Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Edward Teach walks into his firm’s office building, same as he always has,  greeting the receptionist when he gets off the elevator, then walking to his office as Lucius stops to chat with him.

“Buying coffee for the security guard again? People already think you’re a saint around here, what’re you trying to prove?”

Ed replies, “That I like the man and wanted to do something nice for him.”, then bids him farewell upon reaching his boss’ office door.

“Izzy!”Jackie snaps upon catching Israel Hands dozing off at his desk. “Stede Bonnet is coming here a week from today to discuss his lawsuit regarding trademark infringement.”

She dumps a stack of folders on the desk, pointing to them, “That’s the entire case file. Cite precedence, dot your Is, cross your Ts.”

Izzy is perhaps still half asleep, and so doesn’t consider the magnitude of what he’s saying when he asks, “And who the fuck is Steve Bonnet?“

“ Stede Bonnet, with a d.” Jackie corrects. “Current CEO of Bonnet Baubles? Our biggest client? Whatever other plans you have, consider them postponed. You’re going to be working on this day and night.”

“You got it, boss.” Izzy salutes. “I will live, breathe, eat and sleep this case.”, then stands up, grabbing the case files. “Won’t hear a peep out of me unless it’s about this.”

As he enters his shared office, he waves for Jack’s attention.

“Hands wants this to take precedence over everything. Dot the Is, cross the Ts.” Izzy dumps the files into his arms. “Have it all finished by Monday.”

“What? No, I can’t do that!” Lucius protests. “I’m supposed to be enjoying a weekend getaway on a pre-Christmas cruise!”

“I don’t care if you have 3 weeks to live and the getaway is on your bucket list, you’re doing this instead. Case closed.” Izzy smiles, then walks away.

And as luck would have it, that’s right when Ed walks by with a stack of books in hand, so of course Jack takes advantage ion this by calling out,

“Teach! Teach. How have you been?”

“A bit preoccupied. Keeping busy.“ Ed shrugs. 

“Not busy enough, if last year’s billable hours are any indication. Nowhere near what we expected for this year either.” Jack shakes his head.

“Well, given the hours I’ve actually been working, I thought that was a tad exaggerated.” Ed tries to explain.

“In that case, I can see no other solution than to help nudge you in the right direction, so you can learn the error of your ways.” With that, Jack dumps the files in Ed’s arms. “Have fun.”

Lucius approaches him again as Ed reaches his desk, “Covering for Jack and Izzy again?”

“I need everything we have on Bonnet’s Baubles.” Ed says in replace of a confirmation, prompting Lucius to ask, “Want me to stay late with you?”

“Naw, I’ll be alright.” Ed waves off the offer. “Just because my life is ruined, doesn’t mean yours has to be.”

“Aw, don’t be like that.” Lucius advises. “Who knows, maybe your luck is about to change for the better.”

They share a laugh at that, before Lucius heads back to his desk.

Stede Bonnet throws another strike, patting himself on the back as the bowling balls hit the pins.

“Wonderful!” Alma cheers from behind. “Except your feet are perhaps slightly a step ahead of your swing.”

“Sorry, but who was it that just beat his daughter for the third time in one go?” Stede brags. “Oh, right, that’s me.”

“Please, I’m letting you win.” Alma rolls her eyes, as Stede picks up his ball again.

A few lanes down, Ed stops to watch as the blonde man steps up and throws the ball again.

"I heard it's best to correct your wrist early so you can start throwing more strikes as early as possible. Perhaps a wrist guard for Christmas?" Stede notes.

Alma rolls her eyes, "I think I'm doing just fine on my own.", then as Louis steps up, adds, "Now him on the other hand…"

“No, I’m not going to walk up to him. He's with his kids. I’m fine where I am.” Ed mutters to himself right as the little boy's ball lands a strike. 

Stede dramatically clutches his chest, "Ah, you've maimed me!", then straightens up. "But honestly, I could go for a break. Either of you want to go for a snack?"

Ed watches as the girl walks away towards the vending machines, still trying to talk himself out of it.

"I haven't been on a date since the one interested lawyer decided our case wasn't worth taking to court."

Alma approaches right as as a man with short gray hair also walks up to the vending machines,

"Hi." Alma says excitedly. "Buying some sweets?"

Ed barely acknowledges her, nodding politely, "Mhm."

"What kind?"

The man shrugs, then pulls it out of the machine, holding up a bag of "Bonnet’s Baubles Hard Candy: Sour Edition".

Alma lights up, holding up an identical bag, “My favorite too!"

“Alma!” Stede calls from behind, making them turn around, but not before Alma leans towards the other man, whispering, “He’s very good looking, very single and very rich!”

“Is that right?” Ed looks at her, smiling. “You must be so proud of him!”

Alma rolls her eyes right as Stede comes closer.

Ed points with his thumb, “Looks like you have one hell of a wingwoman.”

Stede stammers, “Oh she-she’s…”

“A woman with remarkable taste!” Ed holds up his bag of candy. “Here, take mine.”, then walks away.

As they watch him go, the moment they’re alone again, Alma gives Stede a pointed look, making him demand, “What?”

“Oh nothing.” Alma crosses her arms in a pout. “Other than I just tried to help you, and you messed it all up..”

Stede looks in the direction Ed went, pondering, “You think I had a chance?”

“Why did I even consider something might happen, given my current job situation?” Ed mutters to himself as he takes a bite out of his pizza. “I’m at the bottom of the totem pole, and I’ve yet to grow a spine.”

“And here we are, home and safe and sound!” Stede greets Mary as they walk through the front door.

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” Alma begs, and it breaks Stede’s heart to say no.

“No, sorry, dearest, I can’t. My job is keeping me quite busy.”

“What’s the point of you still being our dad on paper if we never get to see you?” Louis whines.

“Pardon? Did we not just go bowling for 3 straight hours?” Stede reminds him, right as Mary says,

“I think me and Doug just finished our newest Christmas painting. Who wants to come see?”

Which is Stede’s cue to dismiss himself, “Right. So I’ll see you two next week.”, and wave goodbye as he walks back out.

By the time Ed makes it back to his office, the only sound that can be heard is him at his deak, tap-tap-tapping away on his keyboard.

He doesn’t even register his eyes drooping or resting his face on the desk.

Chapter Text

When Ed walks into the office after the long weekend, the office is a complete madhouse.

Immediately, Ed walks up to Lucius’ desk, asking, “What’s going on here?”

Lucius spills, “Bonnet’s Baubles. I believe I heard something about a trademark infringement lawsuit.”

Ed nods, “So now I’m going to have a name to the person that ruined my weekend. Anything you can tell me before I go in there?”

Lucius rolls his eyes, because of course he’s got something, “Mary and Stede Bonnet are finally getting a divorce, and Mary’s handing over her share of the company to Stede. He has a liberal education, but hasn’t really shown any interest in the business until recently.”

Ed beams, “Lucius, I swear on anything this firm would not function without you.”

But the smile is wiped right off his face in the next instant when Jack approaches him, looking at the files in his hands,

“200%”

Ed’s got the banter down cold, “When do I not?”, and hands over the files.

“Perfect. We might as well not have any other clients, that’s how important this one is. You should be honored you were even allowed on the case.” Jack flashes a toothy smile, then walks away.

“Who needs a reward when I have the privilege of doing everyone’s grunt work?” Ed’s voice drips with sarcasm.

“Teach!” Now it’s his boss Jackie calling for him, and as she approaches, she just goes right into it.

“When Mr. Bonnet arrives, I want you in the conference room. If it’s just me and the big boys, we’ll all drown in our own nepotism. Don’t be scared to talk, just keep it to a minimum.”

Ed salutes at her already retreating back, “Aye aye, captain.”

Lucius gives him a dirty look, but Ed doesn’t say anything, just heads for his office.

“Bonnet, Stede Bonnet…” Izzy mumbles to himself at his computer, before he finally pulls up the name, and there’s a picture accompanied with it.

“Very nice to meet you, Mr. Bonnet.”

Stede walks into the firm’s office with Mary, immediately greeted by the receptionist.

“Mr. and Mrs. Bonnet. Ms. Jackie is waiting for you in the conference room, but can I get you anything first?”

Stede shakes his head, “No, that’s alright.”, and Mary echoes the sentiment, before they both go to sit down, right as the receptionist picks up the phone.

“Bonnets have arrived.”

The moment she hangs up the phone, she notices Stede massaging his feet.

“Oh, sorry.  I was not used to wearing these kinds of dress shoes when I was a field worker. You’ll have the pleasant me for another hour before heads begin to roll.

And huzzah, that’s when they’re given the go ahead to come inside, so both him and Mary stand up, and follow the receptionist through the glass door.

The moment they walk inside, the woman who must be the one in charge, holds out a hand.

“Stede. Nice to finally put a face to the name.” they shake hands, before she looks at Mary, “Mary, I didn’t think you’d be coming.”

“I am still part of the company. Can’t get rid of me just yet, I’m afraid.” She replies coolly, right as a man with long hair and a mustache greets them next.

“Nice to meet you, Bonnets.”

As Stede’s pulling something out of his briefcase, he hears someone say, “I swear I’ve seen you somewhere before.”

Stede looks at who spoke, a man with short gray hair and a goatee, and replies politely, “Have you?”

“I’m sure of it. Last week. You were at the harvesting conference, weren’t you?”

Stede sighs in relief, “Oh of course! Yes, that was me! Is organic farming something you care about as well?”

“You kidding? I’m practically up to my eyeballs in it.”

Stede nods, filing that piece of information away right as someone else walks through the door.

“Apologies for the tardiness.”

The moment Stede gets a look at him, he’s shocked enough to say, “Well I’ll be damned. What’re the odds we meet up again?”

When the man walks closer, Stede goes on, “Edward, isn’t it? You met my kids?”

Seeing the others staring at him, Ed has to explain, “We met previously. And it’s Ed, not Edward.”

Stede’s confused by this, “But your bowling shirt—“

“From my league years. And you’re apparently getting divorced.”

Stede nods, filing this away as well, and holds out a hand, “Lovely to meet you regardless.”

They shake hands, catching each other’s eye, before Mary speaks up.

“I think before we do anything else, an introduction to Stede Bonnet is in order. We inherited Bonnet’s Baubles from Stede’s parents after they passed away, and Stede got his MBA in Barbados.”

As Mary keeps talking, Ed notices Stede doesn’t look particularly happy, but he seems to perk up some when Mary adds,

“I have every confidence the company is in good hands. It’s time for me to enjoy the life I’ve found outside Bonnet’s Baubles.”

Stede speaks up, “Well I have every confidence Jackie & Partners will be more than willing to guide me in the right direction just as they’ve guided my wife all these years.”, then bursts out in a rush, “And I know how it looks. A man taking the business from a more than capable woman.”, then looks to Mary, “And you would be absolutely right. But that’s what your firm is for, isn’t that right, Jackie?”

There’s a collective chuckle at that, except for Jackie, who looks more annoyed than anything else.

“So let me be the first to assure you I am more than open to collaborating, What say we get started on that right away?”

Jackie’s more than eager to comply, “Mr. Bonnet, it would appear your role in the company is being met with some hostility. What you appear to have at the moment is a trademark infringement on Bonnet’s Baubles by Badminton’s Baubles. They’ve changed their name to Babybonnet. Hands?”

The man who’d talked to him about organic farming speaks up, “By putting the word baby in front of it, it unfortunately has a very distinct similarity to Bonnet, without it.”

“It’s the other way around, mate.” Ed pipes up suddenly, making everyone look at him.

“Right, right.” Hands waves it off. “Both mean the exact same thing.”

“Which is why there’s a pending lawsuit.” Ed speaks up yet again, it’s like he can’t stop.

“By using the name Babybonnet , with nearly indistinguishable packaging, the consumer will believe they’re buying something from Bonnet.” Hands’ enunciation is coupled with a glare at Ed before he pulls out two packages of candy.

“On the right, Bonnet, the one we all know and love. On the left, Babybonnet.”

Mary pulls them closer so Stede can have a better look, but Stede barely steals a glance at it before he says, “I think we have a chance to profit from this. How much would you say?”

Mary smiles, “They won’t know what hit them.”

“But there’s still the matter of an injunction.” The long haired man from before informs them. 

“And damages, punitive and costs and fees.” Ed tacks on. “It will add up, I assure you.”

“How much?” Stede asks again.

“I think before we put the cart before the horse we should address the bigger elephant in the room. Babybonnet has been cybersquatting, and it needs to be dealt with immediately.”

“Which I just told you right before the meeting!” Hands is quick to say. “Thank you for reminding me, Teach.”

“As of now, bonnetsbaubles.com has yet to be registered, so I think the first step is to handle that right away.”

“Everything but the kitchen sink.” Hands interjects again.

“Oh, and Izzy?” Mary addresses Hands. “Love your work.”

“Our clients are getting the best. If I have to miss out on a weekend, so be it.”

“Jack here is going to be taking the lead.” Jackie nods at him, who nods in reply, “Yes, captain.”

“Perfect.” Stede’s satisfied. “Thank you all for working so hard on this. Bonnet is in decidedly very good hands. And Ed, thank you so much for picking up on the cybersquatting.”

But before Ed can reply, Jack already is, “When we say our clients get the best, we mean all of them. That includes you.”

“The annual Christmas Ball is coming up, as you all are aware.” Mary moves on. “Shame if we’d have to miss it because of this.”

“Leave it to us.” Jackie promises.

That done, Mary and Stede stand up, bidding everyone farewell before exiting the conference room.

“He’s incredible.” Ed says to Jim later. “So smart, talented, handsome.”

“Cake!” Oluwande calls to the waiter, while Jim notes, “Sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind about him. How are you going to tell him?”

Ed winces, “Don’t know if that would be the ethically right thing to do, not when I’m representing his company.”

“Isn’t that in divorce cases only?” Oluwande asks, then when Ed pulls out his phone, asks, “And who are you texting now?”

“Hands. He’s dropping off work for me.”

“You can’t be serious. Again?” Oluwande is dumbfounded, while Jim has the better idea, “Say the word, and I’ll cut him into ribbons.”

“As entertaining and awesome as that sounds, I unfortunately can’t.” Ed says apologetically.

“Hey, do us a favor then.” Oluwande moves back to the original topic. “Should you ever get around to asking him out, see if he doesn’t have a friend we can set—”

“Edward!” Hands suddenly appears. “I don’t know how you can possibly think you have time to be in a place like this when you still have all this to get through.”, then drops off the files on the bar counter.

“It wasn’t there when I left the office.” Ed tries to explain, but Hands won’t have it.

“Edward, Edward, Edward. If you want any hopes of becoming a partner, coming in early and staying late is part of how you get there. You don’t get to skirt by. You stay until everyone else leaves, pull all nighters if you have to. Take something off of my plate, or Jack’s. You can’t keep half-passing it. You know that.”

Ed sighs, then just asks in resignation, “When do you need this finished?”

“Early, bright eyed and bushy tailed.” Hands shoves the files in Ed’s lap, then grabs a chip from the bowl. “If I were you, I wouldn’t even bother finishing these.”, he shoves it into his mouth, making a loud crunch, then smacks Ed’s shoulder. “See you back at the office.”

But right as he leaves, he seems to fall over, and that’s when Ed notices Jim’s leg sticking out oh so innocently, Jim themselves shrugging.

As they listen to Hands cursing the whole way out, Jim immediately demands, “Do I even want to hear your excuses?”

“Drowning in student loans, economy in the toilet, and no one else will have me.” Ed says immediately, standing up and slapping down his share of the drinks on the bar. “G’night.”

Except there’s nothing good about it. Now that I do know!

Chapter Text

“Morning, Fang!” Ed greets the security guard, who says in place of a greeting back, “Thought you’d be interested to know your boss is an asshat.”

“You’ll have to narrow that down. I have three different bosses, all their own special brand of asshat.”

“Salt and pepper hair, has an accent. If he weren’t straight, your secretary would’ve jumped his bones a long time ago.”

Ed nods in recognition, “Jack. What did he say to you?”

“Recommended I get another job because he thinks we need to lighten the load, starting with people he doesn’t like.”

“He said that? To you?” Ed is surprised. “Sorry about that, Fang.”

“Nah, don’t be.” Fang assures him, grinning. “He just admitted I ruin his day!”

“Attention everyone!” Jackie announces as she walks over to where everyone’s making their coffee, Stede in tow. “Mr. Bonnet has a very important announcement for the office!”

“Good morning to all!” Stede announces cheerfully, if perhaps a little too loudly. “As Bonnet’s Baubles’ new CEO, I will be personally inviting everyone in the firm to the annual Christmas Ball.”

This is met with loud cheers and applause, as Stede keeps going on,

“So please, wear your best holiday formal, wear a mask, but kindly refrain from showing up in a suit with a snowflake pinned to your lapel and calling it festive, and I will see you all there!”

As Stede walks by, Ed can’t keep the smile off his face, at the implication of what this news means for him.

I just might have a shot after all.

Stede opens the front door of his house, allowing Mary and Doug to come inside.

“Hello! Now then, are you sure you’re up to living amongst the common folk for a few days?”

“Right now, anything that means no plaster or dust in our mouths, or children screaming about the renovators making too much noise is a godsend.” Mary’s quick to assure him.

“Then you’re mistaken.” Stede remarks as he helps carry their luggage to the guest room. “The real godsend is having an ex husband living nearby you’re still on good terms with that happens to have a spare bedroom.”

“That, I believe, we’re in 100% agreement.” Doug says before Mary can.

“Now then. Tea?” Stede offers, and Mary answers, “Oh yes, please!”

“I know what I want to leave out for Santa this year!” Alma declares as they all grab their bowling shoes.

“Oh?” Stede asks curiously.

“Instead of milk and cookies, let’s leave out pineapple!”

The idea leaves Stede puzzled, “Won’t he wonder why we did something different?”

“We’ll leave him a note explaining it's to help with all the one’s he’s already eaten!” Alma explains, waving it off.

“I don’t know if we can find a fresh pineapple in the winter.” Stede frets.

“We’ll find one, and it’ll be healthier for Santa!” Louis backs her up, then admits, “But bringing it home once we’ve got it might poke our hands.”

“What if we compromise, and get pre sliced pineapple instead?” Stede offers. “Save us the work of cutting it ourselves.”

“Mum can buy them for us.” Alma says after thinking it over. “What about you?”

“Yeah, are you finally too old to celebrate Christmas?”

“Well first of all, one is never too old to celebrate Christmas.” Stede pretends to be stern. “And second of all, I in fact will be dressing up this year.”

Alma gets excited. “Really?”

“Mhm.” Stede says as he ties up his bowling shoes. “I just opened up the Christmas Ball for everyone at the firm! People who never got to go before are going to be there!”

As Stede gets up to put his bowling ball on the rack, Alma repeats, “You’re wearing something fancy and Christmassy and finally going to the Christmas Ball? Who are you and what have you done with our father?”

“Father to child?” Stede asks. “Or father to daughter?”

Alma mimes zipping her mouth shut. “You have my word.”

“Mum! Daddy’s in love!” Alma cries as they walk through the front door.

“Alma, please. I did not say that at all.” Stede tries to stop her, but it’s too late, as when Mary and Doug come up to the staircase, Alma keeps talking.

“Daddy wants to go to the ball this year, and he’s even going to dress up!”

Mary breaks out into a smile, “I’d say our daughter is shaping up to be the family gossip.”

“I am not!” Alma pouts.

“Oh yes you are.” Stede ruffles her hair, until she pulls away.

“Mum's the only one I told!”

“But is she right? You want to go instead of us this year?” Doug asks. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at the ball in the entire time the ball’s been an annual thing.”

“Oh I remember.” Stede shakes his head, looking at the children. “Every year I had to pose for a Christmas portrait growing up, and once me and your mum got married, I asked to skip the damn things altogether. But it still put a damper on my Christmas mood.”

Then he brings the conversation back around, “What does one wear to such a thing without looking like a complete joke?”

“We’ll do it!” Mary volunteers. “I still have your measurements! We can make something!”

As she leads him away, Stede pretends to glare at the children.

“Stede, would you please stop squirming?” Mary snaps. “In all my years of making costumes for the children, I think I can make something for a fully grown man.”

Once Stede settles, she launches into an interrogation, “So who is the man you’re willing to go to the ball for?”

“Once again, our children don’t have all the facts.” Stede tells her. “I’ve barely even spoken to him, let alone asked him out.”

“Truly?” Mary asks, and upon getting confirmation, moves on. “Well then, what shall it be? More old fashioned? Speakeasy chic?”

“How about the prince of the lame fathers?” Alma pipes up, making them laugh.

“Or perhaps just the Christmas prince himself, the Nutcracker?” Mary offers, and once they all seem to be in agreement, moves the measuring tape around Stede’s neck.

“You know something?” Stede changes the subject yet again. “What do you say to making the company more eco-friendly?”

That gets Mary’s attention, “How?”

“If we move to plant proteins instead of animal whey, we’d be able to start marketing our candy to vegetarians.”

“What about the raise in costs?” Mary asks, but Stede’s got it covered.

“Well, if we keep maintaining our company is family run, and cares about the world along with our customers, we’d see a significant step up in profits to help offset the raised costs.” Stede shrugs. “How about it?”

“I think whoever this mystery man is isn’t going to know what hit him.” Mary smiles as she starts looking at fabrics.

“Mary, my idea!” Stede whines.

“He’s going to be blown away by both your smarts and your looks!” Mary amends.

For a moment, Stede gets misty eyed. “Oh Mary, everyone is going to miss you at the ball.”

“Now stop that.” Mary swats him. “This ball is all about you, not me. You don’t want me hogging all the fun, do you?”

“Alright, now that we’re done here, we have a dance class to get to!” Lucius informs Ed as they leave the bar.

“A dance class?” Ed freezes at that.

Lucius rolls his eyes, then explains it like he would to a child, “You’re going to a ball and can’t dance. You need all the help you can get.”

Ed tries to get out of it, “It’s a Sunday night. Do you even know how much work is going to be on my desk tomorrow?”

“And what, pray tell, is a day when you don’t?” Lucius refuses to take any shit. “Come on, it won’t kill you to get out and do something fun.”

“I went bowling, and I ate something that didn’t come out of a deep fryer. That’s more than enough fun for me.”

“Nice try, but no.” Lucius stands in front of him, making him stop moving. “You’re going as the last person in the firm who has yet to get a life. You need a proper launch.”

“What is this supposed to be, a waltz?” Ed mutters as he tries to not step on his partner’s toes.

“Lift your hand.” She instructs, and Ed complies. “Just like that. Now show me what you can do.”

They try for a moment or two, but Ed keeps stepping on her toes, so he steps back, asking, “Oh well. I tried. Am I allowed to leave now?”

“No he is not!” Lucius says behind him, pushing him back towards his dance partner. “You walk, you can dance.”

Then he walks up to her, “Here, I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Ed watches for a few moments, then objects, “No one said anything about turning around!”

“Then get back over here so we can work on it!” Lucius snaps, so of course now Ed has to get up again, and once he has his partner back in hand, goes slowly.

When Lucius finally releases Ed and takes him home, Ed whines, “My feet are going to look like they broke out in zits!”

“Oh buck up!” Lucius orders good-naturedly. 

“It’s late. You should go home.”

“You’re not my boss!” Lucius replies.

“You’re right. I work for your boss. And they’re gonna fire both of us if we don’t show up looking like spring chickens ready to lay some eggs.” Ed tries to shove Lucius back out the door, who reminds him,

“Practice every day up to the ball! I mean it!”, as the door shuts in his face.

Chapter Text

“Nononononono!” Ed cries as he bursts out of his bedroom, trying to grab everything he needs for work in a hurry before bolting out the front door.

The taxi barely stops before he’s bursting out of it, and even then, he has to take a moment to make sure he doesn’t forget anything, then walk into the building with an apology already on his lips.

“Sorry Fang, no coffee today.” Ed tries to walk past him, but Fang calls out anyway, “You look like shit! Tell you bosses where to shove it!”

Ed risks coming back to say, “I’m going to beg my bosses to not fire me.”, then dashes into the elevator.

“Jack!” Jackie claps her hands, forcing Jack to sit upright from where he was dozing off. “Trademark infringement file. Where is it?”

Jack’s still not all there as he replies, “The what now?”

“The Bonnet’s Baubles trademark infringement.” Jackie snaps in exasperation.

Jack points, “I gave that to Ed!”

“That’s supposed to be your assignment!” Jackie really doesn’t have time for this, and Jack knows that, so he covers,

“I just gave it to him to sort out the minor details. The man isn’t worth what he’s getting paid! He just sits around doping nothing! Not like I’ve been doing since this firm opened!”

That seems to satisfy Jackie, as she nods, then leaves.

Just as Ed’s walking into the office, he hears Jackie call out, “Teach! Teach, where are you?”

Lucius, bless his heart, tries to cover for him, “I swear he was here a moment ago, ma’am.”, right as Ed walks up.

“Hello, boss.”

Jackie looks at her watch, “What does the time say, Edward?”

Ed reads it carefully, “9:15.”

“15,000, Teach.” Jackie says next, like that’s supposed to mean something, and Ed says as much.

“Scuse me?”

“That’s how many attorneys from major firms were fired over the course of the past year. Were you aware of this?”

“No, I can safely say I was not.” Ed admits, not daring to say otherwise.

“I’m starting to think it should be 15,001.” The implication is clear, and Ed knows he has to fix it, quickly.

“No, please don’t.”

Even Lucius speaks up, “Ma’am, I assure you Mr. Teach is usually the first one to arrive. If he’s late, there’s a very good reason.”

A sweet sentiment, at the absolute worst possible moment, because Jackie then turns to him to ask, “I doubt you’d want to add yourself to the number of legal secretaries, would you?”

“Leave him alone.” Ed says without thinking. “He’s doing his job, I’m the one you’re upset with.”

“So why is it you think you’re above putting in as much work as the rest of my crew? I think it’s about time you were schooled in the art of heavy lifting.”

By now, Ed would say anything if it meant he’s not fired, “I couldn’t agree more.”

“Start ripping pages out of their books, if that’s what it takes.”

“I’ll do that.” Ed assures. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Good, because you’re staying until 11 tonight. Sort out some minor details, scrape off some pennies.” Jackie shrugs, then walks away.

The moment he’s out of earshot, Lucius offers, “I can stay.” but Ed won’t hear of it,

“No, no. This is my mess.”

But even as Ed’s walking away, Lucius is shaking his head, “Messes often need more than one person to clean up.”

Stede’s working at his laptop when Mary comes in, noting, “Still up late working?”

Stede gestures vaguely, “Just the quarterly projections.”, and upon closing a window, ponders out loud, “What would you say to expanding to mints and chewing gum?”

“I say that’s a decision for the CEO to make, and that’s you.” Mary says easily. “This isn’t my company anymore.”

Stede chuckles at that, “Right, of course.”, as Mary sits next to him. “You know I wouldn’t have left, Doug or no Doug, if I didn’t think I’d be leaving it in good hands.”

That helps some, but Mary can see there’s something else, “This is about the trademark, isn’t it?”

But surprisingly, Stede shakes his head. “No, I know what the right call is there.”

“Stede…” Mary tries to close the laptop. “When was the last time you let yourself have a night off?”

“I have nights off all the time!” Stede squeaks in protest.

“That’s not what I asked.” Mary won’t drop it.

“Bowling nights with the children are nights off, are they not?” Stede reminds her, and that seems to stop her for a moment, before she gestures to the window.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?”

Stede takes one cursory look then shrugs, “I suppose.”

“Seasons are changing, and that means there’s romance in the air!” Mary says. “You can’t tell me you’d prefer to spend the night at your computer shut in with your ex wife, her fiancé, and our children, over your new man?”

“Mary, stop, please.” Stede whines. “I can’t for one moment forget what exactly it is I’m now responsible for. If I can’t promise nothing will change, I don’t want anything else.”

“You know, when we inherited the company from your parents after they passed, I took on the role of CEO and mother to our children. I loved that I had a chance to give us a life where our family would want for nothing. But I also let everything else pass me by. A chance to find real love, a life that I didn’t feel like I was killing myself to keep. And then I met Doug. And now that we’re getting married, I’m not going to let it pass me by again.”

Stede smiles genuinely at that, “Good. See to it you don’t.”, and lets her hug him before she stands up again.

But not before she gets his attention one last time, “Stede.”, and when he looks up, she says with all the sincerity she can manage. “It’s never too late. When you look back on your life, you should do it hand in hand, not with your own right hand.”

Stede has nothing to say to that, but as Mary finally leaves, Stede stands up and goes to the window, opens the curtain, and looks out at the moon, out in full view in the night sky, not a star in sight.

Ed leans back from his desk, sighing.

Ed walks into the office, ready for another mind numbing day, and who should already be waiting for him but Jack.

“Hand ‘em over.”

Ed complies without a word, and after a moment of flipping through them, Jack determines, “Lookin’ good. How many hours do you think can be billed from this?”

Ed probably should put up more of a fight, but he’s too tired at this point, and just answers honestly, “I’d say a whole day’s worth. Maybe an extra or two.”

“Really?” Now Jack looks even more excited. “Awesome!”

“Thanks.” Ed feels good for a whole five seconds before Jack ruins it with,

“Course since I’m lead attorney, they’re all going to be billed to me.”

Jack interrupts Ed before he can even think to protest, “See what happens when you don’t expand your clientele? What we really need around here is a real trailblazer. Find a way to pump some more money into this firm, and I’ll be happy to look it over.”

Then he leaves with a meager pat on the back, “Keep it up!”

Only when Jack is out of earshot does Ed risk acting out, and it’s to use his braced leg to kick his filing cabinet, which only results in a shock of pain to his foot, making him cry out.

“Everything alright there?” Lucius calls out, hut Ed’s already waving it off,

“Yep. Muscle spasm. Just peachy.”

Later in court, Jack’s standing up and addressing the judge,

“Babybonnet’s Baubles’ whole concept was appropriating all of Bonnet’s Baubles’ success and worldwide platform, and…”

Jack falters, so Ed taps the paper on the table, loud enough to make Jack turn and look.

“And try to confuse the general public between the two. The defendant’s actions, we believe, are grounds for a trademark infringement.”

Once he finishes, the judge asks, “Anything else you’d like to add?”

Jack shakes his head. “Nope.”, only to have Ed tap the paper again, and backpedal,

“No, there is.  We’re here today to ask for a temporary injunction until the case can be heard.”

With a bang of the gavel, the judge declares, “So ordered.”

As Jack sits down, the judge can’t help but praise, “Very well put together, sir.”, and Ed forgets himself for a moment about to thank her when Jack talks over him,

“A privilege, Your Honor. Wouldn’t have even bothered to show up if it wasn’t up to my standards.”

“Can’t believe we pulled it off!” Jack  cheers as they walk back into the firm’s building.

“Neither can I.” Ed mutters.

“Wait till I tell Steve about the whole thing.”

That’s news to Ed, “You’re meeting with Stede?”

“Course! Wanted a record of the court appearance in complete detail, so who am I to not oblige?”

“Wish I had a video camera.” Ed quips, and Jack definitely notices.

“No need! You’re coming too! Can’t very well have a meeting without a note taker, can we?”

Ed combs his hair, spritzes on some cologne, and even takes a mint, before he takes a breath and walks out of the bathroom and goes to grab his notes from his desk.

“Hello, who are you and what happened to Ed?” Lucius demands, far too observant to not take note of the change in Ed’s demeanor.

“Got a meeting with Mr. Stede Bonnet.”

Lucius is also too smart to not know what that means, “Ed!”, and Ed starts to blush.

“I’m that transparent, aren’t I?” he asks, and Lucius only goes, “Mhmmm.”, and goes back to his desk to unwrap a candy cane.

“And out of nowhere, I got us a temporary injunction to Babybonnet can’t do anything until adjudication.” Jack’s really laying it on thick as he stands in front of Stede, while Ed’s sitting in a chair off to the side.

“And the domain name?” Stede asks, and Jack’s immediately stuck, having forgotten about that, so he turns to Ed.

“Edward! What did I have you put in the notes regarding the domain name?”

Stede turns to Ed, who flips a page and says, “That under the Anticybersquatting Consumer Protection Act, we’re covered, and it needs to be filed with the Federal Court as well. Which we have.”

Stede nods in acceptance even as Jack tries to take credit, “See? Nothin’ to it.”

“Wonderful.” Stede praises. “Thank you very much, Jack. I can already tell my company could not be in better hands.”

Then Stede turns to Ed again, “And I thank you as well, Ed-not-Edward.”

Ed laughs, “Someone’s a fast learner.”

“Mr. Babybonnet is a businessman who is decidedly not someone who can afford chitchat, Edward.” Jack scolds.

“It’s Bonnet, mate.” Ed corrects, not even sorry for it.

Stede’s only comment is, “I learned from the best.” as he stands up, and of course Jack’s right there as well, offering, “Let me walk you out.”

Stede sees no reason to object, “Alright.”

Ed waves in goodbye, “See you next time, Mr. Bonnet.”

“Oh please, it’s just Stede.” Stede says over his shoulder, right as Jack tries to strike up a conversation with him as they walk out.

Chapter Text

“See you tomorrow, Fang.” Ed says tiredly as he starts to walk out.

“What happened now?” Fang asks, noting, “You look like someone stole candy right out of your mouth.”

Instead of humoring that analogy, Ed asks, “Do you ever wonder if it’s not too late to change course?”

“Not at all.” Fang says immediately. “I know exactly where my path in life is taking me, and I can’t wait to live every second of it. Perhaps that’s the idealism in me.”

Decidedly not what he was wanting to hear, Ed tries to shrug it off, “Maybe I’m just too tired. Sorry for bugging you.”

“Don’t even!” Fang exclaims, getting up from his seat. “Have a seat. And for heaven’s sake stop apologizing. If anyone should be complaining about their crappy job, it’s me. So please, indulge me with your problems.”

After sitting down, Ed sighs then asks, “What do you dream about, Fang? What makes you happy?”

After a beat, Fang replies, “You really want to know?”, and is met with a nod.

“Do you ever think about pursuing a relationship?”

Fang shakes his head, “No I do not. Not for a while.”

“Why? What happened?”

“I got a clue.” Fang replies, but Ed doesn’t let that deter him from continuing,

“Look, there’s someone…”

And Fang’s immediately all about shutting it down, “Not listening!”, and even when Ed tries one more time, “And he—”, Fang pushes all the more, “I said not listening!”

“Have it your way.” Ed sighs, but that’s all Fang needs to say,

“Is that really all it took for you to give up? No wonder you’re having romantic problems!”

Once he sees Ed’s listening, Fang goes on, “Stop me if this sounds familiar. He’s handsome?”

“Handsome, so smart…”

“Is that all?”

“A man in a high place.” Ed offers up. “He’s the CEO of Bonnet’s Baubles.”

Fang apparently doesn’t see the problem, “So what?”

Ed adds, “And he seems very sweet and…open.”

“And again I ask, ’so what?’”

“The ‘so what’ is that there’s no way in hell he’d ever go for someone so beneath him as I am.”

“So?” Fang shrugs. “If you don’t want to be beneath him, move up a few steps!”

“What part of ‘he’s the CEO of a corporation’ are you not understanding? I’m just a lawyer on his case. I’m practically at the bottom of the staircase.”

“Nothing you can’t work on!” Fang encourages, and of course that’s right when Jackie comes out, spots him, and yells,

“Teach! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

She doesn’t even give him a chance to explain as she snaps, “When you work at this form, you represent it wherever you go. Don’t let me catch you slacking off out here again.”

Ed starts to speak, but is met with a surprise when Fang speaks up first,

“Don’t talk to my friend that way!”

Jackie’s head swivels to him, like she just noticed he’s there, and says with disgust, “Excuse me? Was I talking to you? No. So shut up.”

Then she points at Ed, “Step up, Teach.”, and walks away.

Ed apologizes, “Thanks for the help.” then stands up to leave as well.

“Don’t worry about it.” Fang waves it off, then wonders out loud, “Tell me something, Ed. I know they’ve basically got you working yourself to death, but have you given any thought to spreading your wings to people you don’t work with? How else are you supposed to get new clients? That’s how you become a trailblazer. Could even make your bosses shut up.”

Ed comes back, thoughtful. “When did you become a lawyer?”

“I was, at one point.” Fang admits, and right when Ed’s about to ask another, Fang allows, “Last question.”

“How does one go from being an actual lawyer to this?”

“Like all falls from grace, a woman.” Fang answers sadly. “We weren’t just sleeping together, we were genuine friends. First she stopped liking my job, then she stopped liking me.”

Ed hisses, “Ouch.”

“I didn’t really bother sticking around after that.” Fang shakes his head. “Wasp’s nest is what it is.”

But even so, Ed has to ask, “And you never thought of—“

“Absolutely not.” Fang says quickly.

“Are you going to ask the lawyer out?” Alma asks as they sit at the bowling alley’s restaurant.

Stede shakes his head, “Not until this infringement lawsuit is finished.”

“You should try speed dating!” Louis pipes up, holding out his phone.

“I don’t think so.” Stede says easily.

“Why not?” Alma demands. “You always complain about how you never have time because you’re spending all your time with us! Speed dating is perfect for you! ”

“Alma, please.” Stede begs. “I’ve done the romance thing before, and it was not what I wanted. I don’t need my children helping me.”

“Online dating!” It’s clear the two of them are not giving up.

“Why am I getting advice from my children?”

“Because you know you don’t have anyone else!” Alma teases, and Stede laughs.

“Oh thanks, forgot about that.” Then he asks sincerely, “Why are you two so adamant on me finding someone anyhow?”

“We’re kids!” Alma replies, and Louis agrees. “Yeah! We have nothing interesting going on in our lives! It’s more fun to intrude on yours!”

“And we…are…done!” Mary exclaims, stepping away so Stede can get a look at himself in the mirror.

Stede gasps, “Incredible.”

“I told you I knew what I was doing!”

“You’re going to be the best dressed there, I can feel it!” Alma exclaims as she hands him the prop sword.

“Mary, truly…thank you.” Stede means every word. “But I wish you’d let me pay you.”

“You’re giving me something even better: free babysitting!” Mary replies, making Alma squawk in protest.

“We’re his kids! It’s not babysitting!”

“In that case…” Stede turns to Mary. “The little ones and I are going to walk around to look at the Christmas lights for a few hours…”, then poses elegantly. “Then I’m off to the ball!”

As Ed approaches Lucius’ desk, the secretary holds up his costume, “I’m going as a Sugarplum Fairy!”

They chat for a minute or two, but are cut off when they hear Jack announce behind them,

“Attention! We will be allowing all of you to clock out a whole half hour early so you all can go get ready for the ball tonight!”

This, naturally, elicits almost no reaction, other than some scattered applause, as Ed goes to his desk to pick up the knocked over files.

“How the hell did Babybonnet get ahold of the bonnetsbaubles.com?” Jackie demands once Hands comes into her office. 

Hands takes one look and says in a panic, “I have no idea! I swear on anything I registered it as exactly that!”

“Well that doesn’t do me any good, does it?” Jackie’s a few levels below screaming, “I don’t care how long it takes, you’re going to fix it! Now!”

“But the ball is tonight!” Hands protests. “And this was supposed to be Ed’s job, not mine!”

“Then get Ed on it! This has to be dealt with immediately!”

Hands only nods in compliance, “Right away, captain.” and walks out, straight for Ed’s office.

“You actually registered babybonnetsbaubles.com.” Ed can’t believe this.

Hands shrugs, “So what?”

“So what—” Ed cuts himself off, in complete and utter disbelief. “There’s a whole word before the word Bonnet in the name that’s not supposed to be there! Which means the company that started this whole mess can now legally buy the names Bonnet’s Baubles needs.”

Hands is already shaking his head, “No. This is all on you. You’re going to fix this.”

“I’m what? ” Ed screeches. “How the fuck am I being dragged into this?”

“You were put in charge of getting the name, you must’ve been fucking around again!”

“How dare you?” Ed gets up in Hands’ face. “You never said one word to me about registering the domain name.”

“Did you just call your own boss a liar?” Hands demands, and Ed just calmly replies,

“No, I’m saying you yourself told me you’d handle it.”

“Right then. What you need to do now is a motion to set aside. Looks like it’s going to be an all nighter.” Hands informs him. “And you can forget about the ball altogether.”

Now Ed has to protest, “Hands, please— ”

But Hands is already walking out, “If I catch so much as a glimpse of you at the ball, don’t bother coming back tomorrow.”

Ed can’t believe it, “Tell me you’re joking.”

“Does this look like a joking face to you?” Hands points to his face, then walks out.

Hours later, after he’s made apologies to everyone, he rips off the Christmas decorations on his cubicle, and goes back to his desk.

“You’re not dressed!” Alma exclaims as she comes into Stede’s home office.

“What are you doing here?” Stede asks, to which she rolls her eyes.

“You’re supposed to be going to the ball!”

“I’m so sorry, Alma dearest, but I can’t.” Stede apologizes, meaning it more than he’s ever meant anything. “There’s been a setback with our domain name, and it doesn’t seem right to be going out and having fun when I have a company to look after.”

“But nobody knows you’re going to be there!” Alma tries. “You have to go!”

Then she hands him a mask, “You’ll be in and out well before midnight, and nobody will ever know!”

“So I’m the Cinderella in this scenario?” Stede smiles, but she can already tell he’s already sold.

Chapter Text

Ed walks into the ball, fully decked out in his Mouse King costume, complete with a mask, as he reminds himself,

“Back before midnight, so they don’t lock me out.”

As he walks through, he notes all the different variations of elves, sugarplum fairies, even a couple of snowflakes.

In particular, he spots by far the most outlandish sugarplum fairy, and walks over to him.

“Lucius, it’s me.”

At that, the man turns around in full makeup and whispers frantically, “You know you can’t be here!”

“And as far as they know, I'm not. I just need to hide from the you-know-whos.”

Lucius sighs in exasperation, “Please tell me you at the very least finished the motion.”

Ed’s quick to nod, “Whole thing should be ready to go, long as I’m back before midnight.”

But right as Lucius jokes about all the little details, Ed’s attention is suddenly captured by Stede Bonnet himself, looking grander than any prince in his Nutcracker outfit.

“Oh for the love of—just go over and talk to him already!” Lucius snaps. “You’re not just an associate anymore, you’re a king! So go invite yourself over to his!”

Ed nods to himself, then starts moving to do exactly that.

Upon approaching, Ed bows, his voice slightly muffled from the mask.

“Hello, Mr. Nutcracker.”

Stede smiles, then turns it into a full on laugh, “Now there’s some irony. The Mouse King is willingly offering himself up on a silver platter for me to defeat him?”

“Or perhaps the two never really had the chance to know each other before.” Ed plays along. “In which case, why not now?”

Stede holds out a hand, “I’m Stede Bonnet.”

“Oh I’ve heard all about you.” Ed replies, shaking it.

“Now to whom do I owe the pleasure?” Stede asks, still smiling.

“Oh no no no.” Ed shakes his head back and forth. “Tonight I am only the Mouse King, here to beg the Nutcracker a chance to see the man under the crown.”

If possible, Stede lights up even more. “You have my attention. So what does the Mouse King do when he’s not trying to kill me?”

Ed freezes, not expecting that, so he says honestly, “I’m afraid that is not part of the deal.”

Intrigued, Stede asks, “Then what is left?”

Ed fumbles, “We could talk about you, the ball…” but when he sees Stede’s not going for it, he blurts out, “Bowling?”

Stede’s thrown, “Did you say bowling?”

“Only an idea.” Ed tries to cover for himself. “You don’t have to. I know not many people take much interest in it.”

“No, not at all!” Stede exclaims. “I love Ben Pettit, I have my own customized Ebonite, I’ve only ever done one game where I won over 100, still learning my hook shot, and I go bowling with my children on a regular basis.”

Now Ed’s smiling, though no one can see it behind the big furry mouse mask, “I’m a Petite fan as well.”

Just then, the music changes to a slower song, so Ed decides to be bold and offer his hand, “May I have this dance?”

Stede starts to take it, but right as he does so, he winces, “Oh dear. Just a moment.”, then reaches for his shoes. “I insisted on these because I wanted authenticity, and now I’m seconds away from butchering my feet.”

Once they’re off, Stede reaches for him again. “There we are. Although I haven’t made use of my dance lessons in ages.”

“Leave it to me.” Ed promises. “I lead, you follow.”

Ed ends up leading them right in front of the quartet, and then they’re dancing.

And the more they do, the more Ed’s own lessons start to kick in.

If I make it out alive tonight, I’m giving Lucius a raise.

Then Stede speaks up, “I didn’t know waltzing could feel this way.”, breaking Ed out of his reverie.

“Neither did I. I learned from someone who has the patience of a saint.”

And right at the end, Ed makes the boldest move yet and dips Stede down, earning a small squeal and a smile from Stede as he’s lifted back up.

“What do you say to getting some air?”

Stede follows again as they make for the doorway, but Ed stops for a moment to grab the shoes, “Can’t forget them, can we?”

“Oh would you look at that moon!” Stede gushes once they’re outside.

“Beautiful.” Ed agrees, but he’s looking at Stede as he says it, then hands over the shoes,  joking, “You know Cinderella’s shoes were most likely not glass, right?”

“And that is precisely why they are not!” Stede informs him as he backs up some to stick out one foot.

Ed kneels down, taking the foot and sliding the shoe back on as he says, “Read it in a storybook someplace.”, then proceeds to do the same with the other.

The giggles from Stede only serve to make Ed smile again as he stands up. “Thank you. That-That’s—”

Then before Stede can even finish, Ed’s pulling him in and pulling off the mask just enough so he can kiss him.

But before Stede can get a better look, the mouse mask is already back on, so he can only bring himself to say,

“This whole night makes Stede happy.”

Ed’s content to not move from this spot the whole night if he can get Stede to keep talking like that, but just as he has the thought, he spots his boss and Hands approaching the bar.

“Hey.” Stede reaches up a hand to the mask, feeling Ed’s sudden stiffness. “What’s wrong?”

Ed can’t tell him the truth, so he just says, “Drinks are on me.”

Stede almost looks like he doesn’t buy it, but only nods, “Alright.”, as Ed walks away.

Once Ed’s back inside, the first thing he looks at is the clock, which tells him it’s way too close to midnight to risk staying any longer, and makes for the other exit, grabbing a gift bag on the way out.

But of course, even that can’t go off without a hitch, as he’s too tall for the narrow doorway and the mouse head mask falls right off his head, so he ducks and makes a run for it before anyone can spot him.

Stede begins to worry, so he walks back inside, looking for the elusive Mouse King and checking the clock, revealing he hasn’t come back for at least 15 minutes.

Outside, Ed’s stuffing himself into a taxi and snapping the firm’s address as he slams the door.

“Have either of you seen the Mouse King come by here?” Stede asks two party goers, but at the shake of their heads, he thanks them and moves on.

Izzy’s just getting into the company car, muttering in exasperation the whole time as he closes the door.

Finally, Stede has some luck when he sees the mouse head mask lying on the floor.

He picks it up, then takes one more look around, before carrying it off.

Miracle of miracles, Ed makes it with the doors still unlocked, telling Fang as he dashes past him, “Hands is right behind me! Stall as long as you can!”

And because the elevator comes right at that moment, he misses Fang locking the revolving doors right as Izzy approaches.

He takes a breath, thinking he just might be in the clear, but of course, that’s when the janitor shoves his cart into the small elevator, forcing it back open.

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

When he finally makes it into the office, he only has a few seconds to take off his costume while dashing back to his cubicle and shoving it into a miraculously empty filing cabinet drawer.

But the time he hears Hands approaching, you’d never know he’d been gone.

“Keeping busy, Edward?” Hands asks, then sighs in happiness. “You don’t even know what you missed tonight.”

Then he gives the thumbs up, “One day at a time, Edward.”, and walks away, to Ed’s shaking head.

And poor Stede’s still at the ball, sitting on the stage with the mouse head mask next to him, not knowing if he’s the optimist or the fool.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Ed wakes up at his desk, some of the case files stuck to his cheek as he gathers them up.

Stede comes into the dining room with his tea as Mary puts together her breakfast.

“I had an incredible time.” Stede starts to get her attention, and she looks up after a moment to ask,

“Tell me.”

“I met someone.” He tells her, to which Mary rolls her eyes before replying, “Then tell me about him!”

“Oh I wish I could, but of all ironies, I can’t.”

“What’s his profession?” Mary tries, in a bid to help narrow it down.

Stede shakes his head. “I have no idea.”

“What about his looks?”

Stede opens his mouth to reply, only to realize, “I don’t know that either!”

Mary laughs at the absurdity, “How is it possible to dance the night away with someone and not know what they look like?”

Stede actually has an answer, “Oh that’s easy. He was dressed as the mouse king, full mouse head mask and all. I couldn’t see anything.”

Mary nods, “Right, of course. Nutcracker, Christmas. Only fitting he’d be the Mouse King to your Nutcracker. You like him?”

Stede nods easily, so Mary pushes, “And not even a chance of catching his name before the night ended?”

“I’m afraid not.” Stede admits sadly. “He said he was going to buy us both drinks, it rang midnight, and then he was gone, never to be heard from again.”

Stede sips his tea, and sighs.

Later, when Ed’s back at home Lucius  calls, demanding, “ So how was it? ”

Ed smiles, “You mean Stede, or the ball itself?”

Lucius snaps, “ Don’t even try that with me. I wasted my dance lessons on you, I earned the right to know! ”

“He’s incredible.” Ed says almost to himself, but Lucius won’t have that, “ Speak up! ”

 “I said he’s incredible !” Ed says perhaps a little too loudly. “Thank you, Lucius, for not letting me make a fool of myself last night.”

“ My pleasure .” Lucius gushes, then hangs up.

“Going from a lawyer to this is no picnic, is it?” Ed says upon approaching Fang.

“No it is not.” fang replies, but Ed’s not done.

“And that’s why we’re getting you back on the horse.” Ed declares. “I’ve signed you up for continuing education classes. Provided you’ve committed no felonies, and are willing to put in 25 hours, you’re in.”

Fang rolls his eyes, “Wonderful. And where did you get the notion I even wanted to be a lawyer anyhow?”

“I’ve seen the way you talk about it. Even if you do nothing but complain about it, you’d definitely make more money than as a security guard.”

“I don’t know about that.” Fang tries to play it off, but Ed’s too smart for that, handing out a folder.

“Then at the very least take this. All the information for the requirements needed are in here.”

Fang won’t take it, “Not happening.”

“Then throw it away when I’m not looking.” Ed tells him. “Or give it a look, then throw it away. Or to one class, then change your mind later. Or stick it out to the end. I can only lead you to the water. I can’t make you drink it.”

Then he walks away, leaving the books and file with Fang.

“Perhaps some of his hair is stuck to it?” Mary inspects the mouse head mask. “We can send it in for DNA testing.”

Stede perks up, “I like that!”, before he realizes, “Oh, you’re joking.”

“Only half!” Mary says. “I’m taking this just as seriously as you are!”

“I’ve already crossed off everyone I know personally, because they were easy to pick out.” Stede slides a tablet over to her. “This is everyone left after that.”

“And this is just about everyone who works at Jackie & Partners.” Mary notes, which surprises Stede.

“Are you sure?”

Mary nods. “That’s how it’s looking to me. I think we need to give Jackie a call.”

“Already on it.” Stede dials rapidly, and when the receptionist answers, “Jackie, please. It’s Stede Bonnet calling.”

“Did you talk to Stede Bonnet at the ball last night?” Jackie bursts into Hands’ office.

“No!” Hands says almost immediately. “Why, did he say so?”

Jackie shakes her head for a moment, then asks, “Did he get a good look at your face last night?”

hands shakes his head, “Absolutely not. I was fully costumed so I could spy on the staff.”

Jackie shuts the office door, then comes to the desk, “I think I’m getting an idea, and I need your full cooperation.”

Hands sits up a little straighter, “You have it.”

As Ed walks past Hands’ office, he hears him say on the phone,

“Steve! It’s Israel Hands. I hear you’ve been looking for me.” “Yes, I was dressed as the Mouse King.” “I had an emergency at the office, so I had to step out. You know how it is. Business needs you, you have to put it first.”

Ed seriously can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“Of course I was going to call you. I just didn’t know if you felt the same as me.” “Now when did you want to get together?” “Wonderful! It’s a date.”

Ed turns right around and goes back the way he came.

“Good news!” Stede comes back from his phone call to tell Mary. “I think I found him!”

Ed calls out his usual farewell to Fang, smiling when he sees him trying to hide one of the textbooks left for him.

“I never realized how much in common we have.” Hands tells Stede as they’re sitting at a fancy table. “We both put our jobs first.”

“It’s amazing having something that leaves your life so fulfilling, isn’t it?” Stede agrees.

“It absolutely is.” Hands replies. “And it has to be so exhilarating to finally have full control over it all.”

“Oh I don’t know about all that.” Stede frets some. “If it were up to me, I happily would’ve waited just a little longer. But Mary’s ready to get divorced and remarry the love of her life.”

“Well that’s what our generation is for, isn’t it?” Hands says with a smile. “Out with the old and in with the new. Make the name stay relevant in an ever changing world.”

Stede has nothing to say to that, and picks up the wine list, only for Hands to snatch it back and ask, “Oh, were you going to order some wine?”

He wasn’t, honestly, but he says, “Sure, why not?” anyway.

“Spend an entire summer in France’s Champagne region. I know my bubbly.”

Stede can’t resist bringing up, “You’re a far cry from what I remember at the ball.”

“So is wine, once it’s aged properly.” Hands says smoothly, then as the waiter comes up, orders a wine that Stede just has to protest at,

“Oh please don’t order that one. It costs nearly fifteen hundred dollars a bottle.”

“And worth every penny.” Hands seems to have a line for everything. “Just like you.”

He takes Stede’s hands and says, “I just feel like we have something special, don’t you?”

“Refresh my memory, was I slightly intoxicated at the ball?” Stede asks, and Hands shakes his head. “Not at all.”

“And you’re absolutely positive you were wearing a Mouse King costume at the ball?”

“Of course.” Hands leans down to kiss Stede’s hand, but Stede pulls away, apologizing,

“Sorry. Muscle spasm.”

When Stede comes home that night, it’s decidedly more dejected than he was when he left.

“Mary?” He calls out, finding her looking at wedding invitations.

“Back so soon?” She asks, and Stede has no problem admitting,

“I’m afraid so. I’m not really sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t what I got.”

“So a second chance is out of the question?” Mary asks, but instead of a no, Stede shrugs.

“I’m not too sure. He was a bit…pompous.”

“Then you did the right thing and stopped it from going too far.” Mary assures him quickly. “Hold out long enough, you’ll find the one.”

Stede smiles, despite the lousiness of the night. “Goodnight, Mary.”

“Rest assured, captain, I’m playing that twat like a fuckin’ fiddle.” Hands gushes to Jackie in the elevator with Jack.

“Awesome.” Jackie praises. “Now I want you to focus on convincing him to sell to Babybonnet.”

That is definitely news to Jack, “Babybonnet wants to buy Bonnet?”, then stops himself, “I mixed them up again, didn’t I?”

“Sounds like money, doesn’t it?” Jackie confirms, but now Hands hesitates.

“What about Bonnet?”

“Who cares? This is about us! If we make it happen, we’re going to be the ones coming out on top. We’ll eat like fucking kings, I can go live on a boat, you two can take over the firm!”

Hands and Jack steal a look, smiling, and when Jackie asks, “Sound good enough to you?”, they’re enthusiastic nods are immediate.

“Aye aye!”

Chapter Text

 “Hello again, Jackie.” Stede greets his lawyer as he comes into the room. “What can I help you with? You sounded excited on the phone.”

“I’ll tell you what’s exciting: we have a new business proposal.” Jackie tells him.

That is exciting. “Tell me all about it!”

“I’m telling you, I’m so excited I can’t hardly speak. Ready for this?”

Stede nods, and she wastes no time, “There’s an offer to buy Bonnet’s Baubles.”

Immediately, whatever excitement Stede had vanishes into the pit of his stomach, “Sell it? I wouldn’t dream of it!”

“Stede, please, hear us out first.” Jackie pleads, but Stede isn’t having it.

“This company has been in the Bonnet family since my parents first started it!”

“But you haven’t heard of all the positives to taking the deal!” Jackie says. “You’ll have more time to spend with your family, as well as your extracurriculars. You’ll still be on the board and have a say everywhere you still do now.”

“Then let me exercise that say right now.” Stede sits up straight. “This business is what’s taking center stage, along with my children.”

“Stede, don’t be so quick to throw an offer like this away.” Jackie will not give up. “This offer is more than generous.”

“And who may I ask is being so generous in the first place?” Stede demands, as Jackie leans back and replies,

“Babybonnet.”

Now Stede’s done listening but Jackie doesn’t pick up on it, continuing to speak, “And the money made from this deal would allow you to make a real difference, to where your children will want for nothing. Please just promise me you’ll think on it seriously.”

Stede stares back at her like a deer in headlights, as Jackie promises, “I’ll send you all the details. You and Babybonnet are the biggest players in the industry. Just imagine how much bigger you’ll grow if you become one. Nobody will be able to touch you.”

Stede nods, then stands up briskly. “I am going to consult my soon to be ex wife about this.”

“Of course.” Jackie stands up and shakes his hand again. “As your legal adviser and family friend, this deal has my utmost confidence. With all of our futures uncertain, you can’t afford to not at least consider it, not when this may be the most valuable your company will ever be.”

“Thank you.” Stede says as a farewell. “I’ll show myself to the door.

The second the door closes, Jackie picks up her receiver, paging to her assistant, “Send Jack to my office.”

Ed catches a glimpse of Stede as he’s storming out, even going so far as to wave and say, “Hi.”, but it’s clear Stede is too troubled by something, and keeps walking without so much as a reply.

But that’s okay, because as Ed sits back at his desk, he’s smiling like an idiot, reminiscing about the ball.

Until a stack of files is slammed on his desk, and Jack informs him, “Potential Bonnet’s Baubles buyout. Take a good long look.”

“What?” Ed feels as if he’s been dunked straight into a bucket of ice water. “That’s ridiculous. Why would Bonnet’s sell? They’re shaping up to have one of their best years.”

“We pay you to do the dirty work, not ask questions.” Jack sneers as he walks away, and Ed, resigned, pulls out a file and flips through it.

“I don’t understand. What gain does Jackie see in all of this?” Ed tells Jim and Oluwande at their bar. “If the buyout goes through, our star client is gone. Why would Jackie think that’s a good thing?”

Oluwande thinks he might know, “Is she representing Babybonnet too?”

Ed shakes his head, “Nuh uh, no way. That’s a serious conflict of interest.”

“He’s right, it’s too obvious.” Jim sides with Ed. 

“Something still doesn’t sound right.” Oluwande pushes, making Jim prompt,

“So what does all this have to do with you?”

“I want to find out what’s really happening.” Ed decides, making Jim give some semblance of a smile as they ask,

“Can we help?”

Ed shrugs, “Haven’t gotten that far yet. Ask me again later.”

Ed doesn’t even make eye contact with Fang as he goes back into the building, and the moment he’s back on their floor, he goes straight into Jackie’s office.

He closes the door as quietly as he can, then goes to the computer, only to be stopped by the password prompt.

“Dotisandcrossts.” he mumbles, as a joke, but it doesn’t go through.

He tries, “19 husbands” next, remembering the one time she let that slip, but that proves to be a bust as well.

But then something else hits him, “200%”, and miraculously, that seems to be the ticket, as the computer logs him in.

As he scrolls the cursor to the mail widget, he shakes his head at himself, “Why am I doing this?”, then focuses, “There’s got to be something in here that doesn’t belong.”

But the more he scrolls through the inbox, the less luck he seems to have.

“Not one thing about Babybonnet.”

Frustrated, he logs himself out and leaves the office.

“Caught you!” Ed points at Fang, who’s still looking at the textbook.

“So now it’s a crime to test yourself on what you already know?”

“What’s a crime is you refusing to admit it’s actually helping you. It’s literally the only thing I have to look forward to.”

This is news to Fang, “Why’s that? What happened?”

Ed comes right out with it, “For some reason my boss wants Stede to sell his company, and there’s no way it’s for the right reasons. My instinct told me maybe he has stock in Babybonnet’s and wants to cash out, but that was a dead end. ”

Fang already sees the problem with this, “Jackie would never be stupid enough to hold that position in her own name. It’s too obvious. And as Stede’s counsel, it’s a conflict of interest.”

“I know.”

Fang asks, “What if she bought stock under someone else’s name, like a stealth takeover? Look at the stockholders.”

Ed is shocked, “How did you—”

“Did I ever tell you what kind of lawyer I used to be?” When Ed shakes his head, Fang tells him, “Mergers and acquisitions.”

“Huh.” Is Ed’s only comment. “Thanks a lot.”

“So what we really need to do is pinpoint all the names of the major stockholders of Bonnet’s Baubles.” Ed tells Lucius, who’s typing at a rapid speed.

“We can eliminate at least 30%, because it’s institutionally owned for pension and similar things like that.” Oluwande says, and Jim chimes in.

“But it’ll still be hard to find all the individual names.”

And as Lucius calls out the names one by one, and none of them ringing a bell, Ed sighs in frustration, until Jim adds,

“Try adding Jackie to those last names.”

They’re all excited for a moment, but that proves to be a dead end as well.

“Still nothing! Not one thing connecting Jackie with any of the shareholders.”

But then Lucius says, “I have a Delahaye.”

“What’s dela-hay?” Ed asks dumbly, prompting Jim to say,

“Not a what, a who. It’s an old wedding photo of Jackie’s.”, then scoots in so they can type a few things, then informs the rest,

“Voila. Geraldo Delahaye. ”, showing the wedding picture. “And just like Jackie’s, his name doesn’t show up either.”

“Wait, what did you say the name of the company was?”  Lucius asks suddenly, and when Oluwande replies, “GerDel Holdings.”, the boy types a few more keys, then exclaims,

“We got him! GerDel, Geraldo Delahaye!”

Everyone is stunned for a moment, before Ed starts connecting the dots, “Jackie went so far as to reach out to her ex husband to buy a large position for her so she can push Stede into selling Bonnet’s and make the stock go up and swim in a pile of money.”

“And that would mean GerDel Holdings has been buying stock in Bonnet’s for the past few months!”

“Tell me I’m incredible!” Ed says to Fang, who only replies wryly, “In your dreams, perhaps.”

But Ed doesn’t even care, “You were right! Someone’s been buying up all of Bonnet’s stock!”

“Is there any proof it’s Jackie orchestrating it?”

Ed says nothing to that, before quipping good naturedly, “Please put us all out of our misery and go into law already.”

“Alma what are you doing?” Stede says desperately as she suddenly leads him over to where Ed is apparently bowling solo, but stops his swing just in time to come over.

“Hello! I’m Alma!” She introduces proudly. 

“That’s right, your little wingwoman, isn’t she?” Ed smiles.

“Hello, Ed-not-Edward.” Stede greets.

“Hello there.”

“Come bowl with us!” Alma invites, with Stede quick to say, “You’re welcome to refuse.”

“No, I’d love to!” Ed says quickly. “Honestly, I would kill for a break.”

Stede chuckles, “I know exactly how you feel.”

“Let’s make a bet!” Alma says suddenly. “With money and everything!”

“She means pizza. We only ever bet with pizza,” Stede explains.

“Pineapple and ham?” Ed asks, making Alma grimace, “Eww!”, before Ed laughs.

“Only a joke!”

With that, Ed walks over to their lanes.

“Careful you don’t slip!” Stede heckles him, but Ed’s not listening.

“Reverse psychology does nothing for me!”

Sure enough, the ball knocks down all of the pins.

Stede claps, then stands up, “My turn!”, and grabs a bowling ball.

He waits, steps to the side some, then takes four steps and right as Ed calls, “Your shoe’s untied!”, Stede swings, releasing the ball.

Same as before, all the pins get knocked over.

Stede turns around, smug, “You thought the old ‘made you look’ would work on me?”, and sits down right as Alma stands up.

“Let’s go Alma!” Ed cheers, and as Alma takes her turn, he does some running commentary,

“Step to the left, step to the right, come now, Alma, fight fight fight!”

This time she only hits a few pins, to her disappointment, but she brushes it off and grabs another ball, to the two men cheering, “Alma, Alma!”

But it proves to be for naught, because it goes into the gutter right before it can hit the pins, so she turns around with her shoulders slumped.

“I think I should find another sport.”

“Are you mad?” Stede steps up to hug her. “You’re the best 13 year old bowler I know.”

Spurred on by this, Alma gushes to Ed, “He’s the best father ever, and loves spending time with us! How many fathers do you know like that?”

Ed nods, “You’re absolutely right. You’re very lucky you got the father you did.”

“But we really, really want him to have a boyfriend!” Alma says hurriedly, making Ed laugh, to Stede’s embarrassment.

“Any chance you could ignore that? She seems to keep forgetting I’m capable of making my own decisions. And as fun as this has been, me and this little one have to be off.”

Ed reminds them, “No pizza?”

“Rain check.” It’s clear Stede’s not about to be dissuaded, as he says to Ed, “You know where to reach me, Ed.”, then starts to pick up their bowling balls.

“Stede, wait!”

Stede turns, and Ed gestures to the bowling balls. “Those are custom Ebonites, aren’t they?”

Stede’s eyes widen slightly, “They are! How did you…”

“Knew someone who owned one.”

Stede holds up one of them, “They’re not marked.”, calling his bluff, so Ed stammers,

“Right. So…I guess you should get going?”

Stede stops for a second, then goes back to putting the bowling balls away, then takes Alma’s hand, and leaves.

“ You didn’t tell him you’re the Mouse King, did you? ” Oluwande says over the phone as Ed tells him everything.

“I almost did.” Ed admits, which is met with screeching.

“ And not even a chance to tell him about your boss trying to rob him blind? ”

“I really wanted to, but without proof, it’ll just look like I’m making baseless accusations.” Ed defends himself. “What if he doesn’t believe me? Or what if he’s not even going to take the deal, and I get fired for being a snitch?”

“ What happened to doing the right thing? ” Oluwande reminds him.

“I wish it were that simple, but it’s just not.” Ed sighs, then hangs up, not feeling like listening to more lecturing.

The real question is, why can’t it be?

Chapter Text

“Good morning!” Ed greets Fang, coffee in hand.

Fang wags a finger at him, “I know damn well you’re looking for an update, so I’ll tell you: I’m the oldest one there!”

“So you’re still going?” Ed asks, defeating the purpose.

“What else am I going to do?” Fang says simply, so Ed tells him,

“All your dues have been paid, just finish the classes, and then you’re back in the practice.”

Fang nods thoughtfully, “You’re one of the good ones.”

Ed shrugs, “Oh I wouldn’t be so sure.”

Fang insists, “Ed, this is me, telling you that you are. Me, the man that would happily give everyone in here the middle finger if it didn’t cost me my job.”

Ed walks away, not bothering to respond to that, but Fang follows him anyway.

“Ed?” He calls, and when Ed turns around, Fang says nervously, “Thank you.”

Which is all Ed needs to do a double take, “Did you seriously just thank me?”

“Maybe.” Fang confirms, prompting Ed to come forward to hug him. “No no no, please don’t!”

“Thank you , Fang.” Ed says as he walks away, as Fang calls after him,

“You better enjoy that, cause it’s never happening again!”

Jack knocks on Ed’s office wall, demanding, “So? What did you find in the offer?”

Ed just pulls out a file, and passes it to Jack, only asking, “Remind me why we’re pushing him to sell his widely successful company? Even if he does, we’d lose—”

“Did you or did you not find anything?” Jack interrupts.

“Fine, try this: Stede Bonnet just took over as CEO. If anything, they should’ve done this when Mary was still CEO.”

“Hear that, Teach?” Jack taps a finger to his ear. “That’s the money you just cost me by making me stand here to listen to you.”

Ed tries, “But I thought—”

“And there’s your problem right there.” Jack stops him again. “That’s not what we’re paying you for.”

“So first I can’t ask questions, now I can’t think? Why are you even paying me at all?” Ed asks, not really expecting an answer.

“Dotting the ts and crossing the is.” Jack reminds him, then leaves.

“Do you even know how to read, or did you hear you’d get a promotion if you learned how?” Hand sneers at Fang as he passes by.

“Well considering I passed the bar on my first try, and you have yet to pass yours, I wouldn’t be so smug.” Fang retorts. “But there’s something to be said about the boss shaping you up to be husband number 20, isn’t there?”

Hands wisely has nothing to say to that, and storms into the building.

Ed walks over to Lucius’ desk, who tells him, “My calendar is missing.”

“I’ll fix it later.” Ed promises. “Do you have Stede Bonnet’s number?”

Lucius flips through his Rolodex, “Provided it hasn’t fallen out or been buried alive.”

A moment later, he pulls it out and hands it to Ed, who pulls out his phone and dials the number.

“ Hello? ”

Ed walks into the bathroom right as Stede picks up. “Stede, it’s Ed Teach. I have to talk to you about something really important.”

Just then, Hands walks into the bathroom, but Ed doesn’t notice as he keeps talking.

“I need to talk to you right away.” Ed finishes, then hangs up.

Upon spotting Hands, he just nods, then takes his leave.

“Believe me when I say I thought long and hard about whether or not I should tell you about this, but I finally decided you had a right to know.” Ed says in Stede’s office.

“Ed, if you have a genuine concern something might be going on, I need to hear it.” Stede gestures. “Please, have a seat.”

Ed obliges, and Stede even gets up to sit in the one across from him.

“I have reason to believe Jackie is buying stock in your company under someone else’s name, thinking a takeover is about to happen.”

Thankfully, Stede seems to be intrigued enough to keep listening, “And what reason would you have to believe that?”

“Why else would he be pushing you to sell your company?” Ed reminds him, but Stede didn’t get his MBA for nothing.

“And what evidence are you basing this off of?”

“One of your biggest stockholders is one of Jackie’s ex husbands, who’s buying stock through a holding company.”

Stede asks, “Can you prove he’s connected to Jackie?”

Ed winces, “Unfortunately no.”

Now Stede gets all business like, “Edward, Jackie has been Bonnet’s Baubles legal counsel for quite some time now, and I barely know you at all. What reason do I have to believe you over her?”

“How about this: what do I have to gain by telling you anything?” Ed asks. “Other than screwing my own firm out of the biggest payoff they’ve ever seen if you sell the company, and getting fired for being a snitch.”

“But I don’t actually know that.” Stede reminds him. “In fact, you don’t really know that.”

“I know how farfetched it sounds.” Ed admits. “But all I ask is if you at least give it some more serious thought.”

“Do you understand what would happen if I did take this to Jackie?” Stede demands. “She’s going to ask who told me about this, and I’m going to have to tell them it was you. How else are they going to take me seriously?”

“I know.” Ed nods, having expected that. 

“Which means you will get fired.” Stede repeats.

“I know.”

Now Stede has another concern, “Then why are you here? What does it matter to you if I lose my business?”

It’s the perfect opening to tell Stede the truth, and Ed knows it, so he starts, “I…the night of…”

Stede pushes, “Go on.”

But Ed can’t do it, so he just says, “I just don’t want it on my conscience that I could’ve helped to stop this, and did nothing.”

Stede nods in acceptance, “Thank you for telling me all of this, Ed.”, then stands, “And I appreciate you risking getting fired by coming here to tell me. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

They shake hands, lingering for just a moment, Ed because he’s kicking himself for not telling her the full truth, Stede because he swears he felt something, but it’s gone before he can think too hard on it.

Ed leaves first, but Stede still watches him go, thinking.

“He did the right thing telling you.” Alma declares as she, her brother and Stede eat at a cafe. 

“Think so?” Stede asks. 

“I know so!” Alma insists, then Louis asks, “Are you going to do anything about it?”

Stede shrugs, “I’m not sure. I don’t even know if I believe him.”

“Well what else is he supposed to do then?” Alma asks.

“I don’t think there is anything else.” Stede admits. “Not much he can do that won’t make the situation worse if I take this to Jackie.”

“What if he was the Mouse King?” Alma says rather suddenly. 

“What?” Stede’s just a little confused by that. “That has nothing to do with what’s going on now. And even if that were true, who’s to say that would end up like either of us wants? It’s not that simple, you two.”

Alma and Louis just look at their food, dejected.

Later, after they’ve come home, Stede goes through some old email papers, then he suddenly stops on one.

His mouth drops open.

“I can’t believe it.”

Lucius stands outside the Bonnet’s Baubles building, watching and waiting as Stede finally comes out, and ambushes him.

“Oh, hello! Who are you?” Stede asks politely, and Lucius is nothing if not quick.

“There’s something I need to speak to you about rather urgently.”

Stede’s not entirely sure why he does, but he finds himself nodding, “Alright, come this way.”, and leading them to his company car.

The car stops right in front of Jackie & Partners, with Lucius in tow, and the both of them walk into the building.

Ed sees Stede and Lucius walk right past him, leaving him to wonder,

“What the hell was that?”

“There’s absolutely no way in hell Teach was at the ball.” Jackie says confidently. “He was working here all night. Hands even saw him.”

“He bought that Mouse King costume using my employee discount from my second job at the costume shop!” Lucius insists. “Ed was the Mouse King. He fell for this man right here.” He points to Stede.

Stede turns his head at that, “He did?”

Lucius smiles, “Yes he did.”

“Well as much as I’d love to gossip about your love life, it’s clear to me Ed’s secretary is lying. Hands was the one who wore the Mouse King costume that night.”

“No, you’re the liar.” Lucius snaps. 

“Then why don’t we just bring everyone in here?” Stede suggests. When nobody moves, Stede grabs the phone and hands it to Jackie. “What’re you waiting for?”

“I swear I came back to the office and saw Edward working here.” Hands insists, turning to Ed. “You were here all night, weren’t you.”

Ed knows he can’t lie anymore, and says, “I snuck out. When I heard Jackie telling you to come back to the building, I lucked out and got back first.”

“I’m sorry to do this to you, Bonnet.” Jackie apologizes. “But it’s our word against his. There’s no proof whatsoever.”

But then, Ed remembers something, and kneels down, grabbing one of Stede’s shoes.

“Read it in a storybook someplace.” Ed repeats the same words from the night of the ball, getting a smile from Stede as he lets Ed take his ankle and slide his shoes onto his feet.

Then Ed stands up, repeating, “Your favorite bowler is Ben Pettit, you’ve only ever bowled one game over 100, and your lips are softer than a marshmallow.”

Stede doesn’t hesitate, he pulls Ed closer and kisses him.

“That does it, Edward, you’re fired!” Hands points at them, but Jack reminds him, as Ed and Stede keep kissing,

“You don’t have the power to do that.”

Hands turns to Jackie, “Well what are you waiting for? Fire him!”

Ed pulls away for a second to tell Stede, “Think about it: if they were willing to lie about something as silly as who the Mouse King was, why wouldn’t they lie about something like the buyout?”

This proves to be too much for Jackie, who snaps, “That does it, Teach. Pack up your things, you’re done here.”

“Now wait just a minute.” Stede speaks up now for the first time since coming into the office. “Why exactly was Ed the only one willing to tell me about Babybonnet cybersquatting on our domain name, anyhow?”

That shuts them all up for a moment, so Stede keeps going, “I would’ve thought the firm that’s supposed to have our best interests at heart would’ve been all over that the moment it became an issue.”

At the properly chastised looks on their faces, Stede says, “Unless you were hoping I didn’t know, because you knew Babybonnet was trying to buy us.”

“How dare you?” Jackie snaps, but Stede’s still not done.

“As of now, Jackie & Partners is no longer affiliated with Bonnet’s Baubles. My new lawyer, Mr. Teach, will be sending a termination letter later today, along with collecting all of our paperwork.”

Stede walks away, but now it’s Ed’s turn to speak, “Oh, and Jackie? You can bet on the SEC knowing all about this.”

As they all start leaving, Hands tries to yell after them, “You would be nothing without Jackie! mark my words, Edward, you will pay!”

“For the love of God, Israel, shut up!” Jackie snaps.

Really, what else can the three of them do but throw in the towel, knowing they’ve been beaten?

Chapter Text

Ed walks into his new building, rubbing the “Edward track & Associates: Attorneys at Law” plaque once to make it shine, and walks in.

He greets everyone that passes him with a friendly smile, and straight into one particular office, where Fang is sitting at his new desk.

“Now there’s a sight I’ll never get tired of.” Ed says in place of a greeting, and Fang smiles, before replying, “Shut up.”

“So how’re you liking your new place?” Ed asks.

“A broom closet is bigger than my apartment, but for where I’m at right now, it’ll do.”

Ed laughs at that, “Whatever you say, ‘& Associates.’, shall we?”

Fang nods, then stands up, “We shall.”

“By the power vested in me, I pronounce you married!” the Justice of the Peace says to Stede and Ed, who stand on the bowling lane they shared on their first official date, facing each other as they’re dressed to the nines, on this Christmas day. “You may now kiss!”

They happily do, with all their friends and family, and even their old colleagues, looking on, and when they pull apart, they all start clapping, as they carefully walk back down the lane, and down the aisle runner rolled out just for them.

Everyone starts dancing, all wearing bowling shoes, for safety, and even Alma dances with Jackie, who they’ve since made amends with in the spirit of starting fresh.

“I still can’t believe we’re married!” Stede tells Ed, while they somehow keep dancing.

In reply, Ed just twirls Stede around once, then dips him, ending it with a kiss.

As they come up for air, he says, “I’ve never believed in anything more.”