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It had been a long day.
Between the performances, the further planning, the dinner between CEOs of another company and Phoenix Wonderlands... It had been a very long day. It was no surprise to see the usually energetic Emu had tuckered out, snug in her blankets and cuddled up next to Rui, who was sleeping soundly with the faintest remnants of a smirk on his face.
Tsukasa was in his own bed, whilst Nene was in her own sleeping bag off to the side. She had the blanket somewhat thrown off, messed up near her abdomen; hands tucked into her chest as she lay asleep, taking in routinely breaths with a little snore.
Despite his troupe all sleeping peacefully, Tsukasa didn't have the same luck. The time was teetering near 2, and there was no exhaustion to be found in his body - which was very much a first, considering how strict he was with a 9-hour sleep schedule. If his memory serves him right, the last time he had stayed up so late was to welcome Saki back home after she had to be picked up from a sleepover due to feeling nauseous. Later, they found it to be a case of food poisoning - mild - and she was fine.
That isn't the case this time. Saki is sound asleep in her room. He could check on her if he wanted to, but he feared waking her up. And it wouldn't be the first time he's accidentally done so.
Instead, he found himself staring up at the ceiling. Staring, staring, burning a hole into that star ridden white roof.
Why am I so restless?
Inhaling a frustrated breath, he recounts the day’s events. The show had gone spectacularly, as always - when he was involved, there was simply no other option! The planning for the next play had been a bit erratic due to the differing opinions, but ultimately the outcome had been preferable. The only problem he had with the dinner was Rui secretly putting his vegetables on Tsukasa’s plate (if he only noticed after the fourth or fifth time, that's nobody’s business)... but other than that, there was nothing different about today. He had a rowdy bunch, of course, but it was just the same as any other day.
He tries to recall any other day. Only a few events come to mind; they're the significant ones, like when they had put together Project Wonder to bring back Emu's smile. That beloved Christmas show, where Nene had found her true singing voice; where she looked to be on cloud nine as she let melodies ring out that could only be defined as ethereal. All the way back to the first show of the Show Contest, where they had all worked hard to show Rui how much they trusted him to put on the greatest show.
Now that he's really thinking about it, it didn't seem all that long ago. If memory serves him right, it was around last year that they had all banded together to form Wonderlands x Showtime. How strange, when it felt as if it was merely just days ago...?
Tsukasa blinks. Where has all the time gone?
It reminds him eerily of a time, long ago. The days where hours passed by so, so quickly; as if he believed to finally have a grasp on time, only for it to be ripped from his fingertips. To be teased with the chance of a good day, only for that too to be torn from his grasp.
A time where he had spent Christmas alone. Trick or treating, only to have to retreat back home after the first house. It didn't feel right without Saki.
A time where, despite how selfish he felt thinking this, he wished for someone to consider his smile.
He grimaces. These are not thoughts a future star should be thinking.
Dissatisfied with lying around (letting the time pass him by), Tsukasa sat up, pulled off the duvet and stood up. As quietly as he could, he made his way out of the room, down the stairs, looking for something, anything to occupy himself before he lost himself, before he tore his hair out-
-and his eyes fall on the grand piano, unchanging, pristine in all its glory.
He thinks of Torpe.
Torpe, a man who decided to gaze into the night sky when things got him down. A man that had gotten over his stage fright. A man that Tsukasa, no matter how hard he tried, could not understand.
How could he let the time pass him by? How could he sit idly when there was the world to accomplish?
Tsukasa feels his arms tingling.
He sits by the piano.
Pushing down the soft pedal to mute the sound, he brought his hands up, playing a melody that isn't at all unfamiliar to him. He wouldn't consider it nostalgic. It didn't feel all that long ago.
It's muscle memory, he recognizes. Hold down the damper pedal, lift up, press down again. Connect the slurs, let it ring out; build suspense as you go into the next section.
He finishes the song in no time, marked by a cadence. Which feels weird.
Did I not just sit down?
Resolving with a hazed mind that he merely played the piece at too far a speed, Tsukasa puts his fingers on the keys again, readying himself-
-and then he is 15 years old, in his middle school uniform, all alone in a house that is too big with a roof too high and a silence that is deafening. Waiting for the day for his sister, his beloved sister to walk through that door - hoping, hoping it comes tomorrow. When realistically, a part of him is grounded in the reality that it will be at least a few months until she's well again.
But he still hopes. Despite it all, he has hope for a better tomorrow. Despite it all, his shame carves deep into his gut, and it leaves him breathless.
He's drawn to the present, now conscious of his hands frozen above the keys with the slightest tremor. With a small sigh, he places them on his lap, discontent in the silence.
Then he hears a sniff.
Flinching, he whips around to spot the culprit. His eyes fall on a certain songstress, clearly deprived of adequate sleep as evident by her half-lidded eyes. She's leaning against the wall, looking up at Tsukasa.
Nene stares at him. Tsukasa coughs into his fist, staring back.
"...Hi, Nene?"
"Hey."
They lapse into silence again. Tsukasa turns around, facing her fully.
"Did you need something?"
Nene shakes her head, continuing to stare blankly at him. Tsukasa folds his arms across his chest, squinting at her, before mumbling: "Shouldn't you be asleep?"
"Shouldn't you?"
"I couldn't sleep. You look dead on your feet, however."
"Mm," Nene shrugs, voice laced with sleepiness. "I'm awake. Why are you?"
"...I just said I couldn't sleep."
"Ahh... mm."
She's... barely conscious.
Tsukasa lets a bit of his star power enter his voice, ready to command Nene back to bed-
-until she surprises him by padding over slowly (a bit wobbly on her feet) and taking a seat next to him, eyes downcast at the keys. It startles him, momentarily, but he can spot a sparkle of resolve in her eyes. So he decides to keep the company.
He watches her for a beat, and feels her arm shift up against his own. Nene places her fingers on the ivory keys, forming a basic chord - C. She plays it softly, holds it down so it rings out, all the while expression unchanging.
"...You can play piano?" Tsukasa asks. The way her fingers are placed on the piano is reminiscent of his own; the natural way it's articulated, rather than someone who is unused to a piano bending their fingers in irregular ways.
Nene shakes her head. "Only a little. I played a song for a play I was in, and then-" She brings up her other hand to stifle a yawn, "and then there's just stuff from music class."
Tsukasa squints down at her. He knows better to let her stay here when she's obviously too tired to speak. He's smart enough to know. Even so, he elects to neglect it. It's her decision.
Maybe, just maybe, he can be selfish just this once.
"Still, your finger placement is that of an experienced pianist," He muses, motioning to her hand. "Can you play anything in full?"
Nene thinks to herself, silent for a moment, before shuffling closer to Tsukasa, intending to take up a wider area of the piano. Tsukasa takes the hint and shuffles away, leaning back a bit so her elbows don't jab him unfortunately.
She places her hands in position, and begins to play a friendly, playful tune. Tsukasa, in his years of classical training, is able to recognize it steadfast; The Entertainer. A staple in most plays, and the third or fourth thing he's ever learned. It's a strange sort of nostalgia.
Eyes trained on the piano, he's enjoying it, but he can identify the faults. Her hands aren't raised enough to play the jumps, so she misses the note; corrects herself hesitantly, but with her confidence diminished it doesn't resonate as clearly.
"Here," Tsukasa finds himself lifting Nene's wrist up gently, so her hands are angled downwards. "You should maintain a good hand position by keeping it upright. It's easier to jump from note to note."
Nene blinks, peering up at him with a blank expression, and for a second Tsukasa wants to take it back-
-then she does as she's told, correcting the way her hands sit on the piano, and plays again from the top. This time she doesn't falter, although there's a bit of fluctuation with the tempo. That's something Tsukasa's mother would point out, and that's something Toya definitely wouldn't do. He can picture the slightest cringe on his honorary brother's face, and it makes him smile.
She's just playing for fun, so there's no need to speak up. It's to pass the time. Tsukasa thinks that's okay, for the silence to be filled with song.
But good things always come to an end.
Nene finishes the song with a flourish, stretching over Tsukasa to hit the last note of the plagal cadence. Satisfied, she sits back, and then looks up at him.
Tsukasa peers back, and nods fondly. "You truly are an excellent player, Nene. Maybe you should take over the role for Torpe, haha!"
"What, and have you be one of the squirrels?" Nene chides, rolling her eyes. "We'd both look so out of place. 'Sides, I'm more suited for singing... I'd get frozen up playing in front of an audience."
"Just like Torpe?"
"Well, even he manages to play by the end. Can you imagine that part, climactic, and then he still can't play? The audience would throw tomatoes at me."
"You do have a point," Tsukasa huffs out a laugh. "I suppose we play to our strengths." He folds his arms with a nod. Nene hums in agreement, and tucks her hands into her lap, turning her gaze back to Tsukasa with a worried look.
"Yeah, uh..." She stills, seemingly hesitant. She then whispers, "Um... is there a reason you can't sleep, or...?"
Ah.
Biting his tongue, Tsukasa doesn't reply. He doesn't want to bother Nene with something so trivial, he decides. How would he even begin to word it? He needn't ask for so much.
Moments pass, a lull in the conversation dragging on between the two. Nene seemingly considers it an adequate answer, for she faces the piano again, and drops her head onto his shoulder, fiddling with her fingers.
"Y- You don't have to talk about it," Nene mumbles, breaking the silence. "But you know, the things we tell Emu aren't only true to her. If you, um, have anything on your mind... I'm willing to listen."
"...You're being uncharacteristically nice." Tsukasa settles on replying, leaning his head on hers. The weight is nice, and the question at hand seems a little less daunting.
"I'm too tired to be mean," Nene replies. "Take the chance while you have it."
Hmm... Well, it couldn't hurt to say a little.
Tsukasa settles on a broad question. "Say, Nene... how do you view time?"
"What?" Nene lifts her head up to look at him.
Okay, maybe too broad. He's already mourning the loss of contact.
"Well, uh-" He takes it slow, choosing his words carefully. "Let me rephrase. Do you ever, uh... do you ever feel like time is going by too fast? But in a bad way."
Nene's face stills for a bit, before crinkling into a knowing smile. She nods, it's small, but it speaks volumes. Tsukasa looks at her and tilts his head, as if beckoning her to speak. She takes the hint, facing forward and taking in a breath.
"I think... Time going by fast, they say it's an indication you're having fun. But it's also scary, which I think is what you're getting at," Nene bears a somber look. "It's like... the future is coming at you so fast, whereas it feels like just yesterday things were terrible. Right?"
Tsukasa nods in reply.
She takes it as a cue to continue. "With me, I still do the things I used to before I joined you guys. Playing video games, I mean. Even now, it hasn't lost its spark. So sometimes, I get worried- paranoid? One of the two. How to put it...
There's just an inkling, small feeling that nothing has changed, I guess. That I'm still this shy, anxious, good for nothing weirdo that stays inside all day. I'm scared I'm not enough for you, for Rui, Emu, the whole world... it sounds dramatic when I say it out loud, but that's the kind of stuff I get wrapped up in."
But you are so talented, don't you see? Tsukasa bites his tongue, despite how badly he wishes to disagree. You've accomplished so much in such little time, how could you disregard that? But he keeps quiet. He resolves to let her continue before voicing his own thoughts.
"But." Tsukasa perks up a little when she speaks again, and he sees a smile on Nene's face; it's small, soft, but genuine in its entirety.
"There's times I can look back on that cheers me up. Like today," She looks off, as if reminiscing. "When we finished with the show. You probably noticed I flubbed a line a little, but Rui was really quick to go along with it. But I was still pretty upset about it, so I was in a pretty bad mood after.
While we were cleaning up, and I went to the bathroom to get changed, this kid ran up to me and started going on about how cool the show was. He was so happy to meet me - I even gave him an autograph. His grandmother behind him was just quietly nodding along the entire time, and thanked me for making him happy. It kinda reminded me of when I saw that mermaid show, that kind of childlike wonder."
Nene places a hand on her heart, still smiling warmly. "I think that's just... proof enough that I've come a long way. That I can be that kind of inspiration for others."
Tsukasa finds himself smiling as well, his heart swelling with fondness. He's proud of her.
"Ah, but," Nene shakes her head, looking up at Tsukasa. "That's not true for just me. You've come a long way too."
"Huh?" Tsukasa blinks. "I have? I don't think so. I'm sure in terms of theatrics, yes, I've improved as a star would, but in terms of the emotional growth you're speaking of-"
"There was that time you yelled."
Oh. He silently takes the sentiment back. Nene still looks fond, gentle as she gives a lighthearted laugh, shaking her head.
"You don't have to look so defeated. It's been a while... I've long since forgiven you."
"I know, I know," Tsukasa shakes his head with a bittersweet smile. "Thank you."
Remembering it still left a pang in his heart. It was the way he had made Nene cry, and how when he had tried to make up, she had flinched at his voice. He remembers how weeks after that, Nene had been apprehensive to mention anything, apprehensive to perform. All because of him. It's disappointing. One of many blemishes on his star rec-
Tsukasa feels a sudden sting on his cheek. He jumps, almost lets out a yell before he realizes that two of his companions - as well as his sister - are still sleeping, and glares at the culprit. Nene has a tired, playful grin on her face, finger hovering over his cheek.
"You know, if you hadn't yelled, I wouldn't have changed, right?" She mumbles. "Sometimes we have to go through the bad to get to the good. It's chill."
"I... I suppose. But, thank you for forgiving me," Tsukasa mutters in reply, rubbing the spot she had flicked. "It was a bad time for me. And that's the thing, you know? It feels like barely any time has passed, but at the same time it feels like years since I've known you all. There's so much love in so little time. It's strange."
"Aww, you love us that much?" Tired as she may be, Nene can't resist a little jab. "That's cute."
Tsukasa immediately tenses up, squinting. "Moreso, I think it's you all that love me too much," He huffs, crossing his arms. "Emu in particular! She loudly proclaims it whenever she can, and you and I both know how Rui shows it."
Memories of first aid and care are brought to mind. Rui isn’t a very open person with his feelings, despite how suave he may come off as, but both Tsukasa and Nene know that he cares. And Emu isn’t as subtle; they both believe that she would scream it from the rooftops if she could.
Nene shrugs. "They're just like that, I think. I guess you could say I... I love you like that, too. Don't make a big deal out of it."
Tsukasa blinks. "...That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Nene. Do you truly view me that way?"
Flushing red, Nene rolls her eyes. "Never mind. I take it back."
"Wh- hey! You can't do that!" Tsukasa smirks. "Right after you've been so open with me, too...! Can 't you be a little nicer for a bit more?"
"I would rather choke."
"At least try to warm up to the idea!"
"Okay, okay, shut up," Nene giggles. "You're going to wake up the others."
Tsukasa grumbles. "You're just saying that to avoid the topic."
"Sure. But, uh, seriously," Nene shuffles closer to him, placing her head back on his shoulder, reaching over to place her hand on his. "Time moves on, Tsukasa. I can really, truly say that you've improved. At least, from me... the Nene of last year wouldn't be caught dead doing this, you know.
You should be proud of yourself."
Tsukasa freezes at the abrupt change of atmosphere. It's a bit different to hear that said out loud, with such... genuinity. He knows Nene, Nene knows him. She wouldn't lie at a time like this, nor would she be saying that just for his comfort. His heart swells and throbs simultaneously, and he places his head on hers, this time to avoid letting her see the tears that have sprung into his eyes.
He is proud of himself. He's always been proud of himself, for all the feats he's accomplished, for everything he's done for his friends. But when vocalized, especially by Nene of all people, who’s usually bitter with her manner of speaking - it's given a special meaning. It's similar to the rush he feels after a show well done.
There's a silence, it drags on, and it irks Tsukasa; but in the company of Nene, it's different. It's warm. The feeling can be attributed to a warm sunny day, spent in the comfort of his dear, dear troupemates.
I wouldn't be where I am without you all.
Time ticks on. It's only after a few minutes he realizes she's silent not because she's also contemplating similar things, but because she's been lulled into sleep in the lapse of conversation. Nene is a mouth breather when she’s asleep, he's come to learn, and he can feel how her weight has settled against him. He can feel both.
Now that he's in control of time, Tsukasa gently removes Nene's hands off his, quickly wipes his eyes, and shakes her by the shoulder.
Nene wakes up almost instantly, thankfully, as if she's been dragged only halfway out of consciousness. She dazedly blinks, and looks up at him. "Huh?"
"Come." Tsukasa's voice is gentle as he gets up, guiding Nene by her shoulders to follow along. She cooperates in her sleepy state, thankfully, and trudges along behind Tsukasa, back up to the second floor, and into his room. Emu and Rui are still contentedly asleep.
He leads her into his own bed, and gets her to lie down, waiting until she's settled before tucking her in. Nene is back asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. It brings a smile to Tsukasa's face, and a warm feeling to his stomach.
I hope you're proud of yourself too, Nene.
Overcome by his own newfound sleepiness, he trudges to Emu and Rui, and slots himself on the other side of Emu, trying to make as little noise as possible.
Rui quirks an eye open.
Tsukasa freezes, about to apologize-
"Tsukasa-kun?" Emu mumbles sleepily from underneath him, pretty pink eyes illuminated by the stars glowing above them. She turns around to face him with a smile on her face. "You okay?"
"...Yes, I just wanted some company," Tsukasa replies, feeling unusually nervous and vulnerable. "Is that alright?"
"Of course it's alright!" Emu mutters. "Let him in, Rui..."
Rui blinks, before smiling and closing his eyes again, lifting up the blanket more so that Tsukasa can have a fair share. Emu smiles up at him again, welcoming him with her tight embrace, burying her face in his chest.
Tsukasa thinks he thanks the two, but he's too tired to know. He's asleep as soon as he settles down.
That morning, as the sun creeps in and illuminates the room in its warm amber glow, Tsukasa becomes aware of the position he is in, dragging himself out of sleep. His troupe mates were all in contact with him; Emu had her arms wrapped around his abdomen, Rui's hand was lying idly in his hair - even Nene had, some time in the night, nestled up next to him with her back against his.
Tsukasa is pulled back to slumber, but not without a full heart, a smile, and a mind filled with nothing but love.