Chapter Text
Someday I’ll be fine, but just not tonight.
Alicent was trying to sleep, listening to the rain pattering on the window when she first heard her phone ring.
It was 1am after a long day trying to forget the PR stunt their company just pulled. Apparently, the Hightower heir is looking for her knight in shining armor that would sweep her off her feet at the age of 30.
She knows its just her father trying to hide that he doesn't want a woman leading their company, let alone a child she can't explain to him where she had gotten.
She was exhausted from work, from the way her father has been treating her, from everything. And tonight, was the first time she could actually lie in her bed without having to think about it since her friend, Criston Cole, joked around with her father that she could use some break which he miraculously agreed to. So, there she was lying beside her son, Aemond, as she listened to her ringtone echo around the room for the third time. Alicent kept her eyes closed as it continued to ring and she’s actually surprised her son hasn’t woken up from it yet, knowing how alert he is.
Alicent reached for her phone from the nightstand and was so ready to curse out the caller, who she assumed would be a workmate asking for her to sign documents, but was instead greeted by the name of her best friend on the screen.
Laena ♥
Her eyes immediately drifted towards the time displayed on the screen and saw how odd it was for Laena to call her at this hour, knowing that both of them came from managing their respective family’s companies on an 8-5 schedule (Actually an 8-10 for Alicent). She stands up from her bed, hurriedly walking to the balcony to call Laena back so she can avoid disrupting her son’s peaceful slumber. She’s immediately greeted with her best friend’s sigh of relief and rambling within a second of calling her. “Thank the Gods! I thought I have to barge there in Oldtown to wake you up” Laena was practically screaming at her through the phone.
“Laena, it’s 1 in the morning. Is something wrong? I truly hope so because I was just trying to sleep after work and playing with Aemond, you know how tiring everything is.” Alicent plopped down on the sofa on the room’s balcony before she squished her phone between her shoulder and ear to rest and put her head in her hands. And as if Laena just ignored everything she said, her best friend replies with something that immediately annoyed her.
"There's this guy he called me and—" Laena says but stops almost as soon as she starts when she hears Alicent mutter a small 'oh gods'. "Who? I swear, Laena, if this is just a story of one of those guys Laenor met at a bar and you woke me up for it—I love to hear you make fun of how Laenor sucks at talking to guys but I'm never going to forgive you for this." She pinches her nose bridge and was about to tell Laena to end the call but was stopped when she heard a hushed ‘fuck’ on the other end. She should've noticed how serious her best friend was when the call even started because the silence before her best friend took a deep breath made her anxious.
“It was Qarl, a bartender at King’s Landing and Laenor’s close friend, who called. Apparently, s-she got super drunk tonight and started lashing out as soon as she visited the club. They wanted me to come get her since she kept on repeating that she won’t leave.” Laena continues. Alicent sits up from her previous position and grabs the bottle of Dornish wine from the mini holder under the table, pouring herself a glass. She shivered. And she doesn’t know if it’s because of that cool evening air in Oldtown or it’s because of a certain cousin of Laena’s that has just been mentioned.
She shakes the thought of it, thinking that she was reaching and it was truly impossible. Alicent tells herself that cousin of Laena left the country just a month after that gala 3 years ago and it would be unfeasible for her to just come back to Westeros to visit. Despite trying to rationalize with herself while her best friend tries to deliver the situation to her with careful words, it ends with Laena confirming her thoughts in just 3 words.
“Alicent, It’s Rhaenyra.”
“Alicent, I’m sorry. I actually don’t know why I’m calling you about this because I could’ve just handled this on my own. But, my parents just came back from Driftmark and I had to tend to their stay here so I don’t really have the time to take care of this.”
Alicent recalls the conversation she had with Laena 5 minutes ago as she changes into her loose green hoodie and sweatpants. Ignoring the possibility of being posted on the internet with a caption that would point out how the Hightower heir looks like she got disowned with the way she’s dressed but she couldn’t care less. It’s not like she’s excited or something to meet her ex-girlfriend, after 3 years, for her to dress extravagantly.
“Mama? Where are you going?” Her head whips towards the door of her walk-in closet and sees Aemond standing there, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “My love, why are you up? Go back to sleep.” She stands up from the tuffet where she was tying her shoes before walking up to her son. She crouches down at the child’s level and hugs him which the young blonde returns almost immediately. “I heard Uncle Criston’s voice downstairs so I thought something was going on”
“No, sweetie, everything’s fine. Uncle Criston is just here to stay with you for the rest of the night. I just have to visit a friend of mine.” She pulls away from the hug and softly pats Aemond’s hair that was tousled while he was sleeping. “At this hour, mama?” Aemond’s pout and question pulls her back to the thought that she’s leaving at 1 in the morning for a 3-hour drive to come get someone she’s been avoiding for years, not her girlfriend or close friend—not even a friend at this point, she’s sure. “I promise I’ll be back immediately, darling. Just in time for us to get ready for our date later.”
Alicent flashes an assuring smile at her son before kissing his forehead that was enough to convince the boy to go back to his bed.
“You know, we could always just switch places." Criston was now standing in the doorway of Aemond's room. Eyeing up his close friend from there. Alicent had called him to ask if he could look after her son, knowing how loyal the man is to her after everything she's done, he's the next person she trusts next to her best friend. "Instead of me looking after Aemond, I get the spoiled cunt and you stay here with your son, have a lovely sleep and rest from all the work Otto has given y-”
“Criston, she hates you. You’d get your ass kicked by the bouncers before you even enter the club. You’re banned from King’s Landing, remember?” He rolls his eyes at her before pushing himself up from the way he was leaning on the door frame. “Whatever. I still don’t get why you have to go.” Alicent keeps mum and ignores the way Criston clicks his tongue in annoyance.
She walks out of Aemond’s bedroom and starts walking down the Hightower mansion hall to go to the elevator that leads to the garage. “She left you. In case you forgot. In exchange for what she’s currently throwing away in that club.” The man continues from the doorway just a few feet away from Alicent. The elevator dings before she could snap back at Criston, instead, she grips tight on the keys in her hand and enters the lift.
Alicent doesn’t really need to be reminded of something she’s never forgotten.
A 3-hour drive later, Alicent parks her E200 in front of the club and she takes in the familiar neon sign blinking, illuminating the words “King’s Landing” on her Benz’s passenger side window. A man walks up to her as soon as she exits her car and she immediately recognizes it as Arryk, the club’s bouncer.
“Miss Hightower? It’s been a while! Would you like me to park your car up the back?” He greets her.
“I won’t be too long, Arryk. I just need to deal with some…business.” Alicent tries to smile brightly at him, noticing how his kindness has not changed a bit.
“Ah, yes, Miss Hightower. And I’m really sure you’d like me to park it up at your usual spot.” She just nods. The staff— or even Rhaenyra, herself—already warned him about her arrival. She enters the club and is immediately greeted with the scent of smoke, sweat, and alcohol that she has grown acquainted with from the dozens of visits she had, except a hand on her waist, an “I’ll go get us drinks”, and a soft kiss on her temple were missing now.
“Miss Hightower, we’ve been waiting for you. Miss Velaryon called us earlier that you’d come here to pick Miss Targaryen up. She’s resting at the Dragonpit.” It was Erryk, another bouncer and Arryk’s twin brother. She flinches at the mention of the lounge at the back of the club, where both her and Rhaenyra frequently stayed at. Far from the prying eyes of the Paparazzi that would follow them here from time to time. Before Alicent could change her mind from doing whatever the fuck she’s doing, Erryk started guiding her down the VVIP hall towards the lounge. And for the first time in months, she started picking at her cuticles again, an old habit of hers. She was nervous. What does Rhaenyra want? Since when did she come back? Why didn't Laena tell her about it? Asking herself about it makes her also start thinking about their current relationship with each other. What was left between the two of them.
Is Rhaenyra still the same?
Silver hair? Dragon tattoos littered around her body that she loved to kiss? Sweet, gentle, her actual knight in shining armor?
Is she still the same even after Alicent tried to brush off the fact that Rhaenyra never called her back despite the number of times she tried to phone her up at ungodly hours just because the time difference between the both of them was never an issue to her? Or her attempt at making Rhaenyra come back for Aemond’s birthday which only ended up in tears and an impulsive I hate you over the phone. Maybe the time her ex-girlfriend spent across the narrow sea changed her and she wouldn't be meeting the Rhaenyra Targaryen her heart and mind remembers.
“We’re here, Miss Hightower. She’s been napping ever since her…thing earlier so she’ll be quite sober by now.” Alicent hears Erryk say before she finally pulls on that piece of skin that would make her finger bleed. They stop in front of a door with a three-headed dragon design in the center and Erryk knocks on it as he slowly opens the door.
“All yours, your grace.” Erryk makes a simple joke to lighten up the mood. She recalls Rhaenyra made all the staff in here call her that because she was her queen. Alicent cringes at the thought and fakes a smile.
Do it for Laena.
"Dad officially made me his heir instead of Uncle Daemon." Rhaenynra’s breath tickled Alicent's neck as she muttered.
The both of them were spending a lazy Saturday on her bed, with Rhaenyra lying on top of her and hugging her close. The two of them would usually do this when Rhaenyra wasn't asking her for the nth time if they could ride Syrax, the latter’s motorcycle, to visit a new place she wants to go to and eat cake. These Saturdays usually consisted of talks about a lot of things. Despite being together for 6 years, Rhaenyra and the auburn never ran out of topics to talk about whenever they were together. From her silly fights with her brothers, Aegon and Jace, to Alicent’s angry rants about her workload, the two of them would never get bored regardless of the number of hours that passed by.
"Really?" She lifts her head to look at Rhaenyra with a proud grin on her face and the silver-haired does the same but with a sad smile that Alicent doesn't really notice. "That's good news! I told you; he’d do that!" Alicent starts peppering Rhaenyra’s face with kisses and she giggles at the feeling. Rhaenyra would never trade anything else for this moment with her girlfriend. So, in between hushed 'stops' and 'I love yous', she realizes she would absolutely break if she chose to leave her.
“I’m not so sure if I like it though.” Alicent stops to stare at her to check if she was being serious with her words. “Why wouldn’t you like it? That's literally what you were waiting for!” Rhaenyra struggles to push herself off of Alicent gently since she’s trying to pull her back to an embrace. Maybe if she wasn’t so close to her it would be easier to explain how taking the job would mean her leaving the love of her life. The woman she wholeheartedly would never choose over anything even if it meant losing herself.
"Ali, I don't—I don't want to leave you."
"What do you mean?"
"Father wants me to move to Dragonstone and even fly across the narrow sea to ‘practice’ being the CEO" The both of them sat there in silence for a couple of minutes but it felt like hours. Rhaenyra wanted to say something along the lines of 'I won't go if you don't want me to' but she lets Alicent dwell in her own thoughts. "It’s for your future, Nyra. You should take it." Alicent finally replies, breaking the silence.
Rhaenyra hesitates to look at the love of her life’s brown eyes to find a hint of wanting the opposite. Scared that maybe after all these years, this is the time where she would let her go. Rhaenyra grabs both of Alicent’s hands and raises it up to her lips, leaving soft kisses on her knuckles before putting them on either side of her face. "I won't go…if you don't want me to." Alicent starts stroking her cheek with her thumb and Rhaenyra looks at her with teary eyes.
"I don't want you to go."
"Then I promise you, I won't." She pulls in the Hightower heir for a kiss. a promise that would soon be broken
“Erryk, I swear if you come in here to convince me to go home again, I- “
"Rhaenyra?" She lifts her head lazily to look at the source of an all too familiar voice. Eyes wide and mouth agape, she couldn't believe she was standing in front of her. Was this another one of her drunken hallucinations? She’s pretty sure she’s sober already from the amount of water Erryk made her drink earlier.
So, Rhaenyra reaches over to the half-empty bottle in front of her in hopes to wash away whatever is happening to her at the moment but a hand stops her. It was warm, soft, and she can still smell the vanilla hand cream she loved. The auburn gently pulls her hand away from the bottle and keeps it in hers. She can't comprehend, with the love of her life standing in front of her, whether the creeping nausea she thought was gone is now back because of the alcohol, the smell of the hand cream, or the fact that Alicent was still holding her hand even if the thought of downing the alcohol in front of her was long gone but she tries to ignore it as much as she could. Then it hits her.
She's really here.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were in Essos." are the first words that came out from Alicent when Rhaenyra finally pulls her hand away from hers. "I could ask the same thing to you" She attempts to reply with slurred whispers, avoiding Alicent's glassy brown eyes staring at her like she wanted to yell at her for showing up here instead of anywhere else but the place they used to call theirs.
The former notices the auburn eyeing her from where she's standing. Rhaenyra sort of wished she dressed nicer if this is how the two of them would meet after all these years. Maybe wearing the necklace Alicent bought her 5 years ago was not the best idea aside from punching a guy at the dance floor just a few hours ago. "They called Laena about you being here and wanted her to pick yo—."
"Then why isn't she the one here?"
“Her parents, your aunt and uncle, are in town. She couldn’t ring up Laenor so she…” Rhaenyra scoffs at her words, making Alicent disregard explaining why she was there. Shaking her head, Rhaenyra rests her head back on top of her folded arms where it was earlier before Alicent came in the club, before she came back in her life at this very moment. She did it to make her leave, but instead, Rhaenyra hears the sound of keys being placed on the table and the squeak of leather which she registered as Alicent moving to sit in front of her.
The both of them sat there in silence, just like the time she finally told Alicent she’s leaving Westeros. The former wanted to forget about the memory already but it’s been 3 years and she’s still at the same position she left her in. Guilty, apologetic, and in love.
Rhaenyra doesn’t know if Alicent still feels it too…the love.
“Rhaenyra, I have to get you home. I promised Laena.” Alicent starts up again, hesitantly reaching over to touch her ex-girlfriend. What even is home to Rhaenyra? That dreadful manor in the Red Keep? The bungalow in Dragonstone? The arms of the love of her life who’s now sitting in front of her with hate in her eyes? Gods, she doesn’t really know.
“I don’t want to. When I go back out there, there’s another article posted about me being the realm’s disappointment. I’d rather stay somewhere hidden. Away from them, father, work, everything.” She mumbles. This was their her safe place. An escape from the eyes of those who were too curious about their personal lives.
“At least let me move you somewhere else. The paps are waiting for you out there, Rhaenyra.”
“Why are you doing this?” Rhaenyra lifts her head up from her previous position. Deciding to sit up now while she nervously toys with the ring on her thumb. She’s confused. After the fight, the confrontation, the drunken "I don't ever want to see you again", why is Alicent acting so nicely in front of her? She wanted it to last but of course, like what her cousin Laenor would always joke about, she ruins it by asking a question. Alicent doesn’t answer her question. Instead, the auburn fires back a query.
“It’s been 3 years, Rhaenyra. Why would you show up now?” She asks. Alicent grabs her purse and stands up from where she was seated “I finally accepted a life without you and here you are.” to break all the pieces I hardly had to put back into place again? She wanted to add.
Rhaenyra looks up from where Alicent was standing now, ready to go and leave. Leaving her again. She thinks that maybe she deserves this too. After all, she left Alicent first.
"You want to know why I came back?" Alicent stops in her tracks just a few meters away from the exit.
“I came back from Essos 2 months ago. I got assigned to a project here." She notices how Alicent's hands were raised in front of herself now. Alicent always does this when she's nervous. Picking at her cuticles until they bleed where Rhaenyra can’t see them. But the silver-haired just wants to grab them and kiss her fingers so Alicent would stop just like what she did before. However, the auburn turned around and those brown eyes are staring at her now, almost as if she just wants Rhaenyra to shut up and tell her to leave. "I decided to visit King’s Landing weekly even if it takes me approximately 2 hours to get here from where I’m currently staying. I've been very busy since Dad died so I don’t really know why I keep on coming back.” Rhaenyra chuckles at herself but Alicent stays mum and her stares are making the former want to get swallowed by the ground.
"But today, I came here to visit the house I bought before I left for Essos. The one in Dragonstone I told you about" Alicent responds to her with a nod. "I was planning to sell it. So, I came to pick up all the stuff I had left and found some of my old things from there. While I was scouring around and searching for more. Like ones that I still love…’ Like you. Rhaenyra thinks.
“I found this.”
Rhaenyra fishes something out of her pocket and Alicent stares at the item as soon as it drops on the table in front of the silver-haired girl. She looks at Rhaenyra and back at it at least twice. A black and red velvet box sits on the shiny round table, illuminated by the red light just above it. It doesn't look the same way Rhaenyra bought it 4 years ago. It was dented now and only closed half-way than it used to.
Rhaenyra vividly recalls why it was like this. Never did it leave her mind.
The both of them can see a ring inside and Rhaenyra hears Alicent’s breath hitch.
"Ali, would you have said yes if he didn't call that night?"
Rhaenyra just knows how to break Alicent all over again.