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I was standing on the Shinonome’s door step
I didn’t want to knock because well
Ena was sick and Akito had to take care of her
I couldn’t go to Rui because he was dealing with Tsukasa right now
Wait..
Toya!
He already helps Akito when it comes to this kind of stuff
He would
Be willing to help right?
Right?
┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒
I just discovered who I was
I never felt like a boy but being a girl didn’t fit me either
‘What about neither?’
That was right
That was who I was
I started wearing the girl’s uniform
It just felt right
“Hey Akiyama, why you wearing girls clothes?”
“I just.. like them more”
“Okay… weirdo”
The last word was said under his breath in hopes I wouldn’t hear
I did..
———————-
I grew out my hair
Started wearing more makeup
I felt free..
But
People thought it was weird
I never heard my name anymore
It was always a slur of some sort..
The only person who was nice was Rui..
Even then he couldn’t be there most of the time
People would laugh at me in the hallways
I would get weird looks in the changing rooms when I would have to put my bag down
I always changed in the bathrooms
Alone..
No one liked me
I was always alone in group projects
Just for being myself
┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚
I finally knocked on the door
‘This is stupid Mizuki just go home..’
After a few second the door opened
It was Akito
“Mizuki? Are you here to check on Ena?”
“No actually, I wanted to talk to Toya about something”
“Oh alright, he’s in my room. I’ll tell Ena you’re here just in case you wanna talk to her later”
“Yeah I’d like to”
He went up the stairs and I follow him after that, closing the door behind me and locking it
I went up the stairs to Akito’s room and knocked on the door
“Aki, this is your room, you don’t have to knock”
“It’s not Akito!”
“Oh.. come in”
I opened the door slowly and saw Toya reeding a book on the floor
“Oh, hello Mizuki”
“Hey do you mind if I ask you something”
“Sure, what is it?”
I sat down on the floor next to him
“Well… let’s say that uhhh.. if the people from middle school that told you that you were weird and never talked to you were starting to get to you, what would you do?”
“Can you elaborate further?”
“Ugh… umm well.. when I transitioned in middle school, everyone treated me like an outcast, and they would keep yelling ‘boy!’ at me in the hallways. Now everything is finally starting to get to me. Maybe this whole fantasy I created in my head was fake and I’m just lying to myself..”
“Well how do you feel Mizuki?”
“Huh?”
“Here this is something I do with Akito when this happens with him. Put your hands on your head and say how you feel about your hair, or how you want it to look”
“I-… I like my long hair..”
“Okay good, now put your hands on your chest and do the same thing”
“I’m comfortable with it now.. I like it when nothing shows”
“Good… now how do you feel?”
“Like… myself”
“There you go Mizuki.. don’t let anyone tell you what you are, you’re yourself Mizuki”
“Thanks Toya.. can I ask you something?”
“Yeah go ahead”
“If I feel that my body is too much for me… what do I do?”
“What do you mean by too much?”
“Like I just don’t feel comfortable and I want to get rid of it”
“Well I’ll always recommend talking to someone you trust, and has some sort of experience in these things. Or.. your best option is to list things you like about yourself”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just start listing things off about what you like about yourself, do you need an example?”
“No I think I got it Uh…. I like my eyes?”
“Just like that”
“Hmm.. Thanks Toya!”
“No problem”
We heard the door open and saw Ena come in, huddled in a blanket
“Hi Enanan!”
She sat down next to me and put her head in my lap
Akito came running in a few seconds later
“I’m so sorry about here she kept insisting she leave to see you!”
Me and Toya started laughing
———————-
I had to leave eventually
Walking home was hard
I was tired
My legs hurt..
I eventually got home and collapsed on my bed
Lost in thought
┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒
“Eww.. That losers back in the changing room!”
“He probably just wants to stare at all of us change..”
‘Just keep your head down Mizu… it’ll be fine’
Just don’t look at anyone, go put your bag in the corner and it’ll be fine
————————-
Rui isn’t here today…
I guess I’m eating by myself
The roof was nice though
The breeze was calming
“Hey look who it is!”
‘Shit..’
“What are you doing on the roof? Finally gonna jump?”
“No…”
I walked away
———————-
“Look at that BOY guys!”
“Shut up…”
“But you’re a boy!”
“No…”
I hate school
┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚
I felt like crying
‘Remember what Toya said Mizuki’
“I like my sense of style..”
I feel better a little
“I like my hair!”
It’s working
“I like myself..”