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“Kisame,” Itachi called out, a little louder than a whisper.
A few seconds had passed until he heard a short shuffle of sheets, but silence continued to ring throughout the room otherwise. Itachi closed his eyes, the weight of the world heavy on his heart. He couldn’t sleep.
Kisame thought it uncharacteristic of the younger to be speaking to him at such an ungodly hour, so it took some time for him to assume that it must be important. He was a light sleeper. They had to be. That is if he was actually sleeping of course. Kisame had a hard time sharing such close proximity with Itachi at times. His nature nothing short of unpredictable.
“… Something wrong?”
Itachi’s eyes opened slowly, not expecting an answer after such a great length of time passing. That great length only being a few minutes.
“No.” Itachi replied slowly, thinking. “It’s nothing.”
Stupid question.
Kisame turned his head to face Itachi. Despite them being across the room from each other, Kisame could feel the tension radiating off Itachi and now he was faced with a choice. Did he want to know? Did he care? Of course. But he knew Itachi well enough to know not to push anything. So the silence resurrected itself.
It was harder for Kisame to sleep now, he found himself listening to nothing and wondering what his partner was thinking about. He could tell that he was still awake, more quiet than ever now though. Kisame closed his eyes and focused on the sound of his breathing until he found just the right level of comfort to fall asleep again.
“Are you afraid,” Itachi softly questioned, debating with himself.
Kisame’s eyes cracked open, and his hopes of being able to fall asleep again went up in flames.
“… Of?” Kisame decided to nudge Itachi into finishing his question. Maybe this was a mistake too, but he found he didn’t care much.
“Death.” He whispered, coming to the conclusion that yes, that was a stupid question to ask Kisame of all people.
Kisame stared blankly at the wall across the room, caught entirely off guard yet somewhat calm about the question. Maybe it was because it was so late, but he found he couldn’t put his thoughts together properly. Initially he wanted to tease him for such a silly meaningless question but the seriousness in Itachi’s voice pushed that thought away.
“… I think you already know the answer, so why are you asking.”
Itachi was silent, expectedly. He probably hadn’t expected such a direct question back but it didn’t matter now.
“I just found myself thinking.” He replied quietly, emotionless.
“Well, it might be best that you don’t. You can’t afford to.” Kisame replied confidently, as if he had been there before. Deep down he felt guilty for shutting him down but it was true, they didn’t have time for thoughts like that.
“I am empty, Kisame.” Itachi replied somehow even quieter than before. Kisame could just barely make out what he had said before sitting up entirely.
“You are not.” Kisame said roughly. “You just had a fate that was far too heavy for you alone to handle.”
“A heavy fate.” Itachi repeated, humming quietly at the thought. “All I have ever known is misfortune, and now that I can feel my time approaching, I find that I am petrified. I don’t know how much more of this I can bear.”
Kisame figured he was referring to their mission, because what else. Itachi heard Kisame get up and approach him, standing at the foot of his futon. “So what will you do? Will you betray the Akatsuki?”
He sounded serious, dangerous, almost threatening. The sleepiness in his voice seemed to evaporate with those few words.
Itachi sat up and glanced to the side, away from Kisame, feeling more exposed than ever before. “I never knew what it felt like to live, and already I am dying-“ His throat tightened, and he felt his eyes tingle as if they were threatening to betray him with tears.
He didn’t hear him move, nor did he feel Kisame when he knelt down and grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled his face into his shoulder. “You know pain just as well as I do.” Kisame spoke those last few words in just about the softest voice he could muster.
Itachi felt rigid against Kisame’s shoulder, unsure, blocking him out despite spilling some of his guts. He wanted to say something, anything, but he found that if he spoke any more, he would break. So he settled on sitting there, trying to relax into Kisame’s strong hold.
“You aren’t alone in this you know,” Kisame tried, feeling obligated to help him through this. He saw himself in Itachi in an awkward dog/ mentor sort of way. That made no sense, Kisame thought, but it did to him. He was nothing like Itachi yet he found that they were similar in a way that was not so pleasant.
Itachi huffed out what could have be a tired sigh, but Kisame knew it was more than just that. He felt a warm wetness begin to form where Itachi’s face was. This was something Kisame hadn’t prepared for in the slightest. He didn’t know what to do, caught between holding his breath and wanting to hold him tighter, he decided to just wait. Chill.
He practically felt Itachi’s vulnerability. Holding him in this position, he could really feel just how small he was compared to him, ironic.
Itachi slowly brought a shaky hand up to Kisame’s side, moving it towards his broad back to grip at the fabric of his shirt. Itachi’s other hand was balled into a fist in his lap so tight, Kisame would have been able to see his white knuckles despite the darkness around them had he looked down.
Itachi forced out what sounded like a pained sob. Kisame winced, gritting his teeth and opted on holding him just a tad tighter. He began to feel him shake, the way his hand at his back trembled, and how the rest of his body tensed even further almost frightened Kisame.
“Itachi, you…” He started, unsure of what he wanted to say yet feeling the need to comfort him further. “I’ve never been good at this kind of thing, but I see myself in you. You truly are,” righteous, a savior, inspirational, a hero? “Kind.” Kisame settled on, sighing.
Itachi shook just a little harder at that, and quickly found both of his hands on Kisame’s back, hugging him tight. Kisame moved soon after, sitting back on his heels and bringing Itachi even closer with both of his arms. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, and the warmth of Itachi’s body helped Kisame relax a little. Hopefully it did the same for Itachi.
Eventually, Itachi’s shaking died down enough for him to peel himself away from Kisame’s hold, not wanting to look at him, yet putting a hand to where his face was on Kisame’s shoulder. He cleared his throat, sniffed, and tried in a futile attempt to wipe away his tears that had already absorbed into his shirt. “Sorry,” he started weakly, “I don’t know what came over me.”
Kisame blinked at the motion, not caring too much. He found it funny really, so he tapped Itachi’s forearm with his fingers to let him know it wasn’t necessary for him to try and clean him. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve had my fair share of moments like these. Though I mean what I say.” At this, Itachi moved his gaze upwards to catch Kisame’s eyes and flattened his lips into a somewhat smile.
“There isn’t much I can say now other than, well, thank you.” Itachi really couldn’t go back to sleep after this, but one thing was for certain, he couldn’t be here anymore. “Also no, I’m not betraying anyone, and I’m not going anywhere other than for a walk. I need some fresh air.” Itachi moved to the side and stood up. He noticed Kisame following his movements with his eyes until he reached the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Kisame said plainly, as if nothing had happened. He knew Itachi appreciated that.
Itachi flashed back a kind gaze before closing the door behind him.