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Kate slowly pulled away from the departure gate as a tear rolled down her cheek. Lucy was off to Singapore and Kate was off to their empty apartment. Kate took one look into the rearview mirror and watched as the drop off faded out of view. She cranked the radio to drown out her thoughts as the tears continued down her cheeks. A buzz from her phone pulled her back to the present. She glanced at the notification to see Jane telling her the tequila was ready for her. At the moment Kate was happy to have a distraction instead of going back to their home so she headed to her friend’s home instead. As she pulled up outside she quickly sent a text to Lucy “Have a safe flight. I love you. I’m not going anywhere.” Kate tucked her phone away and climbed out of the car. As she approached the front door she took a deep breath before opening the door and searching for Jane. Jane was sitting at the island with a glass already poured for her and she slid the glass to Kate. They clinked the glasses together as she let the tequila burn for a moment and push away her thoughts of her girlfriend.
“I’d ask how you’re doing, but that just seems a given. I’m here if you need an escape while she’s gone. You know the team will be supportive.” Jane was eyeing her friend and trying to give an encouraging smile. “I remember how hard it was for Daniel and I every time I had to go away, but she’s not going into battle. She will be safe. She will come back to you.” Jane reached a hand across to Kate’s and gave a gentle squeeze.
Kate’s throat caught at the idea of Lucy not being safe. It hadn’t crossed her mind because she was so focused on trying to enjoy the last few days together, but the realization was settling in that the last person who went away never came back. She forced back the tears as she took another sip of the tequila in front of her. “I know she will, but until I see her home again, I am going to be holding my breath.” Jane nodded at the words as both women fell into a comfortable silence. Some time had passed before Kate spoke up, “She is so strong to face her fears, even if it was my fault she’s going in the first place. I guess it’s my time to face my biggest fear too.”
Jane listened carefully before asking “Did I miss something? How is it your fault? And what is your biggest fear?”
“She applied right after we broke up because she didn’t want to be anywhere around me. She said everything on the island reminded her of me so she applied. And my fear is living my life without Lucy, I just didn’t know it until I almost lost her for good. She’s my whole world, Jane.” Kate started crying.
Tennant nodded while she waited for her friend to finish. “She was going to have to go to sea at some point. She does work for the Navy so that is not your fault. This is going to open doors for her and I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m trying to mentor her to eventually get to where I am. She has it in her. As for the other stuff, you didn’t lose her then and you’re not going to lose her now. It’s a little speed bump, but you two are strong. I see how much she loves you.” Jane took a sip of her drink as Kate took in the words. They gave a small smile to each other.
“Thank you! You may have to remind me of that a few more times over the next few months. Can I be frank?” She waited until Jane nodded. “I’m afraid to go home. The silence. The memories of her there. I feel like it’s going to be too much yet comforting to see her stuff at the same time.” Kate was nervous about being so open with Lucy’s boss.
“A day at a time, Kate.” She reached over to her friend and put a calming hand on her shoulder. “Do you need a distraction?” Kate nodded with such fervor. “Julie has a soccer match in about an hour if you want to go with me. If so, we should probably stop drinking so one of us can drive.” She collected her glass and headed to the sink.
“That sounds perfect. I feel like I haven’t seen the kids in a while.” The thought of seeing the Tennant kids brought a bright smile to her face. She finished her glass before bringing it over to Tennant. “And you can drive.” She nudged Jane, feeling some of her anxiety subsiding.
The women cheered on Julie and Kate asked about Alex’s girlfriend to make conversation. She could see Jane cringing as she asked. The game ended with a victory for Julie’s team and they all decided to get pizza to celebrate. The conversation continued to flow through the meal and the kids made jokes that had Kate forgetting about her situation for a moment. It still bubbled below the surface, but there in that moment, she was happy to be surrounded with family.
***
Kate stood at her apartment door and hesitated to open it. The emptiness and longing was already starting to set in as she began to turn the key. The familiar smell of their home was a welcoming reminder of the shared life inside these walls. She kicked off her shoes and headed for a shower. As the hot water hit her body she could feel some of the tension leaving and could also feel the tears forcing themselves forward. She let the tears mix with the water and let it out. She dried off and headed to the dresser, looking at the drawer she opened Lucy’s drawer and pulled out one of her sweatshirts. It was a little tight, but Kate did not care because it still smelled like her girlfriend. She placed her hand in the pocket and pulled out a post-it note “These are my arms holding you tight. xx” Kate instantly recognized the handwriting and had the biggest smile on her face as she pulled the note close to her chest and put it on the dresser. Lucy knew she would be struggling. She put on some shorts and laid on the bed. She pulled out her book and opened it to get lost in another world.
At some point Kate fell asleep reading. Out of habit she found herself reaching to the empty spot on the bed. She sighed deeply as she pulled the familiar pillow out and switched it with hers. She inhaled deeply at the scent of Lucy’s shampoo lingering. Kate looked at the moon wondering if Lucy was looking at the same one. She closed her eyes and fell back asleep thinking about her favorite person.
The faintest glimmer of sun was coming in through the curtains when Kate began to stir. She looked at the clock on her phone and saw it was early enough to get in some good waves. She stretched as she slowly started to move out of the bed before making it. Placing her palm against Lucy’s pillow one more time. She headed to get her bathing suit when she caught the glimmer of a post-it “Be safe in the waves. I can’t wait to see you in this when I get back. xx” Kate was smiling remembering the time Lucy showed up to the beach for help on a case and the look on the woman’s face. It lit a warmth inside Kate as she felt her cheeks blushing. She slid on her suit and a cover up before heading to grab her board.
Kate walked through the sand placing down her towel and bag before she faced the water. She stared at the waves for a moment before wondering if Lucy was on the boat or hiding from the water. She gave a subtle wave to the air around her trying to send her message across the blue to her girlfriend. Kate felt a hand on her shoulder that pulled her back and sent her jumping in surprise, clenching her chest. “Kai! You can’t just walk up on people like that. That’s how you end up with a black eye or something.” She was trying to hold back her laughter.
Kai was bent over with laughter. “Hey Whistler! I’ve seen your moves so I’m glad you didn’t take a swing. How about we hit some waves before the haoles take over this place?” He grabbed his board and headed to the blue abyss. Kate was close behind.
“I didn’t know you were going to be here today, but I’m glad you are.” Kate acknowledged as Kai nodded at her and grabbed the wave. Kate could tell he was there for her and the thought made her smile before she grabbed the next wave. The two continued surfing for a few hours before calling it quits.
“Are you hungry? I was going to go meet Hina at my dad’s place and grab some food if you want to join.” He gave Kate time to consider her options.
“That sounds like fun. I haven’t seen her in forever. Let me just throw some clothes on and then I’ll follow you there. Hey Kai, thank you.” She gave him a big smile trying to convey her gratitude. He nodded knowing she meant it and they walked to their cars.
Kate spent the day laughing at stories of a young Kai and sharing some of her college stories as well. In those moments she was so grateful for her ohana. The people she met through Lucy and had grown so close to as well. Hina was an energy that reminded her of Lucy and she felt small pangs of guilt for having fun while Lucy was god knows where. Did she land? Is she stressing about the water? Did she find the photo Kate packed? The blonde realized she still hadn’t heard a word from Lucy. Kai and Hina could feel a shift in Kate as she stared into the distance. “Yo, Whistler. You ok?” She was brought back to the present as she nodded and gave a brief smile.
“Yeah, I think the sun and waves wiped me out. I should get going. Thanks for hanging out today and for the laughs. Hina, don’t be a stranger.” Kate stood up and hugged Hina. She looked at Kai for a moment before he put one arm around her shoulder and gave a little squeeze. Kate walked out to her car and looked up at the sun wondering if Lucy was looking at the same sky before pulling away.
***
Kate pulled on the sweatshirt and shorts before heading to her kitchen. She decided a glass of wine was exactly what she needed. She opened the drawer to pull out the bottle opener and found a post-it note “Wine already? Cheers to you my love. xx” Kate let out a belly laugh knowing Lucy probably was so proud of herself writing this one out. She poured a glass and headed to the balcony to enjoy the view. As she stared off into the distance her phone started ringing as she panicked and searched frantically for her phone. She found it on the counter and smiled as she saw her girlfriend’s picture light up the screen.
“There’s my courageous girlfriend,” Kate said with a big smile. “How are you? How was your flight? Did you use all of the dramamine?”
“Hi my love! That’s a whole lot of questions at once. I’m tired and I’m good on planes so I was able to save the whole bottle for this island in the ocean. This thing is massive. I mean, I’ve seen these ships before, but it’s different being on one. I thought I was going to have a panic attack walking on board, but I heard your words in my head pushing me. I love and miss you!” Lucy’s voice was cracking with emotion.
“Oh sweetheart, I’m here cheering you on the whole time. I know you can do this. It will be over before you know it. I miss you too, but I keep finding messages around here to keep me company. Who knew you were such a romantic?” Kate gave a small chuckle trying to calm her girlfriend. “You know, I looked at the waves today and wondered if we were looking at the same waves. Then at one point I was looking up to see if you were looking at the same sky.”
“It’s funny you should say that actually. I climbed on board and the first thing I did was look at the sky and think of you. I wasn’t quite ready to look at the waves yet.” Lucy let out a deep laugh full of nerves.
“Hey, you’ve already done the hard part. You are on board. Wait…you are on board right?” Kate was trying to joke to lighten the mood. She could feel Lucy rolling her eyes. “Listen, any time you are missing me, just look at that big ol sky and know that I’m thinking of you too.”
Lucy yawned into the phone. “Yes, I’m on this massive floating thing. How it’s floating with how much is on this thing, I will never know, but I am here. I love you, Kate Whistler. I’m going to lay down. If you ever want to text or send photos, I would really like that. Give me something to look forward to.”
“I love you too, Lucy Tara. I won’t be sending you nudes though.” She could hear the brunette give a gasp. “I’ll send you some photos and texts daily though. Now go get some rest. It was so good to hear your voice.” Kate hung up the phone and took a sip of her wine as her nerves calmed just from hearing that voice.