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He doesn't know what exactly started it, but they're arguing. He's arguing with Lister and it hasn't been this heated in a while.
They'd just been sitting in the living room, and Lister had been avoiding him around the house so he brought it up. He shouldn't have said anything.
"Oh so it's me? I'm the one with an issue?" Lister laughs. It feels mocking.
"No! God I never said that, why won't you just listen to me!"
"Well what else am I meant to do when you accuse me of shit that isn't true!"
"You've been avoiding me for weeks, Lister." Jimmy shoots back, voice calmer than it probably should've been.
"I haven't been avoiding you."
"Then why the fuck haven't you been around?" His voice cracks slightly, and the hurt leaks through. "What have I done wrong?"
Maybe this is all his fault. It wouldn't surprise him. He still doesn't get how someone as good as Lister can like him.
"God, Jimmy! I'm allowed space. We don't always have to be attached at the hip."
"Nobody said that. Nobody fucking said that. It has been weeks of this bullshit."
Lister laughs again, running a hand through his hair, standing from the sofa. "You're overthinking this. I deserve space, sometimes you're a lot to deal with." His face falls when he realises what he's said.
"What?" Jimmy's quiet now. "I'm a lot to deal with?"
"Shit, Jimmy no I didn't-"
Jimmy shrinks further into the sofa, looking away. "Fuck you Lister."
Lister stays silent, the regret practically seeping off of him. "Jimmy."
"Fuck you Lister." He repeats, angrier this time. "You think that you've never made me want space from you?"
Lister goes to speak but Jimmy continues speaking. "What about when I was sixteen? When you outed me to the whole fucking world? How I had to forgive you because everything else was getting shit and I needed normality? How I needed something to stop me from losing it completely?"
Lister recoils at the mention of the twitter leak. They hardly talked about it, but Rowan had refused to talk to him for the whole of the UK tour unless they were in front of cameras or doing shows. Lister had been so alone. All because of a mistake.
"Well god Jimmy." Lister says finally, voice dangerously even. "If you hate me that fucking much just leave."
"What?"
"If you don't I will."
"Lister, what the fuck are you talking about." He's panicked now.
"Fucking break up with me if you hate me as much as you say you do, because I'm not doing this if it's fueled by hate."
Jimmy's silent for a few painful moments. Clearly in his head, thinking. "And if I do?"
"Then that's that. All of this was for nothing."
Everything they had worked so hard to avoid, sunken by an argument. They were better than this. They had to be.
"I don't want to break up with you."
"Well neither do I."
"So you're making me do it? Because you're scared?" Jimmy shoots back, voice cold.
"I love you."
"Lister I-"
"I love you and I don't want to lose you."
"Lister."
"I can't lose you."
Jimmy stares at him, completely silent, until he sees a tear roll down his check. He stands and catches Lister's arm before he turns away.
"Lister, what's going on?"
"I've just fucked it all, haven't I?" Lister said, voice breaking.
Jimmy didn't know what to do. It was rare for Lister to cry, and even rarer for him to seek comfort whilst doing so.
"No," He begins slowly. "We just need to talk more, we need to communicate, that's what nearly fucked this in the first place."
Lister laughs, it's watery but it's there. "Yeah."
He sits back on the sofa, pulling Lister down with him. "Why have you been so distant recently?"
He feels Lister tense and meets his eyes, hoping that the action would calm him a little bit. He's hesitant, but he finally replies. "I think I'm going to do something to fuck this up completely."
"Why do you think that?"
"You're like- the best thing to happen to me and I'm so scared I'm going to lose you."
He doesn't think he's ever heard Lister this upset before and doesn't know how to comfort him. He settles for wrapping his arms around him.
Lister leans into it, closing his eyes, evening out his breathing. Jimmy watches him quietly.
His hair is longer now than it was when they started dating, and it's much longer than it was when they'd started hooking up, and a strand of it is falling into his eyes.
Jimmy reaches out and brushes it out of the way, smiling softly at him when he opens his eyes. "I'm not mad at you by the way."
Lister hums. "I've been a dick to you."
"You've been scared, trust me, I think I'm the best person you could talk to about that, especially if it's about us."
"Ha yeah."
"I love you." Jimmy says, "I'm sorry for bringing up the twitter stuff."
"I'm sorry for avoiding you for so long."
"Just talk to me next time, I promise you I won't get mad."
"I love you, I don't want to break up with you." Lister sniffs. "I shouldn't of even suggested it, I wasn't thinking-"
"Lister, it's okay, we're okay."
He wipes at his face, before finally returning Jimmy's hug. The two of them staying there in comfortable silence until Lister pulls away, staring at Jimmy with that lovesick look that he'd been blind to for years .
"Can I kiss you?"
"We've been dating for six months, I don't think you have to ask."
"Shut up." Lister quips, leaning in.
They'd be okay, they had a lot to talk about, but they were getting better at that now. They weren't alone, and if all else failed at least they had eachother.