Work Text:
Peggy got into the shower as soon as she got back to her room. Finally in private, she broke down, and hot tears mixed with the water as she leaned against the wall. And she just cried.
It should have been Steve’s fingertips trickling down her arms. It should have been Steve’s kisses raining on her face.
This was the only place she felt she could cry in solitude, safe from comments and questions from the officers and soldiers who didn’t know her well, and didn’t know her heart. Like he had.
Her warm bed brought no comfort. Despite her exhaustion, she couldn’t sleep. Steve was freezing and dying somewhere and there was nothing she could do. They couldn’t find him, despite Howard’s assurance that they would try. They had no idea where to look; there were so many miles of ice and ocean where he could be. Lost and alone and scared… if he wasn’t already dead.
She was haunted by his voice crackling away into nothingness on the radio. A frantic kiss and an empty, broken promise had been their goodbye.
Steve Rogers. Gone. Captain America. Lost. Her sweet darling. Dead.
She stared at the ceiling in the darkness and wrapped her arms around herself. The weight of everything she had lost pressed her down into the mattress and she wished more than anything it was his arms around her instead of her own.
It should have been his arms around her, holding her while they danced, lost in each other’s eyes. There would be no dance. There would be no promise, and no more kisses.
Her darling Steve had never held her, had never snuck into her bed. Her heart ached with the things that could never be. No dancing, no hugs, no kisses, no more shy smiles at each other from across a room, or comforting talks about moving on from war. No more dreams of holding his hand, or his hands on her waist, no more visions of a future with him by her side.
Her whole body ached with failure and loss. She had failed him, hadn’t she? When they couldn’t keep contact with his plane, when they lost him in the ice? Failure. Loss. Their hero was gone. Her hero was gone. Her beloved was dead.
I loved you, Steve. I could never tell you. But I loved you. Forgive me. I couldn’t save you.