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it was difficult for streber, to say the least.
some alien part of him wished he had died that night. some part of him wished he had bled out on that porch, clutching his arm, watching people run in and out of the haunted house as if they didn’t even see him. somehow he thought that that would have hurt less than what he was going to have to get used to.
it was a thought he’d had ever since he’d first awoken in the hospital, but it wasn’t one he liked. and he was typically honest with kevin, but he knew he could absolutely never under any circumstances tell him about it.
so he didn’t.
before he knew it, he was discharged and back in normal clothes instead of that uncomfortable hospital gown. kevin helped him buckle up his seatbelt - he watched as kevin did it, eyes tracking his left arm’s every movement with detached jealousy until they landed on his red shirt. he needed to find a new favorite color; he’d seen enough red to last him a lifetime.
”streb.”
kevin’s voice snapped him out of his daze, and he blinked slowly up at him. “yeah?”
”are you sure you don’t want to stay for a few more days?”
streber looked away. “i’m sure, kev - it’s already been expensive enough.”
even if the costs were covered by the government to some extent since streber was a victim in a criminal case, he didn’t think it was really okay or necessary to push his hospital stay longer than it needed to be.
besides, he wanted to go home. needed to go home. despite all of the sleep he’d gotten in the hospital, despite staying in bed for all those days, he was still exhausted. and even worse, the hospital was just a cruel reminder of everything that’d happened to him. nurses, doctors, and policemen constantly crowded him, and they would not let him have any peace.
he settled into the passenger seat of kevin’s car and leaned his cheek against the window, watching the world passing by.
he could kind of see kevin reflected in the window, lightly bobbing his head to the music on the radio, and he smiled, bringing a finger to the glass so he could draw hearts where it had fogged up. they were shaky, but he didn’t mind because the shape of those hearts was exactly how he felt. shaky. unsure.
“kevin?” streber murmured, his voice tired.
“what’s up?”
“i don’t know how i’m gonna do this,” he admitted, slumping down further in his seat.
kevin didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, and for a good few minutes he didn’t. “we can figure it out together,” he finally said. streber guessed that he was trying to add some positivity to the situation - geez, all this had done a number on kevin, hadn’t it.
”that’s really cheesy,” streber said, chuckling nonetheless and reaching across the console between them to hold kevin’s hand. “thanks for being here.”
a quick glance in the window reflection told him kevin was fighting to hold back a smile. he let go of the wheel to hold streber’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “don’t thank me. it’s not like i’m not going out of my way to do this for you.”
”if you insist.”
with that, streber drifted off to sleep, catching up on the rest he’d missed while in the hospital.
when they got to kevin’s apartment, kevin shook streber awake, taking care to be as gentle as possible, and he reluctantly got out of the seat, leaning against kevin as they walked in and went up the elevator. now that he’d had a taste of the sleep he’d missed, he wanted nothing but, and he was so groggy that he couldn’t really register any of his surroundings.
that being said, it felt like forever, walking the final stretch to kevin’s apartment. only now had it become incredibly apparent how fatigued streber actually was - but he knew that kevin must have had some trouble sleeping, even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud. his eye bags and dark circles were worse than usual, and streber seriously hoped that they’d both be getting the rest they deserved now. he hated that he’d caused more stress for his partner - he already had to deal with so much.
had the whole thing been his fault? no, it wasn’t his fault he’d lost his arm to some devilish prick who ate it like it was a fucking lollipop. it wasn’t his fault that nobody had come to help him, he’d tried to get help but everybody just thought it was another halloween display. but he still felt responsible for causing kevin all of…this. and there’d probably be more stress down the road, because fuck it if he didn’t see that horrible man every time he closed his eyes. he’d heard and felt everything. him cutting into his flesh. him biting into his arm. the blood and saliva that had landed on him while he ate his forearm right in front of him.
“oh god.” his stomach lurched and he lost his balance - he would have fallen over if kevin hadn’t caught him. “kevin.”
kevin let go of him when he was stable again, but an arm remained around his waist as they finally made it to kevin’s door. kevin took out his keys and unlocked the door, and they both walked inside.
to streber’s surprise, the apartment was pretty clean. all the times he’d visited, it had been messy - then again, kevin had barely spent any time there since all this had happened. maybe that was one benefit to all this, being able to come home to a clean room.
home. he didn’t even find it odd to call kevin’s apartment his home, but in the hospital, that was what he’d been wanting to go back to the whole time. not the flat he rented with his sister. not that.
after kevin put everything down on the little table by the window, he joined streber in bed, helping streber take off his shirt - he never liked to sleep with one on and even though he felt like a freak with it off now, it definitely felt better under the blankets without it.
“are you going to try and get a prosthetic?” kevin asked, setting a light hand on his left shoulder. streber watched his hand as he caressed it, ignoring the question, and when he finally focused back on kevin, his face was flushed cherry red. “sorry, do you mind me-“
”i don’t mind,” streber pursed his lips, “again, gonna take some getting used to.” he placed his right hand over kevin’s and interlaced their fingers. his eyes fell shut and he snuggled against his partner who unfortunately smelled like the hospital, and not of sweet candy like he was supposed to. “you smell gross.”
”we both smell gross.” kevin kissed his forehead, and streber felt him squeezing his hand again. “we can shower later, okay? but for now, sleep.”
streber fell asleep before he could even finish the sentence.
unfortunately, though, his sleep did not remain peaceful for long; he awoke in a cold sweat only minutes later.
he knew this would probably be a normal occurrence from now on, his sleep robbed and tainted by memory. he should’ve known that even now that he was home he wouldn’t be able to sleep well. to ground himself, he looked up at kevin…kevin who was gazing down at him with all the love in the world. kevin who made him feel just a little safer from those memories.
kevin whose fingers were running through his hair, until he noticed streber was looking at him. his hands paused, and his face was once again lit aflame with a blush.
streber loved him so much.