Chapter 1: Schmoopsie boopsiecutie cutie baby sweetie pie pudgy murder cheeks (Or just Paul Dano riddler)
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You are sitting in the back of a small coffee shop fuming and worked up. You keep glaring at your stupid boyfriend Eddie on the opposite side of the shop. You check your watch, you have thirty minutes before you get on an airplane out of Gotham. You walk over to Edward one last time to try and convince him he is making a horrible mistake.
"Eddie... Please. It's not to late. Go back into hiding and they won't ever find you." You plead putting your hand on his back.
He scrunches up further into his coat and doesn't answer. You rub his back trying to make him acknowledge you. He finally looks up at you with a sweet innocent smile on his face.
"Go. You don't want to be seen with me." He says softly, "I'll be fine. I will be watching my work safely in a cell. You can't go in there with me and you need to get out of here before the bombs go off."
You sigh and wish he had never come up with this stupid plan. You hardly think an asylum cell is a safe place to be. You put both arms around him and squeeze him. He really likes it when you do that. His soft hand intertwines with yours and you can see his cheeks heat up. You kiss one of his cheeks trying to seduce him into coming with you instead of staying to get arrested so he can watch all his bombs blow up the city. Your lips linger there for a second and he's staring at you out of the corner of his eyes. He doesn't smile but turns his face so your lips are on his lips instead of his cheeks. You take his head into both of your hands as his lips pull on yours.
"Go." He mutters suddenly dropping your hand and pulling away.
You hear sirens outside. You reach to grab his hand but he yanks it away. He stands up suddenly and grabs you by both of your shoulders tightly. This time he growls the word go into your ear. Frightened by his sudden intensity you back out the door of the coffee shop just as the police are shoving it open. You stumble backwards outside till you can see through the window. You see the police slam his head on the table. The same head you had just cupped between your hands.
Chapter 2: Making out with Zero Year Riddler
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"Imagine all of Gotham just dies out." You say looking out the window next to Edward's bed.
You're laying on his bed head in your hands and feet in the air gazing at him. He has his hands behind his back and his full green suit on, flopped on top of the sheets. He nods dreamily looking out the window into overgrown Gotham. You hope it all dies out. You hate this god forbidden city that took everything from you. And now Batman the symbol of the city had been seen again and he was going to take Edward from you. You would not let him take Edward from you.
You intertwine your fingers in his gloved hand and pull the purple glove off. You rub your hand against his palm. It's so soft. You brush your lips against it. He notices and rolls over to face you smiling lazily at you with hooded eyes. He takes his other hand that's still gloved and runs his finger agonizingly slow from your cheek bone down to your jaw. You shiver.
"Need me to warm you up?" He says raising an eyebrow.
You make an 'mhm' noise but he's already on top of you swallowing you whole. He has you pinned down with his hands pressing your shoulders into the bed. His legs are on either side of your thighs but he pushes his socked feet under your knees so his legs are holding yours. It's hard to focus on what his hands are doing when his mouth is working so passionately. He's pushed the spaghetti straps of your tank top off your shoulders and his chest has now melted into yours. He rolls over and you are on top now. You keep your lips locked but pull your chest away from his letting your hands unbutton his suit. You get your hands worked all the way to his shoulder blades when you hear the many computers in the room.
Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
Sounded like the war with the Batman was about to begin.
Chapter 3: Drama King (Arkhamverse Riddler)
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You stare with a deadpan expression at Edward who has thrown himself on the floor like the drama queen he is. You don't understand why your boyfriend is making such a huge deal over the fact that batman found ONE. Just ONE. Of his dorky little trophies he hid all over the city.
"Why'd you put them out if you didn't want anyone to find them?" You say squatting down next to where he is sprawled on the ground of his hidden bunker making pathetic noises.
"I DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD FIND THEM!" He lifts his head up to look you in the eye with a dead serious expression.
"Yeah, I got that sweetie." You say as he plunges his face back into the concrete.
"Don't call me that."
You respond by running your fingers through his grease filled hair. He'd been working without rest for the last week setting up mechanical death traps for batman to race his tank through. He sighs. You manage to get your hands under his limp body and pull his lanky form into your lap. He stares up at you with the face of failure. Under his eyes are dark because he hasn't slept in any time you can remember, he has blood smeared on his face from accidents with the machines, and a burn wound on one hand that he's reaching up to stroke your face with. You aren't quite sure how he burned himself but have some ideas.
"I'm sorry, Y/N" He says shakily, "I'm not who I said I was."
"What the heck are you talking about now!" You say exasperated holding his hand that's against your cheek, it's rough and calloused from working with tools.
"I told you the bat would never find any of them. That he was nothing compared to me. But... but he's getting closer to tracing our location here..." He can't meet your eyes anymore.
You take his greasy face in your hands and lift his chin up as you lean down so you're looking in his eyes.
"You don't have to prove your smarts to me Edward." You say before letting your lips meet his.
Chapter 4: Oswald x Edward x You
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Edward and Oswald are at each other's throats even though they are separated by jail bars and glass. You tap on the glass. You hate how they put him in here like a caged animal. Ed and Oswald both look over at you. One is grinning, the other scowling. The daggers from Oswald's eyes are so palpable you're almost surprised you aren't bleeding. You ignore him and smile at Edward who's walked over to where you are now.
"Hello Honey. Did Oswald ruin your plan and get y'all thrown in here again?" You say smiling mischievously at Edward who is completely oblivious to how you're making Oswald seethe.
"Yes. Right at the climactic moment he got all emotional and worked up and I don't even know why. Anyway, he was being loud and obnoxious and the police found us." Edward says pushing the glasses back up on his face as Oswald screams lies in the background.
It doesn't matter since you're the jail guard and you have the key-card. Of course you can't just let him out now, it would be too obvious. You'll have to think of a way to make it look like he got out on his own, for now you just wanted to get in there with him. He looked adorable with his hair all disheveled and his busted lower lip.
You scan the card and slip inside the cell where he smiles sweetly at you.
"You can hug me you know. It's not like Oswald doesn't know we aren't dating." You say peeking over at Oswald who has his forehead pressed up against the glass and is staring at you ominously.
Edward wraps his arms around you and pulls you close nuzzling his nose in your hair. You stand on your tip toes to push his glasses on top of his head and press your nose against his.
"I can't see how pretty you are without my glasses." He says giggling.
You kiss him before laying your head on his shoulder and looking Oswald in the eye with a smirk.
PopsiFlower on Chapter 1 Sun 25 Aug 2024 10:23PM UTC
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GoofyGoober69 on Chapter 3 Mon 08 Sep 2025 12:44AM UTC
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