canard

GottaGoFast: ah alr

GottaGoFast: wait what

Smokey: AND YOU THINK HUMANS ARE WEIRD????

Smokey: WE DO NOT HAVE CITIES NAMED SHIT LIKE "HUMANBERG"

NeonLeon: what the heck dewey

DeweyBlues: surprisingly i have an excuse this time

GottaGoFast: yeah, surprisingly

DeweyBlues: but it gets into family tree stuff which takes FOREVER to explain, so i'll get into it a bit later. 

DeweyBlues: yehhhh we're boarding now, see yall in a bit ✌

NeonLeon: uhhh

NeonLeon: later dews?

Smokey: that read as pandering

GottaGoFast: dewey what colour is the peace sign emoji on your end, for science

NeonLeon: omg omg omg randy

NeonLeon: FUCK YER EARS IM PANDERINNNNNNNNNN

Smokey: ...

Smokey: i'd say "how dare you try to distract me with bo burnham" but unfortunately it's working

Smokey: GOOD GIRL, IN A STRAW HAT

GottaGoFast: wait i don't know this-

NeonLeon: WITH HER ARMS OUTTT IN A CORNFIELD

Smokey: That is a scarecrow. 

GottaGoFast: guys :(

NeonLeon: holy shit we need to figure out how to have a movie night Imediately

Smokey: yesssssss

NeonLeon: we're referencing a comedian musician, blue. 

GottaGoFast: ah

Smokey: i promise to show you later

Smokey: that being said

Smokey: yall dumb motherfuckers want a key change?

DeweyBlues: bad day. 

NeonLeon: you kay?

DeweyBlues: nah

DeweyBlues: we're moving back to the boat

Smokey: oh shit

Smokey: send me your uncle's way, i'll skin his feathered ass and cook him for dinner

GottaGoFast: sending virtual hugs

GottaGoFast: but randy please no virtual cannibalism. you may be the only one here who's not a literal animal, but have some morals, man.

DeweyBlues: hsklskldjs

DeweyBlues: thanks guys.

NeonLeon: ofc <3

NeonLeon: but like. do you want to talk? bcuz i can try but it may take a bit of mental rebooting and we're all not like. 

GottaGoFast: good at that

NeonLeon: yea

DeweyBlues: no its just

DeweyBlues: eurghhh

DeweyBlues: i fucking hate him and he made me so happy and i've lost so much that made me happy and i just feel terrible and i don't know what to do with all this terrible

DeweyBlues: and i'm so glad you guys are joking right now because i have completely lost track of my own humour

GottaGoFast: okay so maybe not skinning, but plucking is starting to sound kinda appealing

GottaGoFast -> NeonLeon

GottaGoFast: okay i gotta say this somewhere because i am Vibrating with the need to make this joke but it's a terrible idea to say it to dews

GottaGoFast: guess who needs meds NOW motherfucker??? depression is a card game and currently i am WINNINGGGGG

NeonLeon: ...

NeonLeon: okay i hate that i laughed. good call not saying that one around dews

NeonLeon: i think

NeonLeon: i'm trying to remember my brother's therapy shpiels but it aint stickign that well unfortunately

Smokey: yehhhh

Smokey: make him into all saggy chicken flesh and then send him out to do his job

Smokey: he'll go backrupt by the end of the week

DeweyBlues: i don't really want to see him rn, but that's a great thought for later

NeonLeon: okay then

NeonLeon: distraction time?

Smokey: we were talking comedians right

Smokey: have yall listened to john mulaney at all?

GottaGoFast: not rly

GottaGoFast: most of the stuff i found about on my own was action movies n stuff, but comedians def sound fun to watch

NeonLeon: uh, YES??

DeweyBlues: uhhh

DeweyBlues: he's uh. the one who's a pig, right?

DeweyBlues: wait that wouldn't matter in yalls verses

DeweyBlues: he's popular for like. his rythym or smth

Smokey: okay, so

Smokey: tactically ignoring the pig comment for now

Smokey: i suggest that i send audio clips of him and we put them on a tier list

DeweyBlues: that sounds fun

NeonLeon: oh hell yeah

NeonLeon: start with the diner one

DeweyBlues: is this gonna be the vibe to curl up under blankets and smile for or are we gonna argue

NeonLeon: Both? Both is good. 

Chapter Text

DeweyBlues: being gutted by my own shadow would be a sick af way to die

GottaGoFast: real

NeonLeon: real

Smokey: w h a t

GottaGoFast: i mean. like. shadows are such a cool concept idk what's so hard abt this randy

GottaGoFast: what if they're just s e n t i e n t man what if they want to make their own choices and live their own lives and wear their own clothes but you're just holding them hostage

NeonLeon: yall seen infinity train?

GottaGoFast: no should i have

NeonLeon: oh my GODS if you like shadows, what about reflections??

GottaGoFast: I'M LISTENING.

Smokey: GUYS

Smokey: dewey please tell me that you haven't been gutted in the last five minutes

Smokey: you sweet summer toddler

GottaGoFast: oh shoot

DeweyBlues: 👍 vibing

DeweyBlues: later, hopefully

Smokey: i have anxiety and it's dewey's fault

Smokey: wait no

Smokey: the nomicon's fault

Smokey: it came with all the ancient ninja wisdom

Smokey: what a shitty trade

NeonLeon: yo can i get in on some of that ancient ninja wisdom

Smokey: no

NeonLeon: well fuck you too then

GottaGoFast: dewey dewey dewey if your shadow came to life please tell me details like was it 2d was it 3d was it a weird mix of both did it stick to shadow rules i need to know in case this trope ever happens to me and for absolutely no other reason whatsoever

DeweyBlues: end plan plucking, folks, everything came out alright 👍

DeweyBlues: well like. someone might be dead but everything else came out a right so. upsides?

DeweyBlues: oh and we caused like. millions in property damage. minor upsides?

DeweyBlues: okay yeah this was an absolute disaster

GottaGoFast: dewey, your life is a disaster

DeweyBlues: a hurricane, actually

GottaGoFast: what?

DeweyBlues: what?

NeonLeon: is the possibly dead person just missing or something else

DeweyBlues: dunno

DeweyBlues: she was like. magically banished to the shadow realm, so it's a solid 50/50

DeweyBlues: idk if i've not processed or if we just weren't that good of friends

DeweyBlues: but i'm having one big ol emotion soup rn so idrc

Smokey: and no gutting occured?

Smokey: none of us have reached gutting level threats?

DeweyBlues: yeah, no gutting

GottaGoFast: hey now

GottaGoFast: there are many gutting-level threats, i'm an alien

NeonLeon: ^^^^^ what sonic said

NeonLeon: livesection is on the table

NeonLeon: that... is not the word

NeonLeon: whats the dissection but allive word

Smokey: uhhhh idk

Smokey: alivesection sounds abt right

GottaGoFast: vivisection

GottaGoFast: googled it

NeonLeon: neat