Chapter Text
despite how many times they had come to mondstadt, the only place scaramouche had never set foot in was the knights of favonius headquarters. he had no reason to be in there, because he wasn't a knight, and never had any important tasks that required him in the building. but still, even though this quick visit was a pointless endeavor, lumine insisted on dragging him along to 'see the sights.' how boring. even paimon's informational ramblings couldn't satiate his boredom as they wandered the halls. for the most part, he had just stood by her side in silence, only speaking when he felt like the conversation needed his input; which it didn't anyways. though, when they stepped up the stairs to the next floor, something did immediately catch his eye that he wanted to speak on.
one of the doors in the hallway was surrounded in a collection of small, neatly wrapped gifts and sealed envelopes. some of the envelopes were sealed with rose or heart shaped wax, and few even had writing on the envelope itself. colourful tags were hanging from the bows of the gifts, and some draped over the floor. regardless of where they were placed, the door was completely surrounded.
" hey, " he said, shaking lumine's shoulder to draw her attention. he cocked his head in the direction of the door. " what's that all about? "
" oh! isn't that albedo's office? " paimon spoke up with an almost concerned look in her eyes. " the door's almost buried in gifts and letters! do you think he's stuck in there? "
" i doubt it, " lumine snorted, bringing a hand up under her chin. " i think the doors open inwards. but anyways, i'm not really sure what that's all about. maybe there's... something important involving him that we don't know about? "
" paimon doesn't see any gifts by anyone else's doors, " paimon hummed. " and she's never seen one person get so many gifts all at once! ooh, do you think any of his gifts are some tasty new food? aww, paimon wishes she woke up to gifts like that every day! it'd be like paimon's birthday all the time! oh! do you think it's albedo's birthday today? "
" no, i don't think so, " lumine mused. " i usually tend to get letters from people when its their birthday, and the last one i got from albedo was a few months ago... oh well, if he's here then maybe we can just ask him what's going on. "
" let's go find out! " paimon said, grabbing lumine's arm and dragging her towards the day.
" hey, i can walk myself! " the blonde laughed, freeing her grip from her companion's tiny hands.
scaramouche rolled his eyes at their childish behaviour, but walked after the two anyways. he wasn't as invested in the situation as they were, but he wasn't going to stand around and wait for them. at the very least he would be meeting someone new today. lumine had told him stories of her adventures with this man on dragonspine, the snowy mountain mondstadt housed. though she seemed to skip many of the details, the story was just intriguing enough for him to remember it. however, it had been some time since he had heard those stories. he briefly wondered if she had told albedo stories about him, but he quickly dismissed the thought. it was a stupid idea, he'd admit. he turned his focus back to reality as paimon flew over the stack of gifts and letters, and knocked on the office door.
" albedo!~ " she sang out, her high pitched voice hurting scaramouche's ears. " are you in there? "
" can you be any louder? " he barked in annoyance.
" excuse you! " paimon turned to him, putting her fists on her hips. " albedo's a busy man, sometimes he can't hear paimon! "
" like screaming your lungs out is a better alternative... " he grumbled and crossed his arms.
" okay okay chill, " lumine said, waving her arms. " no arguing while we're here, okay? let's just be patient, and-- "
lumine was cut off as the door creaked. the trio stepped back as the door swung out into the hall. some of the gifts were knocked over, and a stack of letters toppled to the ground. some of the envelopes scattered across the hall, and few slid underneath the door into the room. they glanced up as the man they were hoping to see peeked out from behind the door. becoming aware of the mess he made, his cheeks tinted pink. he stepped out of the room completely, and shut the door behind him.
" well you sure made a mess, " lumine teased as she put her fists on her hips.
" don't start, " the man covered his mouth with the back of his hand and laughed lightly. " i'm more than used to cleaning up this sort of mess almost every time i leave my office. "
" so, this is the guy you've been telling me about? " scaramouche asked, glancing to lumine. " what was it... albedo? "
" yep, this is him! " paimon chirped, flying over to the alchemist's side. " albedo is one of the knights of favonius, and he's an alchemist! uh, albedo, paimon doesn't know if lumine has told you about him but um... w-well, this is scaramouche! he uh... he has a lot of titles, hehe. "
" don't flatter me, " scaramouche said as he rolled his eyes and let his arms fall limp at his sides again. " just the name is fine, don't go into detail. "
" first impressions, kuni, " lumine said assertively.
he balled his hands into fists in annoyance over her nickname, but paused from doing anything when the alchemist spoke again.
" well, to confirm the details for paimon... " albedo spoke gently. " yes, i've heard stories about you from lumine. though, they haven't been the most... pleasant. "
" oh, right, yeah... " lumine said with a nervous laugh. " we haven't been able to uh... fill you in on everything that happened in sumeru. it's... it's a really long story. the easiest way to sum it up for you is, well, he's... he's not a 'good' guy, but he's tame. i guess. "
she makes it sound like i'm some pet, he thought bitterly. he chose not to speak his thoughts aloud. things were already going as bad as he expected them to, he didn't need to make things any worse. the drama wouldn't be worth it anyways.
" i see, " albedo hummed, looking up at scaramouche. " well, i suppose i should be grateful then that our first meeting is not during a battle. if lumine is keeping you around, then i have no reason to go against her beliefs. i do hope that we can stay on good terms. "
" likewise, " he replied blankly. " anyways, now that introductions are out of the way, we can get onto the real reason we wanted to talk to you. "
" oh paimon almost forgot! " paimon said, facepalming herself. " well, albedo you already noticed them but... there's a whole lot of gifts and stuff around your door! is there something going on? "
" oh, no no, this is a daily thing for me, " the alchemist laughed nervously, his expression flushing once more. " i've... got a lot of admirers. so long as i'm in mondstadt continuing my research, i wake up every day and struggle to leave my office because of them leaving me gifts and letters. i hate to admit it, but, i've been trapped in my office before because they've covered the door. "
" woah, seriously? " lumine said with widened eyes. " how long were you stuck for? "
" it's hard to say, " albedo said, scratching his head. " usually not too terribly long. sucrose tends to clear up some of the mess when she visits me, so it very rarely happens nowadays. whenever it does, it usually comes down to jean and kaeya having to take everything away so that i can leave. "
" hah, i almost feel bad for you, " scaramouche chuckled.
" paimon does! " the floating girl whined. " it seems like these gifts and stuff have been here for days! you were lucky we didn't find you when things piled up even more! i can't imagine what it's like having to read all those letters and open all those gifts... "
" oh, i don't usually do that, " albedo said bluntly.
" what?! " paimon and lumine spoke out in unison.
" you seriously don't look at any of this stuff? " scaramouche asked, raising an eyebrow. " you're basically getting free attention every day without even having to do anything... what, is there somebody who already has your attention? "
" well, ah... " albedo hummed, and crossed his arms. the slightest bit of a smirk came across his features. " i'm single, if that's what you're asking. "
" oooh! " lumine cupped her face and her eyes sparkled. " am i witnessing love at first sight before my very eyes? "
" what?! " scaramouche turned to her with a glare.
" ohoho, well when you two get married, paimon can be the best girl! " paimon snickered behind her hands.
" both of you knock it off! " he barked, stomping his foot on the ground, nearly hard enough to crack the marble. " ugh, just the thought of being in a relationship makes me want to vomit... "
despite how scaramouche had reacted, he could hear albedo laughing, though it was muffled by one of his hands. he opened his eyes once he had finally calmed down, looking back at him with a playful joy in his eyes. though, scaramouche was the opposite; the embarrassment had turned him beet red, and anger flickered in his eyes like hot flames.
" it's alright, it's just a joke, " albedo hummed, laughter still clearly in his tone. he took a deep breath, and sighed to fully calm himself. " but, it's the truth. i'm not typically one for relationships of any kind, so i've yet to find someone to be my 'other half' so to speak. none of these admirers of mine would be fit candidates anyways. "
" why not? " lumine hummed. " have you ever even been on a date albedo? "
" n-no, " the blonde stuttered, before quickly clearing his throat. " that's not what i mean. i mean, i've read a few of these letters before. the contents are almost complete replicas of eachother. details of my appearance, and their adoration for the things i can do with my alchemy... i can't tell you how many poetic descriptions there can be of one's eyes in just a single letter. it's... over the top, and it's annoying. none of these letters go into detail for more than just how i look. that's not something i'm willing to put up with in a romantic relationship. "
" oh, paimon sees your point! " paimon said while nodding thoughtfully. " it's like if paimon's only reason for liking food was how it looked instead of how it tasted! paimon would be a very different person then... how can paimon properly enjoy a sweet and juicy sticky honey roast if she only cares about how it looks?! "
" too much honey and the cook goes to jail, " lumine joked with a snort. " but, yeah... i get where you're coming from, albedo. you've gotta look for more than just looks when you want to have a serious relationship with somebody. if you can't see past that, then you don't actually love a person. "
" that's how i feel as well. " the alchemist nodded. " that is why i've stopped reading the letters. "
" but what about the gifts? " paimon asked. " you don't just toss them out do you?! "
" no, that would be more than impolite, " albedo said, crossing his arms over his chest. " i tend to donate the items to other people i feel are more deserving of them, or shop owners who are in need of extra supply. though there are a few... rare incidents where i do appreciate the gifts given. i open them all and decide from there. "
" you should write back those people! " paimon suggested. " it feels like it'd be the greatest achievement in all of teyvat to be acknowledged by the person you admire most! "
" i've thought of that, " albedo chuckled. " though i'm not the best with words. usually when i begin writing something, it turns into a several page long essay, and eventually shifts into the research i've been doing lately. sitting down and writing a simple response letter is... an awkward experience. "
" i could never imagine what that's like, " lumine sighed. " well, if you ever need help, i'm always available. actually, no, rephrase that... i'm usually available. "
" i'd hate to trouble you over something trivial like this, " albedo hummed.
" yeah, be real lumine, " scaramouche said. " you do stupid commissions all the time like finding cats and picking flowers. you should be taking on better commissions from a place called the 'adventurer's' guild. i think letter writing is far beyond things an adventurer should be doing. "
" but this isn't a commission! " lumine said firmly. " he's my friend, i think it's in my right to help him. i don't need mora from my friends. and what's so bad about finding cats and flower picking anyways? "
" it's stupid, " scaramouche said bluntly. " you're just soft. "
" alright, that's enough, " albedo sighed. " i've told you three what you asked for, and unfortunately i am... very busy right now. i hate to cut our conversation short, but i'd like to get back to my work as soon as i clear out all of these. "
" do you need help? " lumine asked.
" no no, it's okay, " albedo said as he bent down to pick up some of the letters scattered on the floor. " i could use the extra 'exercise' anyways. "
" if you say so, " lumine said quietly. " well, i guess we should be leaving then. we don't have to go in any of the rooms anyways, so we can move on to somewhere else. "
" we should be going to our camp! " paimon said, puffing up her cheeks. " the sun's going to start setting soon and paimon needs a break from all this flying around with no snacks! "
" maybe we can get scaramouche to- " lumine started.
" no, absolutely not, " he shut her down the second she said his name. " it's your camp, you can make your own damn food. "
" okay okay! " lumine laughed, waving her hands. " let's get going then and let albedo do his work in peace. "
" thank you, " the alchemist said as he stood back up. he held a stack of the letters close to his chest, though a few did slip free from his grasp and flutter back to the ground.
the trio waved their goodbyes to albedo as they walked back to the stairs. as they descended, scaramouche chose to reflect on the encounter. he was almost jealous of the admiration and adoration albedo received. he wondered what it would be like to be in his shoes for just a day. though, his bag wasn't really big enough to hold a lot of gifts. maybe he could clip them on his clothing? ...no, they'd stack up far too quickly, and the noise of all the ornaments hitting eachother might drive him insane. well, maybe he could decorate his room in the serenitea pot... his thoughts began to drift again, and returned to their encounter with albedo. just momentarily, he began to wonder what albedo did with the gifts he kept. he didn't get the chance to peek into the room while they were talking, so he didn't know how many gifts were truly in there. he almost wondered if he could...
an idea struck him as his thoughts wandered, and he had to choke back a snicker. when lumine looked back at him, she caught onto the glimmer of mischief in his eyes, and sighed.
" oh no, you're thinking of something, " lumine whined playfully. " okay spill the beans, what are you plotting now mister evil genius? "
" oh, nothing, " the man hummed, with the slightest inkling of a smile on his face. " just a little joke i'd like to pull on that guy. "
" you just met and you're already thinking of pulling a prank?! " paimon almost seemed to yell. " can't you give it, like, a day?! "
" maybe, but i'd forget about it by then, " scaramouche hummed and clasped his hands behind his back. " i'm just thinking of going along with your earlier joke. you know, the 'love at first sight' thing? don't you think it'd be funny if i... wrote him a letter? "
" you, writing a love letter? " lumine snorted and clutched her stomach. " oh god, just the thought makes me gag. you should totally do it. "
" hah, yeah like i really could do that, " he grumbled, letting that smile drop as he pushed open the building's doors. " even if it was for a joke, what the hell am i supposed to write? i don't know the first thing about romance, let alone talking about my feelings. i'm even less readable than the longest words in teyvat's language. "
" well you can make it super duper sappy, like those romance novels! " paimon laughed. " he'll know it's a joke obviously, but maybe he'd write you back! it might be the perfect way for you two to become proper friends! "
" friends... yeah, " he spoke quietly, thinking hard about the idea.
that'd be an ironic way to make a friend, he thought. now that he'd said the thought outloud, he wasn't too sure about it. he hadn't even read a romance novel before. he had never been one to turn down a book if it meant he could pass the time and learn more about human emotions... but romance continued to evade him. the topic wasn't very high on his 'must read' list, and he didn't care enough to learn what it was like to love another individual. he had known the feeling before, but he abandoned those thoughts centuries ago. now, the idea was completely foreign to him, as it had been so long since he'd felt love for anything.
but this could be a perfect chance for him to learn the feeling as well. if he could learn how other people experienced it, he may have new material to tease his 'new friend' or even lumine. he didn't have as many situations where he could get back at her; she loved to tease him and she was virtually unreadable. being able to get a little bit of revenge towards her would be more fun for him than anything. the idea actually made him visibly smile. he was shot a glance from lumine, who pulled a smirk onto her face, and even stuck her tongue out. he quickly turned away, pulling down his hat and hiding his expression in shadows. hearing her amused giggles made him angry; he was even more inclined to go along with the idea now.
they walked in silence through the streets of mondstadt, while paimon kept the journey anything but with her ramblings. he couldn't be bothered to listen to anything she had to say; it wasn't worth his time. his thoughts had gone blank, and so had his perception of the world around him for a time. he pulled himself fully back into reality when they arrived at their makeshift camp out in the wild. he still hated camping in the wild, but he wasn't going to try and stay in a city. this was his only option for the time being, he just hoped he would enjoy it in the future so he could sleep comfortably.
despite his earlier rejection of the idea, he insisted on setting up a cooking pot with lumine, and cooking food himself. he wasn't particularly proud of any dish that he could make, but he was happy enough that his travelling companions didn't immediately spit it out. the sun finally set overhead, and the sky was black, while they sat together with their respective bowls and emptied the pot they'd set up. hearing his companions' praise of his cooking made his vision glow, and some pride swell up from within him. though he'd never admit it out loud, he adored hearing their praise. the only outward show of that would be his vision, which glowed as though it were a beating heart on his chest.
he sat against the edge of their camp, staring up at the sky with his hat tossed off to the side. he glanced back at the tent they'd set up, seeing lumine curled up soundly underneath her makeshift blanket, and paimon sprawled out on her back, drooling onto the dirt. they both looked so peaceful, but he almost laughed from how stupid paimon looked. he glanced back up at the sky, seeing the stars twinkling. he could never look at the night sky the same again, but he at least enjoyed the view. no clouds, and the only light in the world being the moon... it was actually inspiring.
he moved from his position, reaching for the traveler's bag and rummaging around until he found a brush and a ream of paper, many of which had already been torn out of the silver latches. he tore off a sheet for himself, not caring whether or not it made noise. thankfully, lumine and paimon were both heavy sleepers, so they wouldn't wake up no matter how loud he was. he set himself up beside a nearby tree stump, laying the single sheet of paper out on it, and pulling a small vial of ink from his own bag. he set the container down on the stump by the paper, alongside the brush.
for a few minutes, he just stared blankly at the paper. he wasn't lying when he said he didn't understand letter writing. he had written very few letters in his time, and none of them were like the ones albedo typically received. the thought irritated him that he couldn't make his joke work if he didn't understand what he was doing. he couldn't just start writing if he didn't even know what to write. when he picked up the brush, he had gotten so far as to write the greeting at the top, but he had no clue what to add after. he had set the brush down before he could snap it from being angry at himself. ugh, i shouldn't be getting so worked up over this, he thought. it's just a joke.
he tried to take deep breaths and dispel his anger. he glanced back at the traveler's bag curiously, before pulling it over and rummaging through it once again. she had a small collection of books in her bag, but he'd never bothered to properly look at the contents. eight books were placed together on one side of the bag, and no others seemed to be in sight. he read through the covers and summaries of each of the books, and only one of the books seemed to be a romantic novel. he sighed, having to ask himself if he was really going to do this. well, he was committed to the joke, and if he wrote this one letter he'd never have to do it again at least. he leaned against the tree stump, opened the book in his lap, and began to read as quickly as he could manage while still retaining the information.
the entire time he was reading, he couldn't find himself enjoying the story at all. the only motivation he had to continue was this letter. he had gone this far as to set up everything for him to write, he wasn't going to give in. but the story was... horribly cheesy. hideously, in fact. all the nicknames and metaphors were so over the top, it almost made him sick. he had to take several breaks from his reading just to try and calm himself before he actually did get sick. he didn't even know he could do that, but he supposed this was the 'human' part of him talking. or maybe it was a side effect of deciding to eat even though he didn't technically need to...
when he finally finished the book, his face was red and his stomach was twisting. he tossed the book off to the side in the grass, and buried his face into his hands. he tried to process what he just read, but he could barely get past his embarrassment. he still didn't like the book, but it did still make him feel a lot of things. warmth, and a weird sense of nausea. the pet names made his face flush, and the more intimate scenes made him feel sick. some of the pages had wrinkled from him gripping onto the book, just because he felt embarrassed to even be reading the story to begin with. he could almost feel the awkwardness of the characters within, and it made him shudder.
well, at least he was done with it. he could move on now. he had remembered paimon mentioning that he could make the letter extremely sappy... at the very least, he knew how to do that now. maybe he wouldn't settle for the pet names, but he could definitely use a lot of the story's metaphors. he remembered the main reason albedo didn't read a lot of the letters was because they focused on his appearance, so he tried to think of how he could avoid those. but, he didn't know albedo that well; it was hard to think of his personality in metaphors. he was able to write a few lines down on the paper, but he didn't want the majority of the page to be blank, even if he didn't have any ideas.
he groaned in frustration, putting his head in his hands and running his fingers through his hair. this was annoying. the moon was already in the center of the sky and going far past it. he didn't want lumine to catch him awake writing a stupid letter when he hadn't finished it. he'd hate for her to think he was actually being genuine with it. he had told her already that he wanted to use it as a joke, but based on her original teasing she might think anything but that... especially if she doesn't see the book with him. he regretted having the idea to write a letter, and he regretted it more the second he pulled free the sheet of paper. well, he would just have to live with it now.
he sighed, staring down at the paper again and re-reading what he had written. it gave him the same sort of nauseous and embarrassed feelings he had felt when reading the book. that was a good sign, right? he was writing things correctly... he just hated that it was in his horrible handwriting. he shut his eyes, trying to think hard. he thought back to his meeting with albedo, and tried to pick out parts of his personality based on how he reacted to things like the letters.
he seemed nervous when talking about his relationships, so he must be anti-social in some form. he's an alchemist, so he has to be smart, just not in things that matter. um... he seemed annoyed talking about the letter contents, so he must take feelings pretty seriously. he's pretty gentle too, i guess, at the very least he didn't threaten me despite knowing all the shit i've done. i guess i could consider that him just being stupid too... but he did still seem cautious of me. i guess he isn't the stupidest person i've met.
as his thoughts ran laps in his head, slowly he began to put together the rest of the letter's contents. he actually heard himself humming as he wrote done the final lines of the letter, and signed his name at the very bottom. he read the letter again, just to confirm he could still feel those sick feelings. he actually felt the nausea in his chest, and that really made him want to get sick. his face was so warm too... thank god, he had actually succeeded in this. now the only thing left to do would be to seal up the envelope and deliver the letter... he couldn't do it now because it was night, sneaking into the knights of favonius headquarters at night was a stupid idea. plus, the guards around might not like his presence that much.
he lay his head on the tree stump, staring at the words of the letter from the side. he let his thoughts run until gradually, his eyes began to shut. he didn't think he was going to fall asleep, but his body soon lay limp against the tree stump, and fresh tears began to roll from his eyes as his dreams took over. well, one can only hope the paper isn't completely ruined when lumine wakes him up tomorrow...