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The moment they were done praying, Alicent walked Rhaenyra to her room by her request. Their way to the princess’s room was quiet, but the silent wasn’t uncomfortable. Both girls had in mind the way their hands stroked each other just a moment before. How the other girl’s soft skin felt against their own.
A distance had been created between them ever since Aemma died. Not because of an argument, in fact, they secretly ached to spend time in each other’s company again, but they had stay away from the other for entirely different reasons.
In the case of Rhaenyra, she still was dealing with her mother’s death and the fact that her father would eventually have to choose a new wife. While Viserys himself was trying to delay that very same thing from happening, it would happen sooner or later.
Not only that, but the idea of Viserys having a soon was bothersome, to say the least. Not only because of the fear of being replaced, but only because Rhaenyra wasn’t clueless, several if not most people in the realm would much rather have a man ruling than her.
No one told her directly, Rhaenys being the only exception, but it wasn’t like she needed to be told for her to be aware of that fact. Like Rhaenys said, the realm already had a chance to have a woman become queen, and they rejected it. Which was something Rhaenyra hoped to change.
In Alicent’s case, her main concern was the idea that she had to visit Viserys quite frequently, as her father told her to do, and the fact that she had to keep it from Rhaenyra. Both things kept her up at night more often than she would admit.
She even struggled to look at Rhaenyra in the eye sometimes. She felt dishonest, deceitful, guilty. It didn’t matter how many times she told herself that wasn’t right, even if it was her duty, she was unable to tell Rhaenyra or run away from it. She was trapped.
And no matter how much she yearned to be close with Rhaenyra again, to hold her hand, to stroke her face, to kiss her lips, to tell the princess how much she meant to her, Alicent found herself unable to make the first move. Until then.
They were outside of Rhaenyra’s room, silently looking at each other with pleading eyes, but unable to say any of the words going through their minds out loud. Alicent’s eyes shifted from Rhaenyra’s eyes to her lips for a moment, and she prayed the other girl didn’t notice.
“Thank you for coming with me.” Rhaenyra finally broke the ice. “And for your words earlier. I’m feeling better because of that.”
“I’m truly glad.” Alicent’s lips formed a tiny smile.
Silence fell between the girls again. Alicent was the one who had to walk away. She had nothing else to do there, but her feet were glued to the floor. At her lack of movement, Rhaenyra giggled a little.
“It is quite late, but if you wish for us to go anywhere else, you could just say it. We can do so tomorrow.” No other words left Alicent’s mouth. Rhaenyra’s voice grew concerned. “Alicent, are you feeling well?”
“I–” Alicent struggled to speak. She stared at Rhaenyra’s lips again, and without thinking, she leaned in, getting so close Rhaenyra could feel her breath. The princess stayed still, starting to breathe heavily and waiting for the other girl to close the gap between them.
But that didn’t happen. Once Alicent realized what she was about to do, Alicent’s eyes widened in shock. “I’m sorry.” She covered her mouth and turned around, but Rhaenyra restrained her by grabbing her wrist so she couldn’t walk away.
“Wait!” Rhaenyra’s voice was almost desperate. “Talk to me.”
Still refusing to meet Rhaenyra’s eyes, Alicent’s tone remained quiet. “What is there to say?”
“Well,” Rhaenyra had trouble finding the words. “You’ve just tried to kiss me.” Her voice was low, not risking the wrong ear to hear those words.
“I know.” Alicent just said.
“Alicent,” Rhaenyra insisted, the grip on the other girl’s wrist softening. “Did something happen?” Her tone was concerned. “It’s been a lot since the last time we–” At Alicent’s silence, Rhaenyra moved until she was facing her. “Do you not like me anymore?”
Alicent’s instant response was shaking her head profusely, guilt showing across her face. “That’s not it.” She was the one grabbing Rhaenyra’s hands now. “Please do not ever think that.”
“Then what happens?” Rhaenyra insisted. “Did I do or say something you found upsetting?”
“No.” She shook her head again, unable to say anything else but that single word. How could she tell her? Was there any appropriate way to tell the girl she loved that she was seeing her father behind her back after her mother’s death?
Alicent never wanted that. She didn’t visit Viserys in his chambers out of her own volition; her father was pulling all the strings. Lying to Rhaenyra made her feel terrible. Like a bad friend. A bad lover. A traitor. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to tell her and be dishonest just because, but she just couldn’t.
She pictured the conversation in her mind several times, imagining the different ways in which Rhaenyra could react to that information. None of them were good. And every single one of those hypothetical scenarios led to their relationship drifting apart – and Alicent feared that more than anything else.
The way Rhaenyra was looking at her wasn’t making it any easier for Alicent. Her eyes had become sad and pleading, desperate for any reason that could explain Alicent’s recent behaviour. She wouldn’t admit out loud how weak she was for the princess, knowing it herself was enough.
“Rhaenyra.” Alicent finally said. “It is true that certain something has been bothering for a while. But you’re not to blame for that.”
“Oh.” The words seemed to lessen Rhaenyra’s worries. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
I wish, Alicent thought. “Nothing can be done, I fear. Do not concern yourself with that.”
That attempt at reassurance didn’t work on Rhaenyra, but she didn’t insist. Instead, she stepped closer, pressing her forehead against Alicent’s as she had done before, intertwining their fingers at the same time. “I miss you.” Rhaenyra whispered.
Alicent melted at the sound of those words. “I miss you too.” And there was nothing truer than that.
“Why don’t you spend the night with me?” Rhaenyra suggested. It wouldn’t be the first time they did so. It was an almost daily thing when they were younger.
Hesitation grew in Alicent’s face. Her duty told her she should go to Viserys, but her heart wanted to stay with Rhaenyra so bad it was almost painful. She needed to feel her again, her lips, her touch her tender words. Her body ached for that closeness.
Maybe she could forget about her duty just that one night. No thinking of her father, or Viserys, or what was expected of her. Just her and Rhaenyra, no one else in the world mattered. Like she wished it could always be.
“I will stay.” Alicent spoke as her thumb brushed Rhaenyra’s hand. The smile which appeared on the other girl’s face was enough to make any doubts she had left evaporate from her mind. Words couldn’t express what she would give to see Rhaenyra smile like that every day again.
The moment the door was closed behind them, Rhaenyra softly grabbed Alicent’s face and kissed her. It took two seconds for Alicent to react, softly kissing the other girl back while her hands moved around Rhaenyra’s neck, pulling her even closer.
Alicent whined the moment Rhaenyra’s tongue parted her mouth and brushed against hers, prolonging the kiss for as long as they could until they ran out of air. No words were exchanged between them as they caught their breath, looking at each other eye-to-eye, cheeks flushed and mouth agape.
No longer than ten seconds went by when Alicent closed the gap between them again, taking Rhaenyra off guard for a moment, though she responded enthusiastically, her hands going from Alicent’s face to her shoulders before slowly travelling to her waist.
The kiss was gentle at first, but became more passionate with each second. Rhaenyra knew she had missed spending time with Alicent as frequently as she used to, but only then she realized exactly how much she yearned for these intimate moments between them.
The loving kisses and touches they shared when no one was around. The sweet words they told each other in which they expressed their more than friendly affection. No one questioned their closeness, so it had always been easy for them to spend great amounts of time together.
“Rhaenyra,” Alicent breathlessly whispered without thinking the moment they pulled away.
Rhaenyra’s eyes widened for a moment at that, smiling tenderly before kissing Alicent’s forehead, then her nose, then shortly her lips again. “Alicent.” She murmured, her breath ghosting against the other girl’s lips.
After a deep breath, Alicent’s head rested on Rhaenyra’s shoulder. “I missed you.” She repeated her words from earlier. “Terribly.”
Rhaenyra’s arms moved to the other girl’s back, enveloping her in a hug and slowly running a hand up and down her back, stroking her hair in the process. Her tender touches said what words were unable to express.
The world outside princess Rhaenyra’s room ceased to exist for them that night. Nothing else mattered, not their duties, not what would happen in the future. Just Rhaenyra and Alicent embracing each other tightly and once again sharing those adoring and caring words as their eyes closed, silently wishing that night lasted forever.