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Doyoung settles on the moist grass beneath his favorite tree with a grunt, the layers of his hanbok bunched up beneath him. He’ll probably get scolded for the dirt on his clothes tomorrow—but that isn’t important right now. He’s later than usual. Quickly grabbing the scroll and quill he hid inside his sleeves, he glances up and takes in the view.
“Are we human because we gaze at the stars? Or do we gaze at the stars because we are human?”
His professor’s words ring in his ear as he feels his breath taken away by the magnificence in front of him. Doyoung carefully traces the usual patterns into his scroll, noting how the King’s star was a speck brighter today as it always did at this time of the year. Of course, it was Crown Prince Gongmyung’s birthday—his hyung —the first since the beginning of the dynasty to ever put a King’s star in the sky the night he was born, destined to rule Goryeo in all its glory.
Sometimes Doyoung wished he had a star of his own. It didn’t have to be like Gongmyung’s, maybe just one that shined a pretty kind of blue? A star only I could recognize in the night sky. Or keep with me, he smiles at the thought.
But that’s not to say that Doyoung doesn’t enjoy the perks of being a second-born prince. An auspicious night like this meant it would be impossible to slip out of the palace grounds, but thank heavens for the reduced security detail for him, he only had one guard who happened to have a soft spot for him and his little adventures. Youngho was probably just watching him from a safe distance.
Even with company, Doyoung always felt like the stars were talking to him, sending a message he had yet to decipher.
Some days, they twinkled a steady rhythm. On other days they felt like a cacophony of instruments playing from different sheet music. Tonight, however, they all seemed to be one at singing praises to the King’s star whose light barely faltered tonight. Doyoung imagines the scene to be one with the drunk ministers at the dining hall earlier, all chanting birthday wishes for his disgruntled brother. He chuckles at the memory.
It’s when he tries counting the stars around the King’s star does he notice one star growing fainter than the rest as if it was losing its energy to keep shining. Doyoung wonders if he’s witnessing the last few words of the star at this very moment. What could it be telling me?
And then the faint star starts getting bigger.
The initial change was barely noticeable until it was suddenly ten times bigger than the King’s star and… closer?
All at once, Doyoung loses feeling in his legs. Just like when Gongmyung accidentally threw the jegi too high that the projectile went straight for Doyoung’s forehead. While that knocked out five-year-old Doyoung, this time it’s exponentially worse. There was this bright blob of celestial rock heading straight at him at a speed he could not even dare to estimate.
Doyoung only sees bright white. Hell, he could even be blind right now and he just didn’t realize it yet. He closes his eyes and braces himself. So this is how it ends.
He’s sent toppling backward, the impact sending him a whole meter away from where he was sitting. His back skids on the ground, hitting a protruding root. He can feel the sharp tip of his quill somewhere against his thigh, possibly piercing the skin.
“Ugh,” was all that came out. His back was already killing him, yet a weight also sits on his torso, crushing his ribs.
When Doyoung opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is wisps of white that look like hair. Then his grunts are answered by a grunt from the weight on top of him. The sound snapped Doyoung back into reality and it dawns on him that a person somehow ended up in this rather compromising position.
He tenses and did the first thing that comes to mind: screaming “I command you to remove yourself from me!” and using all his energy to push the weight off.
With enough force, he managed to roll the white-haired person off him. At that moment, he hears Youngho calling for him. “Your Highness! Are you alright?”
His guard helps him up and Doyoung dusts himself. Youngho had finished inspecting Doyoung for injuries, he unsheathes his sword and points it at the stranger who was still lying on the ground. “Who sent you, servant?”
The white-haired stranger looked at them, offended. “I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t make such an absurd wish! Also, I am no servant, I have a name.” He glares at the prince hiding behind his guard.
“Did the Lee clan send you?”
“Why would anyone wish to keep a star?”
Oh? Doyoung steps out from behind Youngho and looks straight at the stranger. His hair was a bright white, one could even think it was shining. He donned robes of silk, one too expensive for a servant and a little too vulgar for noblemen to be seen wearing outside their households. His eyes… large orbs that seemed to draw him to them, reminding Doyoung of the blue topaz in Professor Shim’s medallion, paired with lips that reminded him of a rose.
Doyoung realizes he’s been staring—gawking—at the man for too long when he notices a blush creep up the white-haired man’s face. He clears his throat and says, “and you’re the star?”
The man quirks his eyebrows as if he was asking the obvious. Doyoung tries to wrap his head around that information, skeptical still. I never said that out loud, did I? He carefully continues. “That wasn’t a wish. It was a mere thought—a what-if.”
“Well, apparently the heavens deemed it was time to grant your not-wish and whisked me off my chair at that moment.” the stranger finally stands up, his gait elegant in a way that years of Doyoung’s prince training would never pull out of him.
“I’m still not sure if I believe you…” Doyoung glances at Youngho who had been carefully observing the two of them. When his guard gives him a faint nod that usually means he does not sense any threat and sheathes his sword, Doyoung steps forward gingerly, still looking at the man. “I guess you’d need a change of clothes. You can’t be walking around in only those.” He offers his arm. “I’m Doyoung, by the way.”
“I know you,” the stranger says quietly. Doyoung perks at that but does not push. He’ll ask again later.
“Taeyong,” he says as he takes Doyoung’s arm.
“Alright, let’s get you back to the sky, Taeyong.”
☆☆☆
In an attempt to find a way to return a star to the night sky, Doyoung sneaks Taeyong into the palace library at lunch the next day. Sneaking proved to be quite a challenge as the star made a fuss of every little ornament that caught his eyes (which was everything) and asking what they were for. Doyoung bites back his annoyance at the 21st question at which Youngho gladly jumps in to help.
They’re between heaps of books when a thought crosses Doyoung’s mind and looks at Taeyong sitting innocently across him, not even bothering to open a book. “Do you know how old you are? Maybe that’ll help narrow down what we should be looking for.”
The star pauses and asks in turn. “How old are you?”
“I asked you first!” Doyoung huffs, but seeing that Taeyong wasn’t actually playing with him, he softens. “I’m 26 years old. Does time work the same way for us?”
“I guess I’m also 26, then.”
“Is that in star years?”
“I don’t know… stars only exist to watch over your lifetimes,” he pauses, unsure of the next words. “My sister told me this is my first.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was born when you were born, I guess.”
Like the King’s star on Gongmyung’s birth, Doyoung’s mind supplies but the rational part of him thinks it doesn’t add up to anything. “How do you know that?”
“A star’s life force is a human’s breath. We shine for as long as humans breathe,” Taeyong explains. “And we hear all your wishes… in all your lifetimes. I hear yours.”
“So you’re saying, you’re my star just like how the King’s star is Gongmyung’s?”
“Technically, yes, I guess I am your star. Also, I think the star you’re referring to is Hyesun noona. She’s quite famous for her bright personality, too,” Taeyong looks out the window. The sun was still in the middle of the sky, shining its blinding light. “They’re all probably still asleep now.”
“Do you miss them?”
Taeyong smiles sadly. “Yeah, I miss the chatter at night. Stars love to gossip about humans.”
Doyoung starts to feel bad. It was his wish, after all, that brought the poor star here. “Don’t worry, maybe Professor Shim will have answers.”
☆☆☆
The Professor, in fact, was just as stunned as Doyoung was when he first learned about the star. He had never imagined that stars existed and not just luminous rock as other astronomers had noted. While he didn’t have any answers, he asked one important question: How do stars shine?
Taeyong did not know. It always came naturally when he was still up in the sky that he never needed to think about it.
“Why don’t we start by thinking about what makes the King’s star shine at the end of spring?” Professor Shim starts scribbling his observations as the pair looked on.
“Hyesun noona—the King’s star as you call her—just says the end of spring makes her happy.”
The professor enthusiastically claps. “Then maybe that’s your answer!”
Over the next few days, the pair embark on the challenge of finding what makes a star happy. Doyoung scowls at the vagueness of the idea. First of all, the early days of summer had already settled in and the heat was not something he enjoyed, especially when they’d been spending the days in the village marketplace. Second, Doyoung doubts they’ll even get a definite answer as he watches Taeyong’s eyes sparkle with wonder at whatever new thing they see at the market yet still no sign of shining—whatever that should be.
“So, how are you liking your bingsu?” Doyoung looks over at Taeyong who basically just inhaled a whole bowl of bingsu.
Taeyong wipes his mouth with his sleeves, grinning. “It’s amazing how humans could keep this so cold even under the heat! I wish we also have these up there.”
With Taeyong’s bright white hair under the sun, Doyoung could only imagine what he would look like if he was shining. The star already looked ethereal now, what greater beauty would it be if he were to shine? Would Doyoung even be able to look at him directly like this? Literally asking. What would that mean for him, the human attached to the star? A distant ache vibrates within him.
“Doyoung?” Taeyong’s voice snaps him back to the present. “Are you alright?”
“Uh– yes. It’s just getting a little too hot. Maybe we should head somewhere cooler.”
They spent the rest of the summer mostly outdoors, visiting places and even going on boat rides to the next island. Taeyong, like a real tourist, was enthusiastic about it all. At some point they brought home a dog they found on the street in a village after Taeyong looked like he would cry if they left it there, effectively smuggled into the palace. With Gongmyung’s coronation coming up, the palace was too busy to pay mind to Doyoung and his new maid (as what they somehow made everyone believe). The heat soon faded and leaves started falling, yet the star was still stuck there.
“Do you think I could wish that you go back?” Doyoung suddenly sits up from his lying position on the grass. “I mean… if I wished your fall, then maybe I can reverse it?”
“I’m not so sure about that… I was the one listening to your wishes. Not so sure the heavens can hear you without me there,” Taeyong looks at him reluctantly. For the first time in months, Doyoung sees a different type of sadness. Hopelessness.
He lies back down, thinking of ways for this to take a positive turn. “Surely there’d been fallen stars that came back before?”
“Not in my lifetime at least. All I heard were stories.”
Doyoung hums at that, patiently waiting for Taeyong to continue.
“They say the last fallen star fell 200 years ago. She got hit by an enchanted necklace or something,” Taeyong begins. “Her human was in trouble when she fell, and when his enemies found out she was a star, they went after her, too. They spent decades running and hiding, and despite the predicament, they say that their love made it bearable. However, she was immortal and he wasn’t. When the time came,” Taeyong’s voice lowered, “she had to watch him go.”
Doyoung swallows at that. “Did she go back to the sky after that?”
“No one really knows where she went or what happened to her after that.”
Doyoung has known Taeyong long enough now that the star was probably tearing up at the moment. He slowly reached out his hand to hold the star’s hands, giving it a comforting squeeze, not knowing what words to say. “It’s alright, I’m here.”
That night, the faintest light danced at the crown of Taeyong’s head. He smiles back at the prince who’s busy looking at the sky.
☆☆☆
Maybe it’s because they see each other from the moment Doyoung opens his eyes to when he closes them daily that he doesn’t notice the changes immediately. Little by little, the faint light around Taeyong that appeared whenever he broke into a smile around Doyoung was less faint.
Youngho was a little more observant, especially watching them from afar, and pointed it out to the prince one day. Doyoung takes in the information but doesn’t think much of it as he laces his fingers with Taeyong’s while they sit on the floor of the palace observatory.
It was already nearing the end of winter—the night before the second-born prince’s birthday—hence too cold to be looking at the stars outdoors.
Doyoung’s in a light mood. “Too bad I won’t be seeing my star shine brighter on my birthday.”
Taeyong laughs at that. “What do you mean you won’t be seeing your star when I’m literally beside you?”
“But you’re not shining right now,” Doyoung’s tone is lighthearted but Taeyong visibly turns grim. Doyoung panics, “I mean I always wondered if you had faint blue or pink hues like some other stars we studied before.”
“Well, I think I did have a blue streak, since I’m still a very young star. Quite different from what you see now, definitely,” Taeyong’s voice is soft, curling into himself and shivering a little
Doyoung turns to face him. He brings his hand to touch Taeyong’s hair reluctantly and slowly moves it lower to his cheek. He can feel himself shaking a little at the touch. Taeyong stares into his eyes, questioning, but places his hands over Doyoung’s.
There’s a drawn-out inhale and then came the next words. “You’re beautiful no matter what, my star.”
He slowly caresses Taeyong’s face soothingly. Taeyong leans into the touch, closing his eyes.
At this moment, Doyoung swears that he’ll find a way to bring him back to his home, even if it takes him a whole lifetime to do so. He’ll do everything to protect Taeyong, for as long as the star is by his side. Taeyong was just too precious, too caring, and too loveable, to not embrace.
With his heart hammering against his chest, Doyoung leans in.
It was a light brush of the lips, lingering for a few seconds. Tentative and afraid. Doyoung pulls away slightly, hovering as he looks into Taeyong’s eyes, searching for words.
Taeyong looks back at him with eyes blown wide, almost afraid to breathe.
“I love you.”
The next thing Doyoung knew, he was pulled in by arms loosely around his neck and lips moving against his. Closing his eyes, he cradles Taeyong’s face so delicately as if afraid he would break. He doesn’t. Taeyong pulls him even closer, crushing their bodies together until there was no gap left to fill between them.
Taeyong was iridescent. He did not need to emit literal light to bring light into Doyoung’s days. They met at the end of last spring and the new spring would not be long now. Three seasons they spent together and Doyoung never once felt like he was a spare like he had been told all his life. Taeyong was someone who always looked at him first. Who colored his days just like the changing of the seasons. Who asked ridiculous questions but also entertained his musings. Who always reminded him that he was a good person, prince or not. Who held his hand through the rough nights and greeted him with a smile when the morning came. Taeyong always shone in Doyoung’s eyes.
When they part for air, Doyoung slowly opens his eyes and gets blinded by white. The pain shoots them back close. Is it happening? He rests his forehead against Taeyong’s, afraid that words would make Taeyong disappear.
“Doyoung…”
“Hmmm?”
“Do you know why people always wish upon the stars?”
“Because they’re hopeless romantics?”
Taeyong chuckles at that and nuzzles the tips of their noses. “Because they know that someday their wishes do come true.”
“But how will they know when that someday will be?”
“Always so impatient,” Taeyong pulls him into a hug and Doyoung buries his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent as if he wanted to imprint it. Taeyong continues, “just trust the stars. Trust your star. You have me, right?”
Doyoung can feel tears threatening to breach his closed eyes. He knows what Taeyong is trying to say, but doesn’t want to acknowledge it out loud. “Knowing you, you’ll probably have fun watching me sulk when things don’t go my way.”
“Well, you’re cute when you get mad.”
“And I love it when you try to make up to me by bribing me with the food you snuck out of the kitchens.”
“I knew you secretly liked me doing that.”
“I said love, not like.” Doyoung finally gets the courage to pull his weight up and stare at Taeyong’s eyes. The white light was still blinding, but he can see Taeyong looking up at him lovingly.
“Maybe I’ll wish to keep you again, soon. But I love you too much to keep you from shining,” Doyoung feels the first hot tear fall. “I love you, Taeyong…my star.” He touches Taeyong’s tear-stained face, trying to commit every texture and surface to memory.
“I’ll be hearing your thoughts of me. We’ll meet again, my prince. Happy birthday.”
And then Doyoung is touching nothing. When he opens his eyes, Taeyong is gone and the observatory is dark once more. All there’s left are remnants of white stardust floating in the air.
Doyoung allows himself to weep.
★★★
“Johnny hyung, tell me again why it has to be me dealing with the newbies tonight?” Doyoung whines as he finishes assembling the last telescope for tonight’s Blood Moon viewing.
“Because you skipped all your telescope assembly shifts last month and poor Jaehyun had to cover up for you the whole time?” Johnny walks up to him, holding a printed-out registration sheet. “Plus, you’re great at storytelling! The eclipse is gonna take a while so maybe they’d like to hear a few stories from you.”
“First of all, I didn’t ‘skip’ them just because. I had exams and my thesis adviser was kicking my ass for starting so late. Second, I don’t think the new AstroSoc members would want to hear old Korean Astronomy texts and lore while looking at the blood fucking moon. I still think it’s overrated,” Doyoung starts arranging the cushions on the floor despite complaining.
“Alright, alright. You’ll get free dinner after and lunch tomorrow if you do this. Please, Doyoung-ah?” Johnny pulls off the most annoying puppy dog face and Doyoung can only nod with a grimace.
Doyoung does end up telling the lore of the fallen star who fell in love with a human to the newbies towards the end of the eclipse. Apparently, even people who are enthusiastic about studying the science of the sky were also interested to hear about centuries-old Korean lore of star-crossed lovers. When all the new members left, Doyoung proceeds to disassemble the telescopes until he gets to the last one.
He moves toward the eyepiece and searches for the star he found the other night. It wasn’t part of any major constellation but piqued his interest when he noticed how when magnified, it was as if one ray shined blue while it was all white.
If only I can get a closer look at that star , Doyoung sighs. Would be interesting to see it up close.
He promptly disassembles the last telescope and takes them back to storage. After locking up the observatory, he heads down while texting Johnny to ask where they’ll be eating dinner as promised.
Doyoung gets the biggest shock of his life when a man donned in silk, looking like he came from some medieval costume party ( Halloween isn’t until next week, right? Doyoung thinks) pops from behind his shoulder with a huge smile on his face.
“Doyoung-ah, annyeong!”