Chapter Text
Hello there, you might be thinking, what the hell is this thing? This my friend, is chaos. I have bent the Lost Mines to my will, and now it is "Fan"delver, There will be crossovers from everything. First off, I have replaced the gods with vocaloids, next, there are now pokemon, and many more, but I shall begin with our adventurers. One of whom should be familiar to you all, a certain red Teletubby, who is way out of her universe.
A vivid dream is a moment that feels so real that the dreamer mistakes it for reality. When they awake, the false reality is destroyed, and the true world is revealed. The world in which Po awoke was not real, yet it seemed it was. If it weren't for the giant cow standing before her, she may have even believed it were real.
Po stood watching the cow in silence as it moved through the bushes, searching for a spot to graze. It was only upon a closer examination that she discovered it wasn't a bush, but a dense forest that the cow loomed over. The confirmation that she, too were giant made the scene feel less real until the arrival of another made her question her doubts.
She looked around and saw a robot, looking as confused as she was. Something was drawing her to the cow, so she pulled out a green shovel. It's odd, she can't remember having a green military-grade shovel, and yet she decides to test it out by swinging it at the giant cow.
When the shovel makes contact, it enrages the cow, and Po shuffles backward as the cow looks about to charge. She closes her eyes and prays to the sun baby. Energy gathers around her hand, and a bolt of eldritch energy shoots from her hand. It does not find its mark.
The robot takes a swing at the cow, but ends up missing. Now standing in front of a charging cow, in one swift motion mounts the cow.
Po raises her shovel, the sudden urge of bloodlust and adrenaline coursing through her veins. It meets the cow head-on and gashes it's neck as the cow charges and impales Po.
As pain shoots through her chest, and everything greys out. She prays to the sun baby again, and energy begins to build in her hand. As it blasts out, a spray of blood coats her entire body and she falls to the ground in pain.
As she looks up, smoke emerges from where the Cow's head once was. Blood is spattered everywhere on the forests and on the mountains, and even the robot.
The robot gets off the cow and goes over to Po. There is a sudden surge of energy, and a memory is shunted in her mind. There is a name to this robot. Orion. She looks down, and magically her wounds have disappeared, although her fur is still coated with blood. It blends in.
As she gets up, she spots a herd of giant goats and a giant zombie near the mountains. After her run in with the cow, bloodlust creeps into her mind once more. The taste of blood feels good, it feels familiar.
She gets slightly closer to the zombie and conjures up the power in her hand, being more used to it now. A twisted smile creeps its way to her face as she blasts eldritch energy at the zombie.
It finds its mark and blows the zombie's right arm clean off.
The zombie gets closer and bodyslams Po into a mountain. Her back is in immense pain as it is slashed by the jagged edges of the rock.
She looks over to watch as Orion chops the head off of the zombie in a single swing. Her vision blurs and everything goes black.
Po jolted awake to a familiar sight. She was sitting in an office, well, more specifically the office of Sildar Hallwinter in the city of Neverwinter.
Po arrived about two years ago, and wandered for a while before stealing something and nearly getting away with it. Unfortunately, she was caught. However, her skills were noted, and as an alternative to prison, she was hired as a spy for the Lord's Alliance. She was mentored by Sildar for some time, but Sildar likes to view them as equals.
Sildar, although long in the tooth is a pretty good spy in his own right. Being a retired soldier allowed him to infiltrate more effectively, and the skills he was learnt in the army were passed down to Po as well.
She realizes she has been asleep for a while as she sees the sun setting outside the window.
All the chairs are empty, and the silence was interrupted by a dwarvish voice.
"Did I catch you napping?" She turned around to find the familiar form of Gundren Rockseeker standing in the doorway, a smug smile on his face.
"Uh oh!" Po muttered under her breath. "I was just lost in thought."
Gundren laughed, not buying the excuse for a moment. "Don't worry about it. You want to get some drinks?" Po stood up and followed Gundren through the building, an awkward silence between them. Po paused when they stepped outside, taking in the cool evening air. Gundren looked back, noticing she had paused. "Everything alright?"
Po snapped back to reality, pushing the dream into the back of her mind. "Yeah, just taking in the sunset."
When the two arrived at the tavern, Gundren immediately headed for the bar. Po lingered outside for a moment before following him in, feeling some sort of strange presence following her. She couldn't quite place it, but something told her she was being watched. Gundren appeared with two tankards of ale. "Are you gonna stand there or come join me?"
Po took a seat across from him, accepting the tankard he forcefully handed her. "So, what's with the sudden invitation? Isn't Sildar your usual drinking buddy of choice?"
Gundren chuckled. "For drinking, yes. But I have a commission for you."
Po's curiosity was peaked. "Oh? Someone, you need to disappear?"
Gundren shook his head. "Nothing too exciting. I have a wagon that requires an escort. It's headed to Phandalin."
Po laughed. "That's funny, Gundren. What's the actual job?"
Gundren shook his head. "I'm not joking; that's the job." He took a sip of the ale and sighed. "Look, I know it's a little below your pay grade, but there isn't anyone else I can trust with this task. There's too much at stake for this to go south, and the client is offering a hefty sum for it to be done."
Po nodded, sipping her own ale. "Why not go yourself? Or send Sildar, he'd love such an easy job."
"It has to be you. Sildar and I are heading out shortly to go ahead. There isn't anyone else who I trust that is capable for this job."
Po sighed. "How much?"
"250 gold now plus a 200 dollar gift card, whatever that means."
Po thought it over for a moment. "Fine." Gundren beamed as he reached into his pocket, handing over a pouch of coins and a card. Po took it, holding back a laugh at his reaction. "But I'm only doing this for you, Gundren."
Gundren chuckled. "Of course." He winked as he leaned back in his chair. "Try to leave as soon as you can, it's time sensitive."
They sat in silence, drinking, before a question began to nag at Po. "What exactly in this transport that's worth so much?"
Gundren shrugged. "As far as I know, it's just some supplies. But I don't think it's what's in it that matters." He leaned forward, setting his tankard down as his face grew serious. "Something has been going on lately. Things seem to be out of place, and all sorts of strange occurrences are happening. The sky's been acting strange, with weather patterns that are anything but normal. Not to mention all the shady characters popping up all over."
Po chuckled. "Getting paranoid, are you?"
"It's not paranoia. I'm telling you something is going on, and people are playing it off like everything is fine."
Po set her tankard down. "Alright, let's say I believe you. What do you think it is?"
"Well-"
Gundren was cut off as the door was forced open. A masked man entered the tavern, flanked by three small creatures. The creatures appeared to be some sort of rat, but were bright yellow with strange brown markings. "Everyone fork over their coin now!"
Po went to stand, but Gundren shook his head. She sat back down, looking for an opening. The barkeep behind the counter set down the glass they were cleaning. "Hey, no one comes in here trying to stir up trouble! Get lost!"
The man chuckled. "We'll see whose lost." He pointed at the barkeep, prompting one of the creatures to charge at him.
The orc barkeep sighed. "I ain't getting paid enough to deal with this shit" and calmly steps into the kitchen, locking the door behind him.
The man smiled. "Right, coins. Now."
Gundren looked at Po. "Don't you dare."
Po ignored him, grabbing one of the full tankards on the table next to her. She stood and made her way towards the man. "Hey there. Why don't we all calm down and have a drink." She held out the tankard to him.
The man glanced at the tankard before slapping it out of her hand. "Is everyone here incompetent? Fine, I guess I'll just have to beat the money out of you."
Po fell back as the man drew his weapon. Gundren stood up, grabbing his axe. "Great job. I think that's the fastest you pissed someone off."
Po snarkily responds "I don't think you know what he messed with."
A bloodthirsty smile curls onto her face, as she charges energy in her hand not unlike her dream.
However, the bandit suddenly vomits out blood, and suddenly starts clutching his chest, dropping his weapon, he uttered, "No, that wasn't part of the deal!"
He falls to the ground. The sound of human bones snapping and the screams of the bandit slowly fade as the frame of the human bandit gets bigger, the cloak he was wearing gets stretched and tears off, and where once stood a bandit stands a cow.
The cow moos aggressively and looks pissed.
"See what I mean!" Gundren sputters in exasperation.
"Well, this day just got a whole lot less boring." Po responds.