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Dream didn’t mean to listen in on George’s midnight confessions.
Though he wouldn’t mind knowing more about what went on in his more introverted boyfriend’s head, he never pushed the topic. George was full of valid feelings, probably more than anyone gave him credit for. The only difference was his lack of desire to share it with the millions of viewers who would pay anything to peek into his heart. Maybe that was part of his appeal, being something just out of touch to anyone who fell into his allure. Dream knew it took him years to accept George’s shut downs as healthy boundaries over painful rebuffs. Their different displays of love didn’t make either less honest, because Dream could tell what was genuine and what others said for clout. He didn’t need reciprocated odes of dedication or paragraphs on social media to his moments of outpouring. Dream did those as a healthy outlet for his own heightened emotions, but he knew not everyone was like him.
Their independent tactics lessened when George moved in with him and Sapnap, the ocean no longer stopping either from sharing true feelings with touches and body language. To Dream’s pleasant surprise, George didn’t rebuff him, falling in step with his unspoken courting by using his own playful flirting. Nothing felt rushed, as both had only needed the visa’s promise of forever in order to break past their final wall of resistance. Hand holding turned into hugs, which led them to nose brushes and a first kiss that still made Dream smile like an idiot when he thought about it.
For him, the best part of getting to call George his official boyfriend was the cuddling. After dealing with whatever their chaotic lives threw at them, Dream got to hold the best thing that had ever happened to him while falling asleep. Nothing compared to George’s soft hair rubbing along the curve of his jaw before burying into his shoulder or chest. The thinner arms were always demanding when shoved under his back or shoulder to tug Dream’s warmer body closer, their feet and calves tangling together under the sheets. Dream didn’t care about the silent but bossy requests, enjoying the crisp mint of George’s body wash that never smelt as good in the bottle. He found himself always needing to pull George deeper into his embrace to surround himself with it before succumbing to his dreamland. George teased him for falling asleep first, but from the warmth in his morning smile while twirling a forehead curl around his finger, Dream knew he liked it.
Maybe it was that comfort in their routine which let Dream discover the first midnight confession his half-asleep mind picked up on.
“You’re the reason I got that stupid lip infection.” George’s quiet words were whispered against the bare skin of Dream’s chest, fighting off the sleep dancing over his closed eyes. Though his brain had started to shut down for the night, he focused on repeating the quiet murmur, keeping his body lax in his faux slumber. George’s kind stroke of fingers down his spine almost ruined his act. “You told Karl on a call I wasn’t on that you got distracted when I licked my lips one time, so I kept doing it to get your attention. I skipped the chapstick when they dried out and that caused the infection. Sapnap made fun of me for weeks, and I was too embarrassed to ever tell you what happened.”
He wanted to grin over the little waver in the end of the secret, but fought the urge to keep up his ruse of sleep. George didn’t say another word before slumber stole him away, and it took three more weeks until Dream could catch another confession from George’s twilight vigils.
“I didn’t want to put my reaction to your face in my vod.” A shaky breath and fingertips scratching over his nape were the only tells of George’s anxiety. “It was pretty obvious how attractive you were just from that… weird thing I do with my hand when I’m overwhelmed. You probably know how many fans compared the hue of my face from the beginning of the call to the end. I can’t see it, obviously, but I didn’t really need to. I knew how much I loved you way before that.”
Despite the temptation to force himself to stay awake and catch the depths of George’s unveiled emotions, Dream didn’t change a thing. If he was tired, he let himself go, sometimes hearing the soft murmurs starting while he slipped away. Just knowing that George felt safe enough to speak the words despite Dream being in the room felt too precious to spoil with manipulation. If he stayed up on his own, then he settled into the soothing words, enjoying the strokes down his shoulder blades or the gentle untangling of his unbrushed hair. The confessions weren’t always sweet; George spoke of times where Dream’s flirting with others made him angry, or the true depths of his loneliness in his apartment the year before. Those nights were harder to stay quiet, saving his guilt or tears for the shower the following morning.
But he listened in silence like it was his duty, until one confession made it impossible to keep his lips still.
“One day, I think you’re going to realize I’m taking advantage of you and ask me to leave. It’s dumb, because you love me. You’ve loved me since you met me, probably. Or you’ve thought I was pretty, at least.” George’s little huff of a laugh didn’t make the stone dropping in Dream’s stomach any softer. “My face makes a lot of people like me for a while, but then I get annoying or clingy, and the looks don’t add up. Sapnap said it can be hard being friends with me sometimes, which made me realize you probably have it worse as my boyfriend. I mean, you didn’t get to choose who you fell for. Your big dumb heart picked me without your consent. And… I guess I’m a little selfish, cause I don’t know what my future would be without you. I just don’t want you to leave.”
“George.” His throat, coated with the sands of sleep and emotions, deepened his voice, feeling George jerk against him from the unexpected interruption.
“Dream? You’re awake?”
He wanted to whine when George slipped his hands out of his hair, but used the free space to lean back and catch the widened eyes looking up from his chest. “Mhm.”
“For how long?” The defenses rose in the flattening of George’s voice. “You should have said something.”
“Sorry, I was pretty close to sleep before you started talking.” Hoping to ease some of the tension of George’s vulnerability, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the wrinkled forehead. “Sometimes it’s so pretty, I don’t want to miss what you’re saying.”
“You’re being sweet to make me forget you were spying on me.”
“Guess I’m a pretty terrible spy then, half-naked and cuddled in bed with the person I’m getting intel from.”
George glanced away from his little smile, but tightened the hands that had snuck under his back during the conversation. “I’m still mad at you.”
“Yeah, that’s fair.” He never liked when they fought, but the softness of the night didn’t make the discomfort feel unrepairable. “Can we talk about what I heard?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because they’re stupid thoughts you weren’t supposed to know about. I can already guess how this plays out; you’re going to say they’re not real and I’m worrying over nothing, but that won’t change anything. It won’t change a single thing, Dream.”
It was too late into the night to argue logic, so Dream pulled George’s head back to his chest and whispered out his own admittance. “What if I told you I had the same thoughts, sometimes?”
“You think I’m only with you for your pretty face?” George focused on the wrong thing purposefully, but Dream only relaxed into the fingers tapping his spine and snuggled closer.
“Ever since you came to America, we’ve been on the move. At first, I didn’t really care, because we were sharing the memories together. But it’s been a few months now, and I always worry if the shine of… being here, with us — with me , if it’ll, I don’t know. Go away. You and Sapnap keep getting invited to things I can’t go to cause of my own responsibilities, and there're these moments I’m sure someone will finally get you to realize you have other options besides me here.”
“Don’t be a moron,” George whispered, the nails of his fingers pressing without malicious intent against the skin of his back. “I came here for you.”
“You came here because of me, and Sapnap, and because it was a smart move for your career,” Dream answered, closing his eyes when he didn’t feel George’s breath release against his chest. “When we started this whole thing, I said I’d get you to the top if you came with me, and you did. But you never promised you’d stay by my side once we got there.”
“Ugh, this is so lame. This is why I didn’t want to talk about this stuff when you were awake.” George’s head pressed harder into his sternum, Dream trying not to tense at the wetness smeared on his pectoral. “Because now we’re both insecure and in love, and there’s no way to fix it. Congrats, you made us both idiots.”
“But we’re in it together, right?” Dream’s gentle question received a sniffle for an answer, making him laugh. “If we tell each other when we’re feeling these sorts of dumb emotions, we don’t have to worry about being alone with them. It makes the chances of us doing something impulsive or dumb less likely.”
“Like a live bath podcast?”
“That was revolutionary. And I was on drugs.” He smiled when hearing George’s familiar scoff, then sobered the conversation. “Good, bad, or ugly, I want to hear whatever you want to tell me. Tell me everything, at noon or midnight, I don’t can’t. Because it’ll only make me want you more.”
“But what if it doesn't?” George asked, finally peeking up to expose the worry Dream caught in the nightlight's glow.
“It will.”
“But what if it doesn’t ?”
“I’m telling you that it will.” The pout of George’s lip threatened another repeat of the question, so Dream cupped his cheek and pressed his thumb over his lower lip “Okay if, for some unforeseeable reason that won’t happen, it doesn’t, we’ll talk about it then. We’ll work it out together, like partners do.”
“... Fine.” The gentle give of the argument made Dream smile, taking the opportunity to kiss George. Once earning a pleased noise and little fingers tugging at his hair to deepen the exchange, he pulled away, mouth curling into a smirk at the automatic nose crinkle.
“But it won’t happen, because I love everything about you. Infected lips and all.”
“You heard that?” George groaned and dropped his head back onto the pillow, eyes closing. “I’m telling everyone you watch me while I sleep.”
“Says the one using me as his unconscious journal.” Moving them back into their previous sleeping position, he led George back onto his chest before yanking the blanket higher to cover their chests. “Go to sleep; I’ll make you pancakes tomorrow when we wake up.”
“Don’t share them with Sapnap,” George said through a yawn, stretching his arm to grab Dream closer.
“You know I have to; he’s our roommate.”
“Evict him.”
“George…”
“Fine, whatever. Feed our pet my pancakes. See if I care.”
Dream shook his head and held back his laugh to settle in, muscles relaxing into the soft bed beneath them. George didn’t put up a fight the second time around, huffed noises muffled against Dream’s skin in mere minutes. The innocent look of his boyfriend when asleep always stole his breath, despite knowing George had long ago shed his naïve disguise.
Once sure George was fully asleep, Dream whispered his own midnight confession into George’s sleeping frame. “I can’t wait to marry you. Then I’ll prove how long I plan to stay.”
And when George’s only response was a louder snore and tightened arms, Dream snuggled in and let himself drift away.