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Talia wakes up screaming. Again.
She tries to remember, but all she drags up are echoes of dread, cold, and darkness. Disembodied feelings. No images to accompany them, no real-world experiences to tie them to.
Unconfrontable.
Inescapable.
“If you do get nightmares after all? You know where to find me.”
Susan’s words keep playing in an infinite loop. She didn’t dare to take her up on them last night. Or the night before. But now…
She finds herself buzzing Susan’s door minutes later, once again driven to reach out by desperation. She’s aware it’s almost 3 o’clock, but surely Susan didn’t expect her to have nightmares at reasonable times.
“Talia?” If Susan seems grumpy, it only lasts a second.
She figured she’d get away with leaving gloves and badge in her quarters for the way over in the middle of the night, but now regrets she doesn’t even have the process of taking them off to segue her into the conversation. “I’m… uh.” She shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant despite the fact that her very presence betrays her act. “You said I’d know where to find you.”
“Nightmare.”
It’s no question, but she nods anyway.
“Tell me about it?”
Susan motions towards her couch, further adding to the feeling of déjà vu, but words and wine are not what she needs tonight. “I don’t think I can.” She breaks eye contact and crosses her arms in front of herself. She shouldn’t have come. What exactly did she expect Susan to–
Oh. This.
She feels herself being pulled into her arms before she even realizes Susan has crossed the room. Her surprise makes it clumsy at first.
But then she just lets go.
It’s not a violent release. She simply allows herself to melt into Susan’s body. Feels her stroke her back. Her breath tickling her ear. Tears start falling, but she can’t tell if they’re tears of sorrow or joy or both or something in between.
Susan draws back, only a little, yet she barely manages not to tighten her grip in an effort to keep her close. Their eyes meet and she has to remind herself to keep breathing as Susan’s thumb caresses her tears away.
“No offense, but you look horrible. Three nights in a row?”
Again she nods.
Susan starts moving towards her bedroom, grasping her hand to pull her along. “Let’s get some sleep. I’ll get you something to wear.”
“I really just threw this on over my sleepwear.”
“Even better.” Susan slips out of her robe and into her bed in one fluid motion that, under different circumstances, would have prompted all kinds of decidedly non-sleep-related images. But she’s exhausted, so when she follows the silent, pat on the mattress invitation all she feels is immeasurable relief.
She might not have known what she was asking for.
But Susan did.
The bed is still warm. Susan gestures for her to turn and spoons her from behind, placing a hand on her belly. “I’ve got you. Sleep.”
Talia reaches out to grasp her hand for a moment, needing to express her gratitude while already feeling herself slip away.
The next thing she knows is the computer’s dispassionate voice, declaring Susan’s wake-up time. She feels her stir, hears her bark an order to cut the morning’s announcements short. They have moved in their sleep, so when she cracks her eyes open, she finds herself looking right at her. There’s a moment of silence and she knows that the image of tussle haired Susan waking up next to her will be with her forever, whether as a prologue for things to come or an eternal, unsatisfied craving.
“I need to go. You can let yourself out later.”
She smiles her thanks, grateful beyond words she won’t have to truly wake up and leave just yet.
“Do you need an alarm set?”
It takes her a few seconds to make her fuzzy thoughts focus enough to remember her schedule. “Nine.”
“Will do.”
Despite her determined words, Susan doesn’t move. She just keeps looking at her. It lets her know that Susan appreciates this just as much as she does and if she thought the moment couldn’t possibly be any better, she knows better now.
Eventually, Susan shakes her head, as if to clear her brain. “Go back to sleep,” she mumbles as she leans over to kiss her brow, lingering for a second before getting up.
She tries to stay awake. To not miss a single moment. But once Susan gets into her bathroom, she can’t keep her eyes open any longer. She knows she's trying to be quiet, but she can hear her bustling about and nothing could ever be more soothing. It lets her know she’s there and that’s all she needs to fall asleep again.