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Ren didn’t know what made him get to this conclusion that night, but as soon as his mind reached it, it set on achieving it as soon as possible – he had to spend more time with Kikyo Asakura, even try being more ‘affectionate’.
Knowing Ren, you could ask why? Ren put that question to himself too, but he realized pretty much straightforward and to his surprise when he actually really thought about it, that it was simply because it was making him happy. Spending time around Kiki, seeing that smile or listen to her constant chatter just made his heart race, his cheeks redden and an overflow of emotions would suddenly surround him, leaving him a mess in terms of showing or reacting accordingly.
However, despite this and not entirely knowing how to handle everything, Ren had acknowledged that those emotions were positive, they were exciting and felt nice - emotions he wasn’t quite familiar with until he made friends. He only knew hate for most of his life and it wasn’t until he met Yoh Asakura that he discovered there was more to emotions.
In fact one of the first things he started feeling was his affection for his sister, Jun. Then that had not long extended to his new friends. And Ren was smart, he knew this fondness he felt over them was not in a romantic way, but more in a way just people love their friends. Though, Ren being Ren wouldn’t call it love, but affection.
Which brings us back to his current feelings for Kikyo. He didn’t feel affection towards her the way he felt towards his friends or even his sister. He had surprised himself when he realized he could actually say it was love. It felt weird to acknowledge it because it was something so new in his life and so different from anything he’s ever felt. The total opposite of hate he once felt so passionately. But now his passion had a different fuel, one that made his cheeks redden and heart do somersaults.
It took ages to admit to himself that he was in love with Kiki and he wouldn’t admit it out loud yet, BUT since actions speak louder than words, he felt that was the least he could do and try showing that more to her. I mean, he liked being happy because he found himself more active, better at his fights, much better at everything actually. It’s like he had a secret weapon that made his life better. And big part of him genuinely liked this ‘feeling in love’ thing. He did want to spend more time with her, do or at least try ‘romantic’ stuff, but he wasn’t sure how.
He could ask Jun for advice, but he was too proud and embarrassed. And no way he was asking his teammates, they would literally roll on the floor laughing and making stupid jokes. The third option was asking Yoh for advice, but he found himself as embarrassed as asking Jun if not even more, since his friend happened to be her little brother. So it was out of question. And asking anyone else, he just didn’t feel as close to sharing such important information.
So Ren was stuck – how to get closer to Kikyo without showing too much? How to get close but not feel weird? Or attract nosy attention? Or even danger as it previously happened? They were after all in the Shaman King Competition and Ren didn’t want people to know about his feelings for Kiki unless he trusted them – some people could use this information the wrong way. So it wasn’t just his personality in the way to consider, there were external factors.
However, call it fate or maybe the ‘right’ motivation, but after the disturbing fight of the X-Laws, he felt determined on his decision to try and take things with Kiki further. Yes, he’s seen murder before, he’d been through many life and death challenges because of the competition and even caused murder himself to his regret now, but now there was more at stake. Now aside from becoming Shaman King, there could be more. There could be love.
He wouldn’t go past his wish and ambition to become Shaman King, yet he was intrigued to experience love too because he found it useful in his path to the crown. And it also made him happy. He wanted to relish more in this feeling. Experience it, live it. All of a sudden he needed to live and fight not only for the crown, but for something more. And he sure as hell won’t let anything in his path stop it from this new goal either.
So Ren decided to start being more romantic and with that decision in mind, he went to sleep, yet the weird feeling of excitement kept him awake for long before he could actually fall asleep.