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She never thought she'd get to this point.
She stands at the counter for no reason at all. The world outside her windows is dark, contrasting the soft light here in the kitchen, the chairs not in their correct spaces, a card game left abandoned on the table.
She stands at the counter for no reason at all, and stares at the band on her finger. Simple enough- she had never understood the point of ridiculously pricey gestures- but still, a reminder that something in her life has invariably shifted. She twists it on her finger. Something in her life has invariably shifted, and it's been so many weeks, but she still feels as if it were yesterday.
Akarsha comes through the kitchen on feet used to making a scene. Noelle always hears her before she sees her. She comes through the kitchen, and wraps her arms around Noelle's waist- so gently, always gentle- pressing a kiss to her shoulder.
Noelle closes her eyes.
The weight at her back is a welcome presence. Takes the edges off the world. Makes her feel warm- safe even. No expectations.
"You wanna know something?" Akarsha asks. Noelle can feel her voice rumbling in her throat.
"Sure."
"All of this- just- our apartment, the fact that we're even together at all-" Akarsha pauses for a moment, presses another kiss against Noelle's shoulder blade. Noelle lets one hand rest over where Akarsha's are entwined at her waist. "It's so beautiful. even you just standing there at the counter, with that concentrated look on your face- prettiest thing I've seen in my life."
With this, she smiles into Noelle's shoulder.
Noelle taps the arms encircled about her, so that she can turn around and face Akarsha properly. Like she's just looking for the oppurtnity to be mischievous, Akarsha moves her hands to the counter on either side of Noelle, boxing her in. It just makes them all the more closer though, so she doesn't mind.
Akarsha's fashion sense is, as usual, questionable. Her outfit of choice for the night is one of Noelle's flannels and a short dress made out of satin, put on for no particular event at all. They clash horribly. Noelle can't stop looking at her.
At the dress. At her flannel. At her face.
Her surroundings always seem to slip away from her in times like these. Akarsha's presence scrambles up her brain, makes her forget basic things, draws her attention away for too long. But, as she often reminds herself, she's allowed to have this.
it's just Akarsha. Her hand cupping her face, drawing her in. The hint of a giggle in the back of her throat.
it's just Akarsha.
Just her.
--
She's not sure how to feel about this.
Well, maybe she is. She's gotten bad at pretending that she isn't. She knows how she feels, clear as day, but it's another story entirely as to whether she's allowed to accept it.
There's something tugging at her. She's reaching for it, reaching for the thing that will allow her to say no, despite everything. It's been maybe 5 years since her first year of highschool, and she still wants her, but she has to say no.
Right? She has to. There's a reason not to want this, not to let her feelings take over.
But they're alone now. Alone as you can be in a GameStop at the mall. And Akarsha is staring at her, finally waiting for a response, and...
God, if there was actually a reason for her not to say yes, she's already forgotten.
--
It's a long wait till the plane takes off.
Orchestra kids fill the terminal, existing in various states of unrest. It was delayed, the lady at the desk had said, to the disappointed faces of around 50 students. Delayed, by two hours. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Noelle had cursed the airline navigators.
With the sun setting in the long windows of the airport's second floor, Akarsha had dragged her down the rows of sparely-cushioned chairs, claiming a need to explore. "We'll be back", she'd said, "within no time- we know how to find you", and the instructor let them go.
At one point or another, with the airport growing dark, Akarsha had insisted on sitting in front of the best view of the horizon. Noelle sits in the uncomfy little chair, but she can't concentrate on that- not when Akarsha's head has dropped onto her shoulder, and she's aware of every little contact it makes.
As the sun disappears, Akarsha's breath slows to long exhales, her little lock of hair rising and falling in time with her chest. Her head is heavy on Noelle's shoulder, her cheek just barely brushing the skin of Noelle's neck, face pressed into stiffly ironed cotton. Her eyes are closed, her mouth relaxed- possibly the most peaceful Noelle has ever seen her, shadows drifting over her warm skin.
She doesn't know how long she sits there. Doesn't know why she doesn't bother to wake her up. Just a gut feeling, a need to somehow save this moment somewhere- an act of trust perhaps? She doesn't have the spirit to block her nose while she sleeps. Doesn't have the spirit to do anything. All she can do is think about the girl by her side, the girl asleep on her shoulder, the girl consuming her thoughts and slowly wrecking her life.
The crackling buzz of the announcers comes on.
"Flight 802 for 9:00. We're looking for two passengers. Akarsha Anand and Noelle Lei, please come back to terminal 15. I repeat, Akarsha Anand and Noelle Lei, please come back to terminal 15."
The announcement disturbs the gentle still of the airport, cutting through the silence like a breadknife. Truly, if anyone were paying enough attention, they could see it's them who are missing- two teenagers, alone in a different terminal across the airport.
Noelle taps Akarsha on the shoulder. For a moment, she hopes that she'll have a second more. Akarsha's only response to Noelle's prodding is to shift her body slightly closer to her, curling into her- almost as if she doesn't want to leave.
On purpose. Maybe on purpose. She's probably just messing with her. It probably means nothing.
The inside of Noelle's chest feels funny. Like there are little butterflies moving about.
Yes, maybe it means nothing. But Noelle can't bear to move.
--
"Is that really so bad, though?"
--
"Thank you baseball lawyer! Muah!"
--
"Surprise! Happy birthday, Frenchman!"
--
"If you were a flower, you'd be a DAMNelion."
--
"You're a replicant! I knew it!"
--
On the first day of freshman year, there's a girl next to Diya that Noelle has never seen before. She's dressed in a bright windbreaker and a ridiculous pair of flipflops, and grins as Noelle comes closer.
Noelle is struck with a gut feeling.
Whoever this girl is… she will not be good for her.